History Funny / ThiefOfTime

** One is 'Do unto otters as you would have them do to you', which Lu Tze suspects he may not have transcribed entirely correctly, though apparently, he does make a point of treating otters respectfully.

** The description of Jason: "If children were weapons, Jason would have been banned by international treaty. Jason had doting parents and an attention span of minus several seconds, except when it came to inventive cruelty to small furry animals, when he could be quite patient. Jason kicked, punched, bit and spat. His artwork had even frightened the life out of Miss Smith, who could generally find something nice to say about any child. He was definitely a boy with special needs. In the view of the staff room, these began with an exorcism. Madam Frout had stooped to listening at the keyhole. She had heard Jason's first tantrum of the day, and then silence. She couldn't quite make out what Miss Susan said next.When she found an excuse to venture into the classroom half an hour later, Jason was helping two little girls to make a cardboard rabbit. Later his parents said they were amazed at the change, although apparently now he would only go to sleep with the light on."

** The description of Jason: "If children were weapons, Jason would have been banned by international treaty. Jason had doting parents and an attention span of minus several seconds, except when it came to inventive cruelty to small furry animals, when he could be quite patient. Jason kicked, punched, bit and spat. His artwork had even frightened the life out of Miss Smith, who could generally find something nice to say about any child. He was definitely a boy with special needs. In the view of the staff room, these began with an exorcism.Madam Frout had stooped to listening at the keyhole. She had heard Jason's first tantrum of the day, and then silence. She couldn't quite make out what Miss Susan said next.When she found an excuse to venture into the classroom half an hour later, Jason was helping two little girls to make a cardboard rabbit.Later his parents said they were amazed at the change, although apparently now he would only go to sleep with the light on."

** The description of Jason: "If children were weapons, Jason would have been banned by international treaty. Jason had doting parents and an attention span of minus several seconds, except when it came to inventive cruelty to small furry animals, when he could be quite patient. Jason kicked, punched, bit and spat. His artwork had even frightened the life out of Miss Smith, who could generally find something nice to say about any child. He was definitely a boy with special needs. In the view of the staff room, these began with an exorcism.
Madam Frout had stooped to listening at the keyhole. She had heard Jason's first tantrum of the day, and then silence. She couldn't quite make out what Miss Susan said next.
When she found an excuse to venture into the classroom half an hour later, Jason was helping two little girls to make a cardboard rabbit.
Later his parents said they were amazed at the change, although apparently now he would only go to sleep with the light on."

---> [[AC:Help me up, please. And then clean up the damn butter.]]

*** Careful reading reveals that Auditors suffer HEAVY casualties from those signs. Part of those casualties come from the signs themselves and auditors dissolving from mental dissonance as they try to work it through. The other part comes from the surviving Auditors relieving the mental stress by killing any disagreeing Auditors and forcing them to break the rules. Extra funny is because it is implied that it was Myria LeJean who made those signs, so she knew exactly how they would react. Takes being one to beat one, I guess.

*** Careful reading reveals that Auditors suffer HEAVY casualties from those signs. Part of those casualties comes from the sign themselves and auditors dissolving from mental dissonance. The other part comes from the surviving Auditors relieving the mental stress by killing disagreeing Auditors and forcing them to break the rules. Extra funny is because it is implied that it was Myria LeJean who made those signs, so she knew exactly how they would react. Takes being one to beat one, I guess.

* Death and the Auditors, toward the end, are arguing about whether it's the Apocalypse and how the Auditors broke the rules. In pops the prophesied angel with the iron book...only for Death to have to awkwardly inform him that he is no longer official -- revisions in the holy text wrote off that bit as apocrypha. The angel is considerably annoyed at having wasted his time.

* Nanny Ogg recounts her helping give birth to Time's "twins", due to a hitch in time in the middle of it all. One moment she's holding the baby, while looking at herself delivering the baby. She manages to act completely nonplussed, saying to herself, "This is a fine to-do, Mrs Ogg", and replying "You never said a truer world, Mrs Ogg." And when she's told the child(ren) must be raised human without knowing of their true heritage until they are of age, she thinks to herself, "Yep, it's gone myffic all right."

*

* Pretty much every interaction between Wen the Eternally Surprised and his disciple Clodpool. The sequence of events begins with Wen enlightened about the true nature of time, and he speaks highly metaphorically about pretty much everything. Clodpool meanwhile is simply too thick to interpret what he says in any other way than literally.

** Then there's DUCK, to which Susan's reaction is "Ah, now we're getting metaphysical."