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* AccentuateTheNegative: "If * Was 10 Times Shorter and More Honest", courtesy of TheEditingRoom.
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* AccentuateTheNegative: "If * X Was 10 Times Shorter and More Honest", courtesy of TheEditingRoom.Website/TheEditingRoom.
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* AscendedFanon: [[http://www.cracked.com/article_20793_6-fan-ideas-so-good-they-were-adopted-by-creators.html 6 Fan Ideas So Good They Were Adopted by the Creators]]. The explanation why [[Series/StarTrek Klingons]] have ridges on their foreheads but didn't in [[Series/StarTrekTheOriginalSeries the original series]]? Nerd arguments. [[VideoGame/DiabloII The Secret Cow Level?]] Internet rumor. Old Man Winter in VideoGame/BioshockInfinite? Fanart. Invention of new fatalities and kharacters with fully fleshed-out lore to fit into the story in VideoGame/MortalKombat9? Fan rumors.
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* AscendedFanon: Invoked. [[http://www.cracked.com/article_20793_6-fan-ideas-so-good-they-were-adopted-by-creators.html 6 Fan Ideas So Good They Were Adopted by the Creators]]. The explanation why [[Series/StarTrek Klingons]] have ridges on their foreheads but didn't in [[Series/StarTrekTheOriginalSeries the original series]]? Nerd arguments. [[VideoGame/DiabloII The Secret Cow Level?]] Internet rumor. Old Man Winter in VideoGame/BioshockInfinite? Fanart. Invention of new fatalities and kharacters with fully fleshed-out lore to fit into the story in VideoGame/MortalKombat9? Fan rumors.
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* BlackComedyRape
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* CreatorPreferredAdaptation: [[http://www.cracked.com/article_20287_5-movies-that-improved-book-according-to-author.html 5 Movies That Improved the Book (According to the Author)]]
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* CreatorBacklash: [[http://www.cracked.com/article_18593_6-classics-despised-by-people-who-created-them.html?wa_user1=1&wa_user2=Weird+World&wa_user3=article&wa_user4=flashback 6 Classics Despised by the People Who Created Them]]
* CreatorBreakdown: Several of John Cheese's articles, particularly his recent ones, have been informed by his less-than-happy childhood and personal issues stemming from this.
* CreatorBreakdown: Several of John Cheese's articles, particularly his recent ones, have been informed by his less-than-happy childhood and personal issues stemming from this.
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* CreatorBacklash: Invoked. [[http://www.cracked.com/article_18593_6-classics-despised-by-people-who-created-them.html?wa_user1=1&wa_user2=Weird+World&wa_user3=article&wa_user4=flashback 6 Classics Despised by the People Who Created Them]]
* CreatorBreakdown: Invoked. Several of John Cheese's articles, particularly his recent ones, have been informed by his less-than-happy childhood and personal issues stemming from this.
* CreatorBreakdown: Invoked. Several of John Cheese's articles, particularly his recent ones, have been informed by his less-than-happy childhood and personal issues stemming from this.
* CreatorPreferredAdaptation: Invoked. [[http://www.cracked.com/article_20287_5-movies-that-improved-book-according-to-author.html 5 Movies That Improved the Book (According to the Author)]]
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* EnforcedMethodActing: [[http://www.cracked.com/article_19693_5-amazing-performances-from-actors-who-werent-acting.html 5 Amazing Performances From Actors Who Weren't Acting]] and [[http://www.cracked.com/article_19099_12-classic-movie-moments-made-possible-by-abuse-murder.html 12 Classic Movie Moments Made Possible by Abuse and Murder]]
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* EnforcedMethodActing: Invoked. [[http://www.cracked.com/article_19693_5-amazing-performances-from-actors-who-werent-acting.html 5 Amazing Performances From Actors Who Weren't Acting]] and [[http://www.cracked.com/article_19099_12-classic-movie-moments-made-possible-by-abuse-murder.html 12 Classic Movie Moments Made Possible by Abuse and Murder]]
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another video game physics plasty
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* CriticalEncumbranceFailure: A human being able to lift 300 kg as if it were nothing but not 301 kg is the #12 [[http://www.cracked.com/photoplasty_388_27-science-lessons-as-taught-by-famous-video-games_p2/ Science Lesson As Taught by Famous Video Games]].
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* CriticalEncumbranceFailure: Appeared in two Photoplasty contests.
** A human being able to lift 300 kg as if it were nothing but not 301 kg is the #12 [[http://www.cracked.com/photoplasty_388_27-science-lessons-as-taught-by-famous-video-games_p2/ Science Lesson As Taught by Famous VideoGames]].Games]].
*** From [[http://www.cracked.com/photoplasty_841_29-baffling-rules-life-in-video-game-universes/ 29 Baffling Rules of Life in Video Game Universes]]: "Throw away a tiny sprig of wheat and you can sprint again."
** A human being able to lift 300 kg as if it were nothing but not 301 kg is the #12 [[http://www.cracked.com/photoplasty_388_27-science-lessons-as-taught-by-famous-video-games_p2/ Science Lesson As Taught by Famous Video
*** From [[http://www.cracked.com/photoplasty_841_29-baffling-rules-life-in-video-game-universes/ 29 Baffling Rules of Life in Video Game Universes]]: "Throw away a tiny sprig of wheat and you can sprint again."
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* FallingDamage: [[http://www.cracked.com/photoplasty_841_29-baffling-rules-life-in-video-game-universes/ 29 Baffling Rules of Life in Video Game Universes]] shows a player character whose gimmick is LeParkour but for whom is instant death.
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* GameplayAllyImmortality: From [[http://www.cracked.com/photoplasty_841_29-baffling-rules-life-in-video-game-universes/ 29 Baffling Rules of Life in Video Game Universes]]: "Large boss enemy: dead in 8 hits. Random weak NPC: dead in 38,401,552 hits and counting."
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* HackingMinigame: [[http://www.cracked.com/photoplasty_841_29-baffling-rules-life-in-video-game-universes/ 29 Baffling Rules of Life in Video Game Universes]] shows games that depict hacking as a maze, a ''VideoGame/{{Frogger}}'' clone, a memory game, or a word search.
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* HideYourChildren: From [[http://www.cracked.com/photoplasty_841_29-baffling-rules-life-in-video-game-universes/ 29 Baffling Rules of Life in Video Game Universes]]: "Around 8 million people in the city, and nobody bothers to have kids anymore."
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* HotSkittyOnWailordAction: [[http://www.cracked.com/photoplasty_841_29-baffling-rules-life-in-video-game-universes/ 29 Baffling Rules of Life in Video Game Universes]] shows two pairs of visually similar creatures from a {{mon}} game, captioned "Can't make baby." Then it shows a cat and a floating whale: "Can make baby."
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Updating some information
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* ButtMonkey: Anytime [[ComicBook/TheAvengers Hawkeye]] is mentioned, it's invariably to criticize him for being the worst Avenger.
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* ButtMonkey: Anytime [[ComicBook/TheAvengers Hawkeye]] is mentioned, it's invariably to criticize him for being the worst Avenger. In the same vein, many columnists (especially Gladstone) repeatedly harp on fellow columnist Adam Tod Brown.
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* GirlOnGirlIsHot: [[http://www.cracked.com/blog/4-people-who-really-are-making-world-better-place 4 People Who Really Are Making the World a Better Place]] plays with this about Pope Francis, who has pointed out how the church has become too obsessed with gay marriage and abortion, when it should be everyone's job to shut up and support the people who do support those things.
-->God loves lesbians, so stop being a dick and love them, too.
-->God loves lesbians, so stop being a dick and love them, too.
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Cell phones have made 1990s sitcoms useless
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* CellPhonesAreUseless: In [[http://www.cracked.com/blog/5-world-changing-trends-that-will-transform-pop-culture/ 5 World-Changing Trends That Will Transform Pop Culture]], Robert Evans mentions how cell phones have become a TropeBreaker for 1990s sitcom plots.
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* {{GIFT}}: #4 of [[http://www.cracked.com/blog/5-ways-internet-steals-your-soul 5 Ways the Internet Steals Your Soul]] covers this trope, explaining how anonymity allows people to get away with indulging in their dark sides and cyber-bullying.
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** [[http://www.cracked.com/blog/5-ways-its-perfectly-fine-to-harshly-judge-someone 5 Ways it's Perfectly Fine to Harshly Judge Someone]] starts of #3 with some SelfDeprecation humor.
-->Here's another way to get to know someone quickly: Watch how they treat you. Where are they defensive? I've found that, typically, people assume that their own worst qualities are present in others. Liars tend to think you're lying. Passive-aggressive people tend to think you have a HiddenAgenda. Cracked's own Felix Clay tends to think you have a puppy under your bed that you abuse sexually.
-->Here's another way to get to know someone quickly: Watch how they treat you. Where are they defensive? I've found that, typically, people assume that their own worst qualities are present in others. Liars tend to think you're lying. Passive-aggressive people tend to think you have a HiddenAgenda. Cracked's own Felix Clay tends to think you have a puppy under your bed that you abuse sexually.
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* AwesomeMcCoolname: Staff Sgt Max Fightmaster.
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* AwesomeMcCoolname: [[http://www.cracked.com/article_14982_the-9-manliest-names-in-world.html Staff Sgt Max Fightmaster.]]
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* ArchEnemy: The [[http://www.cracked.com/funny-6484-the-daily-mail/ Daily Mail]]
** When the Mail plagiarised Cracked content [[http://www.cracked.com/quick-fixes/a-sincere-apology-from-cracked-to-daily-mail/ Cracked wrote this hilarious riposte]]
** One of the ways to know its a bullshit story? [[http://www.cracked.com/blog/5-easy-ways-to-spot-b.s.-news-story-internet/ Simple, its published in the fucking Daily Mail]]
** They now fear that the [[http://www.cracked.com/quick-fixes/4-b.s.-christmas-stories-news-told-you-were-real/ Daily Mail's penchant for spreading bullshit stories is going to get us all killed by Aliens.]]
** When the Mail plagiarised Cracked content [[http://www.cracked.com/quick-fixes/a-sincere-apology-from-cracked-to-daily-mail/ Cracked wrote this hilarious riposte]]
** One of the ways to know its a bullshit story? [[http://www.cracked.com/blog/5-easy-ways-to-spot-b.s.-news-story-internet/ Simple, its published in the fucking Daily Mail]]
** They now fear that the [[http://www.cracked.com/quick-fixes/4-b.s.-christmas-stories-news-told-you-were-real/ Daily Mail's penchant for spreading bullshit stories is going to get us all killed by Aliens.]]
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** [[http://www.cracked.com/photoplasty_791_if-22-famous-video-game-titles-were-taken-literally_p22/ If 22 Famous Video Games Titles Were Taken Literally]], we'd have [[Franchise/StreetFighter Ryu from Street Fighter]] literally punching the highway overpass.
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-->''(at the end of section about ''Franchise/StarTrek''[='=]s [[TheSpock Spock]])''\\
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-->''(at the end of a section about ''Franchise/StarTrek''[='=]s [[TheSpock Spock]])''\\
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Oops.
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* BaitAndSwitch: From [[ ]]:
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* BaitAndSwitch: From [[ ]]:[[http://www.cracked.com/blog/6-awesome-theories-that-totally-change-famous-characters/ 6 Awesome Theories That Totally Change Famous Characters]]:
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* BaitAndSwitch: From [[ ]]:
-->''(at the end of section about ''Franchise/StarTrek''[='=]s [[TheSpock Spock]])''\\
But that's enough about ridiculous theories and ''Star Trek''.\\
''(another ''Star Trek'' section begins, this time focusing on [[TheKirk Kirk]])''\\
PSYCH! [[TakeThatAudience Fuck you.]]
-->''(at the end of section about ''Franchise/StarTrek''[='=]s [[TheSpock Spock]])''\\
But that's enough about ridiculous theories and ''Star Trek''.\\
''(another ''Star Trek'' section begins, this time focusing on [[TheKirk Kirk]])''\\
PSYCH! [[TakeThatAudience Fuck you.]]
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* AdaptationDistillation: [[http://www.cracked.com/photoplasty_787_29-movie-adaptations-that-left-out-best-parts 29 Movie Adaptations That Left Out the Best Parts]]. It's easy to see why Disney left out that tidbit about Disney/{{Cinderella}}...
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* FourNineteenScam: [[http://www.cracked.com/photoplasty_781_34-childrens-books-updated-modern-problems_p34/#25 #25 of 34 Childrens Books Updated for Modern Problems]]: "The Bernstein Bears and the Nigerian Prince".
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* FourNineteenScam: FourOneNineScam: [[http://www.cracked.com/photoplasty_781_34-childrens-books-updated-modern-problems_p34/#25 #25 of 34 Childrens Books Updated for Modern Problems]]: "The Bernstein Bears and the Nigerian Prince".
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* FourNineteenScam: [[http://www.cracked.com/photoplasty_781_34-childrens-books-updated-modern-problems_p34/#25 #25 of 34 Childrens Books Updated for Modern Problems]]: "The Bernstein Bears and the Nigerian Prince".
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* AwesomenessIsVolatile: Used in entry #1 of [[http://www.cracked.com/article_19252_6-impossible-escapes-using-impossibler-methods.html 6 Impossible Escapes Using Impossibler Methods]] to describe the meeting between U.S. airborne soldier [[http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Joseph_Beyrle Joseph Beyrle]]--who was fighting as a member of the Red Army at the time after escaping from a [=POW=] camp--and eventual four-times Hero of the Soviet Union [[http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Georgy_Zhukov Marshal Georgy Zhukov]]. A photo of Zhukov is provided with the caption "When they shook hands, four people caught on fire."
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* AwesomenessIsVolatile: Used in entry #1 of [[http://www.cracked.com/article_19252_6-impossible-escapes-using-impossibler-methods.html 6 Impossible Escapes Using Impossibler Methods]] to describe the meeting between WorldWarTwo U.S. airborne soldier [[http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Joseph_Beyrle Joseph Beyrle]]--who was fighting as a member of the Red Army at the time after escaping from a [=POW=] camp--and eventual four-times Hero of the Soviet Union [[http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Georgy_Zhukov Marshal Georgy Zhukov]]. A photo of Zhukov is provided with the caption "When they shook hands, four people caught on fire."
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* AwesomenessIsVolatile: Used in entry #1 of [[http://www.cracked.com/article_19252_6-impossible-escapes-using-impossibler-methods.html 6 Impossible Escapes Using Impossibler Methods]] to describe the meeting between U.S. airborne soldier [[http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Joseph_Beyrle Joseph Beyrle]]--who was fighting as a member of the Red Army at the time after escaping from a [=POW=] camp--and eventual four-times Hero of the Soviet Union [[http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Georgy_Zhukov Marshal Georgy Zhukov]]. A photo of Zhukov is provided with the caption "When they shook hands, four people caught on fire."
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* ForbiddenFruit: [[http://www.cracked.com/quick-fixes/7-hilariously-predictable-porn-trends-from-across-globe 7 Hilariously Predictable Porn Trends from across the Globe]] shows that internet searches for gay porn are highest in countries where homosexuality is ''illegal''.
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liar liar, clothes on fire
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** [[http://www.cracked.com/photoplasty_767_42-sci-fi-movies-if-they-were-updated-realism/ 42 Sci-Fi Movies (If They Were Updated for Realism)]] lists ''Franchise/StarTrek'' holodeck programs including "bone Counselor Troi", "bone Seven of Nine", "bone Doctor Crusher", and "bone Counselor Troi, Seven of Nine, and Doctor Crusher"
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** [[http://www.cracked.com/photoplasty_767_42-sci-fi-movies-if-they-were-updated-realism/ 42 Sci-Fi Movies (If They Were Updated for Realism)]] lists ''Franchise/StarTrek'' holodeck programs including "bone Counselor Troi", "bone Seven of Nine", "bone Doctor Crusher", and "bone Counselor Troi, Seven of Nine, and Doctor Crusher"Crusher".
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* ConvectionSchmonvection: Discussed in the final entry of [[http://www.cracked.com/article_18862_6-deadly-injuries-you-think-youd-survive-thanks-to-movies.html 6 Deadly Injuries You Think You'd Survive (Thanks to Movies)]].
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* ConvectionSchmonvection: ConvectionSchmonvection:
** Discussed in the final entry of [[http://www.cracked.com/article_18862_6-deadly-injuries-you-think-youd-survive-thanks-to-movies.html 6 Deadly Injuries You Think You'd Survive (Thanks toMovies)]].Movies)]].
** [[http://www.cracked.com/photoplasty_767_42-sci-fi-movies-if-they-were-updated-realism/ 42 Sci-Fi Movies (If They Were Updated for Realism)]] shows a [[Franchise/StarWars lightsaber battle]] on a platform floating above the middle of a lake of fire, except their clothes are on fire.
** Discussed in the final entry of [[http://www.cracked.com/article_18862_6-deadly-injuries-you-think-youd-survive-thanks-to-movies.html 6 Deadly Injuries You Think You'd Survive (Thanks to
** [[http://www.cracked.com/photoplasty_767_42-sci-fi-movies-if-they-were-updated-realism/ 42 Sci-Fi Movies (If They Were Updated for Realism)]] shows a [[Franchise/StarWars lightsaber battle]] on a platform floating above the middle of a lake of fire, except their clothes are on fire.
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7 of 9 is a 10 of 10
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** [[http://www.cracked.com/photoplasty_767_42-sci-fi-movies-if-they-were-updated-realism/ 42 Sci-Fi Movies (If They Were Updated for Realism)]] lists ''Franchise/StarTrek'' holodeck programs including "bone Counselor Troi", "bone Seven of Nine", "bone Doctor Crusher", and "bone Counselor Troi, Seven of Nine, and Doctor Crusher"
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* AppealToWorseProblems: David Wong commits this fallacy in "7 Reasons the world looks worse than it really is" saying that people complaining about how the economy has lessened their opportunities are just cynical people not trying hard enough. Ignoring the people who are trying but getting nowhere or the people with unique skills who still aren't getting anywhere.
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* AppealToWorseProblems: David Wong commits this fallacy in "7 Reasons the world looks worse than it really is" saying that people complaining about how the economy has lessened their opportunities are just cynical people not trying hard enough. Ignoring the people who are trying but getting nowhere or the people with unique skills who still aren't getting anywhere. But then Wong is probably ''Cracked's'' most reactionary writer.
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** [[http://www.cracked.com/article_20347_5-fan-theories-that-make-classic-movies-even-better.html?wa_user1=5&wa_user2=Movies+%26+TV&wa_user3=article&wa_user4=recommended 5 Fan Theories That Make Classic Movies Even Better]]
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Yes, the K is intentional.
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* AscendedFanon: [[http://www.cracked.com/article_20793_6-fan-ideas-so-good-they-were-adopted-by-creators.html 6 Fan Ideas So Good They Were Adopted by the Creators]]. The explanation why [[Series/StarTrek Klingons]] have ridges on their foreheads but didn't in [[Series/StarTrekTheOriginalSeries the original series]]? Nerd arguments. [[VideoGame/DiabloII The Secret Cow Level?]] Internet rumor. Old Man Winter in VideoGame/BioshockInfinite? Fanart. Invention of new fatalities and kharacters with fully fleshed-out lore to fit into the story in VideoGame/MortalKombat9? Fan rumors.
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** BadassBystander: [[http://www.cracked.com/article_20767_5-nobodies-who-stumbled-into-wars-kicked-everyones-ass.html 5 Nobodies Who Stumbled into Wars and Kicked Everyone's Ass.]]
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** [[http://www.cracked.com/article_20763_6-mind-blowing-foreshadowing-hidden-in-famous-tv-shows.html 6 Mind-Blowing Foreshadowing Hidden in Famous TV Shows]] starts the article with this:
-->The shocking plot twist is a staple of TV fiction, especially in an era in which shows are competing for our attention with stuff like games, social media, and massive, massive amounts of free porn.
-->The shocking plot twist is a staple of TV fiction, especially in an era in which shows are competing for our attention with stuff like games, social media, and massive, massive amounts of free porn.
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* {{Foreshadowing}}: [[http://www.cracked.com/article_20763_6-mind-blowing-foreshadowing-hidden-in-famous-tv-shows.html 6 Mind-Blowing Foreshadowing Hidden in Famous TV Shows]] explains how the savvy viewer would have picked up on the ending of ''Series/BreakingBad'' by paying close attention to a cassette tape shown at the start of the episode; how TheMole from ''Series/ArrestedDevelopment'' was revealed during a throw-away joke from season 2, and a few other major reveals from well known shows.
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* HumiliationConga: [[http://www.cracked.com/blog/6-badass-old-timey-christmas-mascots-we-need-to-bring-back/ 6 Badass Old-Yimey Christmas Mascots We Need To Bring Back]] gives us the ''Nuuttipukki'', a Finnish monster straight from your nightmares who shows up a few weeks after Christmas, intent on drinking all your beer. If you don't get him drunk enough before he heads to the next house, he'll curse your family to experience a veritable conga line of ridiculously bad luck for the entire year.
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* ComicSutra: Done in a more metaphysical sense with [[http://www.cracked.com/blog/the-7-most-preposterous-sexual-positions-people-claim-to-use/ The 7 Most Preposterious Sexual Positions People Claim to Use]]. Bonus points for the man in all the drawings having a PornStache.
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-> [[Website/{{Cracked}} Return to the main page.]]
--> [[Cracked/TropesIToZ Tropes I - Z]]
----
* TwentyPercentMoreAwesome: A common source of comedy, especially in the articles that centre on charts and graphs.
* AccidentalHero: [[http://www.cracked.com/blog/10-photos-capturing-moments-spontaneous-badassery/ 10 Photos Capturing Moments of Spontaneous Badassery]].
* AccentuateTheNegative: "If * Was 10 Times Shorter and More Honest", courtesy of TheEditingRoom.
* ActionGirl: One of [[http://www.cracked.com/photoplasty_586_31-life-lessons-you-can-only-learn-from-video-games/ 31 Life Lessons You Can Only Learn From Video Games]] is that "every sexy girl is a ruthless killer."
* ActionPet: [[http://www.cracked.com/article_19578_5-most-badass-soldiers-ever-happened-to-be-dogs.html This article about 5 soldier dogs]].
* ActionSurvivor: One of [[http://www.cracked.com/article_20504_the-5-most-badass-ways-people-escaped-from-slavery_p2.html The 5 Most Badass Ways People Escaped from Slavery]] is how Eliza Harris carried several children across a river while jumping from one [[FloatingPlatforms moving ice platform]] to another as if it were a ''[[Franchise/SuperMarioBros Mario]]'' game. This is the true story ''Literature/UncleTomsCabin'' was based on.
* AddedAlliterativeAppeal: The entries in [[http://www.cracked.com/article_18538_5-superpowers-we-all-had-as-babies-according-to-science_p1.html 5 Superpowers We All Had as Babies (According to Science)]]
* {{Adorkable}}: Dan O'Brien. Read any of his work, especially his ones about his fanboy love of Spider-man, and it's very clear. Ironically some of his articles have deconstructed this idea, noting that being socially awkward does not make someone a compelling partner.
* AffectionateParody - Robert Brockway's articles about Mario Lopez parody Creator/HPLovecraft.
* TheAgeless: [[http://www.cracked.com/article_20055_6-unassuming-animals-that-are-secretly-immortal.html 6 Unassuming Animals That Are Secretly Immortal]] lists animal species that don't die of old age, such as lobsters and turtles.
* AIIsACrapshoot: In [[http://www.cracked.com/video_18167_39-astounding-celebrity-and-one-cracked-tv-reboots.html 39 Astounding Celebrity (And One Cracked) Reboot]], Clippy attempts a HostileShowTakeover, which ultimately culminates in [[spoiler:Swaim's memory being erased, him being [[ContinuityReboot rebooted]] by Joanna Angel and going into a new season.]]
* TheAlcoholic: John Cheese is a recovering alcoholic. More than one article has been written about how much of a struggle it's been.
** [[http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3tV4-Q6dBf4 This is may be the greatest example of this trope ever.]]
