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** In the 4/1/81 episode, in between the jokes, one person in the audience can be heard coughing. Johnny draws attention to it:
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** In the 4/1/81 4/9/81 episode, in between the jokes, one person in the audience can be heard coughing. Johnny draws attention to it:
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* 1965: Supposedly, the longest continual laughter in live TV goes to a Carson ''Tonight'' episode. His guest was actor/singer Ed Ames, who at the time was starring as Mingo on ''Series/DanielBoone'' and had claimed that in the course of his work he'd learned how to throw a tomahawk. Carson produced a cowboy outline on a board, and Ames lobbed the tomahawk at it. It hit the board successfully, but slammed in right at [[GroinAttack the figure's crotch]], starting the thunderous laughter. When the laughing began to die down, Carson quipped "I didn't even know you were Jewish!", starting it all up again. (Even funnier was Carson's followup remark: "Welcome to ''Frontier Bris''!") The crowner, however, came after the laughter from ''that'' finally started to taper off, and Ames asked Carson if ''he'' wanted to try throwing the tomahawk. Carson looked at Ames, then at the cowboy outline, then back at Ames, and said "I can't hurt him any worse than you did!"
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* 1965: Supposedly, the longest continual laughter in live TV goes to a Carson ''Tonight'' episode. His guest was actor/singer Ed Ames, who at the time was starring as Mingo on ''Series/DanielBoone'' and had claimed that in the course of his work work, he'd learned how to throw a tomahawk. Carson produced a cowboy outline on a board, and Ames lobbed the tomahawk at it. It hit the board successfully, but slammed in right at [[GroinAttack the figure's crotch]], starting the thunderous laughter. When the laughing began to die down, Carson quipped "I didn't even know you were Jewish!", starting it all up again. (Even funnier was Carson's followup follow-up remark: "Welcome to ''Frontier Bris''!") The crowner, however, came after the laughter from ''that'' finally started to taper off, and Ames asked Carson if ''he'' wanted to try throwing the tomahawk. Carson looked at Ames, then at the cowboy outline, then back at Ames, and said "I can't hurt him any worse than you did!"
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--> '''Doc''': I suppose you'll be home with the family, having turkey... ''(Johnny laughs hard)'' Just a typical American family.\\
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--> Mount St. Helens erupted again. Blew the top clean off. Th-th-th-th-that's all, folks!
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--> '''Ed''': Envelope #1.\\
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** Three words: [[https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=76wzA2A2T1Q "Sis Boom Bah!",]] perhaps the funniest "Carnac the Magnificent" prompt. Johnny and Ed are already struggling to keep straight faces as Johnny holds the envelope against his turban, and when he finally tears open the envelope and reads the card - "Describe the sound made when a sheep explodes!" - it takes nearly a minute before they can stop laughing for long enough to move on to the next envelope. They both struggle to hold the rest of the segment together through their laughter.
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** Three words: [[https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=76wzA2A2T1Q "Sis Boom Bah!",]] perhaps the funniest "Carnac the Magnificent" prompt. Johnny and Ed are already struggling to keep straight faces as Johnny holds the envelope against his turban, and when he finally tears open the envelope and reads the card - "Describe the sound made when [[BaaBomb a sheep explodes!" explodes]]!" - it takes nearly a minute before they can stop laughing for long enough to move on to the next envelope. They both struggle to hold the rest of the segment together through their laughter.
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--> '''Ed''': We're professionals. We're grown men. We can handle this.\\
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--> '''Ed''': I hold in my hands, the envelopes. My four-and-a-half year old daughter Catherine Mary can tell that these envelopes are hermetically sealed. They've been kept in a mayonnaisse jar on Funk & Wagnall's porch since noon today. NO ONE! knows the answers inside these envelopes, but YOU, in your mystical and borderline divine way, will ascertain the answers, without even knowing, heretofore the questions. Isn't that correct, sir?\\
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--> '''Johnny''': May a sickly water buffa- buffalo... soil your... aw, who gives a... ''(audience laughs)''\\
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** In the 4/1/81 episode, in-between the jokes, one person in the audience can be heard coughing. Johnny draws attention to it:
--> '''Johnny''': No coughing while Carnac is...\\
--> '''Johnny''': No coughing while Carnac is...\\
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** In the 4/1/81 episode, in-between in between the jokes, one person in the audience can be heard coughing. Johnny draws attention to it:
--> '''Johnny''': --->'''Johnny''': No coughing while Carnac is...\\
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--> '''Johnny''': During the rainy season, and When the Swallows Come Back to Capistrano. ''(opens envelope)'' What do you need an umbrella- ''when'' do you need an umbrella- ''for why'' do you need- who cares. ''(cracks up and walks off)''
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--> '''Ed''': Would you like to pick up the one you threw away?\\
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--> '''Johnny''': Tommy Lasorda, Roger Ebert, Marla Maples. ''(opens envelope)'' Name someone who's bumped an ump, someone who's plump in the rump, and someone who's dumped the Trump.
