History Funny / Cyberpunk2077

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[[folder:Phantom Liberty]]

'''Judy''': Finally. Let's just hope three hours of sit-in' on our asses hasn't meant the difference 'neonate life and death for her.

--> '''Dennis:''' If it was a box of bananas, I'd have used the post office! I have a car waiting. Coordinates are on your GPS.\\

-->'''Pete:''' after a restart, hold the button on the left side of the panel for 5 sec
-->'''Pete:''' then in the command input, enter: current user /add, ADMIN = YES
-->'''Pete:''' tbh that's it, should be up and running
-->'''Izaiah:''' nova! huge thanks man!!
-->'''Pete:''' Ahhh, wait Izaiah! Big goof on my part there
-->'''Pete:''' you need to tag ACTIVE=YES onto the end of that command or else it'll still read you as hostile
-->'''Pete:''' [[PoorCommunicationKills hope I didn't catch you too late with that one haha]]
-->'''Pete:''' lemme know if it all shakes out alright, ok?
-->'''Pete:''' Z-man...?

--> '''Dexter:''' S'why y'all why you got a fixer, anyone try to fuck with you, they first gotta fuck their way through Dex Deshawn's three-hundred-pound ass.

** Alternatively, a V with a high enough Body stat can just pry open the door while Fingers is still in the middle of operating on a patient. He is ‘’not’’ pleased.

-->'''Doll''' Everybody gotta wait their turn, that’s the rule.\\
[…]\\
'''Judy''': Finally. Let’s just hope three hours of sit-in’ on our asses hasn’t meant the difference ‘neonate life and death for her.

--> Goro: ^._.^

---> '''Johnny Silverhand:''' ''Time to party like it's 2023.''

--> '''Jesse:''' Hey...listen...thanks for not laughing at me. Appreciate it.\\

-->'''V:''' Well, Clarice? Have the flamingos stopped screaming?

** V can bluntly tell the “kitty claws” to fuck off.

-->'''V''': ''(exasperated)'' You know, you're allowed to say you don't have a clue.

-->'''Johnny:''' Christ, V. Can't believe you're makin' me fuck a cop. [[BrainBleach Gonna go plug my ears, gouge out my eyes]].

* The quest ''Raymond Chandler Evening'' is a serious sidequest about a friendly bar owner wondering if his wife is cheating on him, since his son looks nothing like his father. [[spoiler:As it turns out, it's because the wife changed her appearance through swapping chrome so the son looks nothing like her, rather than him]]. But during the whole tailing part of the quest, Johnny narrates it as a film noir, complete with slang. Not only that, he's clearly hamming it up, and V can only get more and more frustrated. Fortunately, the tailing here is very simple to do without messing up, so it's easier to enjoy Johnny messing with V.

--> '''V:''' ''(to Nancy)'' Kerry Eurodyne sent me.\\

-->'''Skippy:''' The fuck is wrong with you? Please go see a therapist, you psycho.

-->'''Johnny:''' Let's get one thing straight, [[ITakeOffenseToThatLastOne I never touched vodka.]] Bourbon, whiskey, and tequila - that was my crowd.

--->'''Johnny:''' Piss-poor acoustics, that place. Lighting came a close second. Grub was the worst.
--->'''Johnny:''' 'Course, the chicks made up for that. Best pussy I ever ate.

* The side quest ''Waiting for Dodger'' shows two absolutely incompetent dirty cops named Bill and Charles that V must rescue from a drug drop in a former police station overtaken by Dodger, a high-ranking member of BARGHEST. When you arrive, you quickly find out the ''downright cartoonish'' shenanigans that led the duo to this situation. [[spoiler:Put simply, the two cops learned that a drug addict had stolen seven ounces of powerful drugs from Dodger. The two cops find the addict, and bring him to Dodger's base with the drugs. With the addict in an interrogation room, ''uncuffed(!)'', Charles drops the seven ounce bag on the table directly in front of the addict. The addict promptly screams ''"fuck you, pigs!"'' and swallows the entire seven ounce bag. Unfortunately, the bag bursts, and the perp dies of an overdose on the spot. Panicking, the two cops hurriedly disembowel the perp on the interrogation room's table and cut him open in hopes of saving the drugs, getting blood all over both themselves and the room. However, they fail to consider that since perp just overdosed, the drugs are already dissolved, and thus there was no saving the drugs anyway; effectively, they gutted him and covered themselves in blood ''for absolutely nothing''. So with a disemboweled perp in the middle of Dodger's base and ''zero'' drugs to show for it, Bill and Charles naturally believe they're ''screwed'', and Bill calls his wife and begs her to send for help, who hires V to go and rescue them.]] It is such a ''ludicrous'' story that should you tell the truth to Dodger when he shows up, [[spoiler: he promptly ''laughs his ass off'' and, provided you didn't kill his men, is perfectly willing to ''let them go unharmed'' because he considers ''a story like that'' to be well worth the lost product in exchange.]] Suffice to say, it's absolutely played for laughs and is a very lighthearted sidequest in an otherwise dark DLC.

--->'''V:''' Let me put this way - this is the last time I do for a gig for the badges.\\

** For an epilogue, V can tamper with it even more and crank its nonsense up to eleven to set the EpilepticTrees guessing in the Bartmoss Collective over the top. Really, at that point calling it "nonsense" would be charitable; where before you could mistake it for profound if you tried, V's meddling starts it spouting stuff like "'''You are as clever as a cow'''," and "'''Without pants there is no innovation'''." And the Collective treats them equally seriously.