History Funny / ZeroPunctuation6

-->'''Yahtzee:''' In summary, ''Medal of Honor: Tea and Biscuits'', get the fuck out of my glorious world of tomorrow with this [[UsefulNotes/PlayStation3 PS3]]-era bullshit! VR isn't the place for your hacked-out middle-of-the-road war shooters; it's about exciting new concepts, and immersive spectacles, and [[BreadEggsMilkSquick staggeringly uncomfortable porn]]!

-->'''Yahtzee:''' Back in the wild romantic days of the UsefulNotes/PlayStation 1, when pixels were large and masculine and memory cards were to their modern equivalents what a pedal-powered double decker bus is to a motor scooter, there began the ''Oddworld'' series, wherein some visionary genius sat bolt-upright in bed and said, "What if there was a world that's like primitive Earth, but -- get this -- everyone looks weird, and has [[SphereEyes eyes the size of Jammie Wagon Wheels]]? For some reason I feel like [[TemptingFate this is a creative well that will never run dry]]." Very much the Creator/JamesCameron's ''Film/{{Avatar}}'' of its time, in several respects, because it initially announced it was going to be a five-game epic but never quite successfully fired the outboard motor on that one, merely sputtering along for a few games before disappearing over the horizon of indifference. And back then, we didn't have the experience we have now with the many failed attempts at cinematic universes, from which we learned that pledging a multi-sequel epic before the first instalment is even out is like getting a positive pregnancy test and proceeding to book a church for your child’s future wedding; you're just tempting fate to ensure your child is born with no genitals...\\

* Yahtzee reacting to the buggy UsefulNotes/PlayStation5 version not having any autosaves.

-->'''Yahtzee:''' Remember the UsefulNotes/NintendoWii? After the UsefulNotes/NintendoGameCube was the console equivalent of a Chinese gymnast, well crafted and colourfully dressed but painfully undernourished. Remember how Nintendo followed it up with something that resembled a UFO cult's purity testing device and it sold better than mouthwash outside a blowjob factory and everyone was all like "Ooh, motion controls are the future of gaming!" and I was all like "No, they’ve only attracted a short-term crowd of gimmick-loving trend followers and ultimately the long-term core audience of gaming plays to ''relax'' and ''unwind'' and not Morris dance around the fucking living room!", and then the consoles were all like "Don't listen to [[TheEeyore grumpy trousers]]! Motion controls all round!" Ten years on, and the Xbox has had to sheepishly remove its Kinect like [[HatsOffToTheDead a hat at a funeral]], the [=PlayStation=] Move is relegated to backup Christmas-themed sex toys, and the Wii itself is consigned forever to the leaky trough of consumer history with all its brown gunk encrusted controllers and cheaply made third-party hidden object games about ''Franchise/ToyStory'' cast after it -- and I'm still exactly where I was but with a slightly nicer chair so looks like I won, hunter duckers. Still, the legacy of the Wii remains with us with every twinge of waggle induced tendonitis and of course the concept of the Mii.

-->'''Yahtzee:''' You may recall my first and only experience with ''Franchise/RatchetAndClank'' was playing that one on the [[UsefulNotes/PlayStation4 PS4]] that was tying in with [[WesternAnimation/RatchetAndClank the movie]], and which made me go "Hm, is that the smell of distended rectum, [[FranchiseZombie or has this franchise gone completely up itself?]]" Always an occupational hazard when a series goes on too long, runs out of new territory to explore and instead decides to settle down and curl up inside its own bum. But what an excellent setting of tone for the latest one, ''VideoGame/RatchetAndClankRiftApart''. Incidentally, speaking of bums, whatever happened to the tradition of Ratchet and Clank games having slightly risque subtitles like ''Going Commando'' or ''Up Your Arsenal'' in the grand Dreamworks movies ''VideoGame/GrabbedByTheGhoulies'' stealth joke for the mums and dads tradition? Suppose we're above that kind of cheeky fun these days, aren't we, Sony? [[ExecutiveMeddling Probably got nixed by someone in marketing whose only experience with comedy is having had it patiently explained to them at a mandatory seminar.]] I'm trying to think of ways the title ''Rift Apart'' could apply to bums but all the possibilities make me feel uncomfortable.\\

-->'''Yahtzee:''' Everyone and their toupees were nagging me to try ''Cruelty Squad'', whose screenshots on the Steam page immediately made me think "Are they taking the piss?" It’s all clashing colours and [[UsefulNotes/{{PlayStation}} PS1-era]] 3D models with worse animation than the little dudes on a foosball table, ''and'' environments that look like someone opened the level editor and then threw their laptop out the window of a speeding bus, ''and'' texture work that looks like the brooms from ''[[WesternAnimation/{{Fantasia}} The Sorcerer’s Apprentice]]'' got set loose in a water damaged gift wrap shop, ''and'' an interface that looks like it got molested inside a crowded novelty photo booth at a UsefulNotes/{{Juggalo}} convention, complete with a health meter that takes up an entire quarter of the active screen and looks like an untreated hernia, etc, etc. But there had to be something more to ''Cruelty Squad''. An Overwhelmingly Positive rating on Steam after 2000 reviews goes a bit beyond taking the piss. That would require a complex organized piss-taking effort and I think the troll brigade used up all their piss-taking energy with the [=GameStop=] thing.

* He then notes that the game is a sequel to the [[UsefulNotes/GameboyAdvance GBA]] game ''VideoGame/MetroidFusion''.

