History Funny / EverybodyLovesRaymond

* In "Father Knows Least", Ray pretends to be a little kid so Debra can practice her active listening technique, but Ray is overly difficult ("You're a member of this family, and we help each other." "Yeah well, tough noogies.")
--> '''Debra''': Time out. Time out. Are you being Ray the little kid, or Ray the big ass?\\
'''Ray''': I'd like to be both.

** Robert answers the door and it's Debra. He's at first all smiles, until she says she's here for Ray.

** We also have [[{{Foreshadowing}} Marie's initial opinion of her future daughter-in-law.]]

** Debra's first impression was a bit kinder, but Ray is under no illusions as to what she's in for.

** The moment when Ray obliviously smacks Debra in the face when he opens the freezer door.

* This:

—-> '''Frank:''' Oh yeah. I think [Robert] should retire.
—-> '''Amy:''' (incredulous) Come on, Frank!
—-> '''Frank:''' I'm sorry, but Marie is my wife! And if I can't support in this, then she'll be like an icepick in my ear until I die!

* "Halloween Candy": During a scene with Frank giving out candy to trick-or-treaters, the director cuts and starts giving instructions for the next take. As he's talking, the little boy playing one of the trick-or-treaters suddenly speaks up to inform him, "I think I've had enough."

--> '''Frank''': What's the score?

'''Ray''': Isn't it a bit too... ''ladylike''?\\

'''{{Beat}}'''\\

-->'''Ray''': Isn't it a bit too...''ladylike''?\\

--> '''Robert''': Make it stop...

'''Caller''': I think this Frank deserves to be kicked sixty-eight yards!\\

--> '''Radio host''': I hate that guy's column. He thinks he's so funny. He blows.\\

-->'''Robert''': Oh, you have an ''arch-enemy''. What are you a superhero now?\\

!!Six Feet Under
* Ray makes a list of things to do now that he's accomplished his life goal:
--> '''Debra''': "Peking duck, goat cheese pizza." What is this?\\
'''Ray''': I told you, it's goals and stuff.\\
'''Debra''': These are your goals? These are restaurant specials.\\
'''Ray''': I've never had the Peking duck.\\
'''Debra''': So your goal is just to eat things you've never eaten before.\\
'''Ray''': Not entirely.\\
'''Debra''': "Enlarged prostate"?\\
'''Ray''': See? That's something that I want to avoid. Not something I wish to eat.
** Debra reveals that when she reaches retirement age, she wants to open a bed-and-breakfast, which confuses Ray.
--> '''Ray''': Bed-and-breakfast? What do you mean, like, strangers coming in and out of our house all the time?\\
'''Debra''': Yes, Ray, strangers. I'd like to try ''strangers'' for a change.\\
'''Ray''': I don't know. This is all happening too fast.\\
'''Debra''': We don't have to do it today, Ray. I'm just trying to get you thinking.\\
'''Ray''': I'm thinking I'd better come up with something before I end up with your bed-and-breakfast, tucking in a gay couple from Cleveland.
** Frank is no help when Ray says he has a mid-life crisis:
--> '''Frank''': Don't worry so much. You die, you did what you did.\\
'''Marie''': Stop saying "die". It's obvious Raymond's afraid of dying.\\
'''Frank''': What am I supposed to tell him? That it's not going to happen? It's gonna happen! ''(to Ray)'' YOU'RE GONNA DIE.\\
'''Ray''': [[SarcasmMode Thank you, Dad.]]
** This bit:
--> '''Ray''': You have a dream. I've got nothing.\\
'''Robert''': "Nothing"? You've got "nothing"? House, wife, little daughter, twin boys. That's "nothing" to you? That was ''MY'' dream! So why don't you go take your little mid-life "I'm shrinking, I'm dying, I don't have any dreams" and go right back across the street to paradise!
** When Debra makes a point about mid-life crises by pointing out that she rubs hand cream on every night:
--> '''Debra''': My skin isn't as soft and smooth as it used to be. Have you noticed?\\
'''Ray''': I didn't want to say anything-\\
'''Debra''': [[DontAnswerThat Shut up, Ray.]]
** Frank singing "I Left My Heart in San Francisco".
-->'''Frank''': Thank you, ladies and gentlemen. My wife thinks I'm in the bathroom.

!!The Ride-Along
* After Robert has stopped a would-be robber (see SugarWiki/MomentOfAwesome), his partner Judy goes to check outside for any accomplices.
-->'''Judy''': No getaway car. ''[to the criminal]'' [[KickThemWhileTheyAreDown Got no friends?]]
** Frank is poking his used fork into food after Marie tells him that no one else can eat it if he does that.
-->'''Marie''': He's like an animal, marking his territory! ''[Frank pokes her with the fork]'' Ow!\\
'''Frank''': What? That's a compliment!\\
'''Ray''': ''God'', I wish this was the wrong house.

!!The Family Bed
* Robert fondly recalls when Marie used to give him a glass of "sugar water" when he'd had trouble sleeping, and how it had always helped right away.
--> '''Frank''': That was booze.
** Frank barges into Ray and Debra's bedroom because he can't find Marie- she's sleeping in Ally's room for the night, Ray's plan to get a good night's sleep. It backfires when Ally runs into their bedroom because she was scared of how Marie looked with facial cream on. Her and Frank's exchange is hilarious:
--> '''Frank''': You're my wife! You sleep with me!\\
'''Marie''': You care where I sleep all of a sudden?\\
'''Frank''': I don't care! I just can't sleep without you!\\
'''Marie''': Frank, that's the sweetest thing you've ever said to me. ''(goes to kiss him)''\\
'''Frank''': ''(still upset)'' Don't kiss me with that stuff!