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--> '''Johnny''': Green Acres. ''(opens envelope)'' What would Kermit the Frog be holding if you kicked him in the wrong place?
* Any of the Charles Grodin interviews. So many great passive-aggressive remarks (PlayedForLaughs, of course). One of the best [[RunningGag running gags]] involved Carson deriding Grodin's book because it was [[CrackIsCheaper $18.95]]. Grodin asked, "Is that too much, for a lifetime of experience?" Carson snarked, "Well I suppose not, if you're... Mother Teresa." This comment would be referenced numerous times in subsequent interviews, and one of Grodin's last appearances, he had a paperback re-issue out that was only $9.95. Carson said, "Well ''now'' we're talkin'!"
--> '''Carson''': Shoulda started out $9.95, then this would be $4.65 by now!
* Any of the Charles Grodin interviews. So many great passive-aggressive remarks (PlayedForLaughs, of course). One of the best [[RunningGag running gags]] involved Carson deriding Grodin's book because it was [[CrackIsCheaper $18.95]]. Grodin asked, "Is that too much, for a lifetime of experience?" Carson snarked, "Well I suppose not, if you're... Mother Teresa." This comment would be referenced numerous times in subsequent interviews, and one of Grodin's last appearances, he had a paperback re-issue out that was only $9.95. Carson said, "Well ''now'' we're talkin'!"
--> '''Carson''': Shoulda started out $9.95, then this would be $4.65 by now!
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* Any of the
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--> '''Charles''': What's the worst job ''you've'' ever had?\\
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--> '''Johnny''': I feel like this is a K-Mart tonight! You're just goin' down the aisle: "Uh, gimme one of those, gimme a movie, gimme a book!"
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--> '''Charles''': [[SarcasmMode This is exciting television.]] A man looking in an index.\\
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--> '''Johnny''': Freddy, you wanna put the stamps away and talk to me for a sec? ''(cut to Fred, who's laughing hysterically)''
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--> '''Johnny''': ''(smiling wide)'' You really think you're fooling everybody, don't you?
* Barney Odum had his dog Flatnose on the show, who could climb trees. Bandleader Doc Severinsen said before the show that if the dog could truly climb the tree on the set, he would kiss Flatnose on an unnamed body part (use your imagination). This was brought up a few times on the episode itself. Doubly funny in [[HilariousInHindsight hindsight]]: The segment with Flatnose is what caused Creator/IanMcKellen to be bumped from the episode, because they ran out of time.
* Barney Odum had his dog Flatnose on the show, who could climb trees. Bandleader Doc Severinsen said before the show that if the dog could truly climb the tree on the set, he would kiss Flatnose on an unnamed body part (use your imagination). This was brought up a few times on the episode itself. Doubly funny in [[HilariousInHindsight hindsight]]: The segment with Flatnose is what caused Creator/IanMcKellen to be bumped from the episode, because they ran out of time.
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* Barney Odum had his dog Flatnose on the show, who could climb trees. Bandleader Doc Severinsen said before the show that if the dog could truly climb the tree on the set, he would kiss Flatnose on an unnamed body part (use your imagination). This was brought up a few times
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--> '''Woman''': ''(glassy-eyed)'' What ''will'' we do?\\
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--> '''Husband''': ''(comes into the bedroom)'' I brought the Colonel [KFC] home!\\
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--> '''Johnny''': That concludes "Nothing", tonight's episode. Join me next week, when we bring you "The Edge of ''Nothing''."
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--> '''Johnny''': This is going right into the toilet.
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--> '''Johnny''': ''(after much audience laughter)'' That was a long time ago, wasn't it?
