History Funny / Starbound

** Criminals will sometimes try to disguise themselves by putting on the classic fake glasses and moustache. Most criminals belong to gangs which wear specific headwear, inclusing things like diving helmets that cover the entire face. [[PaperThinDisguise Somehow they think that putting a fake moustache over a diving helmet is an effective disguise.]]

--> '''Apex''': A dusty old vent.
--> '''Avian''': A rusty old vent.
--> '''Floran''': Crusssty old vent.
--> '''Hylotl''': A musty old vent.

-> "Graffiti reading 'turn back'. Chances of it being adhered to: zero." ("Turn back" graffiti)
-> "What does it MEAN?" (Modern Painting)
-> "A keg full of... [[LastSecondWordSwap juice]]. [[FrothyMugsOfWater Mmm, juice.]]" (Juice Keg)
-> "A pulsating, fleshy light. [[CurseCutShort A light made of flesh. A-]]" (Heck Light)
-> "Cursed with a friendly and appealing face? Cover it up with this horrifying mask." (Cannibal's Mask)
-> "A chestguard to protect you from people who get angry when you eat other people." (Cannibal's Chestguard)
-> "Cannibalism is a tradition! A frowned upon tradition. Wear these trousers while running from your angry greenfinger." (Cannibal's Trousers)
-> "This mask looks like my ex-wife." (Decorative Priest Mask)
-> "Eughh." (Saloon Spittoon)
-> "An eye table. Not good for people wearing skirts." (Eye Table)
-> "A door made of bone. Where does it lead? Hell? Or the bathroom?" (Bone Door)

-> "If this was a [[BigBrotherIsWatching Miniknog]] poster, the missing text would read 'you won't be terminated'." (Keep Calm and ---- poster)
-> "Note to self: do not drink from glowing barrels." (Sewage Barrel)
-> "A number of Hylotl books. I'll, uh, read them later." (Traditional Bookcase)
-> "Do... I sit on this or...?" (Bathroom Urinal)
-> "'10 Things I Hate About Florans'. Sounds pretty sappy. And...kind of racist?" (Romantic Movie Poster)
-> "A turbine. For, er, [[PerfectlyCromulentWord turbining]] things." (Small Turbine)
-> "Feeling the urge to stand around and chat about the Miniknog." (Water Cooler)

-> "This Glitch has facial hair. [[LampshadeHanging How is that possible?]]" (Glitchspeare Portrait)
-> "What is this devilry, a chair on wheels? (Office Chair)"
-> "A defaced poster of Big Ape. Good work. (Defaced Poster)"
-> "I haven't seen this many lily pads since [[NoodleIncident that time I crash-landed in a swamp]]." (Decorative Lily Pad)
-> "It's hard to imagine a Floran using the bathroom." (Primitive Toilet)

-> "Big fat monkeyman sssssays wordsssss. Floran punch in face." (Calming Poster)
-> "Movie called "10 Things I Hate About Florans"... Floran should burn thisss!" (Romantic Movie Poster)
-> "Giant bird with eye for butt. Doess it cry eggs?" (Avian Emblem)
-> "Floran likes hiding in ssstalls and watching people walk by through gap!" (Bathroom Stall)
-> "Floran like little sssmelly house." (Outhouse)
-> "Ssspiky brain bowl, Floran steal design for own brain bowl." (Sharp Toilet)
-> "Fishman build big sturdy doors! Not bad, Fishman... Not bad..." (Pressurised Airlock Door)
-> "Wizardss in Cool Wizard Island set things on fire with handsss! How can Floran learn thiss trick?" (Red Arcade Machine)
-> "Floran ssswing from basket. Fly off, crash through window. Fun!" (Hanging Basket)
-> "Sstarbound spaceship game. [[BreakingTheFourthWall Floran get achievement for sssmashing fourth wall.]]" (Starbound Arcade Machine)
-> "Fishmen like to read. Ssstupid boring fishmen." (Traditional Bookcase)
-> "Tick tock tick tock, fishmen have a ssstupid clock." (Lily Pad Clock)
-> "Birdman clock have sssneaky eyess." (Owl Wall Clock)
-> "Floran once hid in flowers, then jumped out to sssurprise poptop! Poptop not happy." (Flower Bed)
-> "Ooo, a sssnack bar." (Wooden Aquarium)
-> "Sssomeone got here firsst." (Empty Wooden Aquarium)
-> "Floran not sure about sssmelly seat." (Bathroom Urinal)
-> "Sssuch a big, tasssty monkey." (Big Ape Monument)
-> "Wind chicken!" (Weathervane)
-> "Sssucculent pickled brain." (BrainInAJar)
-> "Floran likesss this drawing. Great artisssst." (Skull Graffiti)
-> "Floran tempted to leap into tube. Perhapsss Floran will." (Small Turbine)
-> "Floran can't read good. Floran not underssstand thisss." (Memo for "[[Catch22Dilemma Inmate #2162's Study Group for Criminals Who Can't Read Good]]")
-> "Table have woodwormss, yum!" (Medieval Table)
-> "Bird lay egg with face." (Carved Door)
-> "Metalmen build little houssse for bucket. Metalmen love bucket" (Well Cover)
-> "Floran doesss not even want to know." (Saloon Spittoon)
-> "Floran hide behind door. Then door scare Floran." (Doom Door)

