History Funny / DiariesOfAMadman

-->'''Navarone:''' Look, Princess, I’m not good at [[AnAesop the Aesops]]. Given the choice, I would have just taken my crossbow down there and deep sixed that sumbitch. It would have dealt with this asshole, though it probably would have made the rest of the ponies in town pretty terrified. But to be quite honest, I don't really give a damn anymore. If they don’t want to accept me, fuck 'em. With these wings growing out of my back, I’m here in this world to stay.

-->'''Navarone:''' Eh, I'm unimportant anyway. If anyone’s aiming, it’ll be for you.

-->'''Navarone:''' [[ExactWords You never said I couldn't get help]].

-->'''Navarone:''' …Taya? (sees her running away down the hall) [[FauxHorrific Man, she must really hate the idea of filly games]].

-->'''Navarone''': So you aren’t bringing guards?
-->'''Celestia''': [[BodyguardingABadass I won’t need them]]. I prefer not having them when I go on hoof.
-->'''Navarone''': Eh, I’m unimportant anyway. If anyone’s aiming, it’ll be for you.
-->'''Celestia''': [[DeadpanSnarker Your concern for my well-being is touching]].
-->'''Navarone''': Hey, I’d miss you! But I prefer living too much to [[TakingTheBullet take a bullet for you]]. I’d definitely [[HowDareYouDieOnMe hold your blood in]] and [[RageAgainstTheHeavens rage at the heavens]] if you got hurt, of course.
-->'''Celestia''': My hero.

-->'''Celestia''': And what did you learn, Navarone?
-->'''Navarone''': Ponies are occasionally kickass friends.
-->'''Celestia''': Try again.
-->'''Navarone''': Uh. If some dick comes to challenge me to a duel, tell the princess on him?
-->'''Celestia''': One more time.
-->'''Navarone''': Look, Princess, I’m not good at [[AnAesop the Aesops]]. Given the choice, I would have just taken my crossbow down there and deep sixed that sumbitch. It would have dealt with this asshole, though it probably would have made the rest of the ponies in town pretty terrified. But to be quite honest, I don’t really give a damn anymore. If they don’t want to accept me, fuck ‘em. With these wings growing out of my back, I’m here in this world to stay.
-->'''Celestia''': I’m going to pretend you stopped three sentences sooner. Now give it a proper ending.
-->'''Navarone''': [[AndThatWouldBeWrong …And that would be bad?]]
-->'''Celestia''': Close enough.

-->'''Navarone''': I don’t know what came over Twilight. She knows I hate getting thrown out windows.
-->'''Rarity''': She’s done this to you before?
-->'''Navarone''': No, but she’s smart. She should know that no one likes being thrown out windows.

-->'''Rarity''': I don’t see ''why'' you have such an unreasonable detestation toward the fashion industry, Navarone. You really must get that sorted out. Maybe this is a chance to do that!
-->'''Navarone''': I’m quite fine with my irrational hatreds, actually. They help keep me warm at night, when I’m alone and unable to sleep.

-->'''Navarone''': I have this picture in my head now of me riding into Washington, DC astride a huge, majestic dragon, my wings fully outspread and a sword held high above my head, proclaiming that spot the new Mecca of the world, where I would rule humanity as a god emperor…
-->'''Twilight''': [[DeadpanSnarker You have an overactive imagination]].

-->'''Navarone''': Taya, activate cuteness!

-->'''Navarone''': …Taya? (sees her running away down the hall) [[FauxHorrific Man, she must really hate the idea of filly games]].
-->'''Cadance''': Navarone, what are you doing?
-->'''Navarone''': Getting ready to run from another princess. You?
-->'''Cadance''': Hunting down humans and forcing them to listen to relationship advice. You know, the usual.

-->'''Twilight''': Navarone, you really have a problem. Why can’t you just admit it?
-->'''Navarone''': Oh, I know you’re right. I do run from my problems. What I’m trying to figure out is why that’s a bad thing.
-->'''Twilight''' Running from me is what made me [[ItMakesSenseInContext angry enough to poison you]].
-->'''Navarone''': I got better.
-->'''Fluttershy''': Running from my home had you flying through town wounded and naked.
-->'''Navarone''': [[ComicallyMissingThePoint I got better from that and no one really commented on the whole nudity thing]].

-->'''Celestia''': I should disqualify you for cheating, Nav.
-->'''Navarone''': [[ExactWords You never said I couldn’t get help]].
-->'''Celestia''': That’s why I said I ''should'' disqualify you. Twilight, what were you thinking?
-->'''Twilight''': He had his crossbow hidden! He just said he was going to give you a surprise!
-->'''Celestia''': It was definitely surprising.