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--> "Little to the left, Minnie! Higher! Higher!"
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--> '''Johnny''': You ''asked'' for this. I was for the phobias myself.\\
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--> '''Johnny''': ''(upon returning)'' Trained all my life as a professional comedian... "go to a clinic", the place goes mad.\\
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* Albert Brooks brought out "Buddy", a Speak & Spell that "responded" to questions and commands:
--> '''Albert''': Buddy, say hi to the audience.\\
--> '''Albert''': Buddy, say hi to the audience.\\
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* Albert Brooks Creator/AlbertBrooks brought out "Buddy", a Speak & Spell that "responded" to questions and commands:
--> '''Albert''': -->'''Albert''': Buddy, say hi to the audience.\\
Changed line(s) 143 (click to see context) from:
* The [[https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=CL2mfrHpuEk famous monkey]] nicknamed "Doc" that Jim Fowler brought on in 1982. Not only did he knock over the chair on a table ''twice'', he punched Johnny in the mouth! And in moments afterwards not usually shown on retrospectives, Johnny taunts Doc by spitting a bunch of grapes at him!
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* The [[https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=CL2mfrHpuEk famous monkey]] nicknamed "Doc" that Jim Fowler brought on in 1982. Not only did he knock over the chair on a table ''twice'', he punched Johnny in the mouth! And in moments afterwards not usually shown on in retrospectives, Johnny taunts Doc by spitting a bunch of grapes at him!
Changed line(s) 145 (click to see context) from:
--> '''Johnny''': If you happen to be a, I hate the word "celebrity", don't you? If you're well-known, you get requests from a lot of organizations to do what they call public service announcements.\\
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Changed line(s) 157 (click to see context) from:
--> '''Johnny''': "Dear Mr. Inc.:"
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--> '''Johnny''': A lot of people ask: Why ''do'' a sketch like this?
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--> '''Johnny''': ''(after much audience laughter)'' You have six teeth missing, would you like to try for seven?
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* Any time Johnny is obliged to soft shoe dance when a joke (or a series of jokes) bomb.
--> '''Doc''': We were just sayin' if things don't pick up for you in a minute, we'd have a little dance music for ya.
* In one episode, Johnny interviewed Florence Hodges, a 93-year old nurse that [[{{Workaholic}} still worked seven days a week]], despite probably not needing to.
--> '''Doc''': We were just sayin' if things don't pick up for you in a minute, we'd have a little dance music for ya.
* In one episode, Johnny interviewed Florence Hodges, a 93-year old nurse that [[{{Workaholic}} still worked seven days a week]], despite probably not needing to.
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* Any time Johnny is obliged to soft shoe soft-shoe dance when a joke (or a series of jokes) bomb.
--> '''Doc''': -->'''Doc''': We were just sayin' if things don't pick up for you in a minute, we'd have a little dance music for ya.
* In one episode, Johnny interviewed Florence Hodges, a93-year old 93-year-old nurse that who [[{{Workaholic}} still worked seven days a week]], despite probably not needing to.
* In one episode, Johnny interviewed Florence Hodges, a
Changed line(s) 176 (click to see context) from:
--> '''Johnny''': They missed a big scene chance there. They should've had Nixon step on Ford's toe, and Nixon says, "Pardon me." And Ford says, "Sure."
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Changed line(s) 178 (click to see context) from:
--> '''Johnny''': We have a certain "element" here on Friday nights... you never trust an audience that comes in a bus with chicken wire on the windows.
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** There's also the one from 1982 where Johnny kept accidentally grabbing the wrong item, [[BlandNameProduct a Gyps-U Knife.]] It was featured in the "Best of 70's and 80's" special.
--> '''Johnny''': We have so many bargains for you, I get mixed up sometimes!
--> '''Johnny''': We have so many bargains for you, I get mixed up sometimes!
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** There's also the one from 1982 where Johnny kept accidentally grabbing the wrong item, [[BlandNameProduct a Gyps-U Knife.]] It was featured in the "Best of 70's '70s and 80's" '80s" special.
--> '''Johnny''': --->'''Johnny''': We have so many bargains for you, I get mixed up sometimes!
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--> '''Johnny''': Aw screw it, let's go! ''(takes Jim Thompson by the hand and walks off the set)''
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--> '''Johnny''': "How do you get to be president?" "You make movies and smile while you lie."