-> "Frustration. Trying to guess the missing text will irritate me for days." (Motivational poster, reading "Keep Calm and ---")
-> "Critical. It appears the Hylotl have always suffered from poor fashion sense." (On a Hylotl statue)
-> "Disgusted. Why am I inspecting this?" (Medieval Toilet)
-> "Resolute. Biological entities are disgusting." (Poop)
-> "Decisive. This barrel is best left unanalysed." (Sewage Barrel)
-> "Critical. Every single book is about how wonderful the Hylotl are. How tedious." (Traditional Bookcase)
-> "Unenthusiastic. What a nice chest..." (Cell Chest)
-> "Intrigued. "10 Things I Hate About Florans". Ten things? I can only think of three." (Romantic Movie Poster)
-> "Disgusted. I have no words." (Dirty Toilet)
-> "Jealous. A real brain..." (BrainInAJar)
-> "Critical. Perhaps the Hylotl should frame the word 'hubris' instead." (Hylotl Calligraphy)
-> "Defiant. [[LittleNo No.]] (Graffiti reading "turn back")
-> "Academic. It is possible this is meant to convey the mathematical equation for evolution." ('Waz' Graffiti)
-> "Comical. [[{{Pun}} I guess the death of this creature really... opened doors.]]" (Bone Door)
-> "[[CallingYourNausea Nauseous.]] I regret analyzing this pot's contents." (Saloon Spittoon)

-> "Apex propaganda. I should draw a funny moustache on it." (OBEY Poster)
-> "Nothing a bit of bleach and [[KillItWithFire napalm]] won't sort." ([[DisgustingPublicToilet Dirty Toilet]])
-> "Challenge accepted." ("No Escape" graffiti)
-> "Great for hiding in and playing mobile games." (Bathroom Stall)
-> "A toilet made of swords. I'll be having nightmares for weeks." (Sharp Toilet)
-> "Please tell me this is fake." (Poop)
-> "One of these fell on my head once. Good times." (Hanging Basket)
-> "I fell asleep just reading the titles." (Traditional Bookcase)
-> "This pink bunny toy is so sickeningly cute I want to punch it." (Pastel Bunny Plushie)
-> "A chair made up of [[BuffySpeak sciencey nonsense]].(Cell Chair)
-> "An eye scanner. Someone's rubbed ink around the eye piece. Oh, you jokers." (Eye Scanner)
-> "Hey, a fairground ride! What's it doing in a prison though? Uh, right, it's a torture bed." (Torture Bed)
-> "[[{{Metaphorgotten}} I'm so thirsty, I could drink a horse. If the horse was made of water.]]" (Water Cooler)
-> "I believe these are here so that the USCM can quickly convert anything into a flying fortress. I may have made this up." (Small Turbine)
-> "I'd take a shower, but my singing might alert hostiles." (Rusty Shower)
-> "Whichever Floran painted this picture of a hunter needs to take some art classes." (Primitive Hunter Art)
-> "Why do all cave paintings look the same? Be original!" (Animal Cave Art)
-> "Cool, a relaxing water feature." (Torture Device)
-> "[[ItsAllAboutMe This statue would look better if it was me instead.]]" (Floran Champion Statue)
-> "Maybe space vampires use this bed. Are space vampires real? I hope so!" (Bone Coffin Bed)
-> "It's cold to the touch. A chill creeps down my spine. Somewhere in the distance, a dog barks. [[DreadfulMusician Wait, that was just an Apex singing.]]" (Bone Door)
-> "I could use this to store all my pentagram jewellery and black candles!" (Bone Chest)
-> "[[AccidentalInnuendo The most fun I've had in bed]] since I ate cheese before going to sleep." (Executive Bed)
-> "Once, I ran at a door like this and it didn't open in time and... [[FacePlant yeah.]] (Modern Sliding Door)
-> "This is the second most generic table I've ever seen." (Metal Table)
-> "This is the third most generic table I've ever seen." (Solid Metal Table)
-> "If you can't decide how to decorate a piece of furniture, the best solution isn't to put warning stripes on it." (Industrial Table)
-> "There's someone inside. It's a prism prison!" (Prism Crystal)
-> "Why sleep, when you can stay frozen awake in horror?" (Spooky Bed)