-->'''Navarone''': Taya quick! Use cuteness!
-->'''Taya''': *uses her PuppyDogEyes on Rarity*
-->'''Rarity''': *raises an eyebrow*
-->'''Navarone''': It isn’t working! Cute harder!
-->'''Rarity''': *face-hoof*
-->'''Navarone''': She’s growing weak. Quick, finish her with a hug!

-->'''Navarone''': Sup, Marshmallow?
-->'''Rarity''': Don’t you ‘sup marshmallow’ me!
-->'''Navarone''': Taya, activate cuteness!
-->'''Taya''': (after curling up in Nav's lap, voice cracking) You… you aren’t gonna hurt my daddy, are you?
-->'''Rarity''': That’s cheating!

-->'''Navarone''': So Rock, how’s the job as a guard captain?
-->'''Rock''': I got demoted.
-->'''Jocasta''': He spent too much time hitting things and not enough time guarding things. By all rights, he should have been arrested.

-->'''Navarone''': And what did the building do?
-->'''Rock''': Blocked my pursuit of a criminal—
-->'''Jocasta''': That turned out to be innocent.
-->'''Rock''': —''[[InsistentTerminology A criminal]]''. I removed the building. By the time I got to the other side, I realized someone else had already caught him.
-->'''Navarone''': What was the building?
-->'''Rock''': Some kind of hospital or orphanage or something. I don’t pay attention to collateral damage.

-->'''Kat''': I remember that. Those orphans were whining for days!

-->'''Derpy''': Oh, hey Nav! I was trying to get to my kitchen to get some milk.
-->'''Navarone''': Uh. I think you took a few wrong turns. How did you get here?
-->'''Derpy''': I am not a clever pony.

-->'''Navarone''': Sup, Can-can?
-->'''Cadance''': What? Where did that even come up?
-->'''Navarone''': …I honestly don’t know. Let’s just pretend I never said that.

--> '''Navarone''': (stepping down out of the chariot) Twilight, you coming?
--> '''Twilight''': You bet I did!

--> '''Chrysalis''': [[IToldYouSo Don't you dare say it.]]

--> '''Celestia''': Come along, Twilight.
* After the first tournament, Celestia states that Navarone's effortless win was hideous and entirely out of the spirit of the tournament, which is [[BlatantLies obviously]] [[AintNoRule false.]] What makes this hilarious is that she's clearly [[LetsYouAndHimFight used these tactics before]], many a time: what she takes exception to is the fact that Navarone used them in a ''[[{{Hypocrite}} blatantly obvious way,]]'' thus showing off what she's been doing this whole time.
--> '''Celestia''': What you did was nothing short of brilliant, and yet at the same time so darkly underhanded that I feel dirty congratulating you for it.

* After the first tournament, Celestia states that Navarone's effortless win was hideous and entirely out of the spirit of the tournament, which is [[BlatantLies obviously]] [[AintNoRule false.]] What makes this hilarious is that she's clearly used these tactics before, many a time: what she takes exception to is the fact that Navarone used them in a ''[[{{Hypocrite}} blatantly obvious way,]]'' thus showing off what she's been doing this whole time.

--> '''Celestia''': Come along, Twilight.

--> '''Chrysalis''': [[IToldYouSo Don't you dare say it.]]

* Almost every interaction Nav has with Braeburn.

-->'''Navarone''': [[AndThatsTerrible …And that would be bad?]]

--> '''Twilight''': You bet I did!

-->'''Navarone''': …I honestly don’t know. Let’s just pretend I never said that.

-->'''Derpy''': I am not a clever pony.

* Spike getting drunk during Shining Armor's bachelor party, and mailing Celestia a bunch of sex toys. And some pony's mustache.

* Nav stealing Celestia's crown, and everyone else's responses. Rarity screams with horror when she finds out Nav has placed it on her head, AJ barely reacts, Rainbow poses for pictures while wearing it, and Sweetie Belle's mind temporarily shuts down.

-->'''Celestia''': My hero.

-->'''Rainbow Dash''' Running from Luna ended up with you almost dying in the throne room.
-->'''Navarone''': I got better from that, too.

-->'''Rarity''': Navarone, please…
-->'''Taya''': *hugs Rarity*
-->'''Rarity''': Okay, fine, you win.
-->'''Navarone''': Awesome. Taya, you can stop now if you want.
-->'''Rarity''': Only you would think of weaponizing cuteness, Nav.

-->'''Celestia''': It was definitely surprising.

-->'''Navarone''': I got better from that and no one really commented on the whole nudity thing.

-->'''Celestia''': [[DeadpanSnarker Your concern for my well-being is touching.]]

-->'''Twilight''': [[DeadpanSnarker You have an overactive imagination]].

-->'''Navarone''': No, but she’s smart. She should know that no one likes being thrown out windows.