!!The Visit
* This priceless moment when Lois wants to stay in a hotel instead of at the Barones's:
--> '''Lois''': I just don't know what you want from me.\\
'''Marie''': ''(to the kids)'' Oh here, honey. Let me get that for you.\\
'''Debra''': You know what I want? I want you to be a part of the family. I want you to help, or I want you to at least want to help, okay? I want you to be more like... like her! ''(gestures to Marie, who is surprised and then touched)''\\
'''Robert''': ''(can't believe his ears)'' Like ''who''?\\
'''Ray''': ''(also can't believe his ears)'' Like ''mom''.\\
'''Robert''': ''Why''??
** In the final scene, Ray, Robert, and Frank (who had left the women alone to discuss their feelings) are over in Marie's kitchen eating a cake meant for dinner, when a message comes on the phone:
--> '''Marie''': ''(over intercom)'' Hello? Everything's fine now. You can bring the cake back over. Frank, pick up. Robert? Raymond? Are you eating that cake?! ''(the trio start consuming it faster)'' You better have not started that cake! That cake is for ''all'' of us! Frank?! I'm coming over! ''(the trio hurriedly pick at the rest of the cake and bolt out of the room, though Robert trips and falls. Ray runs back to help him, but...)''\\
'''Robert''': Save yourself.\\
''(Ray runs out. Marie walks in the door and finds Robert getting off the floor with cake crumbs on his face)''\\
'''Robert''': [[OhCrap Hi, mom.]] It was Raymond. I tried to stop him!

!!Pants on Fire
* This exchange after Ray's flashback:
--> '''Marie''': Did you smoke?\\
'''Ray''': ...Smoke [[TheStoner WHAT]]?\\
'''Marie''': OH MY GOD!!!
** And what follows:
--> '''Marie''': This is how I raised you? Didn't I tell you not to smoke? How many times did I tell you not to smoke, or drink, or do ''anything''?!

!!The Prodigal Son
* Ray comes into the living room wearing pajamas as the rest of the family is headed for church. Robert observes:
--> '''Robert''': You usually hide upstairs until we leave. A little more ''brazen'' in your blasphemy.
** Ray defends why he doesn't go to church:
--> '''Ray''': Let me tell you something. I practice being a good person every day. Okay? I'm a decent fellow. I do good things. I always leave a big tip. If a squirrel runs in front of the car, do I not swerve? I'm considerate of people's feelings. Remember the plumber who came over with the big eye? I treated him like a completely normal person. Okay? So, so, so why do I have to go to church every Sunday to prove my goodness? I'm ''living'' it!\\
'''Debra''': Well, since you are so good during the week, maybe on Sundays we should have everybody come over here and sit around ''you''.
** Father Hubley in general. When Frank announces to Hubley that Ray's coming back to the church, Hubley skeptically asks, "...Really?" And when Hubley's about to go back into the church, he flashes Ray a quick, fake smile in-between his trademark frown.
** Frank, to Ray on going to Hell because he refuses to go to church: "Don't worry. It's a DRY heat." ''(smiles)''

!!What's With Robert
* Frank had a GayMoment in the war.
-->"Our coats were insufficient. It was huddle or die!"
** This exchange:
--> '''Robert''': My parents think I'm gay!\\
'''Ray''': So what? If they tell everyone they know, that's four people.

!!Silent Partners
* "Imagine a rain so beautiful, it must never have existed."
--> '''Ray''': What does that ''mean''?! What does that mean? Tell me, right now, what does that mean?\\
'''Robert''': ''(laughs)'' I don't know.\\
'''Ray''': Yeah. Because it's nonsense talk. You have to close this book.\\
'''Robert''': Yeah, looks like little Raymie can't watch the game. He's got homework.
** Ray invites Frank and Robert over so that he doesn't have to talk with Debra. She wanted to watch the game alone with Ray, so she's unprepared:
--> '''Debra''': Are you here for the game, Frank?\\
'''Frank''': No, the sparkling conversation.\\
''(Robert chuckles)''\\
'''Frank''': Okay, come on, move your ass!\\
'''Ray''': Hey, dad!\\
'''Frank''': Sorry, step lively.
** In the third act, Ray and Debra observe Marie and Frank eating silently but picking up on each others' nonverbal cues. Debra thinks it's sweet, until Marie walks out of the kitchen:
--> '''Marie''': ''(weary)'' I can't look at him eat anymore.

!!Stefania Arrives
* Debra wonders if Robert and Stefania can just be friends. Frank deadpans: "That broad ain't built for friendship."
** The RunningGag of Stefania liking hot dogs, to the point where it annoys Robert.
--> '''Robert''': I've got pretzel nuggets...\\
'''Stefania''': ''(from living room)'' I like hot dogs.\\
'''Robert''': ''(splits bag open)'' PRETZEL NUGGETS!!!
** When Robert tries to break up with Stefania, he finally admits the truth: He finds her annoying.
--> '''Stefania''': ''(seemingly offended tone of voice)'' "Annoying"?!... What does this mean: "Annoying"?
** When Robert reveals he wants to break up with Stefania, Marie thinks he should just stay with her because he's not getting any younger, and adds:
--> '''Marie''': And I read, you know, that as men get older, [[TooMuchInformation their sperm production]]-\\
'''Robert''': ''(hitting table)'' Ma! Ma! Ma! Ma!\\
'''Ray''': Back it up.\\
'''Marie''': Please. It's science.

!!The Journal

!!The Canister
* The whole thing. But particularly Debra's "what if" speech to Ray and Robert if she returns Marie's borrowed canister (which Debra had thought returned):
--> '''Debra''': Nobody's gonna ''stop'' me?! Nobody cares what happens to me? Or or not even to ''me'', but let's just say I bring this thing back, and you know, she thinks she's ''always'' right. And she has more power than ever. Like when you (to Robert) say, "Mom, I don't want to marry that girl. I think you're wrong about her." "Oh? Was I wrong about the ''CANISTER''?" Or ''you'', (to Ray) when you say, "Mom, you know, I don't think you should move in with us now that dad has passed." "Oh, have you forgotten about the ''CANISTER''?!"
** After Debra throws out the canister:
--> '''Ray''': Devil, thy name is ''woman''.
** At the start of act two, just as Ray and Debra are about to go over to Frank and Marie's, the canister, which Debra threw away in the last act, suddenly falls down the stairs. Even funnier is when one of the twins ''kicks it''. It turns out Michael and Jeffrey found it in the trash (they were looking for Easter eggs).
--> '''Ray''': ''(to Debra)'' All right, look. You have to give this back now, okay? It's come back twice, it's, it's like a sign. It's like when you think the movie's over and then ''the hand comes up!''
** Ray is hiding the canister inside a really puffy winter coat. Marie inquires why he's wearing such a coat at Easter:
--> '''Ray''': I just think this is a really bitchin' jacket!\\
'''Marie''': That's not Easter language.
** When Ray and Robert are hugging (to conceal the canister between them):
--> '''Marie''': ''(overjoyed)'' Frank, come look! Our sons are hugging!\\
'''Frank''': ''(from other room)'' You want me to get the hose?
** When Marie leaves the room, Debra comes back out and is infuriated that they haven't hid the canister yet. She grabs it and observes: "Why is this ''hot''?"
** Frank, upon seeing that Debra has the canister:
--> '''Frank''': Give your heart to God, because your ass is Marie's.