* TheAllegedCar: The Ford Pinto is #3 of [[http://www.cracked.com/blog/5-awesome-things-with-inexplicably-bad-reputations/ 5 Awesome Things with Inexplicably Bad Reputations.]] While the whole rear-end gas tank fire thing was certainly true, the car really wasn't any more dangerous than any other vehicle on the road.
* AliensSpeakingEnglish: Called [[http://www.cracked.com/article_18721_the-5-stupidest-ways-movies-deal-with-foreign-languages.html The 5 Stupidest Way Movies Deal with Foreign Languages]].
* AllJustADream: The article "[[http://www.cracked.com/quick-fixes/why-saved-by-bell-all-dream-conspiracy-theory/ Why 'Saved by the Bell' is All a Dream: A Conspiracy Theory]]" explains why ''Series/SavedByTheBell'' has to be an escapist dream of a character in ''Series/GoodMorningMissBliss'', using clues from the ExpositoryThemeTune.
* AllMenArePerverts: [[DiscussedTrope Discussed]] in a video featuring Cracked's female contributors talking about what are, [[{{GIFT}} and aren't appropriate comments on videos]]. With [[NotMakingThisUpDisclaimer actual posts being spoken aloud by male contributors]].
* AllPsychologyIsFreudian: Implied by the winner of [[http://www.cracked.com/photoplasty_647_19-things-we-secretly-suspect-about-other-peoples-jobs_p2/?view=article 19 Things We Secretly Suspect About Other People's Jobs]].
* AlternativeCharacterInterpretation: [[invoked]] One article has an [[http://www.cracked.com/article_18881_5-reasons-greatest-movie-villain-ever-good-witch.html alternate interpretation]] of [[Film/TheWizardOfOz Glinda the Good Witch]].
** [[http://www.cracked.com/article_18417_the-lighter-side-dark-side-5-villains-who-were-good.html 9 Famous Movie Villains Who Were Right All Along]].
** [[http://www.cracked.com/article_19336_6-beloved-characters-that-had-undiagnosed-mental-illnesses.html 6 Beloved Characters That Had Undiagnosed Mental Illnesses]].
** [[http://www.cracked.com/article_19673_6-insane-but-convincing-theories-childrens-pop-culture.html 6 Insane (But Convincing) Theories on Children's Pop Culture]].
** [[http://www.cracked.com/article_19496_6-classic-kids-shows-secretly-set-in-nightmarish-universes.html 6 Classic Kids Shows Secretly Set in Nightmarish Universes]].
** What {{Seanbaby}} did to old Popsicle Pete comics, reimagining him as a harbinger of death and despair.
*** '''''[[color:red:NONE OF YOU ARE SAFE.]]'''''
** [[http://www.cracked.com/article_19882_6-insane-but-convincing-fan-theories-about-kids-cartoons.html 6 Insane (But Convincing) Fan Theories About Kids' Cartoons]].
* AmbiguousDisorder: Spoofed in [[http://www.cracked.com/video_18175_why-batman-secretly-terrible-gotham.html Why Batman Is Secretly Terrible for Gotham.]]
* AmericansHateTingle: [[{{In-Universe}} A well-known example]] regarding Americans, their disgust at TheBeautifulGame, appears in articles such as [[http://www.cracked.com/quick-fixes/the-hilarious-story-american-football-abroad/ this]]. Given that despite Cracked being American [[WeAllLiveInAmerica and with an excessively US-centric POV]], most readers are foreigners, the comments usually go down into a FlameWar.
* AndIMustScream: [[http://www.cracked.com/blog/seanbabys-brockways-choose-your-drug-fueled-adventure/ Do not trifle with the Adventure Master]].
* {{Animeland}}[=/=]AllAnimeIsNaughtyTentacles: The number of articles that ''don't'' portray Japan as being full of A. perverts, B. octopus demons, C. giant robots, or D. any combination thereof could probably be counted on one hand.
** The one true exception is #1 [[http://www.cracked.com/article_20118_5-things-nobody-tells-you-about-living-in-japan_p2.html here.]]
* AntiHumor: In [[http://www.cracked.com/article_19213_7-animals-that-are-evolving-right-before-our-eyes.html 7 Animals That Are Evolving Right Before Our Eyes]]
-->'''Q:''' What did the elephant say to the poacher?
-->'''A:''' Dear God in heaven, please don't kill me for my ivory.
-->Sorry about that. Sometimes we get "joke" mixed up with "tragic imagined dialogue that could be happening at this very second if elephants had the power of speech."
* ApocalypseAnarchy: [[http://www.cracked.com/photoplasty_96_if-everyone-knew-world-was-ending-tomorrow/ If Everyone Knew the World Was Ending Tomorrow]]
* ApocalypticLog: A common format.
** [[http://www.cracked.com/blog/5-internet-prescribed-cleanses-that-made-me-immortal/ 5 Internet Prescribed 'Cleanses' That Made Me Immortal]] is a good example.
* AppealToWorseProblems: David Wong commits this fallacy in "7 Reasons the world looks worse than it really is" saying that people complaining about how the economy has lessened their opportunities are just cynical people not trying hard enough. Ignoring the people who are trying but getting nowhere or the people with unique skills who still aren't getting anywhere.
* AppropriatedAppellation: [[http://www.cracked.com/article_20679_5-famous-symbols-that-were-created-to-be-horrible-insults.html 5 Famous Symbols that Were Created to Be Horrible Insults]] explains how the gay-pride pink triangle came from the Nazis, the donkey came from political cartoons dissing President Andrew Jackson, and "Yankee" came from a song written by a British army physician claiming that the rebels were aspiring to a social class they did not deserve.
* TheAristocrats: The #3 [[http://www.cracked.com/photoplasty_615_33-plot-twists-cut-from-disney-movies_p2/ plot twist cut from a Disney animated movie]].
-->So what do you call your act?
-->''Disney/TheAristocats''!
* ArsonMurderAndJaywalking
** From "[[http://www.cracked.com/article_18775_5-popular-safety-measures-that-dont-make-you-any-safer.html 5 Popular Safety Measures That Don't Make You Any Safer]]":
-->"Let's face it, cities can be terrifying. They are, after all, filled with people like us. The modern metropolis is a teeming hive of strung-out dope heads, rapists, home invaders and fine regional cuisine."
** From "[[http://www.cracked.com/article_18967_6-famous-movies-with-mind-blowing-hidden-meanings.html 6 Famous Movies with Mind-Blowing Hidden Meanings]]":
-->"We tend to find Spider-Man easier to identify with than other superheroes. He's not an alien, like Superman, or the son of a major Norse god, like Thor, or a Canadian, like Wolverine."
** From "[[http://www.cracked.com/article_18443_6-famous-movie-wisemen-who-were-totally-full-shit.html 6 Famous Movie Wisemen Who Were Totally Full of Shit]]"
--> We are ''not'' blaming bad teachers for [Adolf] Hitler, [[WesternTerrorists Timothy McVeigh]], and [[{{Jerkass}} Spencer Pratt]].
** From [[http://www.cracked.com/article_16785_7-retarded-food-myths-internet-thinks-are-true.html 7 Retarded Food Myths the Internet Thinks Are True]]:
--> We love the way the writer crammed in every scary word they could think of: rape, war, cancer, emphysema, respiratory distress, anemia, constipation, irritability, blindness, Canada.
** From [[http://www.cracked.com/article_19535_6-animals-with-better-memories-than-you.html 6 Animals with Better Memories than You]]
--> We tend to think of ourselves as the smartest animals on Earth. After all, we've built such technological wonders such as the internet, the internal combustion engine, and sneakers that light up when you take a step
** From [[http://www.cracked.com/article_18894_6-real-historic-battles-decided-by-divine-intervention.html 6 Real Historic Battles Decided by Divine Intervention]]:
-->[The rebels] were trapped, outnumbered, ill-equipped, poorly trained, freezing and starving, ''and'' it was raining.
** "[[http://www.cracked.com/article_19957_8-mind-blowing-realities-our-future-full-old-people_p2.html 8 Mind-Blowing Realities of Our Future Full of Old People]]" describes a likely reaction to a proposed solution to the coming farm labor shortage.
-->Oh hey, let's import unwhites to do our labor! Why don't we bring back slavery and dial-up Internet service while we're at it?
** "[[http://www.cracked.com/blog/6-innocent-sounding-topics-that-are-guaranteed-flame-wars/ 6 Innocent Sounding Topics that are Guaranteed Flame Wars]]"
-->There are certain topics everybody knows are going to start a fight - politics, religion, abortion, video game consoles - important things like that.
** Dan O'Brien on [[Series/GameOfThrones Joffrey]] in [[http://www.cracked.com/blog/4-problems-with-living-in-game-thrones-universe/ 4 Problems with Living in the Game of Thrones Universe]],:
-->He looks like if vanity, smugness and blond hair had a baby.
** From "[[http://www.cracked.com/article_20210_7-iconic-skylines-that-almost-looked-ridiculous.html 7 Iconic Skylines that Almost Looked Ridiculous]]"...
-->Every city in the world shares the same basic building blocks -- brick, stone, steel, mortar, and UsefulNotes/McDonalds restaurants
** From that same article:
-->London is home to some of the world's most famous historical architecture, including the Tower of London, Big Ben, Buckingham Palace, and that movie studio where they shot Batman.
** From "[[http://www.cracked.com/article_18943_the-6-most-pointless-supervillain-schemes-ever-hatched.html?wa_user1=3&wa_user2=Weird+World&wa_user3=article&wa_user4=yesincite The 6 Most Pointless Supervillain Schemes Ever Hatched]]":
-->There are lots of reasons why criminals should be afraid of Batman: He's trained in martial arts, he's a genius detective and he's dressed like a giant bat.
** From "[[http://www.cracked.com/blog/5-people-etsy-who-are-clearly-serial-killers/ 5 People on Etsy Who Are Clearly Serial Killers]]:
-->Whether it's fashioning suits out of women, stitching masks from travelers' faces, or building a puppet that can ride a tricycle, [[SpoofAesop the real moral seems to be that you should never trust anyone]] [[MadArtist who genuinely seems to enjoy sewing]].
** The lead of [[http://www.cracked.com/article_20395_5-heartwarming-accomplishments-by-hardened-prison-inmates.html 5 Heartwarming Accomplishments by Hardened Prison Inmates]] claims that humans are "capable of some pretty terrible stuff, like robbery and murder and [[Music/{{U2}} Bono]]."
* ArtisticLicenseLaw: The title of "[[http://www.cracked.com/article_20066_5-everyday-things-you-wont-believe-are-copyrighted.html 5 Everyday Things You Won't Believe Are Copyrighted]]" is a LieToChildren. Items #5, #4, and #1 refer to trademarks, and #3 and #2 refer to patents.
* AttentionDeficitOohShiny: #6 on [[http://www.cracked.com/photoplasty_259_if-everything-got-adorable-mascot_p2/ If Everything Got An Adorable Mascot]] is Addie the ADHD tornado. "Let us help you learn to cope with... Ohh!!! Shiny!!!"
* AttentionWhore: The subject of "[[http://www.cracked.com/blog/8-assholes-who-found-this-article-by-googling-themselves/ 8 Douchebags who Found this Article by Googling Themselves]]."
* AudienceSurrogate: "Make Them Look and Sound Like the Audience, Against All Logic" is #4 of [[http://www.cracked.com/article_19183_6-tricks-movies-use-to-make-sure-you-root-right-guy.html 6 Tricks Movies Use to Make Sure You Root for the Right Guy]].
* AuthorAppeal: [[http://www.cracked.com/article_19137_6-artists-whose-weird-fetishes-defined-pop-culture.html 6 Artists Whose Weird Fetishes Defined Pop Culture]]
* AuthorityEqualsAsskicking: [[http://www.cracked.com/article_15895_the-5-most-badass-presidents-all-time_p5.html The 5 Most Badass Presidents of All Time]]. Counts as a WeAllLiveInAmerica too.
* AutomatonHorses: Photoplasty advertises a {{w|arpWhistle}}histle to summon one in [[http://www.cracked.com/photoplasty_273_26-ads-products-that-must-exist-in-video-games_p26/#5 Ads for Products That Must Exist in Video Games]].
* AutopsySnackTime: #4 of [[http://www.cracked.com/blog/4-bizarrely-specific-rules-that-exist-in-movie-universes/ 4 Bizarrely Specific Rules That Exist in Movie Universes]] mentions cases in ''Film/GoneInSixtySeconds2000'', ''Series/{{Scrubs}}'', and others where it appears a coroner ''can't'' [[Memes/{{Nintendo}} enjoy]] his [[YMMV/FurAffinity sandwich]] without a corpse in the room. It even links back to the trope page.
* AwardSnub: InUniverse. [[http://www.cracked.com/article_15856_the-7-most-unforgivable-grammy-award-snubs-all-time.html "The 7 Most Unforgivable Grammy Award Snubs of All Time."]]
* AwesomeButImpractical:
** The ball tank, #2 of [[http://www.cracked.com/article_19914_6-utterly-insane-innovations-history-was-sure-were-coming_p2.html 6 Utterly Insane Innovations History Was SURE Were Coming]] and #2 of [[http://www.cracked.com/article_17366_7-wtf-military-weapons-you-wont-believe-they-actually-built_p2.html 7 WTF Military Weapons You Won't Believe They Actually Built]].
** [[http://www.cracked.com/article_16983_the-11-most-retarded-fictional-weapons.html The 11 Most Retarded Fictional Weapons]], including the Klingon bat'leth.
* AwesomeMcCoolname: Staff Sgt Max Fightmaster.
---> "Where do you go when your name is already Staff Sgt. Max fucking Fightmaster? Oh, wait, there you go. Just make "Fucking" an official part of the name. We think it's almost impossible to say the name without it anyway."
** [[http://www.cracked.com/article_18646_the-5-most-insane-improvised-weapons-that-were-animals_p2.html Testosticor Fantastiballs.]]
* {{Badass}}: Several lists commit themselves to talking about the most badass things found in that subject. Most notably, [[http://www.cracked.com/article_15895_5-most-badass-presidents-all-time.html The 5 Most Badass Presidents of All-Time]].
** Jack O'Brien, the "boss guy" of Cracked. He's possibly an insanely hardened criminal badass who likes to make time for "Jack's Rock Hour". The fact that he's the superior to ''the columnists'' say something about him.
** BadassGrandpa: [[http://www.cracked.com/article_19242_6-old-people-who-could-kick-your-ass.html 6 Old People Who Could Kick Your Ass]]
** BadassMustache: If the subject of one of their articles has awesome facial hair, they ''will'' point it out.
-->'''Commenter [=CavalierX=], on U.S. Marshal Bass Reeves''': That's not a man with a moustache on his lip; that's a moustache with a man on its ass.
** BadassPrincess: [[http://www.cracked.com/article_19478_5-real-princesses-too-badass-disney-movies.html ...who are too badass for Disney movies.]]
* BadBoss: [[http://www.cracked.com/article/89_the-6-most-horrific-bosses-all-time/ These six]].
* BagOfHolding: Photoplasty advertises jeans with such a pocket in [[http://www.cracked.com/photoplasty_273_26-ads-products-that-must-exist-in-video-games_p26/#13 Ads for Products That Must Exist in Video Games]].
* BaitAndSwitchComment: This is a not uncommon format for article titles, such as "[[http://www.cracked.com/article_17093_10-awesome-ads-for-traumatizing-children.html 10 Awesome Ads (For Traumatizing Children)]]".
* Franchise/{{Batman}}. Seriously. He's the [[FrankMiller god-damn]] Patron Saint of this site. If ''anything'' can have a Batman reference, it will.
* BearsAreBadNews: The final entry in [[http://www.cracked.com/article_18550_5-true-war-stories-that-put-every-action-movie-to-shame_p2.html 5 True War Stories That Put Every Action Movie to Shame]]. We'll just let it speak for itself.
** There's also the commenter Eric the [[Film/IngloriousBasterds Bear Jew]], who's well known for threatening to maul people
* TheBeastmaster: In Photoplasty contest [[http://www.cracked.com/photoplasty_553_28-inspirational-image-memes-revised-honesty/ 28 Inspirational Image Memes (Revised for Honesty)]], #5 is "If at first you don't succeed, command an army of birds."
* UsefulNotes/TheBechdelTest: Luke [=McKinney=] points out in [[http://www.cracked.com/blog/the-4-best-moments-in-worst-movies-ever-made_p2/ The 4 Best Moments in the Worst Movies Ever Made]] that the movie based on the video game ''Franchise/DeadOrAlive'' "physically beats the shit out of the Bechdel test" "within the first 10 minutes".
* BehindTheBlack: In Swaim's normal series you never see his legs, and he once claimed to not have any.
* BerserkButton: Seanbaby has a HUGE one in the "romance" guides of one Gregory JP Godek. Every article he even tangentially features in devolves into Seanbaby cursing his birth.
** Cody and TwoAndAHalfMen. If the show comes up at any point in one of his articles, expect it to devolve into pure bile.
* BeTheBall: The operation of the Morph Ball in ''VideoGame/{{Metroid}}'' is the #27 [[http://www.cracked.com/photoplasty_388_27-science-lessons-as-taught-by-famous-video-games/ Science Lesson As Taught by Famous Video Games]].
* BetterByADifferentName:
** Discussed in #4 of [[http://www.cracked.com/blog/6-common-movie-arguments-that-are-always-wrong/ 6 Common Movie Arguments That Are Always Wrong]].
** Yet it goes on to explain why ''HomeAlone'' and ''Film/DieHard'' are [[http://www.cracked.com/funny-4445-home-alone/ the same movie]].
* BetterThanCanon:[[invoked]] Invoked: [[http://www.cracked.com/article/18367_6-insane-fan-theories-that-actually-make-great-movies-better/ 6 insane fan theories that actually make great movies better.]]
** [[http://www.cracked.com/article_19266_5-movie-fan-theories-that-make-more-sense-than-movie.html 5 Movie Fan Theories That Make More Sense Than the Movie]].
* BewareTheNiceOnes: Katy in "[[http://www.cracked.com/video_18434_worst-fight-club-ever.html Worst Fight Club Ever]]"; she's bubbly, cheerfully enthusiastic and brings everyone snacks, but is apparently a member of ''another'' fight club and manages to lay Breandon out with one punch without losing her cheeriness once..
* TheBigGuy: Compared to the other columnists, Seanbaby is this physically, Robert Brockway is [[HotBlooded this in personality.]]
** Also, Michael Swaim. He doesn't look that big until he's placed next to his coworkers in video sketches, when it becomes readily apparent that he is a full head taller (or more) than everyone else.
** John Cheese too at 6"3".
* BilingualDialogue: Called [[http://www.cracked.com/article_18721_the-5-stupidest-ways-movies-deal-with-foreign-languages.html The 5th Stupidest Way Movies Deal with Foreign Languages]].
* BlackComedy: [[http://www.cracked.com/article/188_7-great-products-telling-world-youre-rich-dick/ 7 Great Products for Telling the World You're a Rich Dick]].
-->"Perhaps you could pretend the people out in the street begging for food are orcs!"
* BlackComedyRape
* BlatantLies: "America's Only Humor & Video Site, [[AnachronismStew Since 1958]]". This date refers to [[Magazine/{{Cracked}} Cracked's beginning as a magazine]] rivaling ''Magazine/{{Mad}}'' in 1958.
** By 2013, the "Since 1958" had disappeared from the front page. But stories still refer to it occasionally, such as "[[http://www.cracked.com/article_20601_6-ridiculous-myths-you-believe-about-stuff-you-use-every-day_p2.html 6 Ridiculous Myths You Believe About Stuff You Use Every Day]]" which states that locking refrigerators were banned in the United States around the time ''Cracked'' first appeared on newsstands.
* BleepDammit: The titles of articles about [[http://www.cracked.com/quick-fixes/5-meteor-videos-that-prove-russians-dont-give-f2340k/ meteors]] and [[http://www.cracked.com/blog/6-video-game-endings-that-are-clearly-f234025ing-with-us/ video game endings]] jarringly [[SymbolSwearing grawlix out]] a certain word starting with F that article bodies use uncensored all the time. Yet [[http://www.cracked.com/article_18380_the-6-most-statistically-full-shit-professions.html an article about so-called experts]] gets away with an S-bomb in the title.
* BlindWeaponmaster: One of Jorden Weir's [[http://www.cracked.com/article_20653_5-people-whose-major-disabilities-only-made-them-stronger.html 5 People Whose Major Disabilities Only Made Them Stronger]] is a blind sharpshooter.
* BlockPuzzle: The reason "interior design" is #3 on [[http://www.cracked.com/blog/5-real-skills-video-games-have-secretly-been-teaching-us/#ixzz1aa4xYJ1T 5 Real Skills Video Games Have Secretly Been Teaching Us]]. Apparently, all that moving blocks around is great training for knowing just how to arrange furniture to make it easy to get around.
** You'd think he'd mention the LightAndMirrorsPuzzle as well. I know I'd hire a ''Deflektor'' veteran to set up the lamps and mirrors in my study so the light was just right.
* BMovie: [[http://www.cracked.com/photoplasty_235_b-movie-posters-classic-films/ B-Movie Posters for Classic Films]].
* BitingTheHandHumor: [[http://www.cracked.com/blog/5-terrible-combinations-made-from-great-things/#ixzz1jTJ2Dlkn "It's the stupidest idea for someone to sink money into ever since somebody decided to start a website based only on the name recognition of a magazine that no longer existed."]]
* BodyHorror: [[http://www.cracked.com/photoplasty_175_when-human-evolution-adapts-to-modern-gadgets_p1 This]] Photoplasty contest.
* BottomlessBladder: Photoplasty advertises undergarments and supplements that make this possible in "Ads for Products That Must Exist in Video Games": [[http://www.cracked.com/photoplasty_273_26-ads-products-that-must-exist-in-video-games_p26/#20 #20]] and [[http://www.cracked.com/photoplasty_273_26-ads-products-that-must-exist-in-video-games_p26/#4 #4]].
* BoxAndStickTrap: #13 of Photoplasty [[http://www.cracked.com/photoplasty_520_18-things-you-never-noticed-in-famous-pictures-part-2/ 18 Things You Never Noticed in Famous Pictures (Part 2)]] takes Kevin Carter's Pulitzer-winning photo of a vulture stalking a crouching Sudanese child and adds a ray of hope by having the child bait a vulture into such a trap. A kid's gotta eat somehow.
* BreadEggsBreadedEggs:
** [[http://www.cracked.com/blog/5-animals-that-could-take-over-world-if-they-wanted-to/ Animals that could take over the world if they wanted to]]
--> "... humans have been able to relax and dedicate our fight-or-flight reflexes to more leisurely pursuits, like car racing and fight clubs and car fighting."
** "So when a [[http://www.cracked.com/blog/4-superpowers-everyone-thinks-they-secretly-have/ camera, or a phone, or a camera phone]] doesn't heed our commands..."
** "[[http://www.cracked.com/article_20538_6-games-that-put-insane-detail-into-stuff-you-didnt-notice_p2.html [The NPC] may get killed by a monster, robbed by a thief, or killed and robbed by a monster thief...]]
** Cities that get a lot of tourism are characterized using this in [[http://www.cracked.com/blog/5-stupid-travel-myths-everyone-believes/ 5 Stupid Travel Myths Everyone Believes]].
--> By simply walking around, you'll ... see the way they drive (manically), the way they urinate in the street (freely), and the way they urinate while they drive (frothily).
** In [[http://www.cracked.com/blog/5-terrible-things-we-only-know-because-internet/ 5 Terrible Things We Only Know Because of the Internet]], Felix Clay describes the Internet as "full of hilarious gifs and cats and gifs of cats."
** [[http://www.cracked.com/article_20707_7-mind-blowing-chemical-reactions-you-wont-believe-are-real_p2.html 7 Mind-Blowing Chemical Reactions You Won't Believe Are Real]] describes triboluminescence, the effect where crushing certain crystals releases light.
--> Back in the 18th century, when many folks still thought scientific phenomena were caused by ghosts or witches or the ghosts of witches, scientists used this effect to prank "simple people".