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--> '''Johnny''': I'm a smidgen more gloomy.\\
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* [[https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=z0LWfDPn1CU This professor sketch from 1981.]] Ed kept getting tongue-tied when setting up the punchlines, finally causing Johnny to declare: "You really ''suck'' tonight!" He then invited a member of the studio audience up to take Ed's place in reading the last set-up. But then the ''audience member'' got tongue tied. Johnny immediately pointed for them to go back to their seat.
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* [[https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=z0LWfDPn1CU This professor sketch from 1981.]] Ed kept getting tongue-tied when setting up the punchlines, finally causing Johnny to declare: "You really ''suck'' tonight!" He then invited a member of the studio audience up to take Ed's place in reading the last set-up. But then the ''audience member'' got tongue tied.tongue-tied. Johnny immediately pointed for them to go back to their seat.
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* The night before Johnny's final show, Robin Williams was one of the guests. After being introduced and greeted by Johnny and Ed, he goes off and improvs, as per usual. At one point, after making a particularly off-color remark, he quips, "If that gets bleeped, good luck!" Chuckling, Carson replies, "We're outta here after tomorrow, what do I care?" Williams almost collapses out of his seat in laughter.
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* The night before Johnny's final show, Robin Williams Creator/RobinWilliams was one of the guests. After being introduced and greeted by Johnny and Ed, he goes off and improvs, as per usual. At one point, after making a particularly off-color remark, he quips, "If that gets bleeped, good luck!" Chuckling, Carson replies, "We're outta here after tomorrow, what do I care?" Williams almost collapses out of his seat in laughter.
Changed line(s) 111 (click to see context) from:
** In the Robin Williams episode from 1982, Doc was off that night and Johnny asked Tommy where Doc is. Tommy's response is hilarious:
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** In the Robin Williams Creator/RobinWilliams episode from 1982, Doc was off that night and Johnny asked Tommy where Doc is. Tommy's response is hilarious:
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--> '''Johnny''': We have so many bargains for you, I get mixed up sometimes!
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Changed line(s) 1 (click to see context) from:
* 1965: Supposedly, the longest continual laughter in live TV goes to a Carson ''Tonight'' episode. His guest was actor/singer Ed Ames, who at the time was starring as Mingo on ''Series/DanielBoone'' and had claimed that in the course of his work he'd learned how to throw a tomahawk. Carson produced a cowboy outline on a board, and Ames lobbed the tomahawk at it. It hit the board successfully, but slammed in right at [[GroinAttack the figure's crotch]], starting the thunderous laughter. When the laughter started to die down, Carson quipped "I didn't even know you were Jewish!", starting it all up again. (Even funnier still was Carson's followup remark: "Welcome to ''Frontier Bris''!") The crowner, though, has to be when the laughter had finally started to die down, and Ames asked Carson if ''he'' wanted to try throwing the tomahawk. Carson looked at Ames, then at the cowboy outline, then back at Ames, and said "I can't hurt him any worse than you did!"
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* 1965: Supposedly, the longest continual laughter in live TV goes to a Carson ''Tonight'' episode. His guest was actor/singer Ed Ames, who at the time was starring as Mingo on ''Series/DanielBoone'' and had claimed that in the course of his work he'd learned how to throw a tomahawk. Carson produced a cowboy outline on a board, and Ames lobbed the tomahawk at it. It hit the board successfully, but slammed in right at [[GroinAttack the figure's crotch]], starting the thunderous laughter. When the laughter started laughing began to die down, Carson quipped "I didn't even know you were Jewish!", starting it all up again. (Even funnier still was Carson's followup remark: "Welcome to ''Frontier Bris''!") The crowner, though, has to be when however, came after the laughter had from ''that'' finally started to die down, taper off, and Ames asked Carson if ''he'' wanted to try throwing the tomahawk. Carson looked at Ames, then at the cowboy outline, then back at Ames, and said "I can't hurt him any worse than you did!"
