History Funny / Numb3rs

--->'''Larry:''' Actually, statistics would favor the [[RussianReversal bear being mauled by my aunt]].

** Followed by Charlie's reaction when Alan and Larry decide "when you can't beat 'em, join 'em":

* A good quote about the running gag:

* An episode in Season 5, where the whole episode was rather bizarre (they were looking for a specific pair of ''shoes'', for Christ's sake! Well, the shoes ''were'' worth like a quarter of a million dollars, but anyway...), but all of the wtf-ness of the episode was made up for entirely when at the end of the episode, when they've finally pinned the shoes. [[spoiler:The dude who stole them, also the original victim, goes into his closet, takes out a box... and doesn't find them there. They then hear footsteps outside... and find out that the thief's son was ''wearing'' them, in the '''rain'''. Apparently he thought they were a birthday present. The thief says, "New shoes... $250,000...". One of the agents then replies, "A smile on your kid's face: Priceless".]]

* Megan's struggle to identify a woman in Season 2 "Better or Worse"
-->'''Megan:''' The coroner's report on our Jane Doe? No traceable dental work. She's never even had a cavity.
-->'''Don:''' Yeah? So we have a jewel thief who flosses, anything else we can trace? Contact lenses, breast implants...
-->'''Megan:''' The contact lenses are generic mail-order, so there's no serial number there. And her breasts--believe it or not--are real! In LA! I mean, that wasn't the nose she was born with, which doesn't help us, but at least it will help ME sleep at night.

-->'''Charlie:''' [[FlatYes No.]]

* "Where Credits Due" follows them as they attempt to locate a killer who is re-enacting scenes from a up-coming movie, which is itself about a series of perfect crimes being committed. [[spoiler:After a whole episode where the team have almost no evidence due to the nature of the crimes, it's eventually revealed to be the writer who was robbed of the original credit for the script. He's arrested as he's working on a new one that Colby takes and reads in the office.]] That's not funny. What happens next is:

-->'''Colby:''' Yeah, and you got to read it. You know what's it about?"

-->'''David:''' Making a copy. First thing in the morning, I"m sending it to the director of the detention center!

--> '''Larry:''' This is not even taking into account the double-X chromosome situation.
--> '''Charlie:''' Situation?
--> '''Larry:''' Yeah, you know, women have two X chromosomes, men have an X and a so-called Y. But I think if you examine it closely, you'll find, as I have, that the 'Y' is really just an 'X' with a piece missing.
--> '''Charlie:''' Implying what?
--> '''Larry:''' Well, since I'm missing that very piece, I may not be qualified to answer, but I think it has something to do with, you know, they're just more sensitive.
--> '''Charlie:''' Or that they can bear children?
--> '''Larry:''' Eh, psh, that too, I guess.

--> ''(Beat)''
--> '''Arson Inspector:''' That's several thousand fires.
--> '''Larry:''' ''(to Charlie)'' Eh, that's a pretty limited sample.
--> '''Charlie:''' You know what? Make it the past two years.

--> '''Charlie:'''"What flavor of crazy Kool-Aid do they make you drink in the physics department?"

--> '''Larry:''' Oh, I rarely dream. I mean, every once in awhile I have this recurring dream in which my Aunt Louise is attempting to consume my flesh, but as a general rule, no.

---> '''Charlie:''' What, was there a monster chasing after you?
---> '''Larry:''' Well, no, actually, it was my Aunt Louise. But I can still see her even now, wearing this hairnet.

---> '''Charlie:''' Why don't you tell your aunt that statistically, she has a better chance of being mauled by a bear?
---> '''Larry:''' Actually, statistics would favor the [[RussianReversal bear being mauled by my aunt]].

--> '''Amita:''' Oh! By the way, Larry called from his string theory conference. He was confused about something.
--> '''Charlie:''' What, his double-special relativity theory?
--> '''Amita:''' No, whether he was in St. Louis or Cleveland.
--> '''Charlie:''' [[AbsentMindedProfessor He's so geographically challenged.]] Where is his conference?
--> '''Amita:''' Minneapolis.

