History Funny / Civilization

** Kristina's delegation offers you "bandy sticks, pickled herring, lingonsylt, and knäckebröd". She advises you not to eat the bandy sticks. In case you're unaware, a bandy stick is more or less just a shorter ''hockey stick''. Makes you [[NoodleIncident wonder how her previous delegations went...]] It's also possible she thinks you're too uncultured to realize they're not food.

** Pericles, leader of the Greeks, reassures you that his gifts [[TrojanHorse don't include a giant wooden horse.]]

--> "I suppose you think art is great when [[Film/TheBigLebowski it ties a room together]], you philistine."

** In Civ V, the AI has various traits between 1~10 scores. Different leaders had different "tendencies" in these scores, which vary between games by 1-2 points in either direction. For example, America's likelihood to conquer city-states is an average 4 but between games can vary between 2 and 6 in value. Mahatma Gandhi's "Use Of Nukes" score in ''Civ V'' is a '''hard-fixed 12!''' [[UpToEleven In a 10-point rank system!]]

* On a darker note: when a humble worthless puny pathetic civilization gets destroyed bythe players superior awesome technologically advanced military for the sake of resources, or just for -ehem- "fun", it just makes you want to pull a maniacal EvilLaugh. Even when they instigate and crash their army into your superior defenses, it can still evoke this. Having too many delegates in the World Congress and taking unfair advantage of it is also pretty funny.

* Some strategic resources can only be seen rather late into the game, sometimes where you least expect. For example, finding out the location of your first uranium deposit [[IAteWhat is the same place as your first farm]].

--> "I suppose you think art is great when it ties a room together, you philistine."

* The infamous "spearman vs. tank" battles that resulted in the icon on Civfanatics - it's a burning tank with a confused {{Emoticon}} next to a rejoicing spearman. [[http://apolyton.net/upload/view/12704_spearvstank.gif Actually seeing it in action.]]

* Some of the Historic Moment announcements, such as if you found a religion but aren't the first to do so:
--> ''(Insert Religion Name) is the true path of salvation! Please ignore all those other ones!''
** Another one is for building a high-adjacency Commercial Hub:

* Robert the Bruce, leader of Scotland, has the agenda Flower of Scotland, which makes him like leaders at peace with their neighbors and dislike leaders at war with them. Seems nice enough... until your warmongering neighbor declares war on you and [[UsefulNotes/VictimBlaming he gets angry at you for being in a war with them.]]

* Robert the Bruce, leader of Scotland, has the agenda Flower of Scotland, which makes him like leaders at peace with their neighbors and dislike leaders at war with them. Seems nice enough... until your neighbor declares war on you and [[UsefulNotes/VictimBlaming he gets angry at you for being in a war with them.]]

* The ''Heroes and Legends'' game mode introduces a number of

* Gandhi, man of peace and reason, [[OOCIsSeriousBusiness threatening you with nuclear weapons]]. This is an AscendedGlitch from the original Civilisation game cause by a buffer underflow. Gandhi's aggressiveness was originally set at 1, but if it was lowered beyond 0 (for example, if his country's government type was a democracy) it rolled under 0 to '''''[[BeyondTheImpossible 255 out of 10.]]''''' The devs have kept this stat in since it's so unexpected and so funny to see a war-mongering leader be '''Mahatma Gandhi.'''

* The hilarity of achievement names continue:

--> ''I know the world is beating a path to your tourist sites, but be warned! Our people possess [[AscendedMeme blue jeans and rock music]] and we are not afraid to use them.

* The Historic Moment announcement if you found a religion, but aren't the first to do so:

* Civ IV features Creator/LeonardNimoy narrating a famous quote each time you research a technology. When you research satellites, he quotes Sputnik: "Beep... beep... beep... beep...."

* Find a city state at total war with a major civ. Gift the city state a lot of highly advanced units, and they may be able to conquer the major civ's cities, keeping the ones with wonders and burning the rest to the ground.

** Several of the achievements are all about performing actions that highlight the absurdity of the game mechanics, so as airdropping a unit of ancient-era slingers. One of them hangs a lampshade on the lot - the achievement for having a Roman Legion clear some nuclear contamination is "Missed that day in history class".
* Poland's culture-bomb ability will destroy any incomplete wonder occupying a stolen tile. The name of the achievement for doing so? [[WhatTheHellPlayer You Are a Terrible Person]].