-> "The sign warns of the dangers of texting while walking." (Hylotl Warning Sign)
-> "Why would humans label a room as messy instead of tidying up? Maybe I'm misunderstanding..." (Mess Hall Sign)
-> "I am amazed the Floran are civilised enough to build toilets." (Primitive Toilet)
-> [[CutenessProximity "Oooh! I want them all!"]] (Arcade Prize Counter)
-> "Squee! I need this plushie for my collection!" (Bad Goo Plushie)
-> "Shriek! A wonderful bear plushie. I need this one!" (Bear Plushie)
-> "My eyes are offended." (Cell Lamp)
-> "Understatement was not a word familiar to this chest's designer." (Cell Chest)
-> "The Floran may be doing the Hylotl a favour by teaching their young to make fire" (Primitive Fire Art)
-> "I'm not keen to become sushi." (Ancient Saw Trap)
-> "Smashing bones is distasteful. I fear I may accidentally knock it as I walk past. Unavoidable." (Bone Pile)
-> "Eughh. The inside isn't a pretty sight..." (Saloon Spittoon)

-> "When you gotta go, you gotta go." (Bathroom Stall)
-> "Looks like someone built an outhouse without the house." (Medieval Toilet)
-> "Ain't got nothin' decent to say on the matter." (Poop)
-> "Shelves filled with books on Hylotl topics. I can think of several things I'd rather do than readin' these."(Traditional Bookcase)
-> "If I had a choice between sittin' on this, or sittin' on the ground, I'd pick the ground." (Cell Chair)
-> "[[ComicallyMissingThePoint Aside from the horn it's a mighty fine lookin' horse.]]" (Rainbow Unicorn Statue)
-> "A skull. Either it's a warning... or there be pirates here!" (Skull Graffiti)
-> "Well, that's one way to make jerky." (Primitive Curtain, made of meat)
-> "How do the Floran grow objects? Do they order the seeds from catalogues like furniture?" (Small Overgrown Chest)
-> "He's wearin' a pretty fancy hat for an apple." (Curious Painting)

-> "I shaved my brother's face while he was sleeping. He looks very funny now. He's not so pleased."
-> "Watch out, step away - today I am clumsy."
-> "Big Ape, Big Ape, the enduring and great, our devotion, unswerving, will never abate!"
-> "Big Ape is watching. He's behind you! I am just kidding, don't look so nervous."
-> "I'm a Miniknog guard, you're under arrest! I'm kidding, I'm kidding - the look on your face." (to Apex)
-> "Wow, a living plant! Oh wait, this is foolish - all plants live." (to Floran)
-> "Please, don't kill me, I'm too busy to die today." (to Floran)
-> "Are you magnetic? ...Sorry, this sounds like a pick up line. Don't worry, I'm not interested." (to Glitch)
-> "I could pass for human if I had a good hair day." (to Human)
-> "I have a joke, "Why did the Hylotl blush?" ...Wait, no. I do not think I will finish." (to Hylotl)
-> "That is an interesting glowing suit. Wait, this is not a suit?" (to Novakid)

-> "My cousin became an Ascendant. That's when I stopped believing in Kluex." [[note]] Though this is something of an AmbiguousSituation. Is the Avian saying that [[ClashingCousins no god in their right mind would have chosen their cousin]], or that they were so devastated by their cousin's death that they had a CrisisOfFaith?[[/note]]
-> "I'm sorry but I'm not in the mood to chat; go away or I'll peck you."
-> "Always nice to meet an ape. ...Apex! Sorry, I meant Apex. How embarrassing." (to Apex)
-> "If you'd ever like to dazzle me with your science, you'd be very welcome." (to Apex)
-> "So I hear you like stabbing, that's nice." (to Floran)
-> "Avians are birds of prey! Don't hunt me!" (to Floran)
-> "You remind me of an oculemon I once ate." (to Floran)
-> "Pleasure to meet you, tinpot." (to Glitch)
-> "My friend said humans have dozens of toes, but I think she was pulling my leg." (to Human)
-> "I saw a shaved Apex once. He looked like you. Sort of." (to Human)
-> "A GIANT TALKING FISH!" (to Hylotl)
-> "Something fishy is going on here." (to Hylotl)