* BreadEggsMilkSquick: [[http://www.cracked.com/article_18508_6-terrifying-diseases-that-science-cant-explain.html#ixzz0q9xtIEL6 This article]]. "In severe cases, the condition results in difficulty breathing, problems swallowing, ''muscle ruptures and fucking broken bones''."
** And zig-zagged in [[http://www.cracked.com/article_19410_5-absurdly-expensive-pieces-junk-food.html this article]]: "Ramen is a bowl of noodles, broth, spices and [[PerpetualPoverty destitution]] that you'll find in college dorms and poverty-stricken homes across the U.S. "
** And the final entry in [[http://www.cracked.com/blog/the-7-worst-behaviors-public-transportation/?wa_user1=2&wa_user2=Weird+World&wa_user3=blog&wa_user4=feature_module this article]] about bad behavior on public transport is [[spoiler:getting raped by your rickshaw driver]].
** From [[http://www.cracked.com/article_19499_6-attempts-at-damage-control-that-caused-way-bigger-problems.html this article]], the opening sentence says "Mistakes are an inevitable part of human nature, but there's a system for dealing with them the right way -- The Four A's: Assess the damage, Acknowledge your role, Apologize sincerely and Assassinate all accusers."
** [[http://www.cracked.com/article_19957_8-mind-blowing-realities-our-future-full-old-people_p2.html 8 Mind-Blowing Realities of Our Future Full of Old People]]" compares making a home safe for senior citizens to childproofing.
-->Plugs have to be covered, gates erected, breakables moved, cabinets locked, knives dulled, bullets replaced with blanks, etc.
** [[http://www.cracked.com/article_20102_5-dirty-jokes-in-modern-movies-that-are-older-than-film.html 5 Dirty Jokes in Movies (That are Older than Film)]]
-->We tend to think of the past as a classier time when people amused themselves with nothing but clever witticisms, ingenious wordplay and racism.
*** And from that same article:
-->We see mama jokes on TV and in movies all the time, most commonly in lighthearted comedies like ''Series/SaturdayNightLive'', ''Series/{{Community}}'' and ''Film/TheExorcist''.
** [[http://www.cracked.com/photoplasty_493_if-holiday-cards-were-allowed-to-kick-ass/?view=article If Holiday Cards were Allowed to Kick Ass]]:
-->Naturally, most of these cards are underwhelming -- what with the nice family photo or cute children dressed as elves or a Santa cat plotting to kill its owner
* BreakableWeapons: Photoplasty advertises a product that dulls weapons in [[http://www.cracked.com/photoplasty_273_26-ads-products-that-must-exist-in-video-games_p26/#9 Ads for Products That Must Exist in Video Games]].
* BrickJoke: A while back, Daniel O'Brien wrote [[http://www.cracked.com/blog/human-clones-do-you-fk-or-fight/ this article]], about what to do when alone in a room with your doppelganger. In Agents of Cracked season 2 episode 3, he finds himself in that exact situation, and the doppelganger brings up the article.
** While the article itself is not brought up, the meet-your-doppelganger scenario showed up in Agents of Cracked season 1 episode 7 "Curse of the Idol".
*** Which means that DOB has both [[spoiler:fucked and fought himself.]]
* BritishTeeth: #8 of [[http://www.cracked.com/photoplasty_692_29-insane-pastimes-that-prove-history-was-terrifying_p29/#8 29 Insane Pastimes that prove History was Terrifying]] details how Queen Elizabeth 's love of sugar left her with black teeth- a fad that would soon follow to all of England's upper class. This fact is even mentioned in the trope article.
* BrownNote: According to [[http://www.cracked.com/article_20678_5-bizarre-animal-chain-reactions-our-daily-lives-are-causing.html 5 Bizarre Animal Chain Reactions Our Daily Lives Are Causing]], humans' ships' sonar gives squid fatal seizures.
* BrutalHonesty: The premise behind "[[http://www.cracked.com/article_15954_if-oscar-acceptance-speeches-told-truth.html If Oscar Acceptance Speeches Told The Truth]]", parodying the Oscar acceptance speeches of DenzelWashington for ''Film/TrainingDay'', Creator/AngelinaJolie for ''Film/GirlInterrupted'', Creator/TomHanks for ''Film/{{Philadelphia}}'', Jamie Foxx for ''Film/{{Ray}}'', AlPacino for ''Film/ScentOfAWoman'', and Creator/BenAffleck and Creator/MattDamon for ''Film/GoodWillHunting''. Denzel Washington laments the fact that he won an oscar for portraying a role that could be described as a black stereotype, Angelina Jolie thanks {{Nepotism}} for getting her this far in Hollywood, Tom Hanks feels the need to [[HaveIMentionedIAmHeterosexualToday remind everyone that he is heterosexual]] after playing a gay character, Jamie Foxx thanks Ray Charles for dying just in time so it would create enough buzz for him to win the oscar, Al Pacino accuses the Academy of overlooking his previous subdued performances and decides to go into LargeHam mode for the rest of his career, and Ben Affleck and Matt Damon reveal that they didn't actually write the script, and originally conceived of it as an action movie.[[note]]Cracked is decidedly wrong on ''Good Will Hunting''. Affleck and Damon ''did'' write the script almost entirely by themselves, although it was indeed conceived as more of a spy thriller before they changed it to a straightforward drama.[[/note]]
* BuddyCopShow Where TheyFightCrime
** ''[[http://www.cracked.com/blog/why-crimes-would-never-get-solved-at-a-tv-police-station/ Why Crimes Would Never Get Solved At A TV Police Station]]''
** Called an easy way to involve a TokenMinority in the #1 [[http://www.cracked.com/blog/the-4-weirdest-lessons-80s-movies-really-wanted-to-teach-us_p2/ Weirdest Lesson '80s Movies Really Wanted to Teach Us]].
* BungledSuicide: [[http://www.cracked.com/article_20236_6-insane-disney-comics-you-wont-believe-are-real.html 6 Insane Disney Comics You Won't Believe Are Real]] shows some 1930 [[ComicBook/MickeyMouseComicUniverse Mickey strips]] where breaking up with Minnie causes him to attempt suicide several ways but fail each time.
* BurnTheWitch: Being burned is Film/MaryPoppins's nightmare according to a Photoplasty: [[http://www.cracked.com/photoplasty_334_24-nightmares-famous-fictional-characters_p24/#8 24 Nightmares of Famous Fictional Characters]]
* ButchLesbian: Photoplasty [[http://www.cracked.com/photoplasty_581_17-famous-images-as-seen-from-different-angle/?view=article Famous Images, As Seen From a Different Angle]] has the linked-Venus lesbianism symbol on [[WrenchWench Rosie the Riveter's]] bicep.
* ButHeSoundsHandsome: In [[http://www.cracked.com/blog/this-is-why-you-dont-steal-from-cracked/ "This Is Why You Don't Steal From Cracked"]], DOB doesn't know WHO retaliated against the plagiarist, but is probably someone handsome and witty and with just a hint of Spider-Man-like qualities.
* ButtMonkey: Anytime [[ComicBook/TheAvengers Hawkeye]] is mentioned, it's invariably to criticize him for being the worst Avenger.
* CaliforniaDoubling: [[http://www.cracked.com/article_20173_6-places-youll-recognize-from-background-every-movie.html?wa_user1=2&wa_user2=Movies+%26+TV&wa_user3=article&wa_user4=companion "6 Places You'll Recognize from the Background of Every Movie"]].
* CanadaEh: Chris Bucholz has a "babbling, near-unintelligible Canadian accent" and apparently, because of the sound of it, birds won't land when he's nearby.
* CaptionContest: The daily [[http://www.cracked.com/craptions/ Craption Contest]], where users submit captions for a silly picture and get votes on which one is the funniest.
* {{Catchphrase}}: "Oh shit, we went there", for when the article is about to slam a beloved character, such as Franchise/{{Batman}} or [[Franchise/StarWars Obi-wan]].
* CerealViceReward: The video "[[http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=j4S-SVGd3pI If Cereal Mascots Got Serious About Stealing Cereal"]] is about this trope and deconstructs it, while tossing in elements of ''Film/ReservoirDogs''.
* ChainmailBikini
** One of the "[[http://www.cracked.com/article_19922_5-prejudices-that-video-games-cant-seem-to-get-over.html 5 Prejudices That Video Games Can't Seem to Get Over]]".
** One of [[http://www.cracked.com/photoplasty_586_31-life-lessons-you-can-only-learn-from-video-games/ 31 Life Lessons You Can Only Learn From Video Games]] is that "the less it covers, the more it protects."
* ChangingClothesIsAFreeAction: In real life it isn't, according to [[http://www.cracked.com/blog/5-video-game-strategies-that-are-way-less-useful-in-reality/ 5 Video Game Strategies that Are Way Less Useful in Reality]].
* ChristmasCreep: [[http://www.cracked.com/quick-fixes/4-ways-companies-are-trying-to-start-christmas-already/ 4 Ways Companies Are Trying To Start Christmas Already]] claims some retailers put their decorations up in ''June''.
* ChuckCunninghamSyndrome: [[http://www.cracked.com/blog/what-happened-to-ross/ What ever happened to columnist Ross Wolinsky?]]
* CityInABottle: An article lists [[http://www.cracked.com/article_19976_6-isolated-groups-who-had-no-idea-that-civilization-existed.html 6 isolated groups who had no idea that civilization existed]].
* ClarkKenting: [[http://www.cracked.com/article_18617_the-9-stupidest-superhero-secret-identities.html?wa_user1=2&wa_user2=Weird+World&wa_user3=article&wa_user4=flashback The 9 Stupidest Superhero Secret Identities]]. The TropeNamer is #1.
* ClassicCheatCode: VideoGame/{{Doom}} "idspispopd" referenced in a Photoplasty: [[http://www.cracked.com/photoplasty_273_26-ads-products-that-must-exist-in-video-games_p26/#18 Ads for Products That Must Exist in Video Games]]
* CleanPrettyChildbirth: It posted an article called [[http://www.cracked.com/article_16508_6-terrifying-things-they-dont-tell-you-about-childbirth.html 6 Terrifying Things They Don't Tell You About Childbirth,]] none of which you will see in media (except for maybe the bill).
* ClothesMakeTheSuperman: One of [[http://www.cracked.com/photoplasty_586_31-life-lessons-you-can-only-learn-from-video-games/ 31 Life Lessons You Can Only Learn From Video Games]] uses Mario's suits to make the point that "there is no problem that a change of wardrobe won't solve."
* ColorCodedArmies: One of [[http://www.cracked.com/photoplasty_586_31-life-lessons-you-can-only-learn-from-video-games/ 31 Life Lessons You Can Only Learn From Video Games]] is that "somebody being the wrong color is a perfectly okay reason to attack them."
* CombatMedic: [[http://www.cracked.com/article_20706_the-5-most-badass-medics-in-history-war_p2.html?wa_user1=3&wa_user2=History&wa_user3=article&wa_user4=feature_module The 5 Most Badass Medics In The History of War ]]
* ComeForTheXStayForTheY: In-universe. [[http://www.cracked.com/article_20464_5-words-you-use-every-day-with-shockingly-dark-backstories.html 5 Words You Use Every Day With Shockingly Dark Backstories]] links the word "fornication" to prostitutes finding clients in bakeries. It gives as an example the novel ''Literature/{{Satyricon}}'' by Gaius Petronius, which "talks about bakers tricking clients into coming for the bread and staying 'thither for the base gratification of wantonness.'"
* ComicallyMissingThePoint: One article bashes {{Boastful Rap}}s for being ''unrealistic.''
** You can expect the idiots in the comments section to do this quite a bit- the people who genuinely took the "[[http://www.cracked.com/blog/4-steps-to-staying-relevant-as-bully-in-modern-world/ Four Steps to Staying Relevant as a Bully]]" article as serious advice are a notable example.
* CommieNazis: An alliance between Nazi Germany and Soviet Russia was narrowly averted according to "[[http://www.cracked.com/article_20192_5-insane-what-if-scenarios-that-almost-changed-everything_p2.html 5 Insane 'What If' Scenarios That Almost Changed Everything]]".
* ConcealmentEqualsCover: One of [[http://www.cracked.com/photoplasty_586_31-life-lessons-you-can-only-learn-from-video-games/ 31 Life Lessons You Can Only Learn From Video Games]] is that "bullets can't pass through wood or cars."
* ConLang: A Northern California argot called [[https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Boontling Boontling]] is one of [[http://www.cracked.com/article_20110_5-secret-languages-that-stuck-it-to-man_p2.html 5 secret languages that stuck it to the man]]. It uses English grammar but replaces many of the content words.
* ContinuityNod: If a writer thinks something is particularly funny, they'll probably throw it in to whatever situation they feel is remotely appropriate. See [[http://www.cracked.com/blog/4-unintentionally-depressing-self-help-books-on-happiness/ this]] article where Seanbaby takes a potshot at Bullet Ball, the inventor of which you may recall being number one on Seanbaby's list of the greatest failures in the history of talent shows ever.
* ConvectionSchmonvection: Discussed in the final entry of [[http://www.cracked.com/article_18862_6-deadly-injuries-you-think-youd-survive-thanks-to-movies.html 6 Deadly Injuries You Think You'd Survive (Thanks to Movies)]].
* CoolAndUnusualPunishment: [[http://www.cracked.com/article_20564_5-brilliant-uses-humiliation-to-fight-crime.html 5 Brilliant Uses of Humiliation to Fight Crime]]
* CoveredUp: [[invoked]] One of [[http://www.cracked.com/article_20403_6-famous-songs-written-by-last-person-youd-expect_p2.html 6 Famous Songs Written by the Last Person You'd Expect]] is "Red Red Wine", written and originally recorded by Music/NeilDiamond and popularized by Music/{{UB40}}'s cover.
* CowboyBebopAtHisComputer: Many articles are plagued by this trope. See DanBrowned entry below.
* CreatorPreferredAdaptation: [[http://www.cracked.com/article_20287_5-movies-that-improved-book-according-to-author.html 5 Movies That Improved the Book (According to the Author)]]
* CrappyHolidays: [[http://www.cracked.com/article_20092_5-everyday-things-that-can-literally-drive-you-crazy_p2.html 5 Everyday Things That Can Literally Drive You Crazy]] links seasonal affective disorder in part to "three straight months of Christmas music."
* CrazyCatLady:
** Parodied by Christina H., whose column is called "Let Me Tell You About My Cats."
** Pets are #5 of the [[http://www.cracked.com/article_16220_6-things-you-didnt-know-you-could-get-addicted-to.html 6 Things You Didn't Know You Could Get Addicted To]], and this article links it to ''Toxoplasma gondii'' parasites.
** Photoplasty [[http://www.cracked.com/photoplasty_581_17-famous-images-as-seen-from-different-angle_p2/?view=article Famous Images, As Seen From a Different Angle]] shows a dozen cats on the side of the room that we don't see in James McNeill Whistler's famous portrait of his mother.
* CreatorBacklash: [[http://www.cracked.com/article_18593_6-classics-despised-by-people-who-created-them.html?wa_user1=1&wa_user2=Weird+World&wa_user3=article&wa_user4=flashback 6 Classics Despised by the People Who Created Them]]
* CreatorBreakdown: Several of John Cheese's articles, particularly his recent ones, have been informed by his less-than-happy childhood and personal issues stemming from this.
** DOB's gotten in on this trope, too, on occasion, though not nearly to the extent Cheese has.
* CriticalEncumbranceFailure: A human being able to lift 300 kg as if it were nothing but not 301 kg is the #12 [[http://www.cracked.com/photoplasty_388_27-science-lessons-as-taught-by-famous-video-games_p2/ Science Lesson As Taught by Famous Video Games]].
* CrouchingMoronHiddenBadass: [[http://www.cracked.com/article_15760_closeted-badasses-6-famous-wusses-that-would-own-you.html Closeted Badasses: 6 Famous Wusses That Would Own You]].
** And also, [[http://www.cracked.com/article_20301_the-5-most-secretly-badass-countries.html The 5 Most Secretly Badass Countries]].
* TheCSIEffect: [[invoked]]Explained as arising from the misconception that government agencies are staffed by geniuses, according to "[[http://www.cracked.com/article_18960_5-things-tv-writers-apparently-believe-about-smart-people_p2.html 5 Things TV Writers Apparently Believe About Smart People]]".
* CutenessProximity: Any article involving cute animals will at some point dissolve into cuddly-wuddy goo, usually just before describing [[KillerRabbit how that thing will kill you.]]
* DanBrowned: Often times their articles, even if they're cited, end up being either gross misrepresentations of the facts or even flat-out lies. A particularly {{egregious}} example is in their article "If Oscar Speeches Told the Truth" where they claim the screenplay to ''GoodWillHunting'' wasn't really written by Creator/MattDamon and Creator/BenAffleck, and the citation they link to ''directly contradicts their entire point''.
* DancingBear: [[invoked]] Felix Clay in [[http://www.cracked.com/blog/6-horror-mashups-just-crazy-enough-to-be-awesome/ 6 Horror Mashups Just Crazy Enough to Be Awesome]] calls ''Film/{{TheHumanCentipede}}'' a "Shlock shock horror movie that was made solely for the sensationalism of saying it was actually made [...] The novelty of this movie ended with the idea of it."
* DangerousWorkplace: Apparently the Cracked headquarters is a hellish place run by deranged lunatics lead by a rockstar-like figure with NoOSHACompliance whatsoever where writers prefer dangerous reporting missions than to writing in a wooden cage while DOB is out with a working lighter.
** In ''AgentsOfCracked'', it's a somewhat deranged workplace run by a [[FaceFramedInShadow mysterious badass]], whose requirements for employment involve killing a man, and terrorists and ''Michael'' are allowed to roam.
* DarkerAndEdgier:
** "[[http://www.cracked.com/blog/3-movies-they-dont-make-anymore-but-really-should/ 3 Movies They Don't Make Anymore (But Really Should)]]" decries the trend of "taking popular, existing properties and bringing out the darkest and grittiest aspects they can find" seen in ''Film/HanselAndGretelWitchHunters'', among other movies.
** In "[[http://www.cracked.com/quick-fixes/4-bizarrely-specific-rules-fairy-tale-adaptations-all-follow/ 4 Bizarrely Specific Rules Fairy Tale Adaptations All Follow]]", David Christopher Bell claims that all film adaptations of fairy tales invoke this to invert {{Disneyfication}}.
* DavidVersusGoliath: ''Cracked'' cites a few cases.
** [[http://www.cracked.com/article/93_the-7-most-badass-man-vs.-beast-showdowns/ The 7 Most Badass Man vs. Beast Showdowns]] includes a man driving a bear by kicking in the face and a women driving a way hippo by hitting in the head with a stick.
** [[http://www.cracked.com/article_19565_9-old-timey-animal-photos-you-wont-believe-are-real.html 9 Old Timey AnimalPhotos You Won't Believe Are Real]] has another case with man named Gus Waldorf going into a boxing match against bear, and as they put it "[[WorfHadTheFlu Since they followed boxing protocol as opposed to the bear's preferred combat style of straight up mauling everyone, its teeth and claws were restricted with a muzzle and boxing gloves. And even though the bear went into the ring severely handicapped,]] [[RealityEnsues Waldorf still lost the fight]] [[PunyHumans due to the handicap of not being a bear]]."
** [[http://www.cracked.com/article_20468_the-6-most-mismatched-battles-ever-won-by-underdogs.html The 6 Most Mismatched Battles Ever Won by Underdogs]] relates victories by severely outnumbered forces in Persia, the Ottomans, Korea, Hungary, and the Mongols.
* DeathBySex: [[http://www.cracked.com/article_20657_the-6-most-bizarre-ways-to-lose-popular-video-games.html The 6 Most Bizarre Ways to Lose Popular Video Games]] describes an odd NonstandardGameOver in ''VideoGame/MassEffect2''.
* DeathWorld: Having grown tired of jokes about Australia, Cracked has now gone on to imply we live in a [[http://www.cracked.com/article_19117_7-horrible-ways-universe-can-destroy-us-without-warning.html Death universe.]]
* DeceptivelyHumanRobots: Michael Swaim consistently refers to himself as "your Host Droid".
* DeconReconSwitch: [[http://www.cracked.com/blog/3-reasons-its-so-hard-to-make-superman-interesting_p2/ 3 Reasons It's So Hard to Make Superman Interesting]] spends a page deconstructing the Boring InvincibleHero and then another reconstructing a hero faced with the SadisticChoice of whom to save at any given moment.
* DeconstructorFleet: Frequently, the themes for the photoshop contests amount to "Show what X would be like in the real world."
** A lot of other articles tend toward this theme as well. ''Cracked's'' attitude toward fictional media of any sort seems to be "This would suck if it were real, therefore you suck for enjoying it in escapist fiction."
* DepartmentOfRedundancyDepartment : "Now it's time to check in on the robot body I'm building to put Clippy's mind into, in a segment I like to call 'Checking in on the robot body I'm building to put Clippy's mind into.'"
* DescriptionCut: Quite common. Sometimes an entry will end with something along the lines of 'The only thing crazier than that would be if x happened.' with the next entry being x.
* DesignatedHero: [[invoked]] [[http://www.cracked.com/article/165_6-movie-heroes-who-sucked-at-their-jobs/ 6 Movie Heroes Who Sucked at Their Jobs]].
* DigitalPiracyIsEvil: [[http://www.cracked.com/article_18513_5-insane-file-sharing-panics-from-before-internet.html 5 Insane File Sharing Panics From Before The Internet]]
* DirtyCoward: [[http://www.cracked.com/article_19892_the-5-least-courageous-things-ever-done-in-crisis.html The 5 Least Courageous Things Ever Done in a Crisis]]
* DisabilitySuperpower:
** Someone with no legs would make a better fighter pilot because G forces wouldn't drain blood to the legs, according to the article [[http://www.cracked.com/article_18624_5-people-who-turned-awful-disabilities-into-superpowers.html 5 People Who Turned Awful Disabilities Into Superpowers]].
** One of Jorden Weir's [[http://www.cracked.com/article_20653_5-people-whose-major-disabilities-only-made-them-stronger.html 5 People Whose Major Disabilities Only Made Them Stronger]] is a mixed martial artist missing half of one forearm, making him a lot harder to grab.
* DiscreditedTrope: [[invoked]] Several articles discuss tropes deemed discredited. These include [[http://www.cracked.com/article_17392_6-sci-fi-movie-conventions-that-need-to-die.html 6 Sci-Fi Movie Conventions (That Need to Die)]] and [[http://www.cracked.com/article_20467_5-overused-twist-endings-its-time-movies-to-retire.html 5 Overused Twist Endings It's Time For Movies to Retire]].
* DisproportionateRetribution: Clippy [[http://www.cracked.com/blog/clippy-finally-messes-with-the-wrong-word-doc/ taunts Brockway]] about his grammar and writing skills. In return, Brockway murders his wife, mentally destroys his children, mocks Clippy's failed suicide attempt following that, and finally summons Cthulhu to drag Clippy's bleeding body away for infinite torment. [[ComedicSociopathy Harsh, yet hilarious.]]
** [[http://www.cracked.com/blog/7-obnoxious-behaviors-that-should-be-punishable-by-death/ And here]], 7 Obnoxious Behaviours That Should Be Punishable By Death.
** Seen again in [[http://www.cracked.com/blog/greatest-note-ever-left-dented-car/?wa_user1=3&wa_user2=Weird+World&wa_user3=blog&wa_user4=feature_module this article.]]
** Robert Brockway's playthrough of ''VideoGame/FalloutNewVegas'' made him realize that he placed more value over the life of his dog companion than that of other humans. When a soldier glitched out and shot the dog, [[RoaringRampageOfRevenge he killed every last citizen in town with a dress cane]] before he finally found the reload game option through the tears in his eyes.
* DistractedByTheSexy: Men make more short-term-oriented decisions after exposure to sexual stimuli, as explained in #3 of [[http://www.cracked.com/article_20332_5-unrealistic-movie-cliches-that-are-scientifically-accurate.html 5 Unrealistic Movie Cliches That Are Scientifically Accurate]].