-->'''Yahtzee:''' There's a moment where you think you've got it all figured out; you de-escalate the home invasion, the burglar says he's very sorry, everyone agrees to part amicably with a party bag and a slice of birthday cake, you and your wife embrace lovingly and then '''BAM!''' It's ten minutes ago again and you're standing nonplussed at the front door, with your big, relieved stiffy hanging unfulfilled like an unpulled fire alarm at a remedial school. This is the bit where the game effectively channels the middle act of ''Groundhog Day'', when we and the protagonist start trying everything to figure out what this fucking TimeLoop even wants from us. Get the happy ending again but with slight changes in details? Nope! Fix it so the invader never shows up at all, and have a perfectly nice evening in with the oblivious wife? Nope! ''Murder'' the home invader, then murder my wife, then murder myself in the face with a gun? Nope! Wasn’t actually expecting that to work, but I was bloody disappointed there wasn't an achievement for it.

-->'''Yahtzee:''' And so comes yet ''another'' final installment of the series that has {{Soft Reboot}}ed more often than a melted UsefulNotes/ZX81: ''VideoGame/Hitman3''. I seem to remember ''VideoGame/Hitman2'' came out during a slow period in winter, as well; must be something about this time of year when we're stuck indoors with the family that makes people want to methodically plan brutal executions.

'''Yahtzee:''' Yeah, I ''know''! ''Dark Souls'' does the same thing, but it manages to not be completely anticlimactic about it. I left ''Demon's Souls'' [[SeinfeldIsUnfunny feeling it had engaged me a lot less]] than other Creator/FROMSoftware self-abuse simulators, especially in the story area; maybe the less cohesive world made me feel a little more detached from it, if it wasn't all the underwhelming boss fights that felt more like getting coughed on by a stoat.

-->'''Yahtzee:''' I'm confused, [=Suda51=]. I was under the impression there were [[JustForPun no more heroes]] three games ago. Then you had a [[VideoGame/NoMoreHeroes2DesperateStruggle desperate struggle]] trying to find a few to carry the sequel the way one roots around in a stubborn nostril for the last scraps of tasty bogey before anyone notices, then the series went quiet for so long and I feel like I'd finally come to terms with there being [[RunningGag no more heroes]], only for you to find a few more lying around for another sequel. Were there ever [[BrickJoke no more heroes]], [=Suda51=]? ''Franchise/FinalFantasy'' never fucking ends, ''Franchise/MegaMan'' is blatantly not old enough to shave -- I don’t know who to trust anymore. Yeah, I know ''VideoGame/Psychonauts2'' is out; I'm doing ''[[VideoGame/NoMoreHeroesIII No More Heroes 3]]'' first because while both games are my jam, ''Psychonauts'' is my jam spread conventionally on a piece of tasty bread, and ''No More Heroes'' is [[HeadTiltinglyKinky my jam running down the inner thighs of a high school music teacher who was almost in a successful band and never shuts up about it]]. Yes, the first kind of jam might be tastier and a generally more hygienic experience, but the second captures my interest more. As you might have guessed from the ''VideoGame/CrueltySquad'' review, I love surreal post-punk games stitched together from the singular vision of one, very easily bored person. I love stream of consciousness shit. That's why I’ve been inventing swear words for the last fifteen years and making stupid pictures of obscene acts being committed by jars of [[TrademarkFavoriteFood Branston pickle]] on legs.

-->'''Yahtzee:''' You know what, Konami? I don't even care about ''VideoGame/SilentHill'' anymore; you make all the pachinko machines and arcade shooters and Pyramid Head-shaped suppository kits you like. I loved ''Silent Hill'' once, but you know what? Getting us attached to name franchises is how they get you; that's why Creator/{{Disney}} can sell haunted Zyklon B canisters just by sticking [[Franchise/StarWars C-3PO]] on the front. I don't want a new ''Silent Hill''; I want interesting, new horror games that benefit from ''Silent Hill'''s influence. I like bands influenced by Music/{{Nirvana}}, but I wouldn’t like it if they nailed Kurt Cobain's body to the front of the drum kit.

[[Funny/ZeroPunctuation Funny (Non-ZP)]] | [[Funny/ZeroPunctuation1 Zero Punctuation 1 (2007 - 2010)]] | [[Funny/ZeroPunctuation2 Zero Punctuation 2 (2011 - 2013)]] | [[Funny/ZeroPunctuation3 Zero Punctuation 3 (2014 - 2016)]] | [[Funny/ZeroPunctuation4 Zero Punctuation 4 (2017 - 2019)]] | [[Funny/ZeroPunctuation5 Zero Punctuation 5 (2020)]] | '''Zero Punctuation 6 (2021)''' | [[Funny/ZeroPunctuation7 Zero Punctuation 7 (2022 - )]]

-->'''Yahtzee:''' Everyone and their toupees were nagging me to try ''Cruelty Squad'', whose screenshots on the Steam page immediately made me think "Are they taking the piss?" It’s all clashing colours and [[UsefulNotes/{{PlayStation}} PS1-era]] 3D models with worse animation than the little dudes on a foosball table, ''and'' environments that look like someone opened the level editor and then threw their laptop out the window of a speeding bus, ''and'' texture work that looks like the brooms from ''[[WesternAnimation/{{Fantasia}} The Sorcerer’s Apprentice]]'' got set loose in a water damaged gift wrap shop, ''and'' an interface that looks like it got molested inside a crowded novelty photo booth at a {{Juggalo}} convention, complete with a health meter that takes up an entire quarter of the active screen and looks like an untreated hernia, etc, etc. But there had to be something more to ''Cruelty Squad''. An Overwhelmingly Positive rating on Steam after 2000 reviews goes a bit beyond taking the piss. That would require a complex organized piss-taking effort and I think the troll brigade used up all their piss-taking energy with the [=GameStop=] thing.