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sorry for so many edits around these parts; I am utterly spellbound by this monstrocity
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In it, Ice is the leader of a hip hop/dance crew/biker gang/who knows who falls in love with a pretty honors student. Her family is in hiding from [[ObviouslyEvil bad guys]] (don't expect this to be adequately explained). Her father assumes Ice is one of them just because... well, just because he ''is'' Vanilla Ice, basically. But Ice eventually saves the day and all is well in the end.
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Originally she's repulsed by his approach (probably because their MeetCute involves Johnny accidentally knocking her off a horse), but before long, she finds his ImprobableHairstyle and 1991 catchphrases irresistible, [[CrazyJealousGuy much to her boyfriend's consternation.]] But things start going sideways, as it turns out her family is in hiding from [[ObviouslyEvil bad guys]] (don't expect this to be adequately explained). Her father (Michael Gross) assumes
But
The film sunk at the box office, grossing one-sixth of its budget, and Ice's performance was critically panned. That said, the fault can't entirely be pinned on the movie itself, as Ice's reputation had fallen hard before the film was even released due to various controversies. That hasn't stopped the film itself from becoming one of the stranger [[TheNineties 90s]] artifacts.
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* ContrivedCoincidence: Kathy's house just so happens to be a few houses down from the mechanics' place where Johnny and his posse are staying.
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* WhatExactlyIsHisJob: This is one of the more curious things about Johnny and his crew. It's never directly addressed whether or not they perform HipHop (circa 1991) for a living, or whether they just like hijacking clubs in different towns for fun. All we know is that they're drifters with tough-guy attitudes and {{Cool Bike}}s.
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[[caption-width-right:275:And he dances, too.]] A very strange 1991 film starring Music/VanillaIce. The director is David Kellogg, whose ADD directorial, er, "style" would be repeated in ''Film/InspectorGadget''.
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* BadassBoast: One of the mooks gets off a genuinely good one.
-->'''Tommy''': Back off, I've seen ''America's Most Wanted''!
-->'''Mook''': ''(dropping all pretense)'' Oh, yeah? Did you see the episode '''''I''''' was on?
-->'''Tommy''': Back off, I've seen ''America's Most Wanted''!
-->'''Mook''': ''(dropping all pretense)'' Oh, yeah? Did you see the episode '''''I''''' was on?
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* BillingDisplacement: In the end credits, Naomi Campbell is listed before Vanilla Ice.
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* CradleOfLoneliness: Johnny sneaks into her house and throws a ring that Kathy gave him into her goldfish bowl. Upon coming home later, Kathy fishes it out and invokes the hell out of this trope (set to "I Want U 2 Know" by Denise Lopez which for some reason didn't make the soundtrack).
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* SadTimesMontage: Johnny has one of these [[SoundtrackDissonance set to early 90s dance-pop.]]
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moved some stuff to the new Characters section (I had a lot of time on my hands this weekend)
Now has a [[Characters/CoolAsIce character sheet]], under construction.
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* AlmostKiss: The eponymous Ice and random chick are about to kiss/straight up have sex when the little brother walks through the unlocked door and interrupts.
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* AlmostKiss: The eponymous Ice Johnny and random chick Kathy are about to kiss/straight up have sex when the little brother walks through the unlocked door and interrupts.
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* BlackBestFriend: Three of them!
* BrattyHalfPint: Tommy. Not quite as annoying as some cases, but that might be just in comparison to the rest of the cast.
* BrattyHalfPint: Tommy. Not quite as annoying as some cases, but that might be just in comparison to the rest of the cast.
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* CatchPhrase: "Yup yup."
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* CoolOldGuy / CoolOldLady: The two old people in the bizarre house are probably the most interesting characters in the movie.
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* DirtyKid: Kathy's brother Tommy. "As soon as you're done making sex?!"
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* IAmNotLeonardNimoy: Despite the fact Vanilla Ice is playing a character named Johnny, he's still just playing his public Vanilla Ice persona in the film and most viewers and critics tend to refer to him as Vanilla Ice instead.