* DoesThisRemindYouOfAnything: DOB considers the hair-braid USB in ''Film/{{Avatar}}'' to be basically rape.
* DolledUpInstallment: "[[http://www.cracked.com/article_20187_5-little-known-sequels-that-ruined-iconic-stories.html 5 Little-Known Sequels That Ruined Iconic Stories]]" explains that Charles Webb admitted that his novel ''Literature/HomeSchool'', the sequel to ''Literature/TheGraduate'', had the old characters shoehorned into a new story.
* DoubleStandard: "[[http://www.cracked.com/article_19922_5-prejudices-that-video-games-cant-seem-to-get-over_p2.html 5 Prejudices That Video Games Can't Seem to Get Over]]" claims that video games allow lesbian subtext but no male gay subtext.
* DramaticThunder: Mentioned in [[http://www.cracked.com/article_18644_5-world-changing-decisions-made-ridiculous-reasons_p2.html?wa_user1=5&wa_user2=History&wa_user3=article&wa_user4=recommended 5 World Changing Decisions (Made for Ridiculous Reasons]], regarding the plane crash that killed BuddyHolly
-->When Buddy found out his bassist Waylon Jennings wasn't going to be on the plane, he said to him: "Well, I hope your ol' bus freezes up." Jennings ominously replied: "Well, I hope your ol' plane crashes." A clap of thunder was heard in the background.
* DreamApocalypse: In an episode of ''Series/StarTrekTheNextGeneration'', via [[http://www.cracked.com/article_20470_5-horrifying-implications-star-trek-universe.html 5 Horrifying Implications of the 'Star Trek' Universe]], Picard is playing holodeck when one of the characters asks him: "When you're gone, will this world still exist? Will my wife and kids still be waiting for me at home?"
* DuetBonding: #2 of [[http://www.cracked.com/article_20332_5-unrealistic-movie-cliches-that-are-scientifically-accurate.html 5 Unrealistic Movie Cliches That Are Scientifically Accurate]] points out a study finding that people singing together end up synchronizing their brainwaves.
* DumpsterDive: It's a way of life in Manshiyat Naser, whose residents live off Cairo's garbage, making it one of [[http://www.cracked.com/article_19590_the-6-weirdest-cities-people-actually-live-in.html The 6 Weirdest Cities People Actually Live In]].
* TheDungAges: Debunked in "[[http://www.cracked.com/article_20186_6-ridiculous-myths-about-middle-ages-everyone-believes.html 6 Ridiculous Myths About the Middle Ages Everyone Believes]]" and "[[http://www.cracked.com/article_20615_5-ridiculous-myths-you-probably-believe-about-dark-ages.html 5 Ridiculous Myths You Probably Believe About the Dark Ages]]".
* EarnYourHappyEnding: After churning out article after depressing biographical article, [[TheWoobie John Cheese]] gives us [[http://www.cracked.com/blog/5-reasons-life-actually-does-get-better/ this.]]
** Which then eventually leads into [[http://www.cracked.com/blog/5-ways-you-know-its-time-to-get-married/ this.]] Awwwwwww.
* EarWorm: [[invoked]] Discussed in [[http://www.cracked.com/article_19590_the-6-weirdest-cities-people-actually-live-in.html The 6 Weirdest Cities People Actually Live In]], after a bit about a city whose residents live off the capital's garbage: "Great, now we have the ''Series/SanfordAndSon'' theme stuck in our heads."
* EldritchAbomination: Popsicle Pete.
** [[AC:[[color:red:None of you are safe!]]]]
** [[FromBadToWorse He's only the herald]]. And he walks among us already.
** [[RunningGag Spiders.]]
** Gustave the Giant Crocodile. Robert Evans describes him as "a living, breathing, scream-eating dinosaur that is so sick of his own immortality that he passes the time by destroying life whenever he sees it."
** [[http://www.cracked.com/blog/extra21-mario-lopez-has-no-soul21/ Mario Lopez.]]
* ElementalEmbodiment: The #8 [[http://www.cracked.com/photoplasty_388_27-science-lessons-as-taught-by-famous-video-games_p2/#8 Science Lesson As Taught by Famous Video Games]] represents them as hot chicks.
* TheEndOfTheWorldAsWeKnowIt: Several articles list [[http://www.cracked.com/article_18387_5-ways-world-could-end-youd-never-see-coming.html things that can end the world]], things that can end the world [[http://www.cracked.com/article_16817_5-cosmic-events-that-could-kill-you-before-lunch.html when you don't expect it]], and things that can end the world ''[[http://www.cracked.com/article_17562_5-horrifying-apocalyptic-scenarios-that-have-already-happened.html that already happened]]''.
* EnforcedMethodActing: [[http://www.cracked.com/article_19693_5-amazing-performances-from-actors-who-werent-acting.html 5 Amazing Performances From Actors Who Weren't Acting]] and [[http://www.cracked.com/article_19099_12-classic-movie-moments-made-possible-by-abuse-murder.html 12 Classic Movie Moments Made Possible by Abuse and Murder]]
* EnhanceButton: Parodied in [[http://www.cracked.com/article_15849_7-viral-videos-you-didnt-know-were-staged-and-how-they-did-it.html 7 Viral Videos You Didn't Know Were Staged (and How They Did It)]]:
-->'''David Wong:''' [W]e turned the ["How I Got My Camera" viral video] over to the 30-man Cracked.com video analysis team, who spent six months processing every pixel of the original upload. After enhancing the image to a level of clarity more than 6,000 times that of the original, they reported that there was a prominent watermark for a site called wittkopp.net in the upper right.
* EnhancedRemake: The #3 [[http://www.cracked.com/photoplasty_388_27-science-lessons-as-taught-by-famous-video-games_p2/ Science Lesson As Taught by Famous Video Games]] is that "new 16-bit microscopes may prove existence of sub-pixel particles".
* {{Escalating Punchline}}: [[http://www.cracked.com/blog/6-bizarre-things-that-make-your-memory-worse-than-you-think To my brain, that long string of numbers might as well have been written in Morse code. By a toddler. That is an orangutan]].
* EvenEvilHasStandards: "Here at Cracked, one of our specialties is "not making jokes about the rape of Nanking"".
** [[http://www.cracked.com/article_19393_7-ruthless-criminals-who-turned-good-when-nobody-was-looking.html 7 Ruthless Criminals Who Turned Good When Nobody Was Looking]]
* EvenTheGuysWantHim: Ever since Soren Bowie's headshot was posted in [[http://www.cracked.com/blog/5-terrifying-things-movies-dont-tell-you-about-los-angeles/ this article]], most of the comment threads in his recent columns have consisted of both male and female readers fawning over him.
** Select highlights from reader comments include:
--> - Holy shiiiit Soren is a beautiful man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
--> - What I'm trying to say he looks like a sexy, sexy serial killer.
--> - Hmm, this seems like a well-written article full of information l can use to apply myself in the futu-SOOORRRRRRREEENNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNN
** This reaches new heights with the "Worst Bachelorette Party Ever" video, in which [[spoiler: Soren plays a stripper in a military uniform. And he ''really'' gets into the part.]]
* EveryDeviceIsASwissArmyKnife: Mentioned by name in #4 of [[http://www.cracked.com/article_17392_6-sci-fi-movie-conventions-that-need-to-die.html 6 Sci-Fi Movie Conventions (That Need to Die)]].
* EverythingIsRacist: A number of articles and columns have been criticized for taking this viewpoint.
* EverythingTryingToKillYou: Lots of lists involve various animals/places and how they can kill/maim/burn/harm you without even trying. Australia shows up a lot on these lists, apparently you need to kill five species of poisonous spider just to get to the bathroom.
** Also Brockway's book, ''[[http://www.amazon.com/Everything-Going-Kill-Everybody-Terrifyingly/dp/0307464342/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1249601995&sr=8-1 Everything Is Going to Kill Everybody: The Terrifyingly Real Ways the World Wants You Dead]]''.
* EverythingsBetterWithMonkeys:
** [[http://www.cracked.com/blog/the-7-best-kinds-monkeys-drunk-column/ The 7 Best Kinds of Monkeys]].
** M. Asher Cantrell's [[http://www.cracked.com/blog/the-10-biggest-password-mistakes-people-make/ The 10 Biggest Password Mistakes People Make]] cites a study claiming that half a percent of English-speaking Internet users have "monkey" as a password on an online account and suggests it may be related to the word's status as an InherentlyFunnyWord.
* EvilHand: Somatoparaphrenia, or the delusion that someone's limb is not his own, is discussed in [[http://www.cracked.com/article_19369_the-6-most-mind-blowing-ways-your-brain-can-malfunction.html The 6 Most Mind-Blowing Ways Your Brain Can Malfunction]]. It results from damage to the homunculus, the part of the brain that tracks where each body part is.
* ExactlyWhatItSaysOnTheTin:
** In [[http://www.cracked.com/quick-fixes/6-ridiculous-tumblrs-that-yahoo-just-paid-241-billion-for/ 6 Ridiculous Tumblrs That Yahoo Just Paid $1 Billion For]], Alex Hanton claims that [[http://brucespringsteenscrotch.tumblr.com/ Bruce Springsteen's Crotch]] and many other Tumblr blogs "stand up for truth in advertising. You click on this, you know exactly what you're getting."
** Readers retitle several movies in this manner in [[http://www.cracked.com/photoplasty_130_if-movie-titles-were-honest/ If Movie Titles Were Honest]].
* ExperimentedInCollege: One of the myths in [[http://www.cracked.com/article_19373_5-ridiculous-sex-myths-everyone-believes.html 5 Ridiculous Sex Myths Everyone Believes]].
* FakeNationality: [[invoked]] Resulting accent dissonance called [[http://www.cracked.com/article_18721_the-5-stupidest-ways-movies-deal-with-foreign-languages_p2.html The Single Stupidest Way Movies Deal with Foreign Languages]].
* FamousFamousFictional: This is #5 of [[http://www.cracked.com/article_17392_6-sci-fi-movie-conventions-that-need-to-die.html 6 Sci-Fi Movie Conventions (That Need to Die)]], the example being "Newton, Einstein, [[Film/StarTrekIITheWrathOfKhan Sulak]]".
* FanRemake: See freeware games below
* FantasticRacism:
** An article [[http://www.cracked.com/article_18475_6-horrifying-implications-awesome-fantasy-movie-universes.html 6 Horrifying Implications of Awesome Fantasy Movie Universes]] mentions how Middle-earth is segregated in the time of ''Literature/TheLordOfTheRings'': "There are no humans or elves living in the Shire, and if a hobbit is going to live in Rivendell, he'd better be a big goddamned deal."
** J.F. Sargent calls the very existence of {{Fantasy Counterpart Culture}}s one of the "[[http://www.cracked.com/article_19922_5-prejudices-that-video-games-cant-seem-to-get-over.html 5 Prejudices That Video Games Can't Seem to Get Over]]".
* FastballSpecial: One of [[http://www.cracked.com/photoplasty_586_31-life-lessons-you-can-only-learn-from-video-games/ 31 Life Lessons You Can Only Learn From Video Games]] is that "your unborn children make awesome weapons." The example given is from ''VideoGame/YoshisIsland''.
* FauxtivationalPoster: Photoplasty contest [[http://www.cracked.com/photoplasty_553_28-inspirational-image-memes-revised-honesty/ 28 Inspirational Image Memes (Revised for Honesty)]] parodies Successories and other inspirational glurge posters.
* FelonyMisdemeanor: Tom Reimann's column is called [[AC:Tom Reimann MUST BE STOPPED!]]. The banner for his articles shows him in a SelfDemonstrating/DoctorDoom-style getup, holding a can of red spraypaint, standing in front of [[VisualPun a building labeled "Art Museum" that has a big red letter F tagged next to "art"]].
* FetishFuel: Invoked by #3 of [[http://www.cracked.com/blog/6-emotions-invented-by-internet_p2/ 6 New Kinds of Anxiety the Internet Gave Us]] is "The Confusion/Disgust/Arousal of Stumbling Upon Someone Else's Sexual Fetish".
* FetishRetardant: [[invoked]] [[http://www.cracked.com/blog/the-8-most-misguided-attempts-at-sexy-videos-youtube/ The 8 Most Misguided Attempts at 'Sexy' Videos on YouTube]] describes several videos that could be taken as this.
* FifteenMinutesOfFame: #1 of [[http://www.cracked.com/blog/6-emotions-invented-by-internet_p2/ 6 New Kinds of Anxiety the Internet Gave Us]] is "The Shock of Instant, Unintentional Fame".
* {{Filler}}: The major columnists for the site almost never update on Saturday, so the site tends to link to images from older Photoshop contests to pad out the front page. Which [[FanDumb some readers]] ''still'' bitch about like it's a new thing.
* FinalDeath: Parodied in a Photoplasty. Inability to start a new game after having lost all lives is the [[http://www.cracked.com/photoplasty_381_22-terrible-ideas-that-would-have-ruined-great-video-games/ #22 terrible idea that would have ruined]] ''VideoGame/SuperMarioBros''.
* FireIceLightning: [[http://www.cracked.com/article_17549_6-badass-tricks-you-can-do-with-fire-that-might-kill-you.html?wa_user1=3&wa_user2=Science&wa_user3=article&wa_user4=yesincite 6 Badass Tricks You Can Do With Fire (That Might Kill You)]], [[http://www.cracked.com/article_17276_5-scientific-ways-to-make-water-do-magic_p2.html 5 Scientific Ways To Make Water Do Magic]], and [[http://www.cracked.com/article/183_6-badass-tricks-you-can-but-shouldnt-do-with-electricity/ 6 Badass Tricks You Can (But Shouldn't) Do With Electricity]]. Don't try these at home.
* FlameWar: #2 of [[http://www.cracked.com/blog/6-emotions-invented-by-internet_p2/ 6 New Kinds of Anxiety the Internet Gave Us]] is "The Dread of Stumbling into a Hornet's Nest".
* FlashMob: In "[[https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gOfOIQ5ayzI College of DuPage Flash Mob Dance and Pep Rally]]", one of [[http://www.cracked.com/blog/5-videos-that-will-brighten-your-day/ 5 Videos That Will Brighten Your Day]], a half dozen people perform rehearsed dance moves, and then someone outside the group spontaneously joins in the dance fever. "Oh, [[MusicalWorldHypotheses life is a musical now]]? OK, I'd better adapt!"
* FlippingTheBird: Some pictures show people doing that a lot in top-number lists.
* FollowTheMoney: [[SelectiveGravity Levitating]] coins are explained as lighter-than-air currency in the #7 [[http://www.cracked.com/photoplasty_388_27-science-lessons-as-taught-by-famous-video-games_p2/ Science Lesson As Taught by Famous Video Games]].
* ForeignQueasine: [[http://www.cracked.com/article_14979_6-most-terrifying-foods-in-world.html The 6 Most Terrifying Foods in the World]].
* ForeheadOfDoom: #12 of [[http://www.cracked.com/photoplasty_692_29-insane-pastimes-that-prove-history-was-terrifying_p29/#12 29 Insane pastimes that prove history was terrifying]] details how women in 15th century Europe would pluck their hairlines to create the high-forehead look often seen in paintings.
* ForScience: [[http://www.cracked.com/article_16301_6-most-badass-stunts-ever-pulled-in-name-science.html 6 Most Badass Stunts Pulled In The Name Of Science]]
* FreakyFridayFlip: When Body Switching Movies Collide is a skit done by the ''Cracked'' staff. It starts off when [[Series/QuantumLeap Sam]] Leaped into [[Film/FreakyFriday Ellen Cunningham]]'s mind after she switched bodies with Anna. [[Film/{{Ghost}} Sam Cunningham]], Ellen's dead husband, shows up, explaining how he will possess Sam and have sex with Ellen one last time. Al argues that Ghost Sam possessing Quantum Leap Sam to have sex with Ellen would result in Anna's body having sex with Helen, who has Anna's mind at the moment. The Ghost Sam leaves in disgust, saying he plans to have sex with someone else. Al reveals that Anna is a [[Film/SpyKids secret agent]] hired for the [[Series/StargateSG1 Stargate project]] in the [[{{Series/Torchwood}} Torchwood Institute]] in Roswell. [[Franchise/TheMatrix Trinity]], who works for the [[Series/{{Millennium}} Millenium Corporation]], shows up in a [[Series/{{Sliders}} Slider Hole]] and explains that the world is a false reality created by sophiscated computers contained within the mind of [[Film/BeingJohnMalkovich John Horatio Malkovich]]. When Quantum Leap Sam asks Al to Leap him out of this madness, Al can't because he's actually a [[Series/BattlestarGalacticaClassic Cylon]]. It turns out it was all Michael Swaim's dream, and the camera zooms out to reveal that sequence was [[Series/StElsewhere imagined by Michael looking at his snowglobe]].
* FreewareGames: The whole point of [[http://www.cracked.com/article_20568_5-improved-versions-classic-games-that-fans-made-free.html 5 Improved Versions of Classic Games That Fans Made For Free.]]
* FreudianSlip: From [[http://www.cracked.com/video_18193_white-people-rapping-about-rape-what-could-go-wrong-5Bdnc5D.html this video]]: "I've been your boobs, Michael Boobs. Allow me to boobs you tits".
* FridgeLogic: Invoked in quite a few articles which consist of thinking about the surprisingly gruesome implications of popular TV shows and movies. %%%Don't move this to the Fridge Namespace, since it's an in-work discussion of the concept.
** Sometimes they will make an aside comment about the main point of discussion.
--> ''(talking about the memory of the elephants)'' When the samples were from elephants who were far away, or had not yet passed by the area, the elephants reacted with surprise. We're not sure how the scientists detected "surprise" in elephants, but we trust their judgment.
* FunSize: Calling tiny, [[AllHallowsEve trick-or-treat size]] candy bars "fun size", or calling any sort of eating "fun" for that matter, is one of [[http://www.cracked.com/blog/the-5-stupidest-lies-advertisers-expect-you-to-believe/ The 5 Stupidest Lies Advertisers Expect You to Believe]]. It compares the practice to little people demanding to be called "fun size".
* FunWithAcronyms: Michael Swaim starts off every episode of Cracked TV with '''S'''ome '''W'''eird '''A'''cronym '''I'''nstead of a '''M'''onologue. His official blog on the site is called "'''S'''lander '''W'''ithout '''A'''ny '''I'''nherent '''M'''eaning".
** Also '''S'''pelling '''W'''uz '''A'''ever a '''I'''uge '''M'''riority.
*** And '''S'''waim (s)'''W'''imulates '''A''' (human) '''IM'''otion.
** For SesquipedalianLoquaciousness value, he had '''S'''omnambulists '''W'''ainscot '''{{A|ntidisestablishmentarianism}}'''[[{{Antidisestablishmentarianism}} ntidisestablishmentarianistically]] '''I'''rrespective of '''M'''alapropisms.
** '''S'''tutter. '''W'''ow. '''A'''wkward! '''I''' am so sorry. '''M'''oving on.
** ''[[http://www.cracked.com/blog/your-3rd-grade-science-textbook-as-written-by-gary-busey/ Gary Busey's Explorations of Science]]'' has a bunch:
*** "[This textbook] might contradict what your eyeballs tell you, but that means it's working. '''EYEBALLS''' stands for '''E'''vents '''Y'''ou '''E'''xperience by '''A'''lien '''L'''aser '''L'''ieRay '''S'''atellites."
*** "If everyone wasn't special, no one would be. Which is why '''SPECIAL''' stands for '''S'''unny '''P'''als '''E'''xtremely '''C'''hromosomed and '''I'''mmune to '''A'''pes and '''L'''ightning."
*** Gary Busey even manages to plan an acronym around his own death: "'''LEARNING''' stands for '''L'''eading '''E'''xcitement! '''A'''rgh! '''R'''eality! '''N'''o! '''I'''-- '''N'''o! '''G'''AAAAHH!!!!"
* FurryConfusion: [[http://www.cracked.com/article_20236_6-insane-disney-comics-you-wont-believe-are-real.html 6 Insane Disney Comics You Won't Believe Are Real]] shows panels from an educational comic in an issue of ''Look'' magazine showing Dr. [[ComicBook/MickeyMouseComicUniverse Mickey Mouse]] testing sulfa drugs on common mice.
* TheGenericGuy: Bucholz isn't very generic, but compared to all the other columnists, he's notable for being Cracked's foremost "columnist with no outstanding warrants".
** Bucholz is one of the only columnists who paints himself as someone with at least a little common sense and morals, however the ''subject'' of the articles themselves are some of the craziest of the bunch, including: [[http://www.cracked.com/blog/7-things-you-learn-breaking-into-p.-diddys-house/ things learned breaking into P. Diddy's house]], guides for [[http://www.cracked.com/blog/using-occupy-wall-street-to-pick-up-chicks/ using occupy wall street to pick up chicks]], [[http://www.cracked.com/blog/so-youre-accidentally-stalking-helen-mirren/ people who are accidentally stalking actress Helen Mirren]], [[http://www.cracked.com/blog/4-tips-properly-attacking-animals-with-bicycle-chain/ attacking animals with a bicycle chain]], and [[http://www.cracked.com/blog/11-steps-to-crashing-royal-wedding/ crashing a royal wedding]].
* GermansLoveDavidHasselhoff: In-universe again. [[http://www.cracked.com/article_18895_7-things-from-america-that-are-insanely-popular-overseas.html "7 Things From America That Are Insanely Popular Overseas."]] And yes, the {{Trope Namer|s}} is at the top of the list.
* GettingCrapPastTheRadar: [[http://www.cracked.com/article_18672_the-6-creepiest-things-ever-slipped-into-childrens-cartoons.html "The 6 Creepiest Things Ever Slipped Into Children's Cartoons."]]
** [[http://www.cracked.com/article_19271_8-filthy-jokes-hidden-in-ancient-works-art.html 8 Filthy Jokes Hidden in Ancient Works of Art]].
** [[http://www.cracked.com/article_20236_6-insane-disney-comics-you-wont-believe-are-real.html 6 Insane Disney Comics You Won't Believe Are Real]] shows panels from a 1953 ''[[ComicBook/TheLifeAndTimesOfScroogeMcDuck Scrooge]]'' comic book where what at first looks like a fight between Goldie and Scrooge (given the sound effects and smoke emanating from the cabin) [[DestructoNookie turns out to be something]] "not a hangin' offense in Langry, Texas, or anywhere else".
** [[http://www.cracked.com/article_20670_6-sneaky-ways-movies-tv-shows-outsmarted-censors.html 6 Sneaky Ways Movies and TV Shows Outsmarted Censors]] details how Creator/WilliamShatner forced television's first interracial kiss on ''Series/StarTrekTheOriginalSeries'', and how the [[MediaWatchdog MPAA]] actually ended up making ''WesternAnimation/SouthPark: Bigger, Longer, & Uncut'' even ''dirtier'' than it was originally envisioned, among others.
* GiantFlyer: ''Argentavis'' is #5 of [[http://www.cracked.com/article_18445_7-thankfully-extinct-giant-versions-modern-animals.html 7 (Thankfully) Extinct Giant Versions of Modern Animals]].
* {{GIFT}}: [[http://www.cracked.com/blog/hey-lets-fix-internet/ Hey, Let's Fix The Internet]]
* GoKartingWithBowser: Mario's numerous roles are evidence of a multiverse in the #15 [[http://www.cracked.com/photoplasty_388_27-science-lessons-as-taught-by-famous-video-games/ Science Lesson As Taught by Famous Video Games]].
* GoodCopBadCop: Parodied [[http://www.cracked.com/blog/why-crimes-would-never-get-solved-at-a-tv-police-station/ here]] along with TheyFightCrime, RippedFromTheHeadlines and countless other CopShow clichés.
* AGoodNameForARockBand: Pops up on occasion.
** Joey Clifton calls dibs on "Wanton Chinese Tomb Destruction" in [[http://www.cracked.com/article_20715_6-priceless-ancient-artifacts-destroyed-by-idiots_p2.html 6 Priceless Ancient Artifacts Destroyed by Idiots.]]