-> "Leave, maybe."
-> "Floran has a headache - read almost one whole page of writing."
-> "Sstab? Sstab. Sstab!"
-> "Ssstab all things! Ssatisfy self!"
-> "Floran once punch a monkey for no reason. Not ssorry." (to Apex)
-> "Floran tougher than chimp chump." (to Apex)
-> "Other bird man ssay Floran not have sssocial ssskills. [[IResembleThatRemark Floran ssstab.]]" (to Avian)
-> "Floran in trouble for eating Apex." (to Floran)
-> "If Floran make trouble, Floran will eat... Floran? Floran is confused." (to Floran)
-> "Floran recommend "Art of Stabbing" as good read." (to Floran)
-> "Human sspeak words at Floran. Floran sssmile and nod." (to Human)
-> "Floran hear humanss like peace. Peace nice. Hunting better." (to Human)
-> "Florans once kill millions of Hylotl? Oops, sorry." (to Hylotl)
-> "Floran met a shark once. Shark dead now." (to Hylotl)
-> "What is "Pacifist"?" (To Hylotl)
-> "Lightsss! Lightsss perssson! Are you fire?" (to Novakid)
-> "Floran will tell greenfinger on you!" (When being attacked by a monster)

-> "Giggly. Hehehehehe."
-> "Bored. Well this is fun."
-> "Insincere. Have an absolutely wonderful day."
-> "Inexperienced. Eep!"
-> "Bewildered. What could I have done with my hat? I just had it in my hand!"
-> "Murderous. I am in a terrible mood."
-> "Woebegone. My pig ran away."
-> "Terrified. Ahhhh!"
-> "Underwhelmed. Well aren't you fascinating."
-> "Hysterical. Leave me beeeee!"
-> "Traumatised. Someone squished my chicken!"
-> "Angry. My shoulder is not an appropriate thing in which to check your reflection."
-> "Shocked. Such a hairy creature!" (to Apex)
-> "Trepidatious. No monkeying around." (to Apex)
-> "Pensive. Which of you came first? Your egg or... ERROR" (to Avian)
-> "Wary. Please attempt to restrain your zeal for shiny objects while you are here." (to Avian)
-> "Amused. Try not to scare anyone plant man, we don't want everyone running for the hills." (to Floran)
-> "Bored. Oh, another Glitch. Hooray." (to Glitch)
-> "Flirtatious. Your optics are so well lit!" (to Glitch)
-> "Disgusted. Fleshy!" (to Human)
-> "Irritated. Watch where you locate your lumpy meat!" (to Human)
-> "Disturbed. You wobble when you walk." (to Human)
-> "Sarcastic. Please, tell me more about Hylotl craftsmanship." (to Hylotl)
-> "Charitable. Perhaps you would like to examine some Glitch constructions to advance your own designs." (to Hylotl)
-> "Analytical. You have a fish in your pocket." (to Hylotl)
-> "Concerned. Are you on fire?" (to Novakid)
-> "Hopeful. Um... Come back?" (after fighting an enemy who escapes)
-> "Embarrassed. [[BringMyBrownPants I think I leaked a little oil.]]" (after being saved)

-> "Hi! I mean... Grrr."
-> "Don't... Just don't do anything."
-> "My fridge broke. I'm going to have to eat so much mayonnaise."
-> "An Apex punched me the other day. Don't know why."
-> "No one will employ me. My sole skill is shadow puppetry."
-> "I've had the worst song stuck in my head for two days! Help me!"
-> "Sometimes I miss soap operas, mostly not though."
-> "You reek of wet dog! Or, I guess, wet ape." (to Apex)
-> "I"m in a hurry, gotta fly. Oops, sorry, that was insensitive." (to Avian)
-> "If an Avian and a snake had a baby, would it be a feather boa?" (to Avian)
-> "My best friend growing up was a Floran. They ate my rabbit, but I didn't mind." (to Floran)
-> "Yo there, talking tree." (to Floran)
-> "Do Floran ever get like 250ft tall, like a sequoia tree with a face?" (to Floran)
-> "Jovial. Hello! Uh, I hope that wasn't offensive." (to Glitch)
-> "What if we're really just shaved Apex?" (to Human)
-> "At last! Someone who knows what a high five is! Every traveller I meet is an Alien." (to Human)
-> "The thing I miss most about Earth? Silent discos." (to Human)
-> "Gross, you're all slimy." (to Hylotl)
-> "Hah, oh my, you smell funny." (to Hylotl)
-> "Nice to meet you, fishface." (to Hylotl)
-> "You're one slick fish man." (to Hylotl)
-> "You're pretty awesome for a talking tuna." (to Hylotl)
-> "You would be a terrible "murder in the dark" player." (to Novakid)
-> "Nice face." (to Novakid)