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Changed line(s) 1 (click to see context) from:
* 1965: Supposedly, the longest continual laughter in live TV goes to a Carson ''Tonight'' episode. His guest was actor/singer Ed Ames, who at the time was starring as Mingo on ''Series/DanielBoone'' and had claimed that in the course of his work he'd learned how to throw a tomahawk. Carson produced a cowboy outline on a board, and Ames lobbed the tomahawk at it. It hit the board successfully, but slammed in right at [[GroinAttack the figure's crotch]], starting the thunderous laughter. When the laughter started to die down, Carson quipped "I didn't even know you were Jewish!" starting it all up again. (Even funnier still was Carson's followup remark: "Welcome to ''Frontier Bris''!") The crowner, though, has to be when the laughter had finally started to die down, and Ames asked Carson if ''he'' wanted to try throwing the tomahawk. Carson looked at Ames, then at the cowboy outline, then back at Ames, and said "I can't hurt him any worse than you did!"
to:
* 1965: Supposedly, the longest continual laughter in live TV goes to a Carson ''Tonight'' episode. His guest was actor/singer Ed Ames, who at the time was starring as Mingo on ''Series/DanielBoone'' and had claimed that in the course of his work he'd learned how to throw a tomahawk. Carson produced a cowboy outline on a board, and Ames lobbed the tomahawk at it. It hit the board successfully, but slammed in right at [[GroinAttack the figure's crotch]], starting the thunderous laughter. When the laughter started to die down, Carson quipped "I didn't even know you were Jewish!" Jewish!", starting it all up again. (Even funnier still was Carson's followup remark: "Welcome to ''Frontier Bris''!") The crowner, though, has to be when the laughter had finally started to die down, and Ames asked Carson if ''he'' wanted to try throwing the tomahawk. Carson looked at Ames, then at the cowboy outline, then back at Ames, and said "I can't hurt him any worse than you did!"
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Changed line(s) 3 (click to see context) from:
* 1969: [[https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vsEkR5WFlw0 George Gobel's appearance]], put in the impossible position of having to follow Creator/BobHope and Music/DeanMartin. "Did you ever get the feeling that the world was a tuxedo and you were a pair of brown shoes?" Of course, the best part of that interview was how Dean Martin kept discreetly tapping his cigarette ashes into Gobel's drink!
to:
* 1969: [[https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vsEkR5WFlw0 George Gobel's appearance]], put when he finds himself in the impossible position of having to follow Creator/BobHope and Music/DeanMartin. "Did ("Did you ever get the feeling that the world was a tuxedo and you were a pair of brown shoes?" shoes?") Of course, the best part of that interview was how Dean Martin kept discreetly tapping his cigarette ashes into Gobel's drink!
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Changed line(s) 2 (click to see context) from:
* 1968: The ''Franchise/{{Dragnet}}'' [[https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gpVjW30I-YU parody]] with Carson and Jack Webb. "Clean copper clappers."
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* 1968: The ''Franchise/{{Dragnet}}'' [[https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gpVjW30I-YU parody]] with Carson and Jack Webb.Creator/JackWebb. "Clean copper clappers."
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Changed line(s) 13 (click to see context) from:
'''Doc''': I mean, when you ask an employee, in front of fifteen million people, "Do you want to come to the house for Thanksgiving?", what am I gonna say? "Noooo." You know what I say? "Yes, Mr. Carson, I'd LOVE it."\\
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'''Doc''': I mean, when you ask an employee, in front of fifteen million people, "Do you want to come to the house for Thanksgiving?", what am I gonna say? "Noooo."Nooooo." You know what I say? I say "Yes, Mr. Carson, I'd LOVE it."\\
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Changed line(s) 1 (click to see context) from:
* 1965: Supposedly, the longest continual laughter in live TV goes to a Carson ''Tonight'' episode. His guest was actor/singer Ed Ames, who at the time was starring as Mingo on ''Series/DanielBoone'' and had claimed that in the course of his work he'd learned how to throw a tomahawk. Carson produced a cowboy outline on a board, and Ames lobbed the tomahawk at it. It hit the board successfully, but slammed in right at [[GroinAttack the figure's crotch]], starting the thunderous laughter. When the laughter started to die down, Carson quipped "I didn't even know you were ''Jewish''!" starting it all up again. (Even funnier still was Carson's followup remark: "Welcome to ''Frontier Bris''!") The crowner, though, has to be when the laughter had finally started to die down, and Ames asked Carson if ''he'' wanted to try throwing the tomahawk. Carson looked at Ames, then at the cowboy outline, then back at Ames, and said, "I can't hurt him any worse than you did!"