* GoshdangItToHeck: John Cheese is prone to [[ClusterFBomb cluster F-bombs]], so it [[http://www.cracked.com/blog/4-things-politicians-will-never-understand-about-poor-people/ gets pretty funny]] when he makes an effort to avoid them.
* GrailInTheGarbage: [[http://www.cracked.com/article_17314_5-pieces-junk-that-turned-out-to-be-invaluable-artifacts.html 5 Pieces of Junk That Turned Out To Be Invaluable Artifacts]]
* GroundhogDayLoop: [[http://www.cracked.com/blog/10-life-lessons-that-tetris-can-teach-you/?wa_user1=3&wa_user2=Video+Games&wa_user3=blog&wa_user4=feature_module 10 Life Lessons That 'Tetris' Can Teach You]]
* GroundPound: Mid-air direction changes and surviving falls are the #9 [[http://www.cracked.com/photoplasty_388_27-science-lessons-as-taught-by-famous-video-games_p2/ Science Lesson As Taught by Famous Video Games]].
* GrowingUpSucks: Daniel O'Brien has written two articles about why growing up sucks; however, both Gladstone and Brockway have written articles explaining why it ''doesn't'' suck. John Cheese, meanwhile, has written at least one from each perspective.
** This is increasingly a focus of the articles; possibly because at least two of the columnists are now parents. There have been at least two articles on the subject of the economy and how tough it is to be not poor anymore.
** Though Dan O'Brien did write a terrific article in which he explained positive sides such as complete freedom at home, the ability and means to do fun things on impulse, being able to say no to things and not having to justify decisions to people. Cheese also included a great rebuttal in ''5 Reasons Life Really Does Get Better'' in which he explained the freedom that living on Your own will bring and how the world isn't as bad as young people sometimes believe.
* HandicappedBadass: Among Jorden Weir's [[http://www.cracked.com/article_20653_5-people-whose-major-disabilities-only-made-them-stronger.html 5 People Whose Major Disabilities Only Made Them Stronger]] are a legless mountain climber and a blind pilot.
* HardWorkFallacy: Deconstructed in [[http://www.cracked.com/blog/6-things-rich-people-need-to-stop-saying/ this]] essay.
* HaveAGayOldTime: In [[http://www.cracked.com/blog/the-5-most-absurd-superhero-names-all-time/ The 5 Most Absurd Superhero Names of All-Time]], Maxwell Yezpitelok mentions the World War II-era comic book examples of ''The Gay Ghost'' as well as "hav[ing] never felt so queer" in ''Flick Falcon''.
* HealThyself, HealingFactor, HealingHands, HealingPotion, HealingShiv:
** Among the [[http://www.cracked.com/blog/7-bullshit-video-game-healing-methods/ 7 Video Game Healing Methods Least Likely to Actually Work]]
** The #22 [[http://www.cracked.com/photoplasty_388_27-science-lessons-as-taught-by-famous-video-games/ Science Lesson As Taught by Famous Video Games]] is a medkit, and #9 is "Green Heart + Red Heart = Full Health".
** A healing factor is portrayed as [[BlessedWithSuck undesirable]] in [[http://www.cracked.com/article_20241_6-awesome-superpowers-that-would-suck-in-real-life_p2.html 6 Awesome Superpowers (That Would Suck in Real Life)]] because the intense pain would lead to post-traumatic stress disorder.
** One of [[http://www.cracked.com/photoplasty_586_31-life-lessons-you-can-only-learn-from-video-games/ 31 Life Lessons You Can Only Learn From Video Games]] is that "first aid kits are absorbed through osmosis".
* HeavySleeper: [[http://www.cracked.com/article_20112_5-amazing-things-that-people-managed-to-sleep-through.html "5 Amazing Things That People Managed to Sleep Through"]].
* HellIsThatNoise: [[invoked]][[http://www.cracked.com/blog/7-bizarre-sounds-from-outer-space/ 7 Bizarre Sounds From Outer Space]] featured Saturn, or as it was called, the screeching space phantom.
* HeroesGoneFishing: One of [[http://www.cracked.com/photoplasty_586_31-life-lessons-you-can-only-learn-from-video-games/ 31 Life Lessons You Can Only Learn From Video Games]] is that "[[DamselInDistress your princess]] can always wait a little longer" to complete a FishingMinigame.
* HeroicBystander: [[http://www.cracked.com/article_18509_5-unknown-schmucks-who-turned-into-superheroes-in-clutch.html 5 Unknown Schmucks Who Turned Into Superheroes in the Clutch]] and [[http://www.cracked.com/article_19766_6-nobodies-who-turned-into-superheroes-without-warning.html 6 Nobodies Who Turned Into Superheroes Without Warning.]]
* {{Heroic Dolphin}}s: ''Cracked'' deconstructs this by listing dolphins in both [[http://www.cracked.com/article_16762_the-6-biggest-assholes-in-animal-kingdom_p2.html The 6 Biggest Assholes In The Animal Kingdom]] and [[http://www.cracked.com/article_15853_the-6-cutest-animals-that-can-still-destroy-you.html The 6 Cutest Animals That Can Still Destroy You.]]
* HighPressureBlood: One of [[http://www.cracked.com/photoplasty_586_31-life-lessons-you-can-only-learn-from-video-games/ 31 Life Lessons You Can Only Learn From Video Games]] is that "a person's volume of blood often exceeds 78 liters."
* {{Hipster}}: [[http://www.cracked.com/blog/4-awful-things-were-now-considering-nerd-behavior/ 4 Awful Things We're Now Considering Nerd Behavior]] not only pokes fun at them, but points out how easy it is to be one. Many nerds and geeks are secretly hipsters themselves because of the four listed reasons. #3: Hipsters don't like the idea of their favorite media making money and becoming "popular". #2: It sickens hipsters to see "normal" people showing off their interests in the same things. Especially if that person doesn't ''look'' like they should have anything to do with it. #1 really drives the point home.
-->You know your friend who's read the books Creator/GeorgeRRMartin wrote before he started Literature/GameOfThrones, or the one who watches nothing but authentic, [[SubbingVersusDubbing untranslated Japanese anime]], or the guy who has at some point in his life been a member of [[ArsonMurderAndJaywalking Sonic Youth]]? They're the ubernerds. They're super-pretentious, and they (fine -- we) are insufferable. Not because of our taste for obscurity, but because of our ''arrogance''. We act like knowing more about the artist makes us better, even though all it really means is that we spend our free time differently from "normal" people.
* HiroshimaAsAUnitOfMeasure: Someone who is especially out of their mind is often described as "Creator/GaryBusey crazy."
* HistoricalBadassUpgrade: They like to do this to Theodore Roosevelt.
* HistoryMarchesOn: InUniverse, [[http://www.cracked.com/article_19404_6-terrifying-sci-fi-predictions-about-year-1997.html Six terrifying sci-fi predictions (of 1997)]]
* HollywoodHacking: Completely {{Deconstructed|Trope}} in [[http://www.cracked.com/article_20797_5-hacking-myths-you-probably-believe-thanks-to-movies.html/?utm_source=facebook&utm_medium=fanpage&utm_campaign=new+article&wa_ibsrc=fanpage 5 hacking Myths You Probably Believe Thanks To Movies.]]
* HomePornMovie: It's a [[http://www.cracked.com/article_18392_6-reasons-homemade-porn-worse-idea-than-you-think.html worse idea than you think]], according to Ian Fortey.
* HopeSpot: [[http://www.cracked.com/blog/6-true-stories-that-will-restore-your-faith-in-humanity/ This]] article. Then, the next day, [[http://www.cracked.com/blog/7-celebrity-animals-where-are-they-now-a-drunk-column/ this]] article happened.
* HorseOfADifferentColor: One of [[http://www.cracked.com/photoplasty_586_31-life-lessons-you-can-only-learn-from-video-games/ 31 Life Lessons You Can Only Learn From Video Games]] is that "if you have the right saddle, you can ride on freaking anything."
* HumanMail: [[http://www.cracked.com/article_20504_the-5-most-badass-ways-people-escaped-from-slavery.html The 5 Most Badass Ways People Escaped from Slavery]] relates the story of Henry "Box" Brown, an African-American slave in Virginia successfully escaped to Philadelphia inside a crate and later bragged about how he did it. Slavery opponent Frederick Douglass was infuriated because he wanted this escape method to be kept secret so that other slaves could use it.
* HumanoidAbomination: Brockway, over the course of a drug-addled gossip-magazine-sponsored day-long interview, slowly comes to learn that this applies to [[spoiler:[[http://www.cracked.com/blog/extra-mario-lopez-has-no-soul/ Mario Lopez.]]]]
** See Popsicle Pete? That is ''not'' the voice of a Down's Syndrome-looking ginger in a marching band outfit.
** [[spoiler:Mario Lopez]]'s nature as a creature not meant to walk this Earth [[http://www.cracked.com/blog/the-monster-inside-mario-lopez-warning/ has been further documented]].
* HumanoidAliens: Some xenobiologists argue that convergent evolution to a humanoid form is more likely than StarfishAliens, according to #1 of [[http://www.cracked.com/article_20332_5-unrealistic-movie-cliches-that-are-scientifically-accurate.html 5 Unrealistic Movie Cliches That Are Scientifically Accurate]].
* HuntingTheMostDangerousGame: [[http://www.cracked.com/blog/the-6-best-movies-where-people-are-hunted-for-sport/?wa_user1=5&wa_user2=blog&wa_user3=blog&wa_user4=flashback 6 Great Movies Where People Are Hunted for Sport]].
* HurricaneOfPuns: The Cracked commentators would form one of these if the situation presents itself.
** For [[http://www.cracked.com/article_15785_the-15-most-cringe-worthy-james-bond-puns.html The 15 Most Cringe-Worthy James Bond Puns]], they couldn't decide which pun from ''Film/TheSpyWhoLovedMe'' to single out as #2, so they instead present "The Horrible Pun Marathon".
--->'''Christian Ames:''' Maybe, we should call this one ''[[LongTitle The Spy Who Made Constant Double Entendres For the Entire Movie, So Much So That No One Can Remember The Plot and Just Thinks It Was a Movie About Double Entendres]]''.
* HyperactiveMetabolism:
** One of the [[http://www.cracked.com/blog/7-bullshit-video-game-healing-methods/ 7 Video Game Healing Methods Least Likely to Actually Work]]
** One of [[http://www.cracked.com/photoplasty_586_31-life-lessons-you-can-only-learn-from-video-games/ 31 Life Lessons You Can Only Learn From Video Games]] is that "eating food you find in the trash is good for you."
* HypocriticalHumor: A subtle and recurring theme of "Cracked TV" is that the RealLife Michael Swaim is just as guilty of all the things that [[AlterEgoActing his character]] criticizes about everyone else. This was dropped in "Does Not Compute", where the focus is on more "out there" topics.
----
--> [[Cracked/TropesIToZ Tropes I - Z]]
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* TwentyPercentMoreAwesome: A common source of comedy, especially in the articles that centre on charts and graphs.
* AccidentalHero: [[http://www.cracked.com/blog/10-photos-capturing-moments-spontaneous-badassery/ 10 Photos Capturing Moments of Spontaneous Badassery]].
* AccentuateTheNegative: "If * Was 10 Times Shorter and More Honest", courtesy of TheEditingRoom.
* ActionGirl: One of [[http://www.cracked.com/photoplasty_586_31-life-lessons-you-can-only-learn-from-video-games/ 31 Life Lessons You Can Only Learn From Video Games]] is that "every sexy girl is a ruthless killer."
* ActionPet: [[http://www.cracked.com/article_19578_5-most-badass-soldiers-ever-happened-to-be-dogs.html This article about 5 soldier dogs]].
* ActionSurvivor: One of [[http://www.cracked.com/article_20504_the-5-most-badass-ways-people-escaped-from-slavery_p2.html The 5 Most Badass Ways People Escaped from Slavery]] is how Eliza Harris carried several children across a river while jumping from one [[FloatingPlatforms moving ice platform]] to another as if it were a ''[[Franchise/SuperMarioBros Mario]]'' game. This is the true story ''Literature/UncleTomsCabin'' was based on.
* AddedAlliterativeAppeal: The entries in [[http://www.cracked.com/article_18538_5-superpowers-we-all-had-as-babies-according-to-science_p1.html 5 Superpowers We All Had as Babies (According to Science)]]
* {{Adorkable}}: Dan O'Brien. Read any of his work, especially his ones about his fanboy love of Spider-man, and it's very clear. Ironically some of his articles have deconstructed this idea, noting that being socially awkward does not make someone a compelling partner.
* AffectionateParody - Robert Brockway's articles about Mario Lopez parody Creator/HPLovecraft.
* TheAgeless: [[http://www.cracked.com/article_20055_6-unassuming-animals-that-are-secretly-immortal.html 6 Unassuming Animals That Are Secretly Immortal]] lists animal species that don't die of old age, such as lobsters and turtles.
* AIIsACrapshoot: In [[http://www.cracked.com/video_18167_39-astounding-celebrity-and-one-cracked-tv-reboots.html 39 Astounding Celebrity (And One Cracked) Reboot]], Clippy attempts a HostileShowTakeover, which ultimately culminates in [[spoiler:Swaim's memory being erased, him being [[ContinuityReboot rebooted]] by Joanna Angel and going into a new season.]]
* TheAlcoholic: John Cheese is a recovering alcoholic. More than one article has been written about how much of a struggle it's been.
** [[http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3tV4-Q6dBf4 This is may be the greatest example of this trope ever.]]
* TheAllegedCar: The Ford Pinto is #3 of [[http://www.cracked.com/blog/5-awesome-things-with-inexplicably-bad-reputations/ 5 Awesome Things with Inexplicably Bad Reputations.]] While the whole rear-end gas tank fire thing was certainly true, the car really wasn't any more dangerous than any other vehicle on the road.
* AliensSpeakingEnglish: Called [[http://www.cracked.com/article_18721_the-5-stupidest-ways-movies-deal-with-foreign-languages.html The 5 Stupidest Way Movies Deal with Foreign Languages]].
* AllJustADream: The article "[[http://www.cracked.com/quick-fixes/why-saved-by-bell-all-dream-conspiracy-theory/ Why 'Saved by the Bell' is All a Dream: A Conspiracy Theory]]" explains why ''Series/SavedByTheBell'' has to be an escapist dream of a character in ''Series/GoodMorningMissBliss'', using clues from the ExpositoryThemeTune.
* AllMenArePerverts: [[DiscussedTrope Discussed]] in a video featuring Cracked's female contributors talking about what are, [[{{GIFT}} and aren't appropriate comments on videos]]. With [[NotMakingThisUpDisclaimer actual posts being spoken aloud by male contributors]].
* AllPsychologyIsFreudian: Implied by the winner of [[http://www.cracked.com/photoplasty_647_19-things-we-secretly-suspect-about-other-peoples-jobs_p2/?view=article 19 Things We Secretly Suspect About Other People's Jobs]].
* AlternativeCharacterInterpretation: [[invoked]] One article has an [[http://www.cracked.com/article_18881_5-reasons-greatest-movie-villain-ever-good-witch.html alternate interpretation]] of [[Film/TheWizardOfOz Glinda the Good Witch]].
** [[http://www.cracked.com/article_18417_the-lighter-side-dark-side-5-villains-who-were-good.html 9 Famous Movie Villains Who Were Right All Along]].
** [[http://www.cracked.com/article_19336_6-beloved-characters-that-had-undiagnosed-mental-illnesses.html 6 Beloved Characters That Had Undiagnosed Mental Illnesses]].
** [[http://www.cracked.com/article_19673_6-insane-but-convincing-theories-childrens-pop-culture.html 6 Insane (But Convincing) Theories on Children's Pop Culture]].
** [[http://www.cracked.com/article_19496_6-classic-kids-shows-secretly-set-in-nightmarish-universes.html 6 Classic Kids Shows Secretly Set in Nightmarish Universes]].
** What {{Seanbaby}} did to old Popsicle Pete comics, reimagining him as a harbinger of death and despair.
*** '''''[[color:red:NONE OF YOU ARE SAFE.]]'''''
** [[http://www.cracked.com/article_19882_6-insane-but-convincing-fan-theories-about-kids-cartoons.html 6 Insane (But Convincing) Fan Theories About Kids' Cartoons]].
* AmbiguousDisorder: Spoofed in [[http://www.cracked.com/video_18175_why-batman-secretly-terrible-gotham.html Why Batman Is Secretly Terrible for Gotham.]]
* AmericansHateTingle: [[{{In-Universe}} A well-known example]] regarding Americans, their disgust at TheBeautifulGame, appears in articles such as [[http://www.cracked.com/quick-fixes/the-hilarious-story-american-football-abroad/ this]]. Given that despite Cracked being American [[WeAllLiveInAmerica and with an excessively US-centric POV]], most readers are foreigners, the comments usually go down into a FlameWar.
* AndIMustScream: [[http://www.cracked.com/blog/seanbabys-brockways-choose-your-drug-fueled-adventure/ Do not trifle with the Adventure Master]].
* {{Animeland}}[=/=]AllAnimeIsNaughtyTentacles: The number of articles that ''don't'' portray Japan as being full of A. perverts, B. octopus demons, C. giant robots, or D. any combination thereof could probably be counted on one hand.
** The one true exception is #1 [[http://www.cracked.com/article_20118_5-things-nobody-tells-you-about-living-in-japan_p2.html here.]]
* AntiHumor: In [[http://www.cracked.com/article_19213_7-animals-that-are-evolving-right-before-our-eyes.html 7 Animals That Are Evolving Right Before Our Eyes]]
-->'''Q:''' What did the elephant say to the poacher?
-->'''A:''' Dear God in heaven, please don't kill me for my ivory.
-->Sorry about that. Sometimes we get "joke" mixed up with "tragic imagined dialogue that could be happening at this very second if elephants had the power of speech."
* ApocalypseAnarchy: [[http://www.cracked.com/photoplasty_96_if-everyone-knew-world-was-ending-tomorrow/ If Everyone Knew the World Was Ending Tomorrow]]
* ApocalypticLog: A common format.
** [[http://www.cracked.com/blog/5-internet-prescribed-cleanses-that-made-me-immortal/ 5 Internet Prescribed 'Cleanses' That Made Me Immortal]] is a good example.
* AppealToWorseProblems: David Wong commits this fallacy in "7 Reasons the world looks worse than it really is" saying that people complaining about how the economy has lessened their opportunities are just cynical people not trying hard enough. Ignoring the people who are trying but getting nowhere or the people with unique skills who still aren't getting anywhere.
* AppropriatedAppellation: [[http://www.cracked.com/article_20679_5-famous-symbols-that-were-created-to-be-horrible-insults.html 5 Famous Symbols that Were Created to Be Horrible Insults]] explains how the gay-pride pink triangle came from the Nazis, the donkey came from political cartoons dissing President Andrew Jackson, and "Yankee" came from a song written by a British army physician claiming that the rebels were aspiring to a social class they did not deserve.
* TheAristocrats: The #3 [[http://www.cracked.com/photoplasty_615_33-plot-twists-cut-from-disney-movies_p2/ plot twist cut from a Disney animated movie]].
-->So what do you call your act?
-->''Disney/TheAristocats''!
* ArsonMurderAndJaywalking
** From "[[http://www.cracked.com/article_18775_5-popular-safety-measures-that-dont-make-you-any-safer.html 5 Popular Safety Measures That Don't Make You Any Safer]]":
-->"Let's face it, cities can be terrifying. They are, after all, filled with people like us. The modern metropolis is a teeming hive of strung-out dope heads, rapists, home invaders and fine regional cuisine."
** From "[[http://www.cracked.com/article_18967_6-famous-movies-with-mind-blowing-hidden-meanings.html 6 Famous Movies with Mind-Blowing Hidden Meanings]]":
-->"We tend to find Spider-Man easier to identify with than other superheroes. He's not an alien, like Superman, or the son of a major Norse god, like Thor, or a Canadian, like Wolverine."
** From "[[http://www.cracked.com/article_18443_6-famous-movie-wisemen-who-were-totally-full-shit.html 6 Famous Movie Wisemen Who Were Totally Full of Shit]]"
--> We are ''not'' blaming bad teachers for [Adolf] Hitler, [[WesternTerrorists Timothy McVeigh]], and [[{{Jerkass}} Spencer Pratt]].
** From [[http://www.cracked.com/article_16785_7-retarded-food-myths-internet-thinks-are-true.html 7 Retarded Food Myths the Internet Thinks Are True]]:
--> We love the way the writer crammed in every scary word they could think of: rape, war, cancer, emphysema, respiratory distress, anemia, constipation, irritability, blindness, Canada.
** From [[http://www.cracked.com/article_19535_6-animals-with-better-memories-than-you.html 6 Animals with Better Memories than You]]
--> We tend to think of ourselves as the smartest animals on Earth. After all, we've built such technological wonders such as the internet, the internal combustion engine, and sneakers that light up when you take a step
** From [[http://www.cracked.com/article_18894_6-real-historic-battles-decided-by-divine-intervention.html 6 Real Historic Battles Decided by Divine Intervention]]:
-->[The rebels] were trapped, outnumbered, ill-equipped, poorly trained, freezing and starving, ''and'' it was raining.
** "[[http://www.cracked.com/article_19957_8-mind-blowing-realities-our-future-full-old-people_p2.html 8 Mind-Blowing Realities of Our Future Full of Old People]]" describes a likely reaction to a proposed solution to the coming farm labor shortage.
-->Oh hey, let's import unwhites to do our labor! Why don't we bring back slavery and dial-up Internet service while we're at it?
** "[[http://www.cracked.com/blog/6-innocent-sounding-topics-that-are-guaranteed-flame-wars/ 6 Innocent Sounding Topics that are Guaranteed Flame Wars]]"
-->There are certain topics everybody knows are going to start a fight - politics, religion, abortion, video game consoles - important things like that.
** Dan O'Brien on [[Series/GameOfThrones Joffrey]] in [[http://www.cracked.com/blog/4-problems-with-living-in-game-thrones-universe/ 4 Problems with Living in the Game of Thrones Universe]],:
-->He looks like if vanity, smugness and blond hair had a baby.
** From "[[http://www.cracked.com/article_20210_7-iconic-skylines-that-almost-looked-ridiculous.html 7 Iconic Skylines that Almost Looked Ridiculous]]"...
-->Every city in the world shares the same basic building blocks -- brick, stone, steel, mortar, and UsefulNotes/McDonalds restaurants
** From that same article:
-->London is home to some of the world's most famous historical architecture, including the Tower of London, Big Ben, Buckingham Palace, and that movie studio where they shot Batman.
** From "[[http://www.cracked.com/article_18943_the-6-most-pointless-supervillain-schemes-ever-hatched.html?wa_user1=3&wa_user2=Weird+World&wa_user3=article&wa_user4=yesincite The 6 Most Pointless Supervillain Schemes Ever Hatched]]":
-->There are lots of reasons why criminals should be afraid of Batman: He's trained in martial arts, he's a genius detective and he's dressed like a giant bat.
** From "[[http://www.cracked.com/blog/5-people-etsy-who-are-clearly-serial-killers/ 5 People on Etsy Who Are Clearly Serial Killers]]:
-->Whether it's fashioning suits out of women, stitching masks from travelers' faces, or building a puppet that can ride a tricycle, [[SpoofAesop the real moral seems to be that you should never trust anyone]] [[MadArtist who genuinely seems to enjoy sewing]].
** The lead of [[http://www.cracked.com/article_20395_5-heartwarming-accomplishments-by-hardened-prison-inmates.html 5 Heartwarming Accomplishments by Hardened Prison Inmates]] claims that humans are "capable of some pretty terrible stuff, like robbery and murder and [[Music/{{U2}} Bono]]."
* ArtisticLicenseLaw: The title of "[[http://www.cracked.com/article_20066_5-everyday-things-you-wont-believe-are-copyrighted.html 5 Everyday Things You Won't Believe Are Copyrighted]]" is a LieToChildren. Items #5, #4, and #1 refer to trademarks, and #3 and #2 refer to patents.