-> "Feel free to leave at any time."
-> "All my tea leaves got damp! What am I going to do?"
-> "I will fight anyone who rejects pacifism."
-> "I've run out of watercolours! This is a disaster!"
-> "I have nothing to say to you."
-> "Before you get any ideas, I don't taste very nice!" (to Floran)
-> "I've heard the Floran don't have libraries. How do you cope!? You should use ours." (to Floran)
-> "Something tells me I shouldn't have tea with you." (to Novakid)

-> "I had somethin' to say to you, but I already forgot..."
-> "I'd rather sleep on a cactus than stay here one more night." (when a tenant decides to leave)
-> "Miniknog? Never heard of it. Is it a brand o' root beer or somethin'?" (to Apex)
-> "Big Ape? Is that a friend of yours?" (to Apex)
-> "You're plant folk? Can you speak to tumbleweed?" (to Floran)
-> "Three eyes, huh? That's uh, mighty fine." (to Hylotl)
-> "Hey partner! Word of advice - don't forget where you're goin', like I did." (to Novakid)

--> Participants: [[TerribleTrio Big Ape, Greenfinger, Thornwing]], [[ConvenientlyInterruptedDocument [Redacted] ]]
--> Big Ape: So, let's get started then. We have important things to discuss.
--> Greenfinger: [Redacted]
--> Thornwing: [Redacted]
--> [Redacted]: [[YouHaveGotToBeKiddingMe Are you serious?]]
--> Big Ape: [Redacted]
--> Big Ape: [Redacted]
--> Big Ape: [Redacted]
--> [[CloudCuckooLander Big Ape]]: [[OrphanedPunchline And that's why you should never date a Hylotl.]]
--> [[SinisterMinister Thornwing]]: [[UnusualEuphemism Kluex save us.]]
--> [[MadScientist Greenfinger]]: [[RunningGag [Redacted] ]]

-->There once was an ape called Big Ape
-->Whose brain was the size of a grape
-->He swung through the trees
-->And got riddled with fleas
-->And [[KilledMidSentence GLORY TO BIG APE OUR GLORIOUS LEADER. HAIL THE MINIKNOG. DO NOT RESIST.]]

*** Try talking to a Glitch as a Hylotl sometime. There'll be bragging, there'll be condescending comments, and even genuinely well-meaning comments on how they're sure the Hylotl will eventually be as advanced as them. Keep in mind the Glitch are technically stuck in ''medieval ages''.

--> ''"An Avian diplomat reportedly described a Novakid he met as “dense”, and elaborated upon his statement by mentioning that the Novakid in question had cheerily asked him if his god, Kluex, was real."''

* The procedurally-generated quests can unintentionally get ridiculous. Someone might ask you to deliver a message to the person they are standing right next to, or make an item, trade it for another item, then trade that to someone else for another copy of the first item. Best of all is when an NPC gets lost at a landmark which is in sight of their house.

-> "Fishman build big sturdy doors! Not bad, Fishman... Not bad..." (Grand Pagoda Library door)

-> "Well, that's one way to make jerky." (Primitive Curtain made of meat)

-> "A keg full of... [[LastSecondWordSwap juice]]. Mmm, juice." (Juice Keg)

---> Floran had good holideys. Floran hunt wiff Laida and Kika and Floran kill four scaveran. Almost eeten two times, but use sspeer good and stab in face. Kika make good meats after.\\

--->Q: A rebel, a traitor, and a worthless excuse for a comrade walk into a bar.\\

* Any lore entry involving Hylotl adventurer Hiraki Corale. The innocence and naivety in her writing just sells it.

** Another anomaly oddity is that you can find an abandoned Hyotl arcade with a single game cabinet, which plays a visual novel involving air hockey and time travel.

* Some of the descriptions for items can veer into this. Especially with [[MemeticMutation some of]] [[PropagandaMachine the posters]].

* When observing the Hylotl [[https://starbounder.org/Blue_Neon_Shop_Sign Blue Neon Shop Sign]], most races will wonder what it's for, possibly guessing that it's an aquarium. If you examine it as a Hylotl, however, you find it points to the public toilets.

-> "My cousin became an Ascendant. That's when I stopped believing in Kluex."