!!Frank Goes Downstairs
* Ray hurts his hand after falling out of bed while having sex. He doesn't want to tell Frank, though, since he's embarrassed to talk about sex with his father. So when Ray's friends brings it up to Frank, Ray has to make a cover story:
--> '''Ray''': What? It's nothin'. I hurt my wrist, that's all. I fell down the stairs. They're old and creaky, those stairs.\\
'''Frank''': What a marvelous story. And you tell it beautifully.\\
'''Ray''': I told you it was nothing.\\
'''Frank''': How many years have I got left? You gotta waste my time with that story?\\
'''Ray''': What? I didn't want to tell it to ya.\\
'''Frank''': Then you should cut your losses now and stop talking.
** Gianni thinks that Debra is uptight on the surface but wild underneath. This leads to this gem:
--> '''Bernie''': ''I'm'' uptight; you think I'm wild underneath?\\
'''Gianni''': I'd hate to ''be'' underneath.
** When Frank is in the hospital from falling through Ray and Debra's stairs that he was trying to fix, he repeatedly tells the doctor to look at Ray's testicle.
** Frank, high on pain killers: "I was thinkin' it should be pretty easy to finish those stairs. The hard part's already done: Where I fall through them."
** Debra and Ray outside Frank's room:
--> '''Debra''': We can never have sex again.\\
'''Ray''': What?\\
'''Debra''': Look at your father, lying in there hurt, and all because we... and now, whenever... I'm gonna think of him, workin' on those stairs, and then all of a sudden, his little bald head dropping out of sight.\\
'''Ray''': Here's something you might try: Think of ''me'' when we're having sex.\\
'''Debra''': This is awful, Ray. We lied to him, and now he has a broken rib. We broke his rib! We may as well have rolled off that bed and onto him.\\
'''Ray''': Are you ''trying'' to put images in my head? 'Cause we ''may'' never have sex again! ''(a nurse walks by just as he says that)'' Hello! Hi. Yeah. Look, this is not our fault.\\
'''Debra''': Yes, it is! This is 30% my fault and 70% yours!\\
'''Ray''': Where do you come up with those figures?\\
'''Debra''': You started the whole thing. None of this would have happened if you didn't have to tell all your friends what a big stud you are!\\
'''Ray''': Oh, why couldn't the nurse hear ''that''?
** At the end of the episode, Frank is back home and complaining about the painkillers he was on in the hospital:
--> '''Frank''': They had me so drugged up, I didn't know whether I was comin' or goin'.\\
'''Marie''': I thought what they had you on was marvelous. I'm going to call Mexico and try to get some for the house.

!!Snow Day
* A slightly drunk Ray is trying to convince Debra that she ''should'' consider herself better than his family, pointing out all their annoying habits. When he gets to Robert, he lists off some of his quirks, eventually arriving at, "He separates his 'Good&Plenties' into 'Goods' and 'Plenties'!" He pushes a reluctant Robert to explain which is which...
--> '''Robert''': ...The pinks are the "Goods"... and the whites are the "Plenties". Because there's always more of them. And they're not as good. ''[beat]'' And then there's a third category of "irregulars".
--> '''Ray''': ''[grinning]'' And they're called?
--> '''Robert''': ..."Cuties".
** Drunk!Raymond loudly calling Frank a "baboon's ass."
** Ray and Robert's cringe worthy dance moves take the cake. Debra and Amy aren't any better, but Frank and Marie are quite talented.

!!Call Me Mom
* This line: "Did your mom tell you not to call my mom "Mom"?"
** Debra enters Frank and Marie's kitchen, and Marie is in another room. Debra asks if she can see her, and Frank says, "Let me get her for ya. '''MA-RIE!!!!!'''"
--> '''Robert''': She will be with you presently.
** Ray thinks he should get involved in the "mom" conflict between Debra and Marie, but Frank tells him to stay out of it. Against his advice, Ray confronts Marie about it. He then turns around to ask Frank and Robert what they thought about Marie rejecting Debra's request to call her "mom". [[ScrewThisImOuttaHere The two are already headed out the door.]]
** When Lois doesn't want Debra to call Marie "mom", Lois says "Heaven forbid you don't get your way ''for once''." Marie replies back, "May I just ask... what the hell is that supposed to mean?!"
** After the fight between Marie and Lois over whether Debra gets to call Marie "mom":
--> '''Debra''': You know, I think it might be best for all concerned if we just go back to the way it was. No more "Mom" calling.\\
'''Lois''': Maybe that's a good idea.\\
'''Marie''': All right. It's fine with ''me'', but if it's hard for some other people-\\
'''Debra''': Okay!

* "Party Dress": At the department store, Ray is aghast at the dress costing $250. The store clerk reminds him: "That's ''with'' the discount for mentioning Peggy's name."

** Because Ray forgot to thank Debra in his doctorate speech, he wrote about her in his column, how his career started with her smile. Marie objects:
--> '''Marie''': Let me tell you, it didn't start with a smile. It started with nineteen hours of horrible labor.\\

* In "Fun With Debra", when Ray is about to go golfing:

* In "Thank You Notes", Amy and Robert describing their Italy honeymoon, and how it was so beautiful they just cried. Amy asked how things were around here the last two weeks:

* "Home From School": Michael is punished by Ray for staying home from school a third day in a row despite not being sick. He takes away his cereal and gives him his own cereal: The box has "two grandmas on a bike".

