It's date night for Calvin's parents. Usually, they only go once every six months, as Roslyn is too expensive for them. Well, this time that won't be a problem- Roslyn's got the flu, and she doesn't feel up to taking care of Calvin. No matter how much Dad begs or Mom threatens her, she's still not going to do it.
Dad tries to get another sitter, but