Only bad thing happen is having to make this writing. Floran stil not like sschool. One ssun out of eleven stil too much. Floran cross wiff Greenfinger Turam.\\

* Upon examining the Wrecked Vent item, multiple player races give slightly different responses.
--> '''Apex''': A dusty old vent.
--> '''Avian''': A rusty old vent.
--> '''Floran''': Crusssty old vent.
--> '''Hylotl''': A musty old vent.

[[folder:Other]]
* Several comments while in Hylotl towns make clear that, no matter how peaceful, Glitch definitely do ''not'' like the Hylotl. To the point when they misread a sign and take it as claiming they kidnap children (actually a plan for rescuing their tadpoles that float up to the surface), one of them even says something along the lines of "I knew it".
*** Try talking to a Glitch as a Hylotl sometime. There'll be bragging, there'll be condescending comments, and even genuinely well-meaning comments on how they're sure the Hylotl will eventually be as advanced as them. Keep in mind the Glitch are technically stuck in ''medieval ages''.
* Any lore entry involving Hylotl adventurer Hiraki Corale. The innocence and naivety in her writing just sells it.
* From the introduction of the Novakids:
--> ''"An Avian diplomat reportedly described a Novakid he met as “dense”, and elaborated upon his statement by mentioning that the Novakid in question had cheerily asked him if his god, Kluex, was real."''
* [[CrapsaccharineWorld Despite some rather horrific codex entries]], some of them fall straight into this.
** [[http://starbounder.org/Minutes_of_a_Meeting Minutes of a Meeting:]]

* In a moment of BlackComedy, Greenfinger's surprise at how the Beast grew powerful enough to destroy earth isn't surprising considering humanity had the IdiotBall.
* Analysing any of the NPC spawners of the other playable races aside from the players own.
* [[OurGnomesAreWeirder Gnome Villages]] can occasionally be found [[HiddenElfVillage underground]]. You can smash the houses for pixels and use the residents as weapons. [[CrossesTheLineTwice The tiny screams they make when you throw them are hilarious]].

* After Dreadwing was updated to be a mission boss rather than summoned via distress signal, his bio was updated to adapt to this. Apparently, all pre-update encounters with the penguin are ''still canon'', as the bio mentions he used to prey on people with distress signals and gave up after getting shot down numerous times.
** It doesn't help that most of the time he was being shot down by players using ''bows''. That must be pretty embarrassing for your track record if your ship is getting shot down by wooden longbows.
* The third mission requires you to obtain Durasteel Armor. The quest to obtain the mission? If you're a Floran, you get invited to a '[[HuntingTheMostDangerousGame Floran party]]' and need Durasteel Armor in order to proceed to said party. [[SarcasmMode Sounds totally safe.]]
* During the "Baron's Keep" mission, all the Occasus mooks use an ArchaicWeaponForAnAdvancedAge. It's not funny until you see their AirborneMook... which is a cultist riding an old-school Aerial screw that probably wouldn't be able to properly fly!

* The lore codex ''Details of the Wager'', which explains how the Baron got his keep: [[spoiler: He won it in a game of jacks.]]

-> "Comical. [[{{Pun}} I guess the death of this creature really... opened doors.]]"

[[AC:General]]
-> Graffiti reading 'turn back'. Chances of it being adhered to: zero. ("Turn back" graffiti)

-> "If this was a [[BigBrotherIsWatching Miniknog]] poster, the missing text would read 'you won't be terminated'." (Keep Calm poster)

-> Frustration. Trying to guess the missing text will irritate me for days. (Motivational poster, reading "Keep Calm and ---")

-> Hi! I mean... Grrr.
-> You reek of wet dog! Or, I guess, wet ape. (to Apex)
-> I"m in a hurry, gotta fly. Oops, sorry, that was insensitive. (to Avian)
-> If an Avian and a snake had a baby, would it be a feather boa? (to Avian)
-> My best friend growing up was a Floran. They ate my rabbit, but I didn't mind. (to Floran)
-> Yo there, talking tree. (to Floran)
-> Jovial. Hello! Uh, I hope that wasn't offensive. (to Glitch)
-> What if we're really just shaved Apex? (to Human)
-> At last! Someone who knows what a high five is! Every traveller I meet is an Alien. (to Human)
-> Gross, you're all slimy. (to Hylotl)
-> Hah, oh my, you smell funny. (to Hylotl)
-> Nice to meet you, fishface. (to Hylotl)
-> You're one slick fish man. (to Hylotl)
-> You're pretty awesome for a talking tuna. (to Hylotl)
-> You would be a terrible "murder in the dark" player. (to Novakid)
-> Nice face. (to Novakid)

-> Feel free to leave at any time.
-> All my tea leaves got damp! What am I going to do?
-> I will fight anyone who rejects pacifism.
-> I've run out of watercolours! This is a disaster!
-> Before you get any ideas, I don't taste very nice! (to Floran)
-> I've heard the Floran don't have libraries. How do you cope!? You should use ours. (to Floran)
-> Something tells me I shouldn't have tea with you. (to Novakid)

-> Three eyes, huh? That's uh, mighty fine. (to Hylotl)

-> "Nothing a bit of bleach and [[KillItWithFire napalm]] won't sort."