* "Misery Loves Company": Ray and Debra are annoyed at Robert and Amy's affection and guarantees they're going to fight like any other married couple. A great line from Debra:

* "The Contractor": Frank is jealous when Gianni replaces the stove instead of letting him fix the old one. Marie chimes in:

* In "Peter on the Couch", Peter's stayed at Robert's and Amy's apartment for three days straight. This exchange occurs the third morning:

* In "Liars", as Marie unravels Ray and Debra's lie of spending a night at a hotel:

* In "The Surprise Party", Debra gets it out of Ray that he's planning a surprise party for her, and wants him to go with a Chinese theme. After excitedly saying she's going to call a restaurant to see if they do catering, Ray complains, "Great. Now she's too ''happy'' to have sex."

* In "The Bird", one of the [=MacDougall=] yearly Thanskgiving traditions is a play:

* In "Jazz Records", Ray stubbornly wants Frank to admit that [=CDs=] sound better than vinyl, so he sneaks into his house and sets up the CD player to play one of Frank's old jazz albums when he walks in. But something goes wrong and the album plays ''really'' loudly and the sound is distorted. It almost gives Frank a heart attack when he walks in.

* In "Debra at the Lodge": Ray making fun of the lodge members:

* In "Slave," Ray and Debra accidentally leave the twins at home after they each go to the store without telling the other. They, along with Marie, panic, especially when they discover Michael and Jeffery eating pancakes (implying that they used the stove; it turns out Ally made them). Frank, though, has his priorities straight: "I smell pancakes. Where are the pancakes?" He caps the scene off by devouring a few of the flapjacks, then announcing, "Delicious! I'm done. Bye. [[BigEater Come on, Marie, make me lunch]]."

* In "Who's Side Are You On?", Ray and Debra have an argument at his parents' home about Debra cracking jokes with the kids about Ray's behavior.

* "Lateness": Ray decides to use Frank's A.I.S. system ("Ass in seat") to justify leaving Debra behind when attending the ESPY Awards ceremony. When he returns:

* "Security" has several:
** Robert is trying to decide whether to retire from the police force and become a burglar alarm salesman, and Marie and Amy get into an argument on what he should choose. This leads to Amy (who thinks Robert should stay a cop) drawing a line in the sand:

* "The Ingrate": Ray learns he's getting an honorary doctorate degree due to his sportswriter career. Frank is confused at first:

* From "Crazy Chin": Pat trying Robert's "chin touching before eating" tic and failing miserably, getting sweet potatoes on her chin.

* In "The Nice Talk", the very Presbyterian Hank is not hugely keen on attending a Catholic Easter service with the Barones.

* In "Blabbermouths", Ray casually mentions that he has a secret about Marie. Debra immediately snaps to attention.

* In "The Model": Robert introduces himself at the modeling agency as [[AwesomeMccoolName "Bobby Barone"]]. The receptionist is confused- he meekly clarifies: "Robert Barone".

* In "The Mentor", the bit about the "Frank Barone gospel":

* "Golf for it": Marie asks Ray and Robert to put together some shelves for the laundry room. They finish, but now Marie wants them to sand and paint it too. When the two refuse, Marie says she can't have unfinished wood in the house, and adds:

* "The Home": Ray, Debra, Robert, and Amy ecstatic about Frank and Marie moving to a retirement condo, celebrating in the kitchen so Frank and Marie don't hear them. At one point, Robert is so excited that he lifts Amy onto the top of the fridge. Ray tries the same thing with Debra but accidentally slams her into the fridge instead.

* "Not So Fast": Debra and Ray being told that Frank and Marie are being kicked out of the retirement condo:

* "Angry Sex": Marie wants to give Michael and Geoffrey haircuts, saying they look "slovenly".

* "PT&A": Robert repeatedly putting his foot in his mouth regarding having a crush on Debra.

* In "Ally's F", [[PokeThePoodle Amy's idea of a "rebellious teenager phase":]]

* "Boys' Therapy": Marie threatens that if Frank doesn't join Ray and Robert for therapy, she's going to call cousin Bella, a therapist:

* "Debra's Parents": Robert encourages Frank to "get the mean out of your system" for Warren and Lois so that he'll be congenial for Hank and Pat the next day.

* "A Job For Robert":
** Ray observes all the subtle items that Marie has given Robert and Amy to get them in the love-making mood (and thus, giving her grand-kids).

* In "The Faux Pas", after Ray mentions the "joke" he told Chris:

* "Favors": Gianni's impression of Ray:

* In "Sister-in-Law":

* In "The Power of No", Ray strolling into the bedroom in satin underpants, trying to seduce Debra.

* "Pat's Secret": Robert sees Pat outside and goes to check on her. She initially responds with head nods, and then it's revealed why: She was holding in some cigarette smoke. [[https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pqB8b-L9XOU&t=0m56s She finally lets out a cloud of it]], but tries to cover:

* And in the series finale, Ray imagines Debra's thoughts if he had passed away while in the operating room.

!!I Wish I Were Gus:

!!Captain Nemo:

!!The Game:

!!Neighbors:

!!Fascinating Debra:

!!Why Are We Here?:

* In "Ray's on TV", Ray finds out that Marie and Frank thought his TV appearance was bad, after lying that it was good. He then gets it out of them that they've been lying to him his whole life.

* In "Brother", Debra's lines to Ray said through a closed mouth (since Marie and Frank are in the other room, and it's about them), especially "Cause I want them OUT."

* "Mozart": Ray wants to take piano lessons for the first time in 25 years to show Ally (who wants to quit piano) what she can learn if she sticks with it. His first lesson is a disaster- Marie starts on the actual piece he wants to play ("Theme from Love Story") but he's fuzzy on how to play so Marie gets out a practice book. He fails at that so she gets out an ''easier'' practice book. And so on.