to:
* 1965: Supposedly, the longest continual laughter in live TV goes to a Carson ''Tonight'' episode. His guest was actor/singer Ed Ames, who at the time was starring as Mingo on ''Series/DanielBoone'' and had claimed that in the course of his work he'd learned how to throw a tomahawk. Carson produced a cowboy outline on a board, and Ames lobbed the tomahawk at it. It hit the board successfully, but slammed in right at [[GroinAttack the figure's crotch]], starting the thunderous laughter. When the laughter started to die down, Carson quipped "I didn't even know you were ''Jewish''!" Jewish!" starting it all up again. (Even funnier still was Carson's followup remark: "Welcome to ''Frontier Bris''!") The crowner, though, has to be when the laughter had finally started to die down, and Ames asked Carson if ''he'' wanted to try throwing the tomahawk. Carson looked at Ames, then at the cowboy outline, then back at Ames, and said, said "I can't hurt him any worse than you did!"
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Changed line(s) 1 (click to see context) from:
* 1965: Supposedly, the longest continual laughter in live TV goes to a Carson ''Tonight'' episode. His guest was actor/singer Ed Ames, who claimed that in the course of his work he had learned how to throw a tomahawk. Carson produced a cowboy outline on a board, and Ames lobbed the tomahawk at it. It hit the board successfully, but slammed in right at [[GroinAttack the figure's crotch]], starting the thunderous laughter. When the laughter started to die down, Carson quipped "I didn't even know you were ''Jewish''!" starting it all up again. (Even funnier still was Carson's followup remark: "Welcome to ''Frontier Bris''!") The crowner though has to be when the laughter finally started to die down, and Ames asked Carson if he wanted to try throwing the tomahawk. Carson looked at Ames, then at the cowboy outline, then back at Ames and said, "I can't hurt him any worse than you did!"
to:
* 1965: Supposedly, the longest continual laughter in live TV goes to a Carson ''Tonight'' episode. His guest was actor/singer Ed Ames, who at the time was starring as Mingo on ''Series/DanielBoone'' and had claimed that in the course of his work he had he'd learned how to throw a tomahawk. Carson produced a cowboy outline on a board, and Ames lobbed the tomahawk at it. It hit the board successfully, but slammed in right at [[GroinAttack the figure's crotch]], starting the thunderous laughter. When the laughter started to die down, Carson quipped "I didn't even know you were ''Jewish''!" starting it all up again. (Even funnier still was Carson's followup remark: "Welcome to ''Frontier Bris''!") The crowner though crowner, though, has to be when the laughter had finally started to die down, and Ames asked Carson if he ''he'' wanted to try throwing the tomahawk. Carson looked at Ames, then at the cowboy outline, then back at Ames Ames, and said, "I can't hurt him any worse than you did!"
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Changed line(s) 3 (click to see context) from:
* 1969: [[https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vsEkR5WFlw0 George Gobel's appearance]], put in the impossible position of having to follow Creator/BobHope and Dean Martin. "Did you ever get the feeling that the world was a tuxedo and you were a pair of brown shoes?" Of course, the best part of that interview was how Dean Martin kept discreetly tapping his cigarette ashes into Gobel's drink!
to:
* 1969: [[https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vsEkR5WFlw0 George Gobel's appearance]], put in the impossible position of having to follow Creator/BobHope and Dean Martin.Music/DeanMartin. "Did you ever get the feeling that the world was a tuxedo and you were a pair of brown shoes?" Of course, the best part of that interview was how Dean Martin kept discreetly tapping his cigarette ashes into Gobel's drink!
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Changed line(s) 4,6 (click to see context) from:
* November 1979: Prior to Thanksgiving, Johnny [[https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=d55S9EYtHbw talked]] with Doc Severinsen about their respective plans for the holiday. Before long the two of them had each other, and the audience, in stitches.
--> '''Doc''': I suppose you'll be home with the family, turkey... ''(Johnny laughs hard)'' just a typical American family.\\
'''Johnny''': Look, if you want to c- if you really feel badly, now I feel so terrible that you're gonna be alone. Would you...\\
--> '''Doc''': I suppose you'll be home with the family, turkey... ''(Johnny laughs hard)'' just a typical American family.\\
'''Johnny''': Look, if you want to c- if you really feel badly, now I feel so terrible that you're gonna be alone. Would you...\\
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* November 1979: Prior to Thanksgiving, The day before UsefulNotes/{{Thanksgiving|Day}}, Johnny [[https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=d55S9EYtHbw talked]] with Doc Severinsen about their respective plans for the holiday. Before long the two of them had each other, and the audience, in stitches.