* AttentionDeficitOohShiny: #6 on [[http://www.cracked.com/photoplasty_259_if-everything-got-adorable-mascot_p2/ If Everything Got An Adorable Mascot]] is Addie the ADHD tornado. "Let us help you learn to cope with... Ohh!!! Shiny!!!"
* AttentionWhore: The subject of "[[http://www.cracked.com/blog/8-assholes-who-found-this-article-by-googling-themselves/ 8 Douchebags who Found this Article by Googling Themselves]]."
* AudienceSurrogate: "Make Them Look and Sound Like the Audience, Against All Logic" is #4 of [[http://www.cracked.com/article_19183_6-tricks-movies-use-to-make-sure-you-root-right-guy.html 6 Tricks Movies Use to Make Sure You Root for the Right Guy]].
* AuthorAppeal: [[http://www.cracked.com/article_19137_6-artists-whose-weird-fetishes-defined-pop-culture.html 6 Artists Whose Weird Fetishes Defined Pop Culture]]
* AuthorityEqualsAsskicking: [[http://www.cracked.com/article_15895_the-5-most-badass-presidents-all-time_p5.html The 5 Most Badass Presidents of All Time]]. Counts as a WeAllLiveInAmerica too.
* AutomatonHorses: Photoplasty advertises a {{w|arpWhistle}}histle to summon one in [[http://www.cracked.com/photoplasty_273_26-ads-products-that-must-exist-in-video-games_p26/#5 Ads for Products That Must Exist in Video Games]].
* AutopsySnackTime: #4 of [[http://www.cracked.com/blog/4-bizarrely-specific-rules-that-exist-in-movie-universes/ 4 Bizarrely Specific Rules That Exist in Movie Universes]] mentions cases in ''Film/GoneInSixtySeconds2000'', ''Series/{{Scrubs}}'', and others where it appears a coroner ''can't'' [[Memes/{{Nintendo}} enjoy]] his [[YMMV/FurAffinity sandwich]] without a corpse in the room. It even links back to the trope page.
* AwardSnub: InUniverse. [[http://www.cracked.com/article_15856_the-7-most-unforgivable-grammy-award-snubs-all-time.html "The 7 Most Unforgivable Grammy Award Snubs of All Time."]]
* AwesomeButImpractical:
** The ball tank, #2 of [[http://www.cracked.com/article_19914_6-utterly-insane-innovations-history-was-sure-were-coming_p2.html 6 Utterly Insane Innovations History Was SURE Were Coming]] and #2 of [[http://www.cracked.com/article_17366_7-wtf-military-weapons-you-wont-believe-they-actually-built_p2.html 7 WTF Military Weapons You Won't Believe They Actually Built]].
** [[http://www.cracked.com/article_16983_the-11-most-retarded-fictional-weapons.html The 11 Most Retarded Fictional Weapons]], including the Klingon bat'leth.
* AwesomeMcCoolname: Staff Sgt Max Fightmaster.
---> "Where do you go when your name is already Staff Sgt. Max fucking Fightmaster? Oh, wait, there you go. Just make "Fucking" an official part of the name. We think it's almost impossible to say the name without it anyway."
** [[http://www.cracked.com/article_18646_the-5-most-insane-improvised-weapons-that-were-animals_p2.html Testosticor Fantastiballs.]]
* {{Badass}}: Several lists commit themselves to talking about the most badass things found in that subject. Most notably, [[http://www.cracked.com/article_15895_5-most-badass-presidents-all-time.html The 5 Most Badass Presidents of All-Time]].
** Jack O'Brien, the "boss guy" of Cracked. He's possibly an insanely hardened criminal badass who likes to make time for "Jack's Rock Hour". The fact that he's the superior to ''the columnists'' say something about him.
** BadassGrandpa: [[http://www.cracked.com/article_19242_6-old-people-who-could-kick-your-ass.html 6 Old People Who Could Kick Your Ass]]
** BadassMustache: If the subject of one of their articles has awesome facial hair, they ''will'' point it out.
-->'''Commenter [=CavalierX=], on U.S. Marshal Bass Reeves''': That's not a man with a moustache on his lip; that's a moustache with a man on its ass.
** BadassPrincess: [[http://www.cracked.com/article_19478_5-real-princesses-too-badass-disney-movies.html ...who are too badass for Disney movies.]]
* BadBoss: [[http://www.cracked.com/article/89_the-6-most-horrific-bosses-all-time/ These six]].
* BagOfHolding: Photoplasty advertises jeans with such a pocket in [[http://www.cracked.com/photoplasty_273_26-ads-products-that-must-exist-in-video-games_p26/#13 Ads for Products That Must Exist in Video Games]].
* BaitAndSwitchComment: This is a not uncommon format for article titles, such as "[[http://www.cracked.com/article_17093_10-awesome-ads-for-traumatizing-children.html 10 Awesome Ads (For Traumatizing Children)]]".
* Franchise/{{Batman}}. Seriously. He's the [[FrankMiller god-damn]] Patron Saint of this site. If ''anything'' can have a Batman reference, it will.
* BearsAreBadNews: The final entry in [[http://www.cracked.com/article_18550_5-true-war-stories-that-put-every-action-movie-to-shame_p2.html 5 True War Stories That Put Every Action Movie to Shame]]. We'll just let it speak for itself.
** There's also the commenter Eric the [[Film/IngloriousBasterds Bear Jew]], who's well known for threatening to maul people
* TheBeastmaster: In Photoplasty contest [[http://www.cracked.com/photoplasty_553_28-inspirational-image-memes-revised-honesty/ 28 Inspirational Image Memes (Revised for Honesty)]], #5 is "If at first you don't succeed, command an army of birds."
* UsefulNotes/TheBechdelTest: Luke [=McKinney=] points out in [[http://www.cracked.com/blog/the-4-best-moments-in-worst-movies-ever-made_p2/ The 4 Best Moments in the Worst Movies Ever Made]] that the movie based on the video game ''Franchise/DeadOrAlive'' "physically beats the shit out of the Bechdel test" "within the first 10 minutes".
* BehindTheBlack: In Swaim's normal series you never see his legs, and he once claimed to not have any.
* BerserkButton: Seanbaby has a HUGE one in the "romance" guides of one Gregory JP Godek. Every article he even tangentially features in devolves into Seanbaby cursing his birth.
** Cody and TwoAndAHalfMen. If the show comes up at any point in one of his articles, expect it to devolve into pure bile.
* BeTheBall: The operation of the Morph Ball in ''VideoGame/{{Metroid}}'' is the #27 [[http://www.cracked.com/photoplasty_388_27-science-lessons-as-taught-by-famous-video-games/ Science Lesson As Taught by Famous Video Games]].
* BetterByADifferentName:
** Discussed in #4 of [[http://www.cracked.com/blog/6-common-movie-arguments-that-are-always-wrong/ 6 Common Movie Arguments That Are Always Wrong]].
** Yet it goes on to explain why ''HomeAlone'' and ''Film/DieHard'' are [[http://www.cracked.com/funny-4445-home-alone/ the same movie]].
* BetterThanCanon:[[invoked]] Invoked: [[http://www.cracked.com/article/18367_6-insane-fan-theories-that-actually-make-great-movies-better/ 6 insane fan theories that actually make great movies better.]]
** [[http://www.cracked.com/article_19266_5-movie-fan-theories-that-make-more-sense-than-movie.html 5 Movie Fan Theories That Make More Sense Than the Movie]].
* BewareTheNiceOnes: Katy in "[[http://www.cracked.com/video_18434_worst-fight-club-ever.html Worst Fight Club Ever]]"; she's bubbly, cheerfully enthusiastic and brings everyone snacks, but is apparently a member of ''another'' fight club and manages to lay Breandon out with one punch without losing her cheeriness once..
* TheBigGuy: Compared to the other columnists, Seanbaby is this physically, Robert Brockway is [[HotBlooded this in personality.]]
** Also, Michael Swaim. He doesn't look that big until he's placed next to his coworkers in video sketches, when it becomes readily apparent that he is a full head taller (or more) than everyone else.
** John Cheese too at 6"3".
* BilingualDialogue: Called [[http://www.cracked.com/article_18721_the-5-stupidest-ways-movies-deal-with-foreign-languages.html The 5th Stupidest Way Movies Deal with Foreign Languages]].
* BlackComedy: [[http://www.cracked.com/article/188_7-great-products-telling-world-youre-rich-dick/ 7 Great Products for Telling the World You're a Rich Dick]].
-->"Perhaps you could pretend the people out in the street begging for food are orcs!"
* BlackComedyRape
* BlatantLies: "America's Only Humor & Video Site, [[AnachronismStew Since 1958]]". This date refers to [[Magazine/{{Cracked}} Cracked's beginning as a magazine]] rivaling ''Magazine/{{Mad}}'' in 1958.
** By 2013, the "Since 1958" had disappeared from the front page. But stories still refer to it occasionally, such as "[[http://www.cracked.com/article_20601_6-ridiculous-myths-you-believe-about-stuff-you-use-every-day_p2.html 6 Ridiculous Myths You Believe About Stuff You Use Every Day]]" which states that locking refrigerators were banned in the United States around the time ''Cracked'' first appeared on newsstands.
* BleepDammit: The titles of articles about [[http://www.cracked.com/quick-fixes/5-meteor-videos-that-prove-russians-dont-give-f2340k/ meteors]] and [[http://www.cracked.com/blog/6-video-game-endings-that-are-clearly-f234025ing-with-us/ video game endings]] jarringly [[SymbolSwearing grawlix out]] a certain word starting with F that article bodies use uncensored all the time. Yet [[http://www.cracked.com/article_18380_the-6-most-statistically-full-shit-professions.html an article about so-called experts]] gets away with an S-bomb in the title.
* BlindWeaponmaster: One of Jorden Weir's [[http://www.cracked.com/article_20653_5-people-whose-major-disabilities-only-made-them-stronger.html 5 People Whose Major Disabilities Only Made Them Stronger]] is a blind sharpshooter.
* BlockPuzzle: The reason "interior design" is #3 on [[http://www.cracked.com/blog/5-real-skills-video-games-have-secretly-been-teaching-us/#ixzz1aa4xYJ1T 5 Real Skills Video Games Have Secretly Been Teaching Us]]. Apparently, all that moving blocks around is great training for knowing just how to arrange furniture to make it easy to get around.
** You'd think he'd mention the LightAndMirrorsPuzzle as well. I know I'd hire a ''Deflektor'' veteran to set up the lamps and mirrors in my study so the light was just right.
* BMovie: [[http://www.cracked.com/photoplasty_235_b-movie-posters-classic-films/ B-Movie Posters for Classic Films]].
* BitingTheHandHumor: [[http://www.cracked.com/blog/5-terrible-combinations-made-from-great-things/#ixzz1jTJ2Dlkn "It's the stupidest idea for someone to sink money into ever since somebody decided to start a website based only on the name recognition of a magazine that no longer existed."]]
* BodyHorror: [[http://www.cracked.com/photoplasty_175_when-human-evolution-adapts-to-modern-gadgets_p1 This]] Photoplasty contest.
* BottomlessBladder: Photoplasty advertises undergarments and supplements that make this possible in "Ads for Products That Must Exist in Video Games": [[http://www.cracked.com/photoplasty_273_26-ads-products-that-must-exist-in-video-games_p26/#20 #20]] and [[http://www.cracked.com/photoplasty_273_26-ads-products-that-must-exist-in-video-games_p26/#4 #4]].
* BoxAndStickTrap: #13 of Photoplasty [[http://www.cracked.com/photoplasty_520_18-things-you-never-noticed-in-famous-pictures-part-2/ 18 Things You Never Noticed in Famous Pictures (Part 2)]] takes Kevin Carter's Pulitzer-winning photo of a vulture stalking a crouching Sudanese child and adds a ray of hope by having the child bait a vulture into such a trap. A kid's gotta eat somehow.
* BreadEggsBreadedEggs:
** [[http://www.cracked.com/blog/5-animals-that-could-take-over-world-if-they-wanted-to/ Animals that could take over the world if they wanted to]]
--> "... humans have been able to relax and dedicate our fight-or-flight reflexes to more leisurely pursuits, like car racing and fight clubs and car fighting."
** "So when a [[http://www.cracked.com/blog/4-superpowers-everyone-thinks-they-secretly-have/ camera, or a phone, or a camera phone]] doesn't heed our commands..."
** "[[http://www.cracked.com/article_20538_6-games-that-put-insane-detail-into-stuff-you-didnt-notice_p2.html [The NPC] may get killed by a monster, robbed by a thief, or killed and robbed by a monster thief...]]
** Cities that get a lot of tourism are characterized using this in [[http://www.cracked.com/blog/5-stupid-travel-myths-everyone-believes/ 5 Stupid Travel Myths Everyone Believes]].
--> By simply walking around, you'll ... see the way they drive (manically), the way they urinate in the street (freely), and the way they urinate while they drive (frothily).
** In [[http://www.cracked.com/blog/5-terrible-things-we-only-know-because-internet/ 5 Terrible Things We Only Know Because of the Internet]], Felix Clay describes the Internet as "full of hilarious gifs and cats and gifs of cats."
** [[http://www.cracked.com/article_20707_7-mind-blowing-chemical-reactions-you-wont-believe-are-real_p2.html 7 Mind-Blowing Chemical Reactions You Won't Believe Are Real]] describes triboluminescence, the effect where crushing certain crystals releases light.
--> Back in the 18th century, when many folks still thought scientific phenomena were caused by ghosts or witches or the ghosts of witches, scientists used this effect to prank "simple people".
* BreadEggsMilkSquick: [[http://www.cracked.com/article_18508_6-terrifying-diseases-that-science-cant-explain.html#ixzz0q9xtIEL6 This article]]. "In severe cases, the condition results in difficulty breathing, problems swallowing, ''muscle ruptures and fucking broken bones''."
** And zig-zagged in [[http://www.cracked.com/article_19410_5-absurdly-expensive-pieces-junk-food.html this article]]: "Ramen is a bowl of noodles, broth, spices and [[PerpetualPoverty destitution]] that you'll find in college dorms and poverty-stricken homes across the U.S. "
** And the final entry in [[http://www.cracked.com/blog/the-7-worst-behaviors-public-transportation/?wa_user1=2&wa_user2=Weird+World&wa_user3=blog&wa_user4=feature_module this article]] about bad behavior on public transport is [[spoiler:getting raped by your rickshaw driver]].
** From [[http://www.cracked.com/article_19499_6-attempts-at-damage-control-that-caused-way-bigger-problems.html this article]], the opening sentence says "Mistakes are an inevitable part of human nature, but there's a system for dealing with them the right way -- The Four A's: Assess the damage, Acknowledge your role, Apologize sincerely and Assassinate all accusers."
** [[http://www.cracked.com/article_19957_8-mind-blowing-realities-our-future-full-old-people_p2.html 8 Mind-Blowing Realities of Our Future Full of Old People]]" compares making a home safe for senior citizens to childproofing.
-->Plugs have to be covered, gates erected, breakables moved, cabinets locked, knives dulled, bullets replaced with blanks, etc.
** [[http://www.cracked.com/article_20102_5-dirty-jokes-in-modern-movies-that-are-older-than-film.html 5 Dirty Jokes in Movies (That are Older than Film)]]
-->We tend to think of the past as a classier time when people amused themselves with nothing but clever witticisms, ingenious wordplay and racism.
*** And from that same article:
-->We see mama jokes on TV and in movies all the time, most commonly in lighthearted comedies like ''Series/SaturdayNightLive'', ''Series/{{Community}}'' and ''Film/TheExorcist''.
** [[http://www.cracked.com/photoplasty_493_if-holiday-cards-were-allowed-to-kick-ass/?view=article If Holiday Cards were Allowed to Kick Ass]]:
-->Naturally, most of these cards are underwhelming -- what with the nice family photo or cute children dressed as elves or a Santa cat plotting to kill its owner
* BreakableWeapons: Photoplasty advertises a product that dulls weapons in [[http://www.cracked.com/photoplasty_273_26-ads-products-that-must-exist-in-video-games_p26/#9 Ads for Products That Must Exist in Video Games]].
* BrickJoke: A while back, Daniel O'Brien wrote [[http://www.cracked.com/blog/human-clones-do-you-fk-or-fight/ this article]], about what to do when alone in a room with your doppelganger. In Agents of Cracked season 2 episode 3, he finds himself in that exact situation, and the doppelganger brings up the article.
** While the article itself is not brought up, the meet-your-doppelganger scenario showed up in Agents of Cracked season 1 episode 7 "Curse of the Idol".
*** Which means that DOB has both [[spoiler:fucked and fought himself.]]
* BritishTeeth: #8 of [[http://www.cracked.com/photoplasty_692_29-insane-pastimes-that-prove-history-was-terrifying_p29/#8 29 Insane Pastimes that prove History was Terrifying]] details how Queen Elizabeth 's love of sugar left her with black teeth- a fad that would soon follow to all of England's upper class. This fact is even mentioned in the trope article.
* BrownNote: According to [[http://www.cracked.com/article_20678_5-bizarre-animal-chain-reactions-our-daily-lives-are-causing.html 5 Bizarre Animal Chain Reactions Our Daily Lives Are Causing]], humans' ships' sonar gives squid fatal seizures.
* BrutalHonesty: The premise behind "[[http://www.cracked.com/article_15954_if-oscar-acceptance-speeches-told-truth.html If Oscar Acceptance Speeches Told The Truth]]", parodying the Oscar acceptance speeches of DenzelWashington for ''Film/TrainingDay'', Creator/AngelinaJolie for ''Film/GirlInterrupted'', Creator/TomHanks for ''Film/{{Philadelphia}}'', Jamie Foxx for ''Film/{{Ray}}'', AlPacino for ''Film/ScentOfAWoman'', and Creator/BenAffleck and Creator/MattDamon for ''Film/GoodWillHunting''. Denzel Washington laments the fact that he won an oscar for portraying a role that could be described as a black stereotype, Angelina Jolie thanks {{Nepotism}} for getting her this far in Hollywood, Tom Hanks feels the need to [[HaveIMentionedIAmHeterosexualToday remind everyone that he is heterosexual]] after playing a gay character, Jamie Foxx thanks Ray Charles for dying just in time so it would create enough buzz for him to win the oscar, Al Pacino accuses the Academy of overlooking his previous subdued performances and decides to go into LargeHam mode for the rest of his career, and Ben Affleck and Matt Damon reveal that they didn't actually write the script, and originally conceived of it as an action movie.[[note]]Cracked is decidedly wrong on ''Good Will Hunting''. Affleck and Damon ''did'' write the script almost entirely by themselves, although it was indeed conceived as more of a spy thriller before they changed it to a straightforward drama.[[/note]]
* BuddyCopShow Where TheyFightCrime
** ''[[http://www.cracked.com/blog/why-crimes-would-never-get-solved-at-a-tv-police-station/ Why Crimes Would Never Get Solved At A TV Police Station]]''
** Called an easy way to involve a TokenMinority in the #1 [[http://www.cracked.com/blog/the-4-weirdest-lessons-80s-movies-really-wanted-to-teach-us_p2/ Weirdest Lesson '80s Movies Really Wanted to Teach Us]].
* BungledSuicide: [[http://www.cracked.com/article_20236_6-insane-disney-comics-you-wont-believe-are-real.html 6 Insane Disney Comics You Won't Believe Are Real]] shows some 1930 [[ComicBook/MickeyMouseComicUniverse Mickey strips]] where breaking up with Minnie causes him to attempt suicide several ways but fail each time.
* BurnTheWitch: Being burned is Film/MaryPoppins's nightmare according to a Photoplasty: [[http://www.cracked.com/photoplasty_334_24-nightmares-famous-fictional-characters_p24/#8 24 Nightmares of Famous Fictional Characters]]
* ButchLesbian: Photoplasty [[http://www.cracked.com/photoplasty_581_17-famous-images-as-seen-from-different-angle/?view=article Famous Images, As Seen From a Different Angle]] has the linked-Venus lesbianism symbol on [[WrenchWench Rosie the Riveter's]] bicep.
* ButHeSoundsHandsome: In [[http://www.cracked.com/blog/this-is-why-you-dont-steal-from-cracked/ "This Is Why You Don't Steal From Cracked"]], DOB doesn't know WHO retaliated against the plagiarist, but is probably someone handsome and witty and with just a hint of Spider-Man-like qualities.
* ButtMonkey: Anytime [[ComicBook/TheAvengers Hawkeye]] is mentioned, it's invariably to criticize him for being the worst Avenger.
* CaliforniaDoubling: [[http://www.cracked.com/article_20173_6-places-youll-recognize-from-background-every-movie.html?wa_user1=2&wa_user2=Movies+%26+TV&wa_user3=article&wa_user4=companion "6 Places You'll Recognize from the Background of Every Movie"]].
* CanadaEh: Chris Bucholz has a "babbling, near-unintelligible Canadian accent" and apparently, because of the sound of it, birds won't land when he's nearby.
* CaptionContest: The daily [[http://www.cracked.com/craptions/ Craption Contest]], where users submit captions for a silly picture and get votes on which one is the funniest.
* {{Catchphrase}}: "Oh shit, we went there", for when the article is about to slam a beloved character, such as Franchise/{{Batman}} or [[Franchise/StarWars Obi-wan]].
* CerealViceReward: The video "[[http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=j4S-SVGd3pI If Cereal Mascots Got Serious About Stealing Cereal"]] is about this trope and deconstructs it, while tossing in elements of ''Film/ReservoirDogs''.
* ChainmailBikini
** One of the "[[http://www.cracked.com/article_19922_5-prejudices-that-video-games-cant-seem-to-get-over.html 5 Prejudices That Video Games Can't Seem to Get Over]]".
** One of [[http://www.cracked.com/photoplasty_586_31-life-lessons-you-can-only-learn-from-video-games/ 31 Life Lessons You Can Only Learn From Video Games]] is that "the less it covers, the more it protects."
* ChangingClothesIsAFreeAction: In real life it isn't, according to [[http://www.cracked.com/blog/5-video-game-strategies-that-are-way-less-useful-in-reality/ 5 Video Game Strategies that Are Way Less Useful in Reality]].
* ChristmasCreep: [[http://www.cracked.com/quick-fixes/4-ways-companies-are-trying-to-start-christmas-already/ 4 Ways Companies Are Trying To Start Christmas Already]] claims some retailers put their decorations up in ''June''.
* ChuckCunninghamSyndrome: [[http://www.cracked.com/blog/what-happened-to-ross/ What ever happened to columnist Ross Wolinsky?]]
* CityInABottle: An article lists [[http://www.cracked.com/article_19976_6-isolated-groups-who-had-no-idea-that-civilization-existed.html 6 isolated groups who had no idea that civilization existed]].
* ClarkKenting: [[http://www.cracked.com/article_18617_the-9-stupidest-superhero-secret-identities.html?wa_user1=2&wa_user2=Weird+World&wa_user3=article&wa_user4=flashback The 9 Stupidest Superhero Secret Identities]]. The TropeNamer is #1.
* ClassicCheatCode: VideoGame/{{Doom}} "idspispopd" referenced in a Photoplasty: [[http://www.cracked.com/photoplasty_273_26-ads-products-that-must-exist-in-video-games_p26/#18 Ads for Products That Must Exist in Video Games]]
* CleanPrettyChildbirth: It posted an article called [[http://www.cracked.com/article_16508_6-terrifying-things-they-dont-tell-you-about-childbirth.html 6 Terrifying Things They Don't Tell You About Childbirth,]] none of which you will see in media (except for maybe the bill).
* ClothesMakeTheSuperman: One of [[http://www.cracked.com/photoplasty_586_31-life-lessons-you-can-only-learn-from-video-games/ 31 Life Lessons You Can Only Learn From Video Games]] uses Mario's suits to make the point that "there is no problem that a change of wardrobe won't solve."
* ColorCodedArmies: One of [[http://www.cracked.com/photoplasty_586_31-life-lessons-you-can-only-learn-from-video-games/ 31 Life Lessons You Can Only Learn From Video Games]] is that "somebody being the wrong color is a perfectly okay reason to attack them."