* In "Golf", when Marie describes Ray's "anxiety attack":

* "Anniversary": Debra refuses to put on a party for Marie and Frank, arguing that it's Ray and Robert's job since they're the kids. Ray and Robert start throwing ideas about what to do: Serving chips, a sub sandwich, and inviting their own friends. Debra is listening and eventually can't take it anymore:

* In "The Children's Book", the scene when Debra gets frustrated with her writer's block.

* "The Gift": The CallBack to the "fruit of the month club" from the pilot, when Ray says his birthday gift to Frank is backordered.

* "The Letter": The scene where the guys crash the woman's tupperware party because the fight on TV ended early.

* In "All I Want For Christmas", Debra keeps giving Ray signals that she wants to have sex with him later, which makes Ray all hot and bothered. In one scene, Debra gets up close to fix Ray's button, when all of a sudden Marie sneaks up behind Ray and quietly says, "I ''need'' you, Raymond." Of course, she didn't mean it in a sexual context, but it made Ray all flustered for obvious reasons.

* "Mia Famiglia": Ally interviewing Uncle Mel for her family tree project.

* "Marie's Meatballs": Earlier in the episode, Frank puts a nearly-empty juice carton back in the fridge, which Marie gets on his case about. Towards the end, Marie opens the fridge and finds ''another'' nearly-empty carton.

* In "Six Feet Under", Ray makes a list of things to do now that he's accomplished his life goal:

* In "Good Girls": Ray grills Marie on something she said:

* "T-Ball": The bit where Michael runs across the yard in just his diaper.

* From "Traffic School", when Debra finds out about Ray's traffic ticket:

* In "The Ride-Along", after Robert has stopped a would-be robber (see SugarWiki/MomentOfAwesome), his partner Judy goes to check outside for any accomplices.

* "The Family Bed": Robert fondly recalls when Marie used to give him a glass of "sugar water" when he'd had trouble sleeping, and how it had always helped right away.

* "The Garage Sale": Ray and Debra share a kiss on the pull-out sofa in Marie and Frank's kitchen. Marie comes in and assumes the two are getting ready to have sex. Ray assures Marie that they're not doing that:

* "The Invasion": Debra is reading on the couch while Marie has her French lesson, which makes Marie self-conscious. She begs Ray to say something to her. The way Ray bluntly phrases it is hilarious:

* "Driving Frank": After taking away Frank's car keys because they feel he's an unsafe driver, Ray realizes that he and Debra have to be the "parents" with Frank now that he's getting older.

* "The Sitter": Marie watches the kids and accidentally steps on a toy, spraining her ankle. When Ray and Debra come home to find her lying on the couch with ice on her leg:

* In "The Visit", this priceless moment when Lois wants to stay in a hotel instead of at the Barones's:

* "Getting Even": Ray as the auctioneer at the school auction offends the nuns by saying he's sleeping with the presenter (Debra). Eventually he starts making jokes at her expense ("Everything my wife touches falls off, so you can guess how scared ''I'' am!"), and even the nuns crack up.

* In "Halloween Candy", Ray and the guys are at Nemo's Pizza, wanting to know what Angelina the waitress is wearing for Halloween. Andy's response to Angelina's costume:

* One of the funniest moments in the series is in "Moving Out", when Ray comes home from work and begins to talk about his exhausting day. Marie comes up behind him and [[https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=WEwcuTmfwXw silently gives him a back rub]]. Ray thinks it's Debra and turns to kiss her, but is horrified when he sees it's Marie and falls off his chair to the floor. The timing on his reaction is just perfect.

* "The Article": Ray gives Andy notes on an article he wrote. Andy decides not to use the notes, and the article is picked up by Sports Illustrated, leaving Ray to feel betrayed. When Debra gives him the mail:

* "The Lone Barone": One of the things Ray tells Robert when he's jealous of his single life is, "Why don't you spank a supermodel in front of me?" This gets a great CallBack later in the episode, when Ray's trying to fix things by building up marriage to Robert:

* In "No Fat", Marie is told she's close to the danger zone of having a heart attack, so she strives to eat healthy. She starts by makes tofu turkey for Thanksgiving, but nobody likes it. Ray has some actual turkey delivered to the house, which offends Marie. Debra takes it away from him. Later that night, Marie sneaks over to Ray and Debra's house and is caught eating the real turkey that Debra was going to give away. When Debra asks, "What about your diet?", we get this great exchange:

* "The Apartment": Ray is amazed at all the beautiful women in Robert's apartment building. But he doesn't mention it to Debra for obvious reasons, claiming that he keeps going over to Robert's place because he needs help with repairs and that Robert's "touch and go, emotionally speaking". Frank is more direct: "I'm here for the broads."

* In "The Toaster", Ray finds his parents returned his Christmas gift, a toaster engraved with a message from his whole family, without opening it. After telling them what it said, Frank, who's not yet fully awake, replies, "It spoke?"

* The ColdOpen to "Ping Pong", which has no relation to the rest of the episode but is hilarious. Michael and Jeffrey throw Ray's golf clubs down the stairs, so Ray sits the duo down on the couch for a long talk:

* In "Robert's Date", Robert tries to become "hip".

* "Frank's Tribute": The awful editing job on Frank's "tribute" video (in actuality, they asked his old friends what they think about chocolate because nobody has anything nice to say about Frank), and Frank pointing it out afterwards:

* "Cruising With Marie": The RunningGag of the cruise activities director walking by just as Marie is [[NotWhatItLooksLike doing something that makes it look like she and Raymond are a couple]], like dancing.
* "Ray Home Alone": Ray asks his friends when the last time they cried was. Ray reveals that he did it recently when he saw the twins holding hands heading into preschool. Kevin revealed that he cried when watching ''Film/HoneyIShrunkTheKids'' because he didn't think his father would come looking for him. Gianni: [[MenDontCry "I'm gonna go home before you guys start making out."]]