-> I shaved my brother's face while he was sleeping. He looks very funny now. He's not so pleased.
-> Watch out, step away - today I am clumsy.
-> Big Ape, Big Ape, the enduring and great, our devotion, unswerving, will never abate!
-> Big Ape is watching. He's behind you! I am just kidding, don't look so nervous.
-> I'm a Miniknog guard, you're under arrest! I'm kidding, I'm kidding - the look on your face. (to Apex)
-> Wow, a living plant! Oh wait, this is foolish - all plants live. (to Floran)
-> Please, don't kill me, I'm too busy to die today. (to Floran)

-> My cousin became an Ascendant. That's when I stopped believing in Kluex.
-> Always nice to meet an ape. ...Apex! Sorry, I meant Apex. How embarrassing. (To Apex)
-> So I hear you like stabbing, that's nice. (To Floran)

-> Leave, maybe.
-> Floran has a headache - read almost one whole page of writing.
-> Other bird man ssay Floran not have sssocial ssskills. [[IResembleThatRemark Floran ssstab.]] (to Avian)
-> Floran in trouble for eating Apex. (to Floran)
-> If Floran make trouble, Floran will eat... Floran? Floran is confused. (to Floran)
-> Florans once kill millions of Hylotl? Oops, sorry. (to Hylotl)
-> Floran met a shark once. Shark dead now. (to Hylotl)
-> What is "Pacifist"? (To Hylotl)
-> Lightsss! Lightsss perssson! Are you fire? (to Novakid)
-> Floran will tell greenfinger on you! (When being attacked by a monster)

-> Giggly. Hehehehehe.
-> Bored. Well this is fun.
-> Insincere. Have an absolutely wonderful day.
-> Inexperienced. Eep!
-> Bewildered. What could I have done with my hat? I just had it in my hand!
-> Murderous. I am in a terrible mood.
-> Woebegone. My pig ran away.
-> Terrified. Ahhhh!
-> Underwhelmed. Well aren't you fascinating.
-> Hysterical. Leave me beeeee!
-> Traumatised. Someone squished my chicken!
-> Angry. My shoulder is not an appropriate thing in which to check your reflection.
-> Shocked. Such a hairy creature! (to Apex)
-> Trepidatious. No monkeying around. (to Apex)
-> Pensive. Which of you came first? Your egg or... ERROR (to Avian)
-> Wary. Please attempt to restrain your zeal for shiny objects while you are here. (to Avian)
-> Amused. Try not to scare anyone plant man, we don't want everyone running for the hills. (to Floran)
-> Bored. Oh, another Glitch. Hooray. (to Glitch)
-> Flirtatious. Your optics are so well lit! (to Glitch)
-> Disgusted. Fleshy! (to Human)
-> Irritated. Watch where you locate your lumpy meat! (to Human)
-> Disturbed. You wobble when you walk. (to Human)
-> Sarcastic. Please, tell me more about Hylotl craftsmanship. (to Hylotl)
-> Charitable. Perhaps you would like to examine some Glitch constructions to advance your own designs. (to Hylotl)
-> Analytical. You have a fish in your pocket. (to Hylotl)
-> Concerned. Are you on fire? (to Novakid)
-> Hopeful. Um... Come back? (after fighting an enemy who escapes)
-> Embarrassed. [[BringMyBrownPants I think I leaked a little oil.]] (after being saved)

-> If this was a [[BigBrotherIsWatching Miniknog]] poster, the missing text would read 'you won't be terminated'. (Keep Calm poster)
-> Note to self: do not drink from glowing barrels. (Sewage Barrel)
-> A number of Hylotl books. I'll, uh, read them later. (Traditional Bookcase)

-> This Glitch has facial hair. [[LampshadeHanging How is that possible?]] (Glitchspeare Portrait)
-> What is this devilry, a chair on wheels? (Office Chair)
-> A defaced poster of Big Ape. Good work. (Defaced Poster)
-> I haven't seen this many lily pads since [[NoodleIncident that time I crash-landed in a swamp]]. (Decorative Lily Pad)
-> It's hard to imagine a Floran using the bathroom. (Primitive Toilet)