** Many of the leaders will respond to aggression by condescension or insults. [[LargeHam Kupe]] does them one better: declare war on the Maori, and not only will Kupe completely fail to take you seriously, [[https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=TWjzRnZ6PRk but he'll ruthlessly patronize you for even trying.]] Note that when he says "good job, mate," he gives the player a big, cheesy thumbs up.

* City-states will go to war together with their suzerain (ie. the civ with the most influence over them). Nothing prevents you from sending further envoys to a city-state whose suzerain you go to war with, so in longer wars, city-states may [[HeelFaceRevolvingDoor switch sides several times]]. In ''Rise and Fall'', becoming the suzerain of a city-state you were previously at war with also gives you era points, making it even more attractive to win city-states over this way.

* In ''Call To Power'', destroying an enemy lawyer unit [[ThereIsNoKillLikeOverkill with a fusion tank]].
-->'''Fusion tank''': ''[Powers up railgun]''
-->'''Lawyer''': ''[Brandishing a writ]'' You're served!
-->'''Fusion tank''': ''[ZAP]''

* Civ IV features Creator/LeonardNimoy narrating a famous quote each time you research a technology. When you research satellites, he quotes Sputnik: "Beep... beep... beep... beep...."

** Muhammad (Great Prophet) is used to establish Christianity in 600BC
* Starting from at least Civ IV, both Angkor Wat and Chichen Itza are represented both as wonders ''and'' as cities for the [=Khmer/Siamese=] and Mayans, respectively. They can even exist simultaneously, so you could have the ridiculous situation where [[MindScrew the Mayans capture Chichen Itza from Angkor Wat, after they just finished building Angkor Wat in Chichen Itza]].

** Relatedly, [[UsefulNotes/{{Byzantium}} Theodora's]] diplomacy screen in ''V'' shows the Hagia Sophia, even if ''you'' built the Hagia Sophia yourself.
* Gandhi, man of peace and reason, [[OOCIsSeriousBusiness threatening you with nuclear weapons]].
** In Civ V, the AI has various traits between 1~10 scores. Different leaders had different "tendencies" in these scores, which vary between games by 1-2 points in either direction. For example, America's likelihood to conquer city-states is an average 4 but between games can vary between 2 and 6 in value. Mahatma Gandhi's "Use Of Nukes" score in ''Civ V'' is a '''hard-fixed 12!''' [[UpToEleven In a 10-point rank system!]] This is in reference to an AscendedGlitch from the original Civilisation game, which created a buffer underflow when Gandhi's aggressiveness is set at 1, but if it was lowered beyond 0 (for example, if his country's government type was a democracy) it rolled under 0 to '''''[[BeyondTheImpossible 255 out of 10.]]''''' The devs have kept this stat in since it's so unexpected and so funny to see a war-mongering leader be '''Mahatma Gandhi.'''

** In Civ VI, Gandhi's secret agenda has an increased chance of being 'Nuke Happy'.
** Also in ''VI'', even with the option of having Chandragupta as the leader on India, Gandhi's nuke-happy personality crept in to a Chandragupta-ruled India, as you can get the achievement "I Thought We'd Moved Past This Joke" if you successfully launched a nuke when playing as Chandragupta.
* The names of many achievements in ''Civ V''.
** If you fail to build enough wonders before the other cultures do (once another culture finishes a wonder, you lose the chance to finish yours), you earn an achievement called "Seriously?!"
** A (never implemented) achievement is called "Cat Fight". You get it by being a female leader and declaring war on every other female leader on the map at once.
** What's the achievement for killing an enemy spy trying to steal a technology? [[{{Pun}} Whack a]] [[TheMole Mole]].
** If you win a science victory as Poland, the achievements will tell you that, yes, [[{{Webcomic/Polandball}} Poland can into space]].
* The description of the [[HumongousMecha Giant Death Robot]] in ''Civilization V'':
-->''The "mech" is a [[HumongousMecha giant bipedal mechanical robot]] armed with a [[MacrossMissileMassacre variety of missiles]], [[GatlingGood Gatling gun arms]], [[EyeBeams laser-beam eyes]], and a deadly kung-fu punch. Although not currently found on the modern battlefield, no doubt across the world governments and evil corporations are secretly developing these metal behemoths even as we speak. When these mechs come into service, all of the world’s other weaponry will become obsolete, and humanity’s fate will be decided by a climactic battle between armies of good and evil mechs in the streets of downtown [[TokyoIsTheCenterOfTheUniverse Tokyo]]. (Assuming that the [[Franchise/{{Godzilla}} giant radioactive monsters]] don’t get us first.)''
* Kinda dark, when a humble worthless puny pathetic civilization destroyed in the players superior awesome technologically advanced military for the sake of resource or just for -ehem- "fun", just want to make you laugh maniacally evil. Even when they instigate and crash their army into your superior defenses, it can still evoke this. Having too many delegates in the World Congress and taking unfair advantage of it is also pretty funny.

