History Funny / JohnCarter

-->'''Kantos Kan:''' I hear that you are ''in-cre-dib-ly dan-ger-ous''. ''(whispering)'' Take me hostage.

-->'''Kantos Kan''': Zodanga. Where the men are as limited as the menu, and the women... as hard as the beds.

** Becomes even funnier when you realize that with this scene, Andrew Stanton actually managed to have a ''John Carter of Mars'' film that includes the sentiment that, basically, [[spoiler: [[SuperMarioBros their princess is in another castle.]]]]

** The best part is just as he enters the room John's being held in. First he slams the door into two guards and strolls in all nonchalantly and corrects Carter about where they are.
-->'''Kantos Kan''': Zodanga. Where the men are as limited as the menu, and the woman, as hard as the beds.

* In the scene where John is initiated with the other Thark hatchlings, Sola tries to remove his boots. Finding it impossible to remove them, she just shrugs, as if to say, "What- What am I supposed to do? They won't come off."

* The moment near the beginning where John lunges at the Union troops who've come to collect him...and is instantly knocked out. When he wakes up in a chair in front of a Colonel, John ''lunges'' at the officer, punching his would-be captors and...SmashCut to John back in the chair, now handcuffed. The Colonel starts talking, and John ''leaps up again!'' [[spoiler:SmashCut to John being thrown into a holding cell]].

** The best part is just as he enters the room John's being held in. First he slams the door into two guards and strolls in all nonchalantly and says.
-->'''Kantos Kan''': Ah Zadanga, where the men are as limited as the menu. And the woman, are as hard as the beds.

-->'''John''': Give me your hand! You got ''four'' hands, just give me ''one!''

-->'''John''': SHUT IT!

* [[MyNameIsNotDurwood "Virg]][[RunningGag inia!"]]

-->'''John''': Give me your hand! You got ''four'' hands, just give me ''one!''

* John Carter is thrown into a cell with a badly beaten Tars Tarkas, who's too weak even to stand but comforts himself that at least his daughter is in the afterlife with her mother as John promised. John then hesitantly explains that his daughter is alive and also a prisoner -- an enraged Tars Tarkas [[BerserkButton gets to his feet]] and starts throttling John. Then collapses on top of him from over-exertion.

* John Carter is thrown into a cell with a badly beaten Tars Tarkas, who's too weak even to stand but comforts himself that at least his daughter is in the afterlife with her mother as John promised. John then hesitantly explains that his daughter is alive and also a prisoner -- an enraged Tars Tarkas [[BerserkButton gets to his feet]] and starts throttling John.

* [[MyNameIsNotDurwood "Virginia!"]]

-->'''Tars''': (''in Martian'') Hell are you?

* When John, in the heat of battle on the flying ships, tries to leap to his feet after being knocked down and inadvertently leaps into the air and straight into the ceiling.

** Tars Tarkas ''almost'' attacks Tardos Mors and Kantos Kan, then realizes he's fighting on their side, so... he ''salutes'' them (having learned the gesture from Carter). Stunned, they salute back. Then Tars lets out a battle cry and throws himself back into the fighting.

** Tars Tarkas is just hilarious in the whole climax. What does he say when [[spoiler:his people have flown to the rescue as BigDamnHeroes despite their professed aversion to flying?]] Not some ancient battlecry, or order to attack, just, "Thank the goddess ''that's'' over with!"

** Becomes even funnier when you realize that with this scene, Andrew Stanton actually managed to have a ''John Carter of Mars'' film that includes the sentiment that, basically, [[spoiler: [[SuperMarioBros their princess is in another castle.]]]]

* "Virginia!"

* When John [[spoiler: leads the Tharks to Zodanga to stop the wedding]] and one of the guards tells them [[spoiler: the wedding is in Helium.]] Tars Tarkas then gives John a DopeSlap.

* The scene where Kantos Kan makes John take him hostage was ''hysterical''.

* The scene where Kantos Kan makes John take him hostage was ''hysterical''.

* The scene where one of the Therns makes John take him hostage was ''hysterical''.