* CombatMedic: [[http://www.cracked.com/article_20706_the-5-most-badass-medics-in-history-war_p2.html?wa_user1=3&wa_user2=History&wa_user3=article&wa_user4=feature_module The 5 Most Badass Medics In The History of War ]]
* ComeForTheXStayForTheY: In-universe. [[http://www.cracked.com/article_20464_5-words-you-use-every-day-with-shockingly-dark-backstories.html 5 Words You Use Every Day With Shockingly Dark Backstories]] links the word "fornication" to prostitutes finding clients in bakeries. It gives as an example the novel ''Literature/{{Satyricon}}'' by Gaius Petronius, which "talks about bakers tricking clients into coming for the bread and staying 'thither for the base gratification of wantonness.'"
* ComicallyMissingThePoint: One article bashes {{Boastful Rap}}s for being ''unrealistic.''
** You can expect the idiots in the comments section to do this quite a bit- the people who genuinely took the "[[http://www.cracked.com/blog/4-steps-to-staying-relevant-as-bully-in-modern-world/ Four Steps to Staying Relevant as a Bully]]" article as serious advice are a notable example.
* CommieNazis: An alliance between Nazi Germany and Soviet Russia was narrowly averted according to "[[http://www.cracked.com/article_20192_5-insane-what-if-scenarios-that-almost-changed-everything_p2.html 5 Insane 'What If' Scenarios That Almost Changed Everything]]".
* ConcealmentEqualsCover: One of [[http://www.cracked.com/photoplasty_586_31-life-lessons-you-can-only-learn-from-video-games/ 31 Life Lessons You Can Only Learn From Video Games]] is that "bullets can't pass through wood or cars."
* ConLang: A Northern California argot called [[https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Boontling Boontling]] is one of [[http://www.cracked.com/article_20110_5-secret-languages-that-stuck-it-to-man_p2.html 5 secret languages that stuck it to the man]]. It uses English grammar but replaces many of the content words.
* ContinuityNod: If a writer thinks something is particularly funny, they'll probably throw it in to whatever situation they feel is remotely appropriate. See [[http://www.cracked.com/blog/4-unintentionally-depressing-self-help-books-on-happiness/ this]] article where Seanbaby takes a potshot at Bullet Ball, the inventor of which you may recall being number one on Seanbaby's list of the greatest failures in the history of talent shows ever.
* ConvectionSchmonvection: Discussed in the final entry of [[http://www.cracked.com/article_18862_6-deadly-injuries-you-think-youd-survive-thanks-to-movies.html 6 Deadly Injuries You Think You'd Survive (Thanks to Movies)]].
* CoolAndUnusualPunishment: [[http://www.cracked.com/article_20564_5-brilliant-uses-humiliation-to-fight-crime.html 5 Brilliant Uses of Humiliation to Fight Crime]]
* CoveredUp: [[invoked]] One of [[http://www.cracked.com/article_20403_6-famous-songs-written-by-last-person-youd-expect_p2.html 6 Famous Songs Written by the Last Person You'd Expect]] is "Red Red Wine", written and originally recorded by Music/NeilDiamond and popularized by Music/{{UB40}}'s cover.
* CowboyBebopAtHisComputer: Many articles are plagued by this trope. See DanBrowned entry below.
* CreatorPreferredAdaptation: [[http://www.cracked.com/article_20287_5-movies-that-improved-book-according-to-author.html 5 Movies That Improved the Book (According to the Author)]]
* CrappyHolidays: [[http://www.cracked.com/article_20092_5-everyday-things-that-can-literally-drive-you-crazy_p2.html 5 Everyday Things That Can Literally Drive You Crazy]] links seasonal affective disorder in part to "three straight months of Christmas music."
* CrazyCatLady:
** Parodied by Christina H., whose column is called "Let Me Tell You About My Cats."
** Pets are #5 of the [[http://www.cracked.com/article_16220_6-things-you-didnt-know-you-could-get-addicted-to.html 6 Things You Didn't Know You Could Get Addicted To]], and this article links it to ''Toxoplasma gondii'' parasites.
** Photoplasty [[http://www.cracked.com/photoplasty_581_17-famous-images-as-seen-from-different-angle_p2/?view=article Famous Images, As Seen From a Different Angle]] shows a dozen cats on the side of the room that we don't see in James McNeill Whistler's famous portrait of his mother.
* CreatorBacklash: [[http://www.cracked.com/article_18593_6-classics-despised-by-people-who-created-them.html?wa_user1=1&wa_user2=Weird+World&wa_user3=article&wa_user4=flashback 6 Classics Despised by the People Who Created Them]]
* CreatorBreakdown: Several of John Cheese's articles, particularly his recent ones, have been informed by his less-than-happy childhood and personal issues stemming from this.
** DOB's gotten in on this trope, too, on occasion, though not nearly to the extent Cheese has.
* CriticalEncumbranceFailure: A human being able to lift 300 kg as if it were nothing but not 301 kg is the #12 [[http://www.cracked.com/photoplasty_388_27-science-lessons-as-taught-by-famous-video-games_p2/ Science Lesson As Taught by Famous Video Games]].
* CrouchingMoronHiddenBadass: [[http://www.cracked.com/article_15760_closeted-badasses-6-famous-wusses-that-would-own-you.html Closeted Badasses: 6 Famous Wusses That Would Own You]].
** And also, [[http://www.cracked.com/article_20301_the-5-most-secretly-badass-countries.html The 5 Most Secretly Badass Countries]].
* TheCSIEffect: [[invoked]]Explained as arising from the misconception that government agencies are staffed by geniuses, according to "[[http://www.cracked.com/article_18960_5-things-tv-writers-apparently-believe-about-smart-people_p2.html 5 Things TV Writers Apparently Believe About Smart People]]".
* CutenessProximity: Any article involving cute animals will at some point dissolve into cuddly-wuddy goo, usually just before describing [[KillerRabbit how that thing will kill you.]]
* DanBrowned: Often times their articles, even if they're cited, end up being either gross misrepresentations of the facts or even flat-out lies. A particularly {{egregious}} example is in their article "If Oscar Speeches Told the Truth" where they claim the screenplay to ''GoodWillHunting'' wasn't really written by Creator/MattDamon and Creator/BenAffleck, and the citation they link to ''directly contradicts their entire point''.
* DancingBear: [[invoked]] Felix Clay in [[http://www.cracked.com/blog/6-horror-mashups-just-crazy-enough-to-be-awesome/ 6 Horror Mashups Just Crazy Enough to Be Awesome]] calls ''Film/{{TheHumanCentipede}}'' a "Shlock shock horror movie that was made solely for the sensationalism of saying it was actually made [...] The novelty of this movie ended with the idea of it."
* DangerousWorkplace: Apparently the Cracked headquarters is a hellish place run by deranged lunatics lead by a rockstar-like figure with NoOSHACompliance whatsoever where writers prefer dangerous reporting missions than to writing in a wooden cage while DOB is out with a working lighter.
** In ''AgentsOfCracked'', it's a somewhat deranged workplace run by a [[FaceFramedInShadow mysterious badass]], whose requirements for employment involve killing a man, and terrorists and ''Michael'' are allowed to roam.
* DarkerAndEdgier:
** "[[http://www.cracked.com/blog/3-movies-they-dont-make-anymore-but-really-should/ 3 Movies They Don't Make Anymore (But Really Should)]]" decries the trend of "taking popular, existing properties and bringing out the darkest and grittiest aspects they can find" seen in ''Film/HanselAndGretelWitchHunters'', among other movies.
** In "[[http://www.cracked.com/quick-fixes/4-bizarrely-specific-rules-fairy-tale-adaptations-all-follow/ 4 Bizarrely Specific Rules Fairy Tale Adaptations All Follow]]", David Christopher Bell claims that all film adaptations of fairy tales invoke this to invert {{Disneyfication}}.
* DavidVersusGoliath: ''Cracked'' cites a few cases.
** [[http://www.cracked.com/article/93_the-7-most-badass-man-vs.-beast-showdowns/ The 7 Most Badass Man vs. Beast Showdowns]] includes a man driving a bear by kicking in the face and a women driving a way hippo by hitting in the head with a stick.
** [[http://www.cracked.com/article_19565_9-old-timey-animal-photos-you-wont-believe-are-real.html 9 Old Timey AnimalPhotos You Won't Believe Are Real]] has another case with man named Gus Waldorf going into a boxing match against bear, and as they put it "[[WorfHadTheFlu Since they followed boxing protocol as opposed to the bear's preferred combat style of straight up mauling everyone, its teeth and claws were restricted with a muzzle and boxing gloves. And even though the bear went into the ring severely handicapped,]] [[RealityEnsues Waldorf still lost the fight]] [[PunyHumans due to the handicap of not being a bear]]."
** [[http://www.cracked.com/article_20468_the-6-most-mismatched-battles-ever-won-by-underdogs.html The 6 Most Mismatched Battles Ever Won by Underdogs]] relates victories by severely outnumbered forces in Persia, the Ottomans, Korea, Hungary, and the Mongols.
* DeathBySex: [[http://www.cracked.com/article_20657_the-6-most-bizarre-ways-to-lose-popular-video-games.html The 6 Most Bizarre Ways to Lose Popular Video Games]] describes an odd NonstandardGameOver in ''VideoGame/MassEffect2''.
* DeathWorld: Having grown tired of jokes about Australia, Cracked has now gone on to imply we live in a [[http://www.cracked.com/article_19117_7-horrible-ways-universe-can-destroy-us-without-warning.html Death universe.]]
* DeceptivelyHumanRobots: Michael Swaim consistently refers to himself as "your Host Droid".
* DeconReconSwitch: [[http://www.cracked.com/blog/3-reasons-its-so-hard-to-make-superman-interesting_p2/ 3 Reasons It's So Hard to Make Superman Interesting]] spends a page deconstructing the Boring InvincibleHero and then another reconstructing a hero faced with the SadisticChoice of whom to save at any given moment.
* DeconstructorFleet: Frequently, the themes for the photoshop contests amount to "Show what X would be like in the real world."
** A lot of other articles tend toward this theme as well. ''Cracked's'' attitude toward fictional media of any sort seems to be "This would suck if it were real, therefore you suck for enjoying it in escapist fiction."
* DepartmentOfRedundancyDepartment : "Now it's time to check in on the robot body I'm building to put Clippy's mind into, in a segment I like to call 'Checking in on the robot body I'm building to put Clippy's mind into.'"
* DescriptionCut: Quite common. Sometimes an entry will end with something along the lines of 'The only thing crazier than that would be if x happened.' with the next entry being x.
* DesignatedHero: [[invoked]] [[http://www.cracked.com/article/165_6-movie-heroes-who-sucked-at-their-jobs/ 6 Movie Heroes Who Sucked at Their Jobs]].
* DigitalPiracyIsEvil: [[http://www.cracked.com/article_18513_5-insane-file-sharing-panics-from-before-internet.html 5 Insane File Sharing Panics From Before The Internet]]
* DirtyCoward: [[http://www.cracked.com/article_19892_the-5-least-courageous-things-ever-done-in-crisis.html The 5 Least Courageous Things Ever Done in a Crisis]]
* DisabilitySuperpower:
** Someone with no legs would make a better fighter pilot because G forces wouldn't drain blood to the legs, according to the article [[http://www.cracked.com/article_18624_5-people-who-turned-awful-disabilities-into-superpowers.html 5 People Who Turned Awful Disabilities Into Superpowers]].
** One of Jorden Weir's [[http://www.cracked.com/article_20653_5-people-whose-major-disabilities-only-made-them-stronger.html 5 People Whose Major Disabilities Only Made Them Stronger]] is a mixed martial artist missing half of one forearm, making him a lot harder to grab.
* DiscreditedTrope: [[invoked]] Several articles discuss tropes deemed discredited. These include [[http://www.cracked.com/article_17392_6-sci-fi-movie-conventions-that-need-to-die.html 6 Sci-Fi Movie Conventions (That Need to Die)]] and [[http://www.cracked.com/article_20467_5-overused-twist-endings-its-time-movies-to-retire.html 5 Overused Twist Endings It's Time For Movies to Retire]].
* DisproportionateRetribution: Clippy [[http://www.cracked.com/blog/clippy-finally-messes-with-the-wrong-word-doc/ taunts Brockway]] about his grammar and writing skills. In return, Brockway murders his wife, mentally destroys his children, mocks Clippy's failed suicide attempt following that, and finally summons Cthulhu to drag Clippy's bleeding body away for infinite torment. [[ComedicSociopathy Harsh, yet hilarious.]]
** [[http://www.cracked.com/blog/7-obnoxious-behaviors-that-should-be-punishable-by-death/ And here]], 7 Obnoxious Behaviours That Should Be Punishable By Death.
** Seen again in [[http://www.cracked.com/blog/greatest-note-ever-left-dented-car/?wa_user1=3&wa_user2=Weird+World&wa_user3=blog&wa_user4=feature_module this article.]]
** Robert Brockway's playthrough of ''VideoGame/FalloutNewVegas'' made him realize that he placed more value over the life of his dog companion than that of other humans. When a soldier glitched out and shot the dog, [[RoaringRampageOfRevenge he killed every last citizen in town with a dress cane]] before he finally found the reload game option through the tears in his eyes.
* DistractedByTheSexy: Men make more short-term-oriented decisions after exposure to sexual stimuli, as explained in #3 of [[http://www.cracked.com/article_20332_5-unrealistic-movie-cliches-that-are-scientifically-accurate.html 5 Unrealistic Movie Cliches That Are Scientifically Accurate]].
* DoesThisRemindYouOfAnything: DOB considers the hair-braid USB in ''Film/{{Avatar}}'' to be basically rape.
* DolledUpInstallment: "[[http://www.cracked.com/article_20187_5-little-known-sequels-that-ruined-iconic-stories.html 5 Little-Known Sequels That Ruined Iconic Stories]]" explains that Charles Webb admitted that his novel ''Literature/HomeSchool'', the sequel to ''Literature/TheGraduate'', had the old characters shoehorned into a new story.
* DoubleStandard: "[[http://www.cracked.com/article_19922_5-prejudices-that-video-games-cant-seem-to-get-over_p2.html 5 Prejudices That Video Games Can't Seem to Get Over]]" claims that video games allow lesbian subtext but no male gay subtext.
* DramaticThunder: Mentioned in [[http://www.cracked.com/article_18644_5-world-changing-decisions-made-ridiculous-reasons_p2.html?wa_user1=5&wa_user2=History&wa_user3=article&wa_user4=recommended 5 World Changing Decisions (Made for Ridiculous Reasons]], regarding the plane crash that killed BuddyHolly
-->When Buddy found out his bassist Waylon Jennings wasn't going to be on the plane, he said to him: "Well, I hope your ol' bus freezes up." Jennings ominously replied: "Well, I hope your ol' plane crashes." A clap of thunder was heard in the background.
* DreamApocalypse: In an episode of ''Series/StarTrekTheNextGeneration'', via [[http://www.cracked.com/article_20470_5-horrifying-implications-star-trek-universe.html 5 Horrifying Implications of the 'Star Trek' Universe]], Picard is playing holodeck when one of the characters asks him: "When you're gone, will this world still exist? Will my wife and kids still be waiting for me at home?"
* DuetBonding: #2 of [[http://www.cracked.com/article_20332_5-unrealistic-movie-cliches-that-are-scientifically-accurate.html 5 Unrealistic Movie Cliches That Are Scientifically Accurate]] points out a study finding that people singing together end up synchronizing their brainwaves.
* DumpsterDive: It's a way of life in Manshiyat Naser, whose residents live off Cairo's garbage, making it one of [[http://www.cracked.com/article_19590_the-6-weirdest-cities-people-actually-live-in.html The 6 Weirdest Cities People Actually Live In]].
* TheDungAges: Debunked in "[[http://www.cracked.com/article_20186_6-ridiculous-myths-about-middle-ages-everyone-believes.html 6 Ridiculous Myths About the Middle Ages Everyone Believes]]" and "[[http://www.cracked.com/article_20615_5-ridiculous-myths-you-probably-believe-about-dark-ages.html 5 Ridiculous Myths You Probably Believe About the Dark Ages]]".
* EarnYourHappyEnding: After churning out article after depressing biographical article, [[TheWoobie John Cheese]] gives us [[http://www.cracked.com/blog/5-reasons-life-actually-does-get-better/ this.]]
** Which then eventually leads into [[http://www.cracked.com/blog/5-ways-you-know-its-time-to-get-married/ this.]] Awwwwwww.
* EarWorm: [[invoked]] Discussed in [[http://www.cracked.com/article_19590_the-6-weirdest-cities-people-actually-live-in.html The 6 Weirdest Cities People Actually Live In]], after a bit about a city whose residents live off the capital's garbage: "Great, now we have the ''Series/SanfordAndSon'' theme stuck in our heads."
* EldritchAbomination: Popsicle Pete.
** [[AC:[[color:red:None of you are safe!]]]]
** [[FromBadToWorse He's only the herald]]. And he walks among us already.
** [[RunningGag Spiders.]]
** Gustave the Giant Crocodile. Robert Evans describes him as "a living, breathing, scream-eating dinosaur that is so sick of his own immortality that he passes the time by destroying life whenever he sees it."
** [[http://www.cracked.com/blog/extra21-mario-lopez-has-no-soul21/ Mario Lopez.]]
* ElementalEmbodiment: The #8 [[http://www.cracked.com/photoplasty_388_27-science-lessons-as-taught-by-famous-video-games_p2/#8 Science Lesson As Taught by Famous Video Games]] represents them as hot chicks.
* TheEndOfTheWorldAsWeKnowIt: Several articles list [[http://www.cracked.com/article_18387_5-ways-world-could-end-youd-never-see-coming.html things that can end the world]], things that can end the world [[http://www.cracked.com/article_16817_5-cosmic-events-that-could-kill-you-before-lunch.html when you don't expect it]], and things that can end the world ''[[http://www.cracked.com/article_17562_5-horrifying-apocalyptic-scenarios-that-have-already-happened.html that already happened]]''.
* EnforcedMethodActing: [[http://www.cracked.com/article_19693_5-amazing-performances-from-actors-who-werent-acting.html 5 Amazing Performances From Actors Who Weren't Acting]] and [[http://www.cracked.com/article_19099_12-classic-movie-moments-made-possible-by-abuse-murder.html 12 Classic Movie Moments Made Possible by Abuse and Murder]]
* EnhanceButton: Parodied in [[http://www.cracked.com/article_15849_7-viral-videos-you-didnt-know-were-staged-and-how-they-did-it.html 7 Viral Videos You Didn't Know Were Staged (and How They Did It)]]:
-->'''David Wong:''' [W]e turned the ["How I Got My Camera" viral video] over to the 30-man Cracked.com video analysis team, who spent six months processing every pixel of the original upload. After enhancing the image to a level of clarity more than 6,000 times that of the original, they reported that there was a prominent watermark for a site called wittkopp.net in the upper right.
* EnhancedRemake: The #3 [[http://www.cracked.com/photoplasty_388_27-science-lessons-as-taught-by-famous-video-games_p2/ Science Lesson As Taught by Famous Video Games]] is that "new 16-bit microscopes may prove existence of sub-pixel particles".
* {{Escalating Punchline}}: [[http://www.cracked.com/blog/6-bizarre-things-that-make-your-memory-worse-than-you-think To my brain, that long string of numbers might as well have been written in Morse code. By a toddler. That is an orangutan]].
* EvenEvilHasStandards: "Here at Cracked, one of our specialties is "not making jokes about the rape of Nanking"".
** [[http://www.cracked.com/article_19393_7-ruthless-criminals-who-turned-good-when-nobody-was-looking.html 7 Ruthless Criminals Who Turned Good When Nobody Was Looking]]
* EvenTheGuysWantHim: Ever since Soren Bowie's headshot was posted in [[http://www.cracked.com/blog/5-terrifying-things-movies-dont-tell-you-about-los-angeles/ this article]], most of the comment threads in his recent columns have consisted of both male and female readers fawning over him.
** Select highlights from reader comments include:
--> - Holy shiiiit Soren is a beautiful man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
--> - What I'm trying to say he looks like a sexy, sexy serial killer.
--> - Hmm, this seems like a well-written article full of information l can use to apply myself in the futu-SOOORRRRRRREEENNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNN
** This reaches new heights with the "Worst Bachelorette Party Ever" video, in which [[spoiler: Soren plays a stripper in a military uniform. And he ''really'' gets into the part.]]
* EveryDeviceIsASwissArmyKnife: Mentioned by name in #4 of [[http://www.cracked.com/article_17392_6-sci-fi-movie-conventions-that-need-to-die.html 6 Sci-Fi Movie Conventions (That Need to Die)]].
* EverythingIsRacist: A number of articles and columns have been criticized for taking this viewpoint.
* EverythingTryingToKillYou: Lots of lists involve various animals/places and how they can kill/maim/burn/harm you without even trying. Australia shows up a lot on these lists, apparently you need to kill five species of poisonous spider just to get to the bathroom.
** Also Brockway's book, ''[[http://www.amazon.com/Everything-Going-Kill-Everybody-Terrifyingly/dp/0307464342/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1249601995&sr=8-1 Everything Is Going to Kill Everybody: The Terrifyingly Real Ways the World Wants You Dead]]''.
* EverythingsBetterWithMonkeys:
** [[http://www.cracked.com/blog/the-7-best-kinds-monkeys-drunk-column/ The 7 Best Kinds of Monkeys]].
** M. Asher Cantrell's [[http://www.cracked.com/blog/the-10-biggest-password-mistakes-people-make/ The 10 Biggest Password Mistakes People Make]] cites a study claiming that half a percent of English-speaking Internet users have "monkey" as a password on an online account and suggests it may be related to the word's status as an InherentlyFunnyWord.
* EvilHand: Somatoparaphrenia, or the delusion that someone's limb is not his own, is discussed in [[http://www.cracked.com/article_19369_the-6-most-mind-blowing-ways-your-brain-can-malfunction.html The 6 Most Mind-Blowing Ways Your Brain Can Malfunction]]. It results from damage to the homunculus, the part of the brain that tracks where each body part is.
* ExactlyWhatItSaysOnTheTin:
** In [[http://www.cracked.com/quick-fixes/6-ridiculous-tumblrs-that-yahoo-just-paid-241-billion-for/ 6 Ridiculous Tumblrs That Yahoo Just Paid $1 Billion For]], Alex Hanton claims that [[http://brucespringsteenscrotch.tumblr.com/ Bruce Springsteen's Crotch]] and many other Tumblr blogs "stand up for truth in advertising. You click on this, you know exactly what you're getting."
** Readers retitle several movies in this manner in [[http://www.cracked.com/photoplasty_130_if-movie-titles-were-honest/ If Movie Titles Were Honest]].
* ExperimentedInCollege: One of the myths in [[http://www.cracked.com/article_19373_5-ridiculous-sex-myths-everyone-believes.html 5 Ridiculous Sex Myths Everyone Believes]].
* FakeNationality: [[invoked]] Resulting accent dissonance called [[http://www.cracked.com/article_18721_the-5-stupidest-ways-movies-deal-with-foreign-languages_p2.html The Single Stupidest Way Movies Deal with Foreign Languages]].
* FamousFamousFictional: This is #5 of [[http://www.cracked.com/article_17392_6-sci-fi-movie-conventions-that-need-to-die.html 6 Sci-Fi Movie Conventions (That Need to Die)]], the example being "Newton, Einstein, [[Film/StarTrekIITheWrathOfKhan Sulak]]".
* FanRemake: See freeware games below
* FantasticRacism:
** An article [[http://www.cracked.com/article_18475_6-horrifying-implications-awesome-fantasy-movie-universes.html 6 Horrifying Implications of Awesome Fantasy Movie Universes]] mentions how Middle-earth is segregated in the time of ''Literature/TheLordOfTheRings'': "There are no humans or elves living in the Shire, and if a hobbit is going to live in Rivendell, he'd better be a big goddamned deal."
** J.F. Sargent calls the very existence of {{Fantasy Counterpart Culture}}s one of the "[[http://www.cracked.com/article_19922_5-prejudices-that-video-games-cant-seem-to-get-over.html 5 Prejudices That Video Games Can't Seem to Get Over]]".