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* ImportantHaircut: In a display of hero worship, Kathy's little brother chops his hair into a crude approximation of Johnny's totally radical style.
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* JerkWithAHeartOfGold: The movie seems to be trying to portray Ice as one. Whether it succeeds is up to interpretation.
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* ObviouslyEvil: The two crooks, to an absolutely laughable extent.
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* RummageSaleReject: Ice wears all sorts of absurd outfits throughout the movie.
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* StalkerWithACrush: Ice comes across as one of these.
** Which means they beat out ''{{Franchise/Twilight}}'' by at least a decade.
** Which means they beat out ''{{Franchise/Twilight}}'' by at least a decade.
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* TakeThat: The film mocks alternative grunge at the Sugar Shack.
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* TakeThat: The film mocks alternative grunge at the Sugar Shack.Shack, which is just sad in hindsight.
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* {{Tsundere}}: The [[EpilepticTrees only conceivable explanation]] for why Kathy acts the way she does; aka, randomly falling in love with a guy who's done nothing but be a {{Jerkass}} to her. Although given that her (ex-)boyfriend Nick is a massive {{Jerkass}} in ''every'' scene, it's likely she just has appalling taste in men.
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* UnintentionalPeriodPiece: It just screams early [[TheNineties 90s]].
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-->''"Oh yeah, Kat! Words of wisdom: drop that zero and get with the hero."''
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-->''"Oh yeah, Kat! Words of wisdom: drop that zero and get with the hero."''
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* TakeThat: The film mocks alternative grunge at the Sugar Shack.
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NaomiCampbell makes a cameo in the opening credits.
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-->''"Oh yeah, Kat! Words of wisdom: drop that zero and get with the hero."''
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-->''"Oh yeah, Kat! Words of wisdom: drop that zero and get with the hero."''
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Oh, and Naomi Campbell makes a cameo in the opening credits.
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* BadassBoast: One of the nooks gets off a genuinely good one.
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* BadassBoast: One of the nooks mooks gets off a genuinely good one.
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* BadassBoast: One of the nooks gets off a genuinely good one.
-->'''Tommy''': Back off, I've seen ''America's Most Wanted''!
-->'''Mook''': ''(dropping all pretense)'' Oh, yeah? Did you see the episode '''''I''''' was on?
-->'''Tommy''': Back off, I've seen ''America's Most Wanted''!
-->'''Mook''': ''(dropping all pretense)'' Oh, yeah? Did you see the episode '''''I''''' was on?
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** It could be justified since it's a small town and local television stations do cover things that would otherwise be considered unnewsworthy in larger stations, but if that's the case, how did TheMafia know to watch a regional TV show?
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* {{Jerkass}}: Nick basically spends much of his screen time being a stick-in-the-mud, a bully, or both.
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Trivia section
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* DawsonCasting: Kathy and Nick are meant to be high schoolers, but the actors are obviously in their late twenties.
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* HeyItsThatGuy: Kathy's father is played by Michael Gross, recognizable as the father from ''Family Ties''.
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----
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-->''"Oh yeah, Kat! Words of wisdom: drop that zero and get with the hero."''
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Added several tropes
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* CharacterShilling: Kathy's little brother literally gasps with wonderment at Johnny's coolness.
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* CoincidentalBroadcast: Both the protagonist and antagonist learn about Kathy's identity when they see her interviewed by a TV reporter. Adding to the improbability, the villain watches the interview in a location which is implied to be far away from Kathy's hometown, and presumably in a different media market.
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* DawsonCasting: Kathy and Nick are meant to be high schoolers, but the actors are obviously in their late twenties.
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* DirtyKid: Kathy's brother Tommy. "As soon as you're done making sex?!"
* DramaticDrop: Johnny's hip hop routine is so ''shocking'' that a bystander drops his drink, which shatters on the floor.
* DramaticDrop: Johnny's hip hop routine is so ''shocking'' that a bystander drops his drink, which shatters on the floor.