--> '''David:''' In pursuit of a homicide suspect driving a red-and-white van-- look, it's an ambulance.
* In S2 E23, Colby and David are visiting an Asian strip club. They don't exactly blend in. Unfortunately, Colby's method of expressing this...leaves something to be desired.
--> '''Colby:''' We're the only white people in here.
--> ''(Beat, David looks at Colby)''
--> '''[[TokenBlackFriend David]]:''' Yes, ''we'' are.

-->'''David:''' '' (glances at Colby)'' Whoever gets there last!

---> '''David:''' (in deep, movie-trailer voice) [[InAWorld In a world]] where mathematicians go mano a mano with a killer--\\
'''Colby:''' (in a slightly raspier, creepier voice) This time, [[ItsPersonal it's personal.]]

--> '''Megan:''' The coroner's report on our Jane Doe? No traceable dental work. She's never even had a cavity.
--> '''Don:''' Yeah? So we have a jewel thief who flosses, anything else we can trace? Contact lenses, breast implants...
--> '''Megan:''' The contact lenses are generic mail-order, so there's no serial number there. And her breasts--believe it or not--are real! In LA! I mean, that wasn't the nose she was born with, which doesn't help us, but at least it will help ME sleep at night.

--> '''Charlie:''' But we didn't kill any students, don't worry.
--> [David's "Well, duh" face says it all.]

--> '''Buckley:''' Your brother, he ''really'' doesn't like me.
--> '''Charlie:''' Well, it takes him a while to warm up to people.
--> '''Buckley:''' Is that what it is?
--> '''Charlie:''' [[FlatYes No.]]
* "Where Credits Due" follows them as they attempt to locate a killer who is re-enacting scenes from a up-coming movie, which is itself about a series of perfect crimes being committed. [[spoiler: After a whole episode where the team have almost no evidence due to the nature of the crimes, it's eventually revealed to be the writer who was robbed of the original credit for the script. He's arrested as he's working on a new one that Colby takes and reads in the office.]]. That's not funny. What happens next is:
--> '''David:''' Script really that good?
--> '''Colby:''' Yeah, and you got to read it. You know what's it about?"
--> '''David:''' No, no idea.
--> '''Colby:''' A prison break.
--> ''(Beat)'' [David makes a face as a thought occurs to him, proceeds to take the script and walks off]
--> '''Colby:''' What're you doing?
--> '''David:''' Making a copy. First thing in the morning, I"m sending it to the director of the detention center!

** The best part was both Colby running after him so he can have back the remaining pages to read and the fact that it may not even be necessary: The real killer boasts that prison will give him all the time he wants to make more scripts, [[NoSuchThingAsBadPublicity his crimes making the movie and him famous]].

---> '''Charlie:''' Why don't you tell your aunt that she has a higher chance of being mauled by a bear?
---> '''Larry:''' Actually, statistics would favor the [[RussianReversal bear getting mauled by my aunt]].

-->*Both speed up.*
** The chase finally ends when the man tries to carjack two women... and end up getting his naked ass kicked by said two women.
* 'Black Swan' has a few good quotes when the team are breaking into a house full of bomb-making equipment:

* The B-plot in the episode "Old Soldiers" involves David asking Amita for help buying a suit for an upcoming date, but she has trouble meeting his very...particular tastes. At the end ofthe episode she finds the perfect suit for David -- an old one of Alan's from the 70s that she finds while she and Charlie are helping Alan sort through some old things in the garage.

*** Charlie tries all sorts of complicated math such as "Heterogeneous Poisson Process" to try to crack the burglary, only for Don to show up with a box containing the stolen items, having tracked the GPS in Alan Eppes's laptop that was among the items taken.

** The best part was both Colby running after him so he can have back the remaining pages to read and the fact that it may not even be necessary: The real killer boasts that prison will give him all the time he wants to make more scripts, [[NoSuchThingAsBadPublicity his crimes making the movie and him famous]].
* In "Pandora's Box," the Eppes household is broken into and Charlie tries all sorts of complicated math such as "Heterogeneous Poisson Process" to try to crack the case. In the end, the case is cracked when they track the GPS in Alan Eppes's stolen laptop.