* FastballSpecial: One of [[http://www.cracked.com/photoplasty_586_31-life-lessons-you-can-only-learn-from-video-games/ 31 Life Lessons You Can Only Learn From Video Games]] is that "your unborn children make awesome weapons." The example given is from ''VideoGame/YoshisIsland''.
* FauxtivationalPoster: Photoplasty contest [[http://www.cracked.com/photoplasty_553_28-inspirational-image-memes-revised-honesty/ 28 Inspirational Image Memes (Revised for Honesty)]] parodies Successories and other inspirational glurge posters.
* FelonyMisdemeanor: Tom Reimann's column is called [[AC:Tom Reimann MUST BE STOPPED!]]. The banner for his articles shows him in a SelfDemonstrating/DoctorDoom-style getup, holding a can of red spraypaint, standing in front of [[VisualPun a building labeled "Art Museum" that has a big red letter F tagged next to "art"]].
* FetishFuel: Invoked by #3 of [[http://www.cracked.com/blog/6-emotions-invented-by-internet_p2/ 6 New Kinds of Anxiety the Internet Gave Us]] is "The Confusion/Disgust/Arousal of Stumbling Upon Someone Else's Sexual Fetish".
* FetishRetardant: [[invoked]] [[http://www.cracked.com/blog/the-8-most-misguided-attempts-at-sexy-videos-youtube/ The 8 Most Misguided Attempts at 'Sexy' Videos on YouTube]] describes several videos that could be taken as this.
* FifteenMinutesOfFame: #1 of [[http://www.cracked.com/blog/6-emotions-invented-by-internet_p2/ 6 New Kinds of Anxiety the Internet Gave Us]] is "The Shock of Instant, Unintentional Fame".
* {{Filler}}: The major columnists for the site almost never update on Saturday, so the site tends to link to images from older Photoshop contests to pad out the front page. Which [[FanDumb some readers]] ''still'' bitch about like it's a new thing.
* FinalDeath: Parodied in a Photoplasty. Inability to start a new game after having lost all lives is the [[http://www.cracked.com/photoplasty_381_22-terrible-ideas-that-would-have-ruined-great-video-games/ #22 terrible idea that would have ruined]] ''VideoGame/SuperMarioBros''.
* FireIceLightning: [[http://www.cracked.com/article_17549_6-badass-tricks-you-can-do-with-fire-that-might-kill-you.html?wa_user1=3&wa_user2=Science&wa_user3=article&wa_user4=yesincite 6 Badass Tricks You Can Do With Fire (That Might Kill You)]], [[http://www.cracked.com/article_17276_5-scientific-ways-to-make-water-do-magic_p2.html 5 Scientific Ways To Make Water Do Magic]], and [[http://www.cracked.com/article/183_6-badass-tricks-you-can-but-shouldnt-do-with-electricity/ 6 Badass Tricks You Can (But Shouldn't) Do With Electricity]]. Don't try these at home.
* FlameWar: #2 of [[http://www.cracked.com/blog/6-emotions-invented-by-internet_p2/ 6 New Kinds of Anxiety the Internet Gave Us]] is "The Dread of Stumbling into a Hornet's Nest".
* FlashMob: In "[[https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gOfOIQ5ayzI College of DuPage Flash Mob Dance and Pep Rally]]", one of [[http://www.cracked.com/blog/5-videos-that-will-brighten-your-day/ 5 Videos That Will Brighten Your Day]], a half dozen people perform rehearsed dance moves, and then someone outside the group spontaneously joins in the dance fever. "Oh, [[MusicalWorldHypotheses life is a musical now]]? OK, I'd better adapt!"
* FlippingTheBird: Some pictures show people doing that a lot in top-number lists.
* FollowTheMoney: [[SelectiveGravity Levitating]] coins are explained as lighter-than-air currency in the #7 [[http://www.cracked.com/photoplasty_388_27-science-lessons-as-taught-by-famous-video-games_p2/ Science Lesson As Taught by Famous Video Games]].
* ForeignQueasine: [[http://www.cracked.com/article_14979_6-most-terrifying-foods-in-world.html The 6 Most Terrifying Foods in the World]].
* ForeheadOfDoom: #12 of [[http://www.cracked.com/photoplasty_692_29-insane-pastimes-that-prove-history-was-terrifying_p29/#12 29 Insane pastimes that prove history was terrifying]] details how women in 15th century Europe would pluck their hairlines to create the high-forehead look often seen in paintings.
* ForScience: [[http://www.cracked.com/article_16301_6-most-badass-stunts-ever-pulled-in-name-science.html 6 Most Badass Stunts Pulled In The Name Of Science]]
* FreakyFridayFlip: When Body Switching Movies Collide is a skit done by the ''Cracked'' staff. It starts off when [[Series/QuantumLeap Sam]] Leaped into [[Film/FreakyFriday Ellen Cunningham]]'s mind after she switched bodies with Anna. [[Film/{{Ghost}} Sam Cunningham]], Ellen's dead husband, shows up, explaining how he will possess Sam and have sex with Ellen one last time. Al argues that Ghost Sam possessing Quantum Leap Sam to have sex with Ellen would result in Anna's body having sex with Helen, who has Anna's mind at the moment. The Ghost Sam leaves in disgust, saying he plans to have sex with someone else. Al reveals that Anna is a [[Film/SpyKids secret agent]] hired for the [[Series/StargateSG1 Stargate project]] in the [[{{Series/Torchwood}} Torchwood Institute]] in Roswell. [[Franchise/TheMatrix Trinity]], who works for the [[Series/{{Millennium}} Millenium Corporation]], shows up in a [[Series/{{Sliders}} Slider Hole]] and explains that the world is a false reality created by sophiscated computers contained within the mind of [[Film/BeingJohnMalkovich John Horatio Malkovich]]. When Quantum Leap Sam asks Al to Leap him out of this madness, Al can't because he's actually a [[Series/BattlestarGalacticaClassic Cylon]]. It turns out it was all Michael Swaim's dream, and the camera zooms out to reveal that sequence was [[Series/StElsewhere imagined by Michael looking at his snowglobe]].
* FreewareGames: The whole point of [[http://www.cracked.com/article_20568_5-improved-versions-classic-games-that-fans-made-free.html 5 Improved Versions of Classic Games That Fans Made For Free.]]
* FreudianSlip: From [[http://www.cracked.com/video_18193_white-people-rapping-about-rape-what-could-go-wrong-5Bdnc5D.html this video]]: "I've been your boobs, Michael Boobs. Allow me to boobs you tits".
* FridgeLogic: Invoked in quite a few articles which consist of thinking about the surprisingly gruesome implications of popular TV shows and movies. %%%Don't move this to the Fridge Namespace, since it's an in-work discussion of the concept.
** Sometimes they will make an aside comment about the main point of discussion.
--> ''(talking about the memory of the elephants)'' When the samples were from elephants who were far away, or had not yet passed by the area, the elephants reacted with surprise. We're not sure how the scientists detected "surprise" in elephants, but we trust their judgment.
* FunSize: Calling tiny, [[AllHallowsEve trick-or-treat size]] candy bars "fun size", or calling any sort of eating "fun" for that matter, is one of [[http://www.cracked.com/blog/the-5-stupidest-lies-advertisers-expect-you-to-believe/ The 5 Stupidest Lies Advertisers Expect You to Believe]]. It compares the practice to little people demanding to be called "fun size".
* FunWithAcronyms: Michael Swaim starts off every episode of Cracked TV with '''S'''ome '''W'''eird '''A'''cronym '''I'''nstead of a '''M'''onologue. His official blog on the site is called "'''S'''lander '''W'''ithout '''A'''ny '''I'''nherent '''M'''eaning".
** Also '''S'''pelling '''W'''uz '''A'''ever a '''I'''uge '''M'''riority.
*** And '''S'''waim (s)'''W'''imulates '''A''' (human) '''IM'''otion.
** For SesquipedalianLoquaciousness value, he had '''S'''omnambulists '''W'''ainscot '''{{A|ntidisestablishmentarianism}}'''[[{{Antidisestablishmentarianism}} ntidisestablishmentarianistically]] '''I'''rrespective of '''M'''alapropisms.
** '''S'''tutter. '''W'''ow. '''A'''wkward! '''I''' am so sorry. '''M'''oving on.
** ''[[http://www.cracked.com/blog/your-3rd-grade-science-textbook-as-written-by-gary-busey/ Gary Busey's Explorations of Science]]'' has a bunch:
*** "[This textbook] might contradict what your eyeballs tell you, but that means it's working. '''EYEBALLS''' stands for '''E'''vents '''Y'''ou '''E'''xperience by '''A'''lien '''L'''aser '''L'''ieRay '''S'''atellites."
*** "If everyone wasn't special, no one would be. Which is why '''SPECIAL''' stands for '''S'''unny '''P'''als '''E'''xtremely '''C'''hromosomed and '''I'''mmune to '''A'''pes and '''L'''ightning."
*** Gary Busey even manages to plan an acronym around his own death: "'''LEARNING''' stands for '''L'''eading '''E'''xcitement! '''A'''rgh! '''R'''eality! '''N'''o! '''I'''-- '''N'''o! '''G'''AAAAHH!!!!"
* FurryConfusion: [[http://www.cracked.com/article_20236_6-insane-disney-comics-you-wont-believe-are-real.html 6 Insane Disney Comics You Won't Believe Are Real]] shows panels from an educational comic in an issue of ''Look'' magazine showing Dr. [[ComicBook/MickeyMouseComicUniverse Mickey Mouse]] testing sulfa drugs on common mice.
* TheGenericGuy: Bucholz isn't very generic, but compared to all the other columnists, he's notable for being Cracked's foremost "columnist with no outstanding warrants".
** Bucholz is one of the only columnists who paints himself as someone with at least a little common sense and morals, however the ''subject'' of the articles themselves are some of the craziest of the bunch, including: [[http://www.cracked.com/blog/7-things-you-learn-breaking-into-p.-diddys-house/ things learned breaking into P. Diddy's house]], guides for [[http://www.cracked.com/blog/using-occupy-wall-street-to-pick-up-chicks/ using occupy wall street to pick up chicks]], [[http://www.cracked.com/blog/so-youre-accidentally-stalking-helen-mirren/ people who are accidentally stalking actress Helen Mirren]], [[http://www.cracked.com/blog/4-tips-properly-attacking-animals-with-bicycle-chain/ attacking animals with a bicycle chain]], and [[http://www.cracked.com/blog/11-steps-to-crashing-royal-wedding/ crashing a royal wedding]].
* GermansLoveDavidHasselhoff: In-universe again. [[http://www.cracked.com/article_18895_7-things-from-america-that-are-insanely-popular-overseas.html "7 Things From America That Are Insanely Popular Overseas."]] And yes, the {{Trope Namer|s}} is at the top of the list.
* GettingCrapPastTheRadar: [[http://www.cracked.com/article_18672_the-6-creepiest-things-ever-slipped-into-childrens-cartoons.html "The 6 Creepiest Things Ever Slipped Into Children's Cartoons."]]
** [[http://www.cracked.com/article_19271_8-filthy-jokes-hidden-in-ancient-works-art.html 8 Filthy Jokes Hidden in Ancient Works of Art]].
** [[http://www.cracked.com/article_20236_6-insane-disney-comics-you-wont-believe-are-real.html 6 Insane Disney Comics You Won't Believe Are Real]] shows panels from a 1953 ''[[ComicBook/TheLifeAndTimesOfScroogeMcDuck Scrooge]]'' comic book where what at first looks like a fight between Goldie and Scrooge (given the sound effects and smoke emanating from the cabin) [[DestructoNookie turns out to be something]] "not a hangin' offense in Langry, Texas, or anywhere else".
** [[http://www.cracked.com/article_20670_6-sneaky-ways-movies-tv-shows-outsmarted-censors.html 6 Sneaky Ways Movies and TV Shows Outsmarted Censors]] details how Creator/WilliamShatner forced television's first interracial kiss on ''Series/StarTrekTheOriginalSeries'', and how the [[MediaWatchdog MPAA]] actually ended up making ''WesternAnimation/SouthPark: Bigger, Longer, & Uncut'' even ''dirtier'' than it was originally envisioned, among others.
* GiantFlyer: ''Argentavis'' is #5 of [[http://www.cracked.com/article_18445_7-thankfully-extinct-giant-versions-modern-animals.html 7 (Thankfully) Extinct Giant Versions of Modern Animals]].
* {{GIFT}}: [[http://www.cracked.com/blog/hey-lets-fix-internet/ Hey, Let's Fix The Internet]]
* GoKartingWithBowser: Mario's numerous roles are evidence of a multiverse in the #15 [[http://www.cracked.com/photoplasty_388_27-science-lessons-as-taught-by-famous-video-games/ Science Lesson As Taught by Famous Video Games]].
* GoodCopBadCop: Parodied [[http://www.cracked.com/blog/why-crimes-would-never-get-solved-at-a-tv-police-station/ here]] along with TheyFightCrime, RippedFromTheHeadlines and countless other CopShow clichés.
* AGoodNameForARockBand: Pops up on occasion.
** Joey Clifton calls dibs on "Wanton Chinese Tomb Destruction" in [[http://www.cracked.com/article_20715_6-priceless-ancient-artifacts-destroyed-by-idiots_p2.html 6 Priceless Ancient Artifacts Destroyed by Idiots.]]
* GoshdangItToHeck: John Cheese is prone to [[ClusterFBomb cluster F-bombs]], so it [[http://www.cracked.com/blog/4-things-politicians-will-never-understand-about-poor-people/ gets pretty funny]] when he makes an effort to avoid them.
* GrailInTheGarbage: [[http://www.cracked.com/article_17314_5-pieces-junk-that-turned-out-to-be-invaluable-artifacts.html 5 Pieces of Junk That Turned Out To Be Invaluable Artifacts]]
* GroundhogDayLoop: [[http://www.cracked.com/blog/10-life-lessons-that-tetris-can-teach-you/?wa_user1=3&wa_user2=Video+Games&wa_user3=blog&wa_user4=feature_module 10 Life Lessons That 'Tetris' Can Teach You]]
* GroundPound: Mid-air direction changes and surviving falls are the #9 [[http://www.cracked.com/photoplasty_388_27-science-lessons-as-taught-by-famous-video-games_p2/ Science Lesson As Taught by Famous Video Games]].
* GrowingUpSucks: Daniel O'Brien has written two articles about why growing up sucks; however, both Gladstone and Brockway have written articles explaining why it ''doesn't'' suck. John Cheese, meanwhile, has written at least one from each perspective.
** This is increasingly a focus of the articles; possibly because at least two of the columnists are now parents. There have been at least two articles on the subject of the economy and how tough it is to be not poor anymore.
** Though Dan O'Brien did write a terrific article in which he explained positive sides such as complete freedom at home, the ability and means to do fun things on impulse, being able to say no to things and not having to justify decisions to people. Cheese also included a great rebuttal in ''5 Reasons Life Really Does Get Better'' in which he explained the freedom that living on Your own will bring and how the world isn't as bad as young people sometimes believe.
* HandicappedBadass: Among Jorden Weir's [[http://www.cracked.com/article_20653_5-people-whose-major-disabilities-only-made-them-stronger.html 5 People Whose Major Disabilities Only Made Them Stronger]] are a legless mountain climber and a blind pilot.
* HardWorkFallacy: Deconstructed in [[http://www.cracked.com/blog/6-things-rich-people-need-to-stop-saying/ this]] essay.
* HaveAGayOldTime: In [[http://www.cracked.com/blog/the-5-most-absurd-superhero-names-all-time/ The 5 Most Absurd Superhero Names of All-Time]], Maxwell Yezpitelok mentions the World War II-era comic book examples of ''The Gay Ghost'' as well as "hav[ing] never felt so queer" in ''Flick Falcon''.
* HealThyself, HealingFactor, HealingHands, HealingPotion, HealingShiv:
** Among the [[http://www.cracked.com/blog/7-bullshit-video-game-healing-methods/ 7 Video Game Healing Methods Least Likely to Actually Work]]
** The #22 [[http://www.cracked.com/photoplasty_388_27-science-lessons-as-taught-by-famous-video-games/ Science Lesson As Taught by Famous Video Games]] is a medkit, and #9 is "Green Heart + Red Heart = Full Health".
** A healing factor is portrayed as [[BlessedWithSuck undesirable]] in [[http://www.cracked.com/article_20241_6-awesome-superpowers-that-would-suck-in-real-life_p2.html 6 Awesome Superpowers (That Would Suck in Real Life)]] because the intense pain would lead to post-traumatic stress disorder.
** One of [[http://www.cracked.com/photoplasty_586_31-life-lessons-you-can-only-learn-from-video-games/ 31 Life Lessons You Can Only Learn From Video Games]] is that "first aid kits are absorbed through osmosis".
* HeavySleeper: [[http://www.cracked.com/article_20112_5-amazing-things-that-people-managed-to-sleep-through.html "5 Amazing Things That People Managed to Sleep Through"]].
* HellIsThatNoise: [[invoked]][[http://www.cracked.com/blog/7-bizarre-sounds-from-outer-space/ 7 Bizarre Sounds From Outer Space]] featured Saturn, or as it was called, the screeching space phantom.
* HeroesGoneFishing: One of [[http://www.cracked.com/photoplasty_586_31-life-lessons-you-can-only-learn-from-video-games/ 31 Life Lessons You Can Only Learn From Video Games]] is that "[[DamselInDistress your princess]] can always wait a little longer" to complete a FishingMinigame.
* HeroicBystander: [[http://www.cracked.com/article_18509_5-unknown-schmucks-who-turned-into-superheroes-in-clutch.html 5 Unknown Schmucks Who Turned Into Superheroes in the Clutch]] and [[http://www.cracked.com/article_19766_6-nobodies-who-turned-into-superheroes-without-warning.html 6 Nobodies Who Turned Into Superheroes Without Warning.]]
* {{Heroic Dolphin}}s: ''Cracked'' deconstructs this by listing dolphins in both [[http://www.cracked.com/article_16762_the-6-biggest-assholes-in-animal-kingdom_p2.html The 6 Biggest Assholes In The Animal Kingdom]] and [[http://www.cracked.com/article_15853_the-6-cutest-animals-that-can-still-destroy-you.html The 6 Cutest Animals That Can Still Destroy You.]]
* HighPressureBlood: One of [[http://www.cracked.com/photoplasty_586_31-life-lessons-you-can-only-learn-from-video-games/ 31 Life Lessons You Can Only Learn From Video Games]] is that "a person's volume of blood often exceeds 78 liters."
* {{Hipster}}: [[http://www.cracked.com/blog/4-awful-things-were-now-considering-nerd-behavior/ 4 Awful Things We're Now Considering Nerd Behavior]] not only pokes fun at them, but points out how easy it is to be one. Many nerds and geeks are secretly hipsters themselves because of the four listed reasons. #3: Hipsters don't like the idea of their favorite media making money and becoming "popular". #2: It sickens hipsters to see "normal" people showing off their interests in the same things. Especially if that person doesn't ''look'' like they should have anything to do with it. #1 really drives the point home.
-->You know your friend who's read the books Creator/GeorgeRRMartin wrote before he started Literature/GameOfThrones, or the one who watches nothing but authentic, [[SubbingVersusDubbing untranslated Japanese anime]], or the guy who has at some point in his life been a member of [[ArsonMurderAndJaywalking Sonic Youth]]? They're the ubernerds. They're super-pretentious, and they (fine -- we) are insufferable. Not because of our taste for obscurity, but because of our ''arrogance''. We act like knowing more about the artist makes us better, even though all it really means is that we spend our free time differently from "normal" people.
* HiroshimaAsAUnitOfMeasure: Someone who is especially out of their mind is often described as "Creator/GaryBusey crazy."
* HistoricalBadassUpgrade: They like to do this to Theodore Roosevelt.
* HistoryMarchesOn: InUniverse, [[http://www.cracked.com/article_19404_6-terrifying-sci-fi-predictions-about-year-1997.html Six terrifying sci-fi predictions (of 1997)]]
* HollywoodHacking: Completely {{Deconstructed|Trope}} in [[http://www.cracked.com/article_20797_5-hacking-myths-you-probably-believe-thanks-to-movies.html/?utm_source=facebook&utm_medium=fanpage&utm_campaign=new+article&wa_ibsrc=fanpage 5 hacking Myths You Probably Believe Thanks To Movies.]]
* HomePornMovie: It's a [[http://www.cracked.com/article_18392_6-reasons-homemade-porn-worse-idea-than-you-think.html worse idea than you think]], according to Ian Fortey.
* HopeSpot: [[http://www.cracked.com/blog/6-true-stories-that-will-restore-your-faith-in-humanity/ This]] article. Then, the next day, [[http://www.cracked.com/blog/7-celebrity-animals-where-are-they-now-a-drunk-column/ this]] article happened.
* HorseOfADifferentColor: One of [[http://www.cracked.com/photoplasty_586_31-life-lessons-you-can-only-learn-from-video-games/ 31 Life Lessons You Can Only Learn From Video Games]] is that "if you have the right saddle, you can ride on freaking anything."
* HumanMail: [[http://www.cracked.com/article_20504_the-5-most-badass-ways-people-escaped-from-slavery.html The 5 Most Badass Ways People Escaped from Slavery]] relates the story of Henry "Box" Brown, an African-American slave in Virginia successfully escaped to Philadelphia inside a crate and later bragged about how he did it. Slavery opponent Frederick Douglass was infuriated because he wanted this escape method to be kept secret so that other slaves could use it.
* HumanoidAbomination: Brockway, over the course of a drug-addled gossip-magazine-sponsored day-long interview, slowly comes to learn that this applies to [[spoiler:[[http://www.cracked.com/blog/extra-mario-lopez-has-no-soul/ Mario Lopez.]]]]
** See Popsicle Pete? That is ''not'' the voice of a Down's Syndrome-looking ginger in a marching band outfit.
** [[spoiler:Mario Lopez]]'s nature as a creature not meant to walk this Earth [[http://www.cracked.com/blog/the-monster-inside-mario-lopez-warning/ has been further documented]].
* HumanoidAliens: Some xenobiologists argue that convergent evolution to a humanoid form is more likely than StarfishAliens, according to #1 of [[http://www.cracked.com/article_20332_5-unrealistic-movie-cliches-that-are-scientifically-accurate.html 5 Unrealistic Movie Cliches That Are Scientifically Accurate]].
* HuntingTheMostDangerousGame: [[http://www.cracked.com/blog/the-6-best-movies-where-people-are-hunted-for-sport/?wa_user1=5&wa_user2=blog&wa_user3=blog&wa_user4=flashback 6 Great Movies Where People Are Hunted for Sport]].
* HurricaneOfPuns: The Cracked commentators would form one of these if the situation presents itself.
** For [[http://www.cracked.com/article_15785_the-15-most-cringe-worthy-james-bond-puns.html The 15 Most Cringe-Worthy James Bond Puns]], they couldn't decide which pun from ''Film/TheSpyWhoLovedMe'' to single out as #2, so they instead present "The Horrible Pun Marathon".
--->'''Christian Ames:''' Maybe, we should call this one ''[[LongTitle The Spy Who Made Constant Double Entendres For the Entire Movie, So Much So That No One Can Remember The Plot and Just Thinks It Was a Movie About Double Entendres]]''.
* HyperactiveMetabolism:
** One of the [[http://www.cracked.com/blog/7-bullshit-video-game-healing-methods/ 7 Video Game Healing Methods Least Likely to Actually Work]]
** One of [[http://www.cracked.com/photoplasty_586_31-life-lessons-you-can-only-learn-from-video-games/ 31 Life Lessons You Can Only Learn From Video Games]] is that "eating food you find in the trash is good for you."
* HypocriticalHumor: A subtle and recurring theme of "Cracked TV" is that the RealLife Michael Swaim is just as guilty of all the things that [[AlterEgoActing his character]] criticizes about everyone else. This was dropped in "Does Not Compute", where the focus is on more "out there" topics.
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