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* FallingInLoveMontage: Johnny and Kathy frolic at a construction site, on a beach, on a horse, in a meadow, on a salt flat...
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* HeyItsThatGuy: Kathy's father is played by Michael Gross, recognizable as the father from ''Family Ties''.
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* ImportantHaircut: In a display of hero worship, Kathy's little brother chops his hair into a crude approximation of Johnny's totally radical style.
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* MisogynySong: The closing number, "Get Wit It", has aspects of this. Amusingly, Johnny performs this song while his girlfriend is in the audience.
-->'''Johnny:'''I love a girl, then ditch the same one, cause you know there's more where that came from!
-->(''Cut to his girlfriend, looking on admiringly.'')
* MookChivalry: When Nick and his friends fight Johnny at the Sugar Shack, they make sure to attack him one at a time.
-->'''Johnny:'''I love a girl, then ditch the same one, cause you know there's more where that came from!
-->(''Cut to his girlfriend, looking on admiringly.'')
* MookChivalry: When Nick and his friends fight Johnny at the Sugar Shack, they make sure to attack him one at a time.
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* ThePreciousPreciousCar: Nick's white Corvette.
-->'''Nick:'''Well, I hope you like being a biker chick, cause you're not gonna see me or my car again.
-->'''Johnny:'''Imagine that! (''Jumps motorcycle over Nick's car.'')
-->'''Nick:'''Well, I hope you like being a biker chick, cause you're not gonna see me or my car again.
-->'''Johnny:'''Imagine that! (''Jumps motorcycle over Nick's car.'')
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* WackyCravings: Jazz makes a sandwich with chunky peanut butter, pickles, sardines, mustard, and pineapple.
* WackySoundEffect: Inserted seemingly at random, for instance when the villains are loading their guns, and when Kathy's father is turning the pages of the newspaper.
* WackySoundEffect: Inserted seemingly at random, for instance when the villains are loading their guns, and when Kathy's father is turning the pages of the newspaper.
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Added Trespassing To Talk
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* StalkerWithACrush: Ice comes across as one of these; most notably, he sneaks into Kathy's room one morning and wakes her up with (what else?) ice. Of course, since this movie is out of touch with reality, she finds this charming as opposed to horrifying.
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* StalkerWithACrush: Ice comes across as one of these; most notably, he sneaks into Kathy's room one morning and wakes her up with (what else?) ice. Of course, since this movie is out of touch with reality, she finds this charming as opposed to horrifying.these.
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* TrespassingToTalk: Ice sneaks into Kathy's room one morning and wakes her up with (what else?) ice. Of course, since this movie is out of touch with reality, she finds this charming as opposed to horrifying.
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* WorstNewsJudgementEver: As the {{Podcast/Rifftrax}} of the movie points out, what exactly is newsworthy about a smart girl doing well in school? Obviously, it was contrived as a PlotDevice to get the dad on the television so the bad guys would see him, but the same could be accomplished more plausibly by having him unknowingly filmed in a crowd at some event that's actually newsworthy.
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* WhatCouldHaveBeen: The role of Kathy was originally offered to Gwyneth Paltrow, whose father Bruce forbade her from accepting it, because of the sexuality in the screenplay. Judging from how hard the film bombed and how [[{{Literature/Emma}} many]] [[ShakespeareInLove great]] [[TheRoyalTenenbaums films]] [[Film/IronMan and]] [[{{Glee}} shows]] Paltrow's starred in since, she probably owes her father a huge favor.
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* CreatorBacklash: David Kellogg completely disowned the movie. He then went on to direct his only other film, ''Film/InspectorGadget'', which had the same exact tone and cinematic attention deficit disorder style.
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*AlmostKiss: The eponymous Ice and random chick are about to kiss/straight up have sex when the little brother walks through the unlocked door and interrupts.
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* SceneryPorn: It's one of the best looking bad movies in existence. The film's cinematographer, Janusz Kaminski, would later [[SchindlersList win]] [[SavingPrivateRyan two]] Oscars.
