History Funny / SherlockHolmes

--> “I made my report at the office,” he said.
--> Holmes took a half-sovereign from his pocket and played with it pensively. “We thought that we should like to hear it all from your own lips,” he said.
--> “I shall be most happy to tell you anything I can,” the constable answered with his eyes upon the little golden disk.

--> "There’s the scarlet thread of murder running through the colourless skein of life, and our duty is to unravel it, and isolate it, and expose every inch of it. And now for lunch, and then for Norman Neruda. Her attack and her bowing are splendid. What’s that little thing of Chopin’s she plays so magnificently: Tra-la-la-lira-lira-lay.”

** Watson's opening line when seeing him from the window: "Here is a madman coming along. It seems rather sad that his relatives should allow him to come out alone.”

-->“I suppose you realize, Mr. Sherlock Holmes,” said he, “that if your government bears you out in this treatment it becomes an act of war.”
-->“What about your government and all this treatment?” said Holmes, tapping the valise.
-->“You are a private individual. You have no warrant for my arrest. The whole proceeding is absolutely illegal and outrageous.”
-->“Absolutely,” said Holmes.
-->“Kidnapping a German subject.”
-->“And stealing his private papers.”
-->“Well, you realize your position, you and your accomplice here. If I were to shout for help as we pass through the village– –”
-->“My dear sir, if you did anything so foolish you would probably enlarge the two limited titles of our village inns by giving us ‘The Dangling Prussian’ as a signpost. The Englishman is a patient creature, but at present his temper is a little inflamed, and it would be as well not to try him too far. No, Mr. Von Bork, you will go with us in a quiet, sensible fashion to Scotland Yard, whence you can send for your friend, Baron Von Herling, and see if even now you may not fill that place which he has reserved for you in the ambassadorial suite.

'''Holmes''': ''*turns around in his seat to face Watson*'' Oh, my dear friend, I humbly defer such considerations to your excellent literary judgment. ''*turns back to the camera so that Watson cannot see his face*''\\
'''Watson''': ''*proudly smiles*'' Good!\\
'''Holmes''': ''*gives a sarcastic, FascinatingEyebrow look to the camera*''

* In "The Resident Patient", Holmes tears his office up and flung papers all around trying to find some information. Watson comes in and with aplomb goes to a file box and picks out the paper Holmes was looking for.

** And then, a moment later when they're in the compartment, Sherlock is calmly smoking a cigarette... right next to the sign that says "Smoking is Strictly Prohibited in this Compartment."

* In the same episode, how bad a thief Watson turns out to be. He leaves his handkerchief and one shoe behind, not to speak of the mud prints that he noticed just before Milverton entered, and that he then procedes to clean frantically, so desperate at the end that he uses his own saliva. And right after Holmes had called him a born thief, too.

** The whole reason Holmes and Watson are in Surrey is for the purposes of Holmes recovering his health after a particularly strenuous case. Holmes's attention is piqued by the news of the recent burglary, at which Watson sternly reminds him he is there for a rest. Then the butler brings the news that there's also been a murder, piquing Holmes' interest even further. "All right, Watson, I don’t intend to meddle." Then there's a knock at the door. It's the local inspector, having heard that Mr Holmes was in the neighbourhood and wanting to ask if he might help with the investigation.

* Holmes forcing the old man in ''The Norwood Builder'' out of hiding by making him think there was a fire in the house. Even funnier when he says that they could have just gone in and taken him - "but [[ItAmusedMe it amused me]] to make him reveal himself."

* In "The Reigate Square" Holmes and Watson are in Surrey for the purposes of Holmes recovering his health after a particularly strenuous case. Holmes's attention is piqued when their host mentions there has been a burglary in the neighbourhood recently, at which Watson sternly reminds him he is there for a rest. Then the butler brings the news that there's also been a murder, piquing Holmes' interest even further. "All right, Watson, I don’t intend to meddle." Then there's a knock at the door. It's the local inspector, having heard that Mr Holmes was in the neighbourhood and wanting to ask if he might help with the investigation.
--> '''Holmes:''' ''(laughing)'' The fates are against you, Watson!