* "Big Shots": Robert puts his shoe-less feet on Ray's dashboard. Ray describes the smell as a "skunk that crawled out of the ass of another skunk."
* "Move Over": Ray covers for his not wanting Debra sleeping on him at night by saying his aversion to it probably stems from when he was a kid and shared a fold-out couch with Robert when they would stay over at Nonny Barone's apartment. When Ray's temporarily out of the room, Robert reveals that Nonny actually had a big house and they never shared a bed. Cue Ray coming back in:

* In "The Getaway", when Ray and Debra check into the bed-and-breakfast inn, they're informed that there's no TV in the room, and no bathroom either.

* "Working Girl": Debra announces she got hired part time:

* "Be Nice": Ray tells Debra, "If there's anything else you need, let me know." The way Frank imitates him is hilarious.

* In "Pants on Fire":

* In "How They Met", Ray doesn't catch Debra's signals:

* "Boob Job": The moment when Debra wants to show off her new implants, she warns him:

* "The Can Opener": During Ray and Debra's argument about the can opener, Frank brings up a jar of fat.

* "The Bet": Robert takes a chicken wing that's meant for Ray. He tries to hide it under his arm from Marie, but she's onto him: "Robby, chicken doesn't go there." ''(holds out hand for him to hand it over)''

* "Sex Talk": Ray asks Robert how much he and Amy have sex. Robert refuses to answer, saying Amy wouldn't appreciate her name coming up in this type of conversation. Ray tells him not to use Amy's name then:

* In the same vein as "Brother", this bit in "Cousin Gerard":

* In "Debra's Workouts" when Ray says he had sex three times this week:

* "No Thanks": Ray's imitation of Marie:

* In "Left Back," Ray can't sleep because he's having a confidence crisis, so he wakes up Debra for reassurance:

* "The Christmas Picture": Marie's passive-aggressiveness once she learns that Debra's parents are going to be in the picture is hilarious.

* "Bully on the Bus": Ray, riding Ally's bus to school:

* "Robert's Rodeo" starts off on a serious note: Robert is injured on the job and is hospitalized. Then of course we find out the nature of the injury was that he was gored by a bull [[AmusingInjuries in the ass.]]

* "The Prodigal Son": Ray comes into the living room wearing pajamas as the rest of the family is headed for church. Robert observes:

* "The Tenth Anniversary": Ray forgets to write new wedding vows, and apologizes to a disappointed Debra in front of everyone. Things look grim until Ray mentions how much hard work he put into the renewal ceremony, including trying to get lilies of the valley (Debra's favorite flower). Debra immediately warms up, saying "You remembered my flower." Ray, still upset, says "I ordered 'em, but the ''DAMN FLORIST'', he didn't bring it!" When Father Hubley notices Debra's big smile, he anxiously tells Ray, "Kiss the bride. Kiss her! Kiss her ''now''!" Ray obliges.

* In "Hackidu", Marie displays her uncanny knowledge of a children's card game.

* In the aptly-titled episode "Debra Makes Something Good", Frank "cheating" on Marie with Debra[[note]]'s braciole[[/note]], even coming to the house with flowers for her.

* From "What's With Robert?", Frank had a GayMoment in the war.

* "Marie and Frank's New Friends": Debra encourages Marie and Frank to host parties now that their house is paid off. They're initially less than enthusiastic:

* "Alone Time": Ray bursting out laughing when Debra brings up Ally's birth to get him to [[TearsofJoy cry.]] Moments later, she tries another approach to get him to cry: Bringing up the time as a kid when his parents gave his dog away.

* In "Someone's Cranky", Ray is forced by Frank and Marie to talk to a cranky Robert to try and cheer him up. He fails, and before he leaves he defiantly sticks his finger in the Fruit Loops he's eating. He reports back:

* "Bad Moon Rising": After Ray plays an audio recording of Debra yelling at Ray, Debra is hurt and tells him, "You are a gigantic ass!", leaving the bedroom. Ray follows, quietly speaking into the tape recorder, "10:32: "Gigantic ass"."
* "Confronting the Attacker": A fully-recovered Robert confronts the bull that gored him months ago:

* "Robert's Divorce": It's revealed that Robert's ex-wife's maiden name is "Glotz", and she was a pole dancer under the nickname "Cinnamon".

* "Italy Part 1": When the free trip to Italy is announced, Ray is oddly less than thrilled:

* "Italy Part 2": Robert tries to get on Marco's good side by speaking to him in Italian about how much he loves and respects Stefania. Marco responds in English: "I don't like you."
* "Wallpaper": [[https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-Mqjucu4qmc Marie driving through Ray and Debra's door and into their living room.]] ''Where the two had been sitting only a few seconds earlier.''
* "Meant to Be": When Marie tries to get Robert and Amy back together:

* In "The Author", Ray gets rejected by a publishing company at the same time Robert gets promoted to Lieutenant. Rather than congratulating him, Ray gets into an argument that escalates in a very hilarious fight. One moment has Ray trying to take Robert's shoe off, before realizing how dangerously close his face is to Robert's smelly foot.

* "The Walk to the Door":

* "Young Girl": All of Frank's blatantly obvious flirting with Robert's 22-year old (really 19-year old) girlfriend.

* Warren and Lois' imitations of each other in "Fighting In-Laws."

* In "The Sneeze", the guy in the airport who sneezes on Ray, doing it in the most over-the-top way imaginable. And when told about it, Marie offers her medical opinion:

* In "Christmas Present", Marie inquires about the DVD player that Ray received:

* In "Silent Partners": "Imagine a rain so beautiful, it must never have existed."

* "Stefania Arrives": Debra wonders if Robert and Stefania can just be friends. Frank deadpans: "That broad ain't built for friendship."

* In "What Good Are You?", after Debra chokes and Ray just sits there:

* "Super Bowl": After Ray gives Gianni his second Super Bowl ticket, he just stands with his back to an upset Frank and Robert, afraid to turn around.

* In "The Journal", Ray reveals his secret journal language to Debra by saying "Y-oka, my e-wif." When Debra chuckles at how easy that is to crack, she says, "It's not at all... e-lam." And follows it with: "Good night, my little... ass-jack."

* "Fairies": Everyone on Frank's case because he is against Michael and Jeffrey being fairies in the school play. During the scene, Ray asks, "What is that smell?!"