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* SceneryPorn: It's one of the best looking bad movies in existence. The film's cinematographer, Janusz Kaminski, Creator/JanuszKaminski, would later [[SchindlersList win]] [[SavingPrivateRyan two]] Oscars.
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* FlippantForgiveness: Kathy's fiancee watches her dance with Vanilla Ice at a party, and afterward takes her aside and forgives her for it. This is meant to be seen by the audience as evidence that he's a pompous asshole and she'd be better off dumping him for Ice.
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* FlippantForgiveness: Kathy's fiancee watches her dance with Vanilla Ice at a party, and afterward takes her aside and forgives her for it. This is meant to be seen by the audience as evidence that he's a pompous asshole and she'd be better off dumping him for Ice. It manages to get across the first part. The second...not so much.
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** The criminals' plan doesn't make a whole lot of sense. If Mr. Winslow also an idiot, what WOULD stopping him from calling the cops right then? He knew their names, their descriptions, their car, etc. Not to mention there was nothing to indicate he had the kind of money they were asking for. Seems like a really risky plan.
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** The criminals' plan doesn't make a whole lot of sense. If Mr. Winslow wasn't also an idiot, what WOULD stopping him from calling the cops right then? He knew their names, their descriptions, their car, etc. Not to mention there was nothing to indicate he had the kind of money they were asking for. Seems like a really risky plan.
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** As noted, he has no real particular reason to think Ice is connected with the criminals other than he saw them have a conversation. It's a small town, and everyone in town would have known who they were and why they were there by the time he gets around to accusing him of being their associate near the end.
** The criminals' plan doesn't make a whole lot of sense. If Mr. Winslow also an idiot, what WOULD stopping him from calling the cops right then? He knew their names, their descriptions, their car, etc. Not to mention there was nothing to indicate he had the kind of money they were asking for. Seems like a really risky plan.
** The criminals' plan doesn't make a whole lot of sense. If Mr. Winslow also an idiot, what WOULD stopping him from calling the cops right then? He knew their names, their descriptions, their car, etc. Not to mention there was nothing to indicate he had the kind of money they were asking for. Seems like a really risky plan.
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*** This actually makes sense in that they were supposed to be a hip hop group on tour (tho what they actually are is never directly addressed), and would have many traveling and stage clothes. Where they were KEEPING them all (sidecars we never see for some reason?) isn't, especially give how much room the 16 or so outfits Vanilla wears through the movie would take up a travel case at least.
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*** This It actually makes sense in that they were supposed to be a hip hop group on tour (tho what they actually are is never directly addressed), and would have many traveling and stage clothes. Where they were KEEPING WERE keeping them all (sidecars we never see for some reason?) isn't, especially give how much room the 16 or so outfits Vanilla wears through the movie would take up a travel case at least.least. Perhaps they were just very efficient packers.
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In it, Ice is the leader of a biker gang who falls in love with a pretty honors student. Her family is in hiding from [[ObviouslyEvil bad guys]] (don't expect this to be adequately explained). Her father assumes Ice is one of them just because... well, just because he ''is'' Vanilla Ice, basically. But Ice eventually saves the day and all is well in the end.
to:
In it, Ice is the leader of a biker gang hip hop/dance crew/biker gang/who knows who falls in love with a pretty honors student. Her family is in hiding from [[ObviouslyEvil bad guys]] (don't expect this to be adequately explained). Her father assumes Ice is one of them just because... well, just because he ''is'' Vanilla Ice, basically. But Ice eventually saves the day and all is well in the end.
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*** This actually makes sense in that they were supposed to be a hip hop group on tour (tho what they actually are is never directly addressed), and would have many traveling and stage clothes. Where they were KEEPING them all (sidecars we never see for some reason?) isn't, especially give how much room the 16 or so outfits Vanilla wears through the movie would take up a travel case at least.