-> Big fat monkeyman sssssays wordsssss. Floran punch in face. (Calming Poster)
-> Movie called "10 Things I Hate About Florans"... Floran should burn thisss! (Romantic Movie Poster)
-> Giant bird with eye for butt. Doess it cry eggs? (Avian Emblem)
-> Floran likes hiding in ssstalls and watching people walk by through gap! (Bathroom Stall)
-> Floran like little sssmelly house. (Outhouse)
-> Ssspiky brain bowl, Floran steal design for own brain bowl. (Sharp toilet)
-> Fishman build big sturdy doors! Not bad, Fishman... Not bad... (Grand Pagoda Library door)
-> Wizardss in Cool Wizard Island set things on fire with handsss! How can Floran learn thiss trick? (Red Arcade Machine)
-> Floran ssswing from basket. Fly off, crash through window. Fun! (Hanging Basket)
-> Sstarbound spaceship game. [[BreakingTheFourthWall Floran get achievement for sssmashing fourth wall.]] (Starbound Arcade Machine)
-> Fishmen like to read. Ssstupid boring fishmen. (Traditional Bookcase)
-> Tick tock tick tock, fishmen have a ssstupid clock. (Lily Pad Clock)

-> Critical. It appears the Hylotl have always suffered from poor fashion sense. (On a Hylotl statue)
-> Disgusted. Why am I inspecting this? (Medieval Toilet)
-> Resolute. Biological entities are disgusting. (Poop)
-> Decisive. This barrel is best left unanalysed. (Sewage Barrel)
-> Critical. Every single book is about how wonderful the Hylotl are. How tedious. (Traditional Bookcase)

-> Apex propaganda. I should draw a funny moustache on it. (OBEY Poster)
-> Nothing a bit of bleach and [[KillItWithFire napalm]] won't sort.
-> Challenge accepted. ("No Escape" graffiti)
-> Great for hiding in and playing mobile games. (Bathroom Stall)
-> A toilet made of swords. I'll be having nightmares for weeks. (Sharp Toilet)
-> Please tell me this is fake. (Poop)
-> One of these fell on my head once. Good times. (Hanging Basket)
-> I fell asleep just reading the titles. (Traditional Bookcase)
-> This pink bunny toy is so sickeningly cute I want to punch it. (Pastel Bunny Plushie)

-> The sign warns of the dangers of texting while walking. (Hylotl Warning Sign)
-> Why would humans label a room as messy instead of tidying up? Maybe I'm misunderstanding... (Mess Hall Sign)
-> I am amazed the Floran are civilised enough to build toilets. (Primitive Toilet)
-> [[CutenessProximity Oooh! I want them all!]] (Arcade Prize Counter)
-> Squee! I need this plushie for my collection! (Bad Goo Plushie)
-> Shriek! A wonderful bear plushie. I need this one! (Bear Plushie)

-> When you gotta go, you gotta go. (Bathroom Stall)
-> Looks like someone built an outhouse without the house. (Medieval Toilet)
-> Ain't got nothin' decent to say on the matter. (Poop)
-> Shelves filled with books on Hylotl topics. I can think of several things I'd rather do than readin' these.(Traditional Bookcase)

[[AC:Apex]]

[[AC:Avian]]

[[AC:Floran]]

[[AC:Glitch]]

[[AC:Human]]

[[AC:Hylotl]]

[[AC:Novakid]]

-> Other bird man ssay Floran not have sssocial ssskills. Floran ssstab. (To Avian)
-> Floran in trouble for eating Apex. (To Floran)
-> Florans once kill millions of Hylotl? Oops, sorry. (To Hylotl)
-> Floran met a shark once. Shark dead now. (To Hylotl)

-> Lightsss! Lightsss perssson! Are you fire? (To Novakid)

-> Shocked. Such a hairy creature! (To Apex)
-> Bored. Oh, another Glitch. Hooray. (To Glitch)
-> Sarcastic. Please, tell me more about Hylotl craftsmanship. (To Hylotl)
-> Charitable. Perhaps you would like to examine some Glitch constructions to advance your own designs. (To Hylotl)
-> Embarrassed. [[BringMyBrownPants I think I leaked a little oil.]] (After being saved)

* "If Floran make trouble, Floran will eat... Floran? Floran is confused." A Floran guard will say this if you're a Floran with a weapon out.