* In ''Civilization 5'', whenever [[LargeHam Montezuma]] is angry with you.
* Also from ''Civ 5'', Harald Bluetooth's reaction when you defeat him: after looking [[OhCrap absurdly shocked]] for a second, he [[ScrewThisImOuttaHere takes off his helmet and throws it off his boat as he stomps offscreen,]] all the while trash-talking in Danish. [[BrickJoke And you don't hear the helmet hit the water until ''just'' before he leaves.]] [[BilingualBonus To clarify his speech]], he says, "What is this treachery? Loki must have been by your side, for no ordinary could have defeated me."
* When you first encounter Babylon, you see Nebuchadnezzar sitting on a huge stone throne, in a '''very''' creepy, dark palace, and the only light sources are torches lit with creepy green fire as he casually sips wine from a golden chalice--[[MoodWhiplash and then he flinches and drops said chalice on the floor as he speaks, as if he ''only noticed you just now.'']]
* [[http://img.4plebs.org/boards/pol/image/1453/51/1453519728880.jpg "We are an enlightened people, who seek the peaceful exchange of knowledge with others."]] Background: [[{{Irony}} a city in flames]].
* Pachacuti often [[http://cloud-4.steamusercontent.com/ugc/537394315975387994/6F3773F91FCF77413A0BDC378DF21A33B59F6235/ lacks modesty in his greetings.]]
* Virtually every leader has some comment whenever you attack them. But Pacal? [[EvilLaugh He just laughs at you]]. Funnier still, is if you get a generic "You fool, you have made a terrible mistake," message when you do so - as if the ''game'' is warning you for declaring war against him.
-->'''Pacal''' (''Attacked''): He ha ha ha ha ha ha.
* In ''V'', find a city state at total war with a major civ. Gift the city state a lot of highly advanced units, and they may be able to conquer the major civ's cities, keeping the ones with wonders and burning the rest to the ground.
* "You have discovered scrolls of ancient wisdom." "Robotics" (Or for some meta fun "Writing")
** In a similar vein, in ''Revolution'', moving into the space where a friendly village is has a chance of finishing research on whatever technology you're working on discovering. ''Whatever'' technology. Even "Space Flight" or the nebulous "Future Technology". There's a lot more going on under those straw roofs than you might guess.
** On the opposite end of the spectrum, you might defeat a Barbarian Village and be rewarded with a "strange sea-going craft": The Galley. It's the weakest watercraft both offensively and defensively, it's tied with the Submarine for lowest Movement ability, and it's the only one that cannot venture into deep water. Kinda makes you wonder how he'd react to Cruisers and Battleships... which might very well be around when you get this reward.
* The ''Civ IV: Warlords'' [[https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=j1dn1J5_BwA&list=PL7401BEA3C675EB70 Teleconferences]], in which UsefulNotes/GeorgeWBush and UsefulNotes/TonyBlair deal with the expansion's new features.

* Some strategic resources can only be seen rather late into the game, sometimes where you least expect. For example, finding out the location of your first uranium deposit [[IAteWhat is the same place as your first farm]].
** And then there's if it spawns [[FridgeHorror under your capital... the most tourist-heavy city in the world]].
* A bit meta, but the fact that Siam's unique building in ''V'' (the Wat) was involved in [[GoodBadBugs an infamous early glitch]], and is still abused along with Legalism in some strategies makes [[PunnyName its name]] all the more amusing ("Four free universities. [[FlatWhat Wat.]]").
* In ''Civilization V'' multiplayer under the diplomacy tab, there is an easily accessible "Declare War" button right [[CapsLockNumLockMissilesLock next to each player's name]]. This often results in accidental declarations of war.
* Like ''Civ V'', the narrator for ''Civilization VI'' appears as a character in the intro scene. He is voiced by the very awesome Creator/SeanBean... who unfortunately [[ChronicallyKilledActor dies just before the intro ends]]. Apparently, Sean himself didn't know about this [[https://www.pcgamesn.com/civilization-vi/sean-bean-civilization-6-die until he was asked the relevant question]].
* The leader screens in ''Civ VI'' have one or two funny moments as well.
** Upon first meeting Frederick Barbarossa, he introduces himself by listing all of the lands he rules over -- Germany, Italy, Burgundy... -- before seemingly forgetting the rest and waving it off, saying, "and many, many more."
** When you receive a denunciation from the English empire, you are treated to the sight of Her Majesty, Queen Victoria... [[https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=E_-UkKwfeDo throwing a tantrum like an upset teenager.]]
** Kristina of Sweden (from ''Gathering Storm''), practically ignores you during diplomatic proceeding. Instead she reads a book. When denouncing you, she will [[https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=DOWxOpQG9Rg almost throw it at you, stop, then hug it to her chest like a baby]].
* In ''VI'' several tech descriptions (like for [[Film/MontyPythonsLifeOfBrian Sanitation]]) are from Creator/MontyPython. That's funny enough in itself. Now imagine Creator/SeanBean of all people reading the "What have the Romans ever done for us" quote.
* Several of the Steam achievements in ''VI'' are all about performing actions that highlight the absurdity of the game mechanics, so as airdropping a unit of ancient-era slingers. One of them hangs a lampshade on the lot - the achievement for having a Roman Legion clear some nuclear contamination is "Missed that day in history class".
* On the rare occasion that Gandhi declares war on you in ''Civilization VI'', this is what he'll say:
-->'''Gandhi:''' [[{{Hypocrite}} I can engage in this war without sacrificing my morals.]] [[HandWave Don't ask me how, you wouldn't understand.]]
** To a minor extent, there's Gandhi's quote when he declares war on you in ''Civilization V'', [[BilingualBonus where he states]] "[[{{Understatement}} I have just received a report that large numbers of my troops have crossed your borders]]", the implication being that the "declaration of war" wasn't actually made by [[ActualPacifist Gandhi]], but by a GeneralRipper [[Main/RightHandVersusLeftHand who took his troops into your country without Gandhi's consent]]. What makes it funny is that what could come across as BlatantLies [[SincerityMode is delivered so seriously by Gandhi]] that it makes him less like the MemeticPsychopath propped up by the Civilization series, and more of a PuppetKing [[ExtremeDoormat who's absolutely powerless to stop his generals from launching wars without his knowledge]].
* In ''Civilization VI,'' Poland's culture-bomb ability will destroy any incomplete wonder occupying a stolen tile. The name of the achievement for doing so? [[WhatTheHellPlayer You Are a Terrible Person]].
* Offer an already-angry Hojo Tokimune a terrible deal in ''VI'', and he'll do a beautifully animated DoubleTake.
* Robert the Bruce in ''VI'' can be seen [[CaptainMorganPose putting his foot up on an off-screen stool]] in his leader scenes. While that is somewhat amusing in itself, the funny part is that when war is declared on Scotland, he reacts by [[FlippingTheTable angrily kicking the stool away]] while [[ViolentGlaswegian threatening to bash your teeth in]].
* Also in ''VI'', many leaders will respond to aggression by condescension or insults. [[LargeHam Kupe]] does them one better: declare war on the Maori, not only will Kupe completely fail to take you seriously, [[https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=TWjzRnZ6PRk but he'll ruthlessly patronize you for even trying.]]
--> "[[LeaningOnTheFourthWall Look at the big civ leader over there with the war declaration!]] Great job, mate. Really shows off how hard you are."
** Note that when he says "good job, mate," he gives the player a big, cheesy thumbs up.
* Collecting more great works than Kristina in ''VI'' leads to her acting ''very'' snobby towards you:
--> "I suppose you think art is great when it ties a room together, you philistine."

* Some of the quotes related to technology discovery can be this. One of the most prominent is Civ V's example for Future Tech:
-->"I think we all agree: The past is over." -UsefulNotes/GeorgeWBush

** Kristina of Sweden (from ''Gathering Storm''), practically ignores you during diplomatic proceeding. Instead she reads a book. When denouncing you, she will [[https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=DOWxOpQG9Rg ''almost'' throw it at you, stop, then ''hug it to her chest like a baby'']].

** Kristina of Sweden (from ''Gathering Storm''), practically ignores you during diplomatic proceeding. Instead she reads a book. When denouncing you, she will ''almost'' throw it at you, stop, then ''hug it to her chest like a baby''.

* Also in ''VI'', many leaders will respond to aggression by condescension or insults. [[LargeHam Kupe]] does them one better: declare war on the Maori, not only will Kupe completely fail to take you seriously, but he'll ruthlessly patronize you for even trying.