** Shortly afterwards, Holmes watches an approaching client outside his window, and deduces two things from her swaying, very hesitant manner on the curb: one, she’s probably come to him to ask some delicate advice regarding an illicit affair of some kind, and two, she’s more perplexed or sad at whoever wronged her than angry because when clients like her ARE angry, they tend to come storming up to the door so furiously that they break his doorbell. His attitude heavily hints this has happened more than once.

--> '''Watson (picking up the morning paper)''': Here is the first heading upon which I come. 'A Husband’s Cruelty To His Wife’. There is half a column of print, but I know without reading it that it is all perfectly familiar to me. There is, of course, the other woman, the drink, the push, the blow, the bruise, the sympathetic sister or landlady. The crudest of writers could invent nothing more crude.

* In ‘’The Dying Detective’’, Holmes is delirious from his sickness, and at points raving about oysters taking over the world.

** Shortly afterwards, Holmes watches an approaching client outside his window, and deduces two things from her swaying, very hesitant manner on the curb: one, she’s probably come to him to ask some delicate advice regarding a romantic affair of some kind, and two, she’s more perplexed or sad at whoever wronged her than angry because when clients like her ARE angry, they tend to come storming up to the door so furiously that they break his doorbell. His attitude heavily hints this has happened more than once.

** Holmes in disguise tailing Irene Adler being unexpectedly pulled from the street to be a witness at her wedding by her groom. It's so unexpected that he laughs about it later.

** Holmes in disguise tailing Irene Adler being unexpectedly pulled from the street to be a witness at her wedding.

** As Watson, Sherlock, and Inspector Hawkins who is carrying the cardboard box with the ears are about to enter Susan Cushing’a parkour room, Susan shouts that she does not want the ears near her. Inspector Hawkins stops and dejectedly sets the box down on a table in the hallway.

--> The man hesitated for an instant. “My name is John Robinson,” he answered with a sidelong glance.
--> “No, no; the real name,” said Holmes sweetly. “It is always awkward doing business with an alias.”

* In "The Valley of Fear" the client asks Holmes if he thinks her missing husband is alive. He admits that he believes her husband has been murdered - only for her to reveal that she’s just received a letter from him, causing Holmes to jump out of his chair. Watson's narration implies that the lady found his reaction quite amusing.

* In ''A Scandal in Bohemia'' a disguised Holmes tailing Irene Adler is unexpectedly pulled from the street to be a witness at her wedding. Holmes himself can't help laughing as he recounts the tale to Watson.
* Holmes forcing the old man in ''The Norwood Builder'' out of hiding by making him think there was a fire in the house.
--> '''Holmes:''' We could, of course, have gone in and taken him, but it amused me to make him reveal himself.

* A disguised Holmes tailing Irene Adler is unexpectedly pulled from the street to be a witness at her wedding. Holmes himself can't help laughing as he recounts the tale to Watson.
* Holmes forcing Jonas Oldacre out of hiding by making him think there was a fire in the house.

* Holmes forcing Jonas Oldacre to reveal himself by making him think there's a fire in the house.

--> '''Watson (picking up the morning paper)''': Here is the first heading upon which I come. 'A Husband’s Cruelty To His Wife’. There is half a column of print, but I know without reading it that it is all perfectly familiar to me. There is, of course, [[InfidelityIndex the other woman]], [[TheAlcoholic the drink]], [[DomesticAbuse the push, the blow, the bruise]], the sympathetic sister or landlady. The crudest of writers could invent nothing more crude.

* In The Noble Bachelor, Lord St. Simon rather pompously asserts that no doubt Holmes has never had a client of his particular station in life before. Holmes genially agrees, and remarks that he’s descending — his last client was the King of Scandinavia.

* Watson being EntertaininglyWrong again in the finale, [[spoiler: when he overhears Holmes talk with a German spy and actually believes his friend is about to commit treason and start a war.]] Apparently he hasn't learned by now.

* In "The Valley of Fear" the client asks Holmes if he thinks her missing husband is alive and he admits that he believes her husband is dead - only for her to reveal that she’s just received a letter from him, causing Holmes to jump out of his chair. Watson's narration implies that the lady found his reaction quite amusing.

** How Watson starts off the story:
--> “Holmes,” said I as I stood one morning in our bow-window looking down the street, “here is a madman coming along. It seems rather sad that his relatives should allow him to come out alone.”