* "Humm Vac": When Ray willingly uses the Humm Vac to vacuum, Debra says, "I have never been more attracted to you in my entire life."

* "Net Worth": Ray invests in a Go-Kart park without Debra's permission; he already gave Scott and Walter $1,000 but wants the check back when he finds she's not on board.

* "The Canister", the whole thing. But particularly Debra's "what if" speech to Ray and Robert if she returns Marie's borrowed canister (which Debra had thought returned):

* In "Let's Fix Robert", Ray goes to pick up a pizza, and we get this:

* "Separation": A great MoodWhiplash when Debra opens up about her parents separating:

* "Frank Paints the House": When Ray finds Robert is painting Ray's house with Frank:

* "Ally's Birth": Debra and Ray are having trouble conceiving, and the two are having sex virtually every night to increase their odds. Before one instance:

* In "The Angry Family", when the class is reading their stories to the parents:

* In "No Roll", when Debra and Ray are playing Sensuopoly, one of the squares instructs Ray to tell something about himself that Debra doesn't know. Ray's response? "I'm back from Everest!" ''(lunges at Debra)''

* "Odd Man Out": Frank's opinion of opera:

* In "Ray's Ring", Robert accidentally spun Ray's wedding ring into the vents in a hotel. At first, Ray tries to hide his ring-less finger to Debra, but eventually he comes clean and shows it to her.

* "Marie's Sculpture", one of the show's classic moments, after Marie ''finally'' realizes a sculpture she made resembles a certain part of the female anatomy.

* "Jealous Robert": Debra asks Andy and Gianni if one of them wants an extra ticket to a play. Andy asks: "Is there nudity?" Debra gives him a "oh please" look. After Gianni accepts the ticket:

* "It's Supposed to Be Fun": Robert gets sick from riding the merry-go-round at the playground. When he return to the basketball game that Geoffrey's playing in, Marie rubs his stomach, leading to:

* "Frank Goes Downstairs": Ray hurts his hand after falling out of bed while having sex. He doesn't want to tell Frank, though, since he's embarrassed to talk about sex with his father. So when Ray's friends brings it up to Frank, Ray has to make a cover story:

* In "Older Women", when Warren brings Emma, the current woman he's dating, who is ''older'' than Lois (whom he divorced):

* "Raybert": Natasha goes to Ray's house to pick up Robert for their date [[labelnote:Note]](Robert was pretending to be Ray in this episode to pick up chicks)[[/labelnote]], and has a comical misunderstanding with Debra, including being told by Robert that Debra was ''dead''. Even better, after this exchange occurs, an oblivious Ray hops down the stairs loudly singing "BEACH BABY, BEACH BABY, THERE ON THE SAND-"

* In "Snow Day", a slightly drunk Ray is trying to convince Debra that she ''should'' consider herself better than his family, pointing out all their annoying habits. When he gets to Robert, he lists off some of his quirks, eventually arriving at, "He separates his 'Good&Plenties' into 'Goods' and 'Plenties'!" He pushes a reluctant Robert to explain which is which...

* From "The Kicker:"

* In "Season's Greetings", Debra reads what another family said about them in a Christmas letter:

* "Tissues": Ray asks Marie if she can take the kids for dinner that night, and Marie accepts: "They could use a home-cooked meal." Cue annoyed look from Debra.

* "Cookies": The ShoutOut to ''Theatre/GlengarryGlenRoss'': "A.B.C.: Always. Be. Closing."

* "Lucky Suit": Marie "accidentally" burns Robert's lucky suit while ironing, so he has to wear a different suit to the interview with the FBI. Before Agent Garfield comes in, Robert's still fuming.

* "The Skit": Ray is recruited to do a speech for Lee and Stan's anniversary. He protests that he barely knows them:

* In "The Breakup Tape", Ray wonders just what presents Debra's past boyfriends had given her over the years.

* Just the basic concept of "Talk to Your Daughter": Ray decides to give Ally TheTalk to prove to Debra how responsible he is as a parent... only to be ''completely'' thrown for a loop [[WiseBeyondTheirYears when Ally instead wants to know the meaning of life.]]

* In "Call Me Mom", this line: "Did your mom tell you not to call my mom "Mom"?"

* "A Vote for Debra": At the election fundraiser, Guy talks to Ray about the candidates:

* From "Mother's Day":
** Marie's incredibly passive-aggressive "apology" to Debra:

* "The Bigger Person": Frank calling Robert a "dainty duck".

* In "The First Time", Marie invites the family pastor over to Debra's apartment to intervene, because she thinks that Ray and Debra are going to have pre-marital sex. Marie was able to lure the pastor to their place by saying they're having lasagna. After a bit of family bickering, the pastor stands up and says, "Wait a minute! Is there even a lasagna here?!"

* In "Cult", when Robert says he joined a cult to receive love:

* In "Counseling", when Ray and Debra get home from their first marriage counseling session, the first words out of Marie's mouth:

* In "Homework", Ray comes home from work and the first words out of Debra's mouth are: "Oh good, get in there, Ally needs help with her homework." After a pause, [[ScrewThisImOuttaHere Ray walks back out the door.]]

* "Pet the Bunny": The episode revolves around Ray recalling a memory of Frank petting the family bunny when he was a kid, and putting it in Frank's practice eulogy. When Garvin and Stan find out, they tease him by taking it to extremes:

* "Who Am I?": Ray and Debra attend a book reading where the speaker describes his time in the jungle. At first Ray pays attention, but a dissolve to later, and Ray is asleep and leans over on Debra. She nudges him awake in the eye with her elbow, and Ray loudly complains: "You poked my eye out!" [[FeeFiFauxPas The speaker has an eye patch.]]

* In "Robert Needs Money", when Robert and Ray are arguing over the thousand dollars Ray gifted him to pay for bills (Which Robert used to go to Las Vegas), Robert compares the money to the gift of a chair: "Here, Robert, I gave you this chair. Don't sit like this, sit like this!" It's the voice he uses.

