History Funny / Mark3611

*** "[[Film/TheWickerMan2006 NO, NOT THE BEES! NOT THE BEES!]]" ([[UnreadablyFastText THIS JOKE IS DEPLETED]])

** Anything involving the "Ridin' on a Turtle" song.
** "'''[[JumpScare VAGINITIS]]'''"

* [[https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lBJZvh7i1VA The Big City Toilet, Part 3]]

** "It has the strength to hold up to 150 times as much shit as the original Big City Toilet! And because it's only half the size of the original, you can shit in that impossible to reach area, like when you're hiding under a child's bed! Or how about shitting in a busy museum while you enjoy the beautiful art?"

** "With the Drunk Jack, you'll finally be saying… (''slurred and slowed down'') Taaaaaaake a loooooook at Biiiiiiilly Maaaaaaays…"

** "Here's how it works! Just travel back in time..." ''(Music/{{Creed}}'s "Higher" starts playing)'' [[GrandfatherParadox then simply give your dad a vasectomy with a dull knife!]] Or if you don't know who your father is, you can give your whore mother an abortion before she shits you out into the world!"

--->'''Parents''': [[Music/{{Creed}} Ha!]]

--->'''Billy''': No problem, asshole. Watch this. (''uses sander'') Did ya get that, camera guy? (''slips'') Shit. Mother fucker.

** "The Drunk Jack transmits Creator/BillyMays through the speakers in your car. Instead of hearing music, you hear Billy Mays, who will help you drive home. Drinking and driving is safe, and way more fun for your entire family. But in some bullshit states, it's illegal. ''(cue [[FreezeFrameBonus map of the U.S. with every state labelled as a bullshit state]])'' What the fuck? But in my car I say fuck it, it's legal."

** "As a Florida resident, I can talk and drive at over a hundred miles per hour, without any insurance!" ([[UnreadablyFastText This is how Florida actually works]]) "Don't let red lights and pedestrians slow you down, when you can run right over them with Billy Mays! Now that's the power--" ''[slam]'' "--of this 6,000 pound car!"

** And [[RuleOfThree once more...]]

** "They're so strong you can safely hang a heavy mirror-sized wall, or this giant Iraqi" ''[[[AcceptableTargets cue picture of Saddam Hussein's execution]]]'' "...with confidence!"

** "But call right now, and we'll send Billy Mays' clothing! It gives you that Billy Mays look!"

** ''([[TakeThat smashes the head of]] Creator/VinceOffer)'' "[[TheStinger Sham-pow]] [[CensoredForComedy motherf*cker!]]"

** "[[TheStinger Hello Alosaurus Alan!]]"

--->'''Narrator''': Fine, fuck this. Bring in the next guy.

** "Billy's spending some hard time in drug rehab. So here's your host, [[Advertising/FlexSeal Phil Swift]]." ''[[[TakeThat booing]]]''

** "Punch a cop, [[GroinAttack stomp on his cock]]."

** "[[IntercourseWithYou Suck my]] [[TeenyWeenie small cock]] in a small town. It won't take long for me to cum in a small town, got a gun--" ''[bang]'' "Got a gunt, gotta shit" ''[[[RunningGag fart]]]''

** "We shit in the road" ''[[[{{Gasshole}} fart]]]''
** "It won't take long for me to cum in a small town, got a gun--" ''[bang]'' "Got a gunt, gotta shit" ''[[[RunningGag fart]]]''

** "With iCant, you'll finally be saying; 'Here Billy, take my money!' And making your money my money is something I'm really passionate about!]]"

** "When you call, you'll get to talk with me, Billy Mays, who will help you decide which policy gets me the most money!"

** "With iCant, you'll finally be saying; 'Here Billy, take my money!' [[CorruptCorporateExecutive And making your money my money is something I'm really passionate about!]]"

** "Ordinary burgers taste like shit on a bun! Well, let me show you how to cook delicious Billy Burgers, right now! You need two gophers, six sticks of Mighty Putty, and a whopping. six-pound bucket of [[BallsGag Billy Mays' nuts!]] First clean this shit off your stove, you dirty whore! Then simply kill the gopher..." ''[smash]'' "...and mix it up with a bucket with Mighty Putt-"
*** "I know I should have health insurance but on my budget I just can-" "[[MemeticMutation You shut your whore mouth]] [[ItsAllAboutMe when Billy Mays is talking!]]"
** "[[Creator/VinceOffer You're gonna love my nuts!]]"

** ''([[TakeThat smashes the head of]] Creator/VinceOffer)'' "[[TheStinger Sham-pow]] [[CensoredForComedy motherf*cker!]]"

** "[[TheStinger Sham-POW,]] [[BleepCensor motherf*cker!]]"

** "Let me show you how to cook delicious Billy Burgers, right now! You need two gophers, six sticks of Mighty Putty, and a whopping. six-pound bucket of [[BallsGag Billy Mays' nuts!]] First clean this shit off this stove, you dirty whore! Then simply kill the gopher and mix it up with a bucket with Mighty Putt-"

** "Call right now, or Billy Mays will ruin your shit for life! Just pay separate shipping and handling."

** "See my fat ass in a small town."

** "See my fat ass in a small town"
** "It won't take long for me to cum in a small town, got a gun--" ''[bang]'' "Got a gunt, gotta shit" ''[[[{{Gasshole}} fart]]]''