--> '''Doc''': I suppose you'll be home with the family, having turkey... ''(Johnny laughs hard)''just Just a typical American family.\\
'''Johnny''': ''(a bit later)'' Look, if you want to c- if you really feel badly, now I feel so terrible that you're gonna be alone. Would you...\\
--> '''Doc''': I suppose you'll be home with the family, having turkey... ''(Johnny laughs hard)''
'''Johnny''': ''(a bit later)'' Look, if you want to c- if you really feel badly, now I feel so terrible that you're gonna be alone. Would you...\\
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'''Johnny''': You can come over- would you like to come over to the house?\\
'''Doc''': This is the first time you've ever asked.\\
'''Johnny''': You made me feel so guilty!\\
'''Doc''': I mean, when you ask an employee in front of fifteen million people, "Do you want to come to the house for Thanksgiving?", what am I gonna say? "Noooo." You know what I say? "Yes, Mr. Carson, I'd LOVE it."\\
'''Doc''': This is the first time you've ever asked.\\
'''Johnny''': You made me feel so guilty!\\
'''Doc''': I mean, when you ask an employee in front of fifteen million people, "Do you want to come to the house for Thanksgiving?", what am I gonna say? "Noooo." You know what I say? "Yes, Mr. Carson, I'd LOVE it."\\
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'''Johnny''': You can come over- over, th- would you like to come over to the house?\\
'''Doc''': This is the first time you've everasked.asked me.\\
'''Johnny''':You Well, you made me feel so guilty!\\
'''Doc''': I mean, when you ask anemployee employee, in front of fifteen million people, "Do you want to come to the house for Thanksgiving?", what am I gonna say? "Noooo." You know what I say? "Yes, Mr. Carson, I'd LOVE it."\\
'''Doc''': This is the first time you've ever
'''Johnny''':
'''Doc''': I mean, when you ask an
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'''Doc''': No. ''(Johnny laughs and plops a kleenex box on the desk so they can dry their tears of laughter)''
* 1981: Johnny acting out how Walter Cronkite should have done his final newscast, ranging from asking to stop the "tickety-tickety" noise after 19 years to reading a story as Porky Pig.
--> Mount St. Helens erupted again. Blew the top clean off. Th-th-th-th-that's all folks!
* 1981: Johnny acting out how Walter Cronkite should have done his final newscast, ranging from asking to stop the "tickety-tickety" noise after 19 years to reading a story as Porky Pig.
--> Mount St. Helens erupted again. Blew the top clean off. Th-th-th-th-that's all folks!
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'''Doc''': No. ''(Johnny laughs cracks up and plops a kleenex box on the desk so they can dry their tears of laughter)''
* 1981: Johnny acting out howWalter Cronkite Creator/WalterCronkite should have done his final newscast, ranging from asking to stop the "tickety-tickety" noise after 19 years to reading a story as Porky Pig.
WesternAnimation/PorkyPig.
--> Mount St. Helens erupted again. Blew the top clean off. Th-th-th-th-that'sall all, folks!
* 1981: Johnny acting out how
--> Mount St. Helens erupted again. Blew the top clean off. Th-th-th-th-that's
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* [[https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VSmD9hrbrF0 This performance]] of "The Stars and Stripes Forever" by manualist [[labelnote:Note]]a person who performs music by squeezing air through their hands[[/labelnote]] John Twomey
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* The July 28, 1988 interview with then-Arkansas governor UsefulNotes/BillClinton began with Johnny setting an hourglass on the desk, as a nod to Clinton's overly-long speech at the 1988 Democratic National Convention the week before, [[ActuallyPrettyFunny an act that amused Clinton]].
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* In one later interview with Tony Randall, they somehow got on the topic of deodorant. Johnny was of the opinion that most people who bathe daily and practice good hygiene don't really ''need'' deodorant, which prompted some queasy groans from the audience. He said they've been brainwashed by the deodorant companies, and soon after he called attention to the "smelly group" in the front to ask what they think.