* In "The Sigh", Ray's annoyance at how unkempt the kids keep their bathroom:

* In "The Annoying Kid":

* In "She's the One", Ray just witnesses Robert's new girlfriend do something very disturbing after dinner at their house and tells Robert and Debra in the kitchen:

* In "Marie's Vision", when Marie is faced with evidence even she can't deny that her eyesight is failing, she sadly walks out of the room. Cut to Ray, Debra and Robert looking concerned and sympathetic. [[MoodWhiplash Then cut to Frank.]]

* "The Thought That Counts": When Debra says Ray never gets her anything thoughtful as a gift:

* In "Grandpa Steals", Marie and Robert painting Frank more like a dog than a human being.

* In "Somebody Hates Raymond", Robert getting annoyed at Ray obsessing over Jerry Musso claiming he hated Ray:

* "Just a Formality": Robert goes to Hank and Patricia [=MacDougall=]'s house to ask for Amy's hand in marriage. He assumes they'll say yes, but even after Hank and Pat warmly smile at each other, Hank tells him: "No."

* In "The Disciplinarian," Ray's punishment for Michael and Jeffrey goes over-the-top: No TV for a month, they have to go to bed at noon, and no Christmas and Easter. Also funny is his villain-esque line as he leaves their room: "Sweet dreams, gentlemen!"

* "Sweet Charity": Jean, the surly nurse, is full of funny lines:

* "Meeting the Parents":
** Ray and Debra show up to Amy's apartment. Marie and Frank are already there, with Frank playing keep-away with a muffin from Marie, and everyone's shouting. Ray sees one second of this and [[ScrewThisImOuttaHere backs out.]]

* In "The Plan", Ray convinces Robert to fake incompetence when creating the wedding invitations so that Amy will do it herself and he won't have to do any more work. This backfires when Robert makes the mistakes too obvious, and when Debra finds out, she accuses Ray of doing the same with her throughout their entire married lives.

* In "Sleepover at Peggy's": Debra tells Ray that he has to take Ally over to Molly's house; Ray is reluctant because Molly's mother is his arch-nemesis Peggy.

* The start of "Who's Next?" has a great MoodWhiplash:

* In "The Shower", the scene where Robert comes across Debra in jail for drunk driving.

* "Baggage": Robert comes in and Ray's eating various cheeses, which was a gift from someone he got a job for.

* "The Bachelor Party": The reveal that Ray, Robert, and Gianni playing cards is ''Robert's bachelor party''.

* "Robert's Wedding":
** Debra comes in and Ray's not dressed yet:

* No doubt the funniest scene in the pilot, and a scene which was [[CallBack referenced]] many times later in the series:

* "I Wish I Were Gus": Robert's "HOUUUGGGHHH!" noise at the funeral.
* In "Captain Nemo", Dave, Kevin and Andy interrupting Ray's shower and imitating him.

* In "Diamonds", Debra's frantically searching for her lost wedding ring:

* "The Game": This line from Frank, when they're going to play "Scruples":

* In "Neighbors", Ray tells the priest at the confessional about his problems with his parents and how he's finding it difficult to honor them. In the course of their talk, the priest goes into an anecdote about a former member of the church council who he had difficulty working with ("I used to fantasize about him converting to Judaism..."). Then he offhandedly mentions the man's name was Frank...

* "Fascinating Debra": Debra leaves the room and that's when Marie and Frank come in, who the TV therapist finds more fascinating than Debra. She comes downstairs to find Frank with his hands over his ears, singing "I'm not listening anymore, doo-dah!" and Marie repeatedly telling him to shut up.
* "Why Are We Here?": Ray's speech to Debra about the perfect radius to live from Marie and Frank: Too close, and they're over all the time. Too far, and their visits become overnight visits. Also any of young Debra's HilariousInHindsight comments about how great it would be to live across the street from Marie and Frank, and Ray warning her it's a bad idea.

--> '''Sam''': You see, this is what I love about this man. My own father candy-coated everything: ''(mocking)'' "Oh, you're great, you can do anything, I love you", blah blah blah blah blah." Thank you, Mr. Barone. ''(walks out; Frank turns around with a smug smirk on his face)''

--> '''Ray''': (to Debra) I regret not loving you more. Yes, you deserve all the love that can fit in the ocean.\\
(Frank laughs)\\

'''Frank''': All right. (clears throat) I would love it if you were in the ocean.

* "Pat's Secret": Robert sees Pat outside and goes to check on her. She initially responds with head nods, and then it's revealed why: She was holding in some cigarette smoke. She finally lets out a cloud of it, but tries to cover:

--> '''Frank''': What am I now? Just a list of cable channels and a big pile of bacon waiting to die!

** During the photo shoot, Ray stops taking pictures and says "You're not believable as a person."
---> '''Robert''': It just so happens that Herbert thought I was "a joy to photograph!"\\
'''Ray''': Herbert didn't have any ''FILM IN THE CAMERA!!!''

-->'''Amy''': One time, in church choir, we were singing 'What a Friend We Have in Jesus', but my friend and I sang 'what a friend we have in ''Cheese-Its''.'
** Ray talks about how he hated a French teacher when he was in school, Monsier [=LeFevre=]:
--> '''Ray''': We had to memorize these French dialogues from records, and at the end of the sentence it would go, "beep!" And you had to repeat the sentence. Like, uh, "Ou est Sylvie?" Beep. "A la piscine", beep. So one day, l go, "Monsieur [=LeFevre=]! Do French people really beep like that?" Yeah. He got mad. You know why? 'Cause it got a big laugh.\\

* Any time Ray does [[ThrowItIn multiple variations in a scene.]] In "Robert's Date", for example, Ray makes up a new punchline every time Robert asks him where he got his new suit. Pretty much every one of them cracks up Brad Garrett.

* [[https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vWiPLhJ8-ZM This promo]] created for AMC Theaters in 1999. Among other things, Robert [[NoodleIncident apparently had]] [[PottyEmergency some bathroom problems]] when they saw ''Film/Titanic1997'', Marie reveals that she sneaked a lasagna into the theater since [[ComicallyMissingThePoint the concession doesn't serve it]], and Raymond ends up being overjoyed when he learns that the entire family will have to sit apart.