History Funny / HouseOfAshes

-->'''Jason:''' Not possible.
-->'''Salim:''' My father once told me, "if something looks like shit, and smells like shit, you don't have to taste it to know that it's ''shit!''"
-->'''Jason:''' ''([[ActuallyPrettyFunny chuckles in amusement]])''

-->'''Jason:''' [''Gestures towards the corpse''] ...Touch it.
-->'''Salim:''' ''You'' touch it!
-->'''Jason:''' Pussy.

-->'''Salim:''' Do you want to hear a joke?
-->'''Jason:''' Nope.

-->'''Joey:''' Hey, Merwin: What's [[YourMom your mama]] and the Bermuda Triangle have in common?
-->'''Merwin:''' Why don't you fucking enlighten me?
-->'''Joey:''' [''grinning''] They both swallow Marines.

--->'''Merwin:''' Your mama's so nasty, I called her for phone sex and I got a fuckin' ear infection!
--->'''Joey:''' How long you been sitting on that one?
--->'''Merwin:''' Yeah, you like that? Got a shit ton more of those bad boys lined up.
--->'''Joey:''' Yeah, that's what your mama said!

--->'''Rachel:''' You two wanna cut the bullshit and focus on the mission?
--->'''Merwin:''' Hey, only one place I let a woman boss me around like that, alright: that's between the sheets!
--->'''[[DeadpanSnarker Rachel]]''': I'm surprised your mom lets women into your bedroom. [''smirks''] Don't want her getting jealous, now.

-->'''Jason:''' Did you seriously just throw that thing at me?
-->'''Salim:''' I did. [''chuckles'']

--->'''[[DeadpanSnarker Rachel]]''': I'm surprised your mom lets women into your bedroom. [''smirks''] [[OedipusComplex Don't want her getting jealous, now.]]

* A missable one occurs in '''Semper Fi''' after Salim potentially kills a vampire by throwing his BladeOnAStick.

* Right before '''The Horror''', Dar and Salim ambush the Americans by pointing a gun at Nick. Then (depending on whether or not they're still alive) Rachel, Eric, and Jason all appear as well, prompting Nick to turn his gun towards Salim. Realizing they're outnumbered, Salim instantly puts his hands up and says,

-->'''Jason:''' So, this is Saddam's chemical weapons silo. [[DeadpanSnarker Run for the fuckin' hills, we're all doomed.]]

--->'''Joey:''' Yeah, that's what your mama said!

-->'''Jason:''' Nope.

* Right before '''The Assault''', Dar and Salim ambush the Americans by pointing a gun at Nick. Then (depending on whether or not they're still alive) Rachel, Eric, and Jason all appear as well, prompting Nick to turn his gun towards Salim. Realizing they're outnumbered, Salim instantly puts his hands up and says,

-->'''Salim:''' Want to hear a joke?

-->'''Jason:''' Pussy.

-->'''Jason:''' [Gestures to the corpse] ...Touch it.

-->'''Salim:''' ...I feel like our uniforms are getting in the way of what could be a beautiful relationship!

-->'''Salim:''' My father once told me, "if something looks like shit, and smells like shit, you don't have to taste it to know that it's ''shit!''