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** The final Carnac joke of the entire series, in late 1991:
--> '''Johnny''': Tommy Lasorda, Roger Ebert, Marla Maples. ''(opens envelope)'' Name someone who's buttoning up, someone who's plump in the rump, and someone who's dumped the Trump.
--> '''Johnny''': Tommy Lasorda, Roger Ebert, Marla Maples. ''(opens envelope)'' Name someone who's buttoning up, someone who's plump in the rump, and someone who's dumped the Trump.
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** The final One of the Carnac joke of the entire series, jokes in late 1991:
--> '''Johnny''': Tommy Lasorda, Roger Ebert, Marla Maples. ''(opens envelope)'' Name someone who'sbuttoning up, bumped an ump, someone who's plump in the rump, and someone who's dumped the Trump.Trump.
** And the very last one from February 1992.
--> '''Johnny''': Green Acres. ''(opens envelope)'' What would Kermit the Frog be holding if you kicked him in the wrong place?
--> '''Johnny''': Tommy Lasorda, Roger Ebert, Marla Maples. ''(opens envelope)'' Name someone who's
** And the very last one from February 1992.
--> '''Johnny''': Green Acres. ''(opens envelope)'' What would Kermit the Frog be holding if you kicked him in the wrong place?
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* In the monologue for the 5/14/81 episode, Johnny kept setting up jokes that he was in such-and-such a location earlier today, prompting off-screen chortling from Ed and Johnny [[LampshadeHanging lampshading]] that he was all over L.A. that day getting material for the monologue.
** A similar thing happened in the 8/4/82 monologue, and again Johnny called attention to it: "I've been a lot of places today!"
** A similar thing happened in the 8/4/82 monologue, and again Johnny called attention to it: "I've been a lot of places today!"
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** Similarly, another desk bit had Johnny reading an auto-generated letter that had abbreviated something to "Ass". He had a good time reading some of it: "As you can see, ''Ass''..."
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** Similarly, another desk bit from 1985 had Johnny reading an auto-generated letter that had abbreviated something "association" to "Ass". He had a good time reading some of it: "As you can see, "We're talkin' big money, ''Ass''..."
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** Similarly, another desk bit had Johnny reading an auto-generated letter that had abbreviated something to "Ass". He had a good time reading some of it: "As you can see, ''Ass''..."
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** One of the funnier non-passive aggressive bits in Grodin's interviews was discussing erectile dysfunction and nocturnal emissions, and Grodin bringing up how one technique was to put stamps down there to see if they're, as Johnny put it, "cancelled". At one point Johnny asks Fred de Cordova if this conversation will be censored and mumbles something inaudible, prompting Johnny to snark:
--> '''Johnny''': Freddy, you wanna put the stamps away and talk to me for a sec? ''(cut to Fred, who's laughing hysterically)''
--> '''Johnny''': Freddy, you wanna put the stamps away and talk to me for a sec? ''(cut to Fred, who's laughing hysterically)''
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* Any time Johnny says "Well..." as part of his UsefulNotes/RonaldReagan impression.
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* Right at the top of a 1977 interview with Creator/JamesCaan, some random audience member shouted "I have to run, see you later, Johnny." Everyone is puzzled.
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* Right at the top of a 1977 interview with Creator/JamesCaan, some random audience member shouted "I have to run, roll, see you later, Johnny." Everyone is puzzled.
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* A sketch from 1989 had Johnny showcasing what you can do with your Garfield suction cup dolls, which prompted numerous, brief video clips. Among the highlights were Garfield's head used as a golf tee and being decapitated by the golf club, being grilled, being put on a fishing lure, and a victim of clay pigeon target practice. Also amusingly, Johnny had to repeatedly stress he has nothing against "kitty cats", just the doll itself, and pleaded for cat lovers not to write angry letters.
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* [[https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=z0LWfDPn1CU This professor sketch from 1981.]] Ed kept getting tongue-tied when setting up the punchlines, finally causing Johnny to declare: "You really ''suck'' tonight!" He then invited a member of the studio audience up to take Ed's place in reading the last set-up. But then the ''audience member'' got tongue tied. Johnny immediately pointed for them to go back to their seat.
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** The one from January 1988. One of the products is Quaker Puffed Fire cereal, which emits a ball of gas from the top. It's so smoky that Johnny goes, "Jeeeesus Christ", which is [[SoundEffectBleep played backwards.]]