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[[caption-width-right:275:And he dances, too.]] A very strange 1991 film starring Music/VanillaIce.
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[[caption-width-right:275:And he dances, too.]] A very strange 1991 film starring Music/VanillaIce. \n The director is David Kellogg, whose ADD directorial, er, "style" would be repeated in ''Film/InspectorGadget''.
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* BlackBestFriend: Three of them!
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* IdiotBall: Way to show up on television while you're in the Witness Relocation Program, Mr. Winslow.
** He also never contacts the police or does anything to protect his family even after he knows the criminals who he put away are after him but before they've actually done anything to him. After Tommy is kidnapped, Kathy's father is about to call the police but is convinced not to for...no real reason.
** He also never contacts the police or does anything to protect his family even after he knows the criminals who he put away are after him but before they've actually done anything to him. After Tommy is kidnapped, Kathy's father is about to call the police but is convinced not to for...no real reason.
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* IdiotBall: Way to show up on television while you're in the Witness Relocation Program, Mr. Winslow.
Winslow. Particularly in a news report apparently being broadcast nationwide.
** He also never contacts the police or does anything to protect his family even after he knows the criminals who he put away are after him but before they've actually done anything to him. After Tommy is kidnapped, Kathy's father is about to call the police but is convinced not to for... no real reason.
** He also never contacts the police or does anything to protect his family even after he knows the criminals who he put away are after him but before they've actually done anything to him. After Tommy is kidnapped, Kathy's father is about to call the police but is convinced not to for... no real reason.
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* PoliceAreUseless: Though unusually for this trope, it's not the police's fault. They can't do their job because they're never called, Kathy steals the ransom tape, and in the end the old people are distracting them with a false kidnapping report.
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* WhatCouldHaveBeen: The role of Kathy was originally offered to Gwyneth Paltrow, whose father Bruce forbade her from accepting it, because of the sexuality in the screenplay. Judging from how hard the film bombed and how [[{{Emma}} many]] [[ShakespeareInLove great]] [[TheRoyalTenenbaums films]] [[Film/IronMan and]] [[{{Glee}} shows]] Paltrow's starred in since, she probably owes her father a huge favor.
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* WhatCouldHaveBeen: The role of Kathy was originally offered to Gwyneth Paltrow, whose father Bruce forbade her from accepting it, because of the sexuality in the screenplay. Judging from how hard the film bombed and how [[{{Emma}} [[{{Literature/Emma}} many]] [[ShakespeareInLove great]] [[TheRoyalTenenbaums films]] [[Film/IronMan and]] [[{{Glee}} shows]] Paltrow's starred in since, she probably owes her father a huge favor.
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* SceneryPorn: It's one of the best looking bad movies in existence. The cinematographer would later [[SchindlersList win]] [[SavingPrivateRyan two]] Oscars.
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* SceneryPorn: It's one of the best looking bad movies in existence. The cinematographer film's cinematographer, Janusz Kaminski, would later [[SchindlersList win]] [[SavingPrivateRyan two]] Oscars.
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* {{Tsundere}}: The [[EpilepticTrees only conceivable explanation]] for why Kathy acts the way she does; aka, randomly falling in love with a guy who's done nothing but be a {{Jerkass}} to her.
** Given that her boyfriend Nick is a massive {{Jerkass}} in ''every'' scene, it's likely she just has appalling taste in men.
** Given that her boyfriend Nick is a massive {{Jerkass}} in ''every'' scene, it's likely she just has appalling taste in men.
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* {{Tsundere}}: The [[EpilepticTrees only conceivable explanation]] for why Kathy acts the way she does; aka, randomly falling in love with a guy who's done nothing but be a {{Jerkass}} to her.
** Givenher. Although given that her boyfriend (ex-)boyfriend Nick is a massive {{Jerkass}} in ''every'' scene, it's likely she just has appalling taste in men.
** Given
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** Given that her boyfriend Nick is a massive {{Jerkass}} in ''every'' scene, it's likely she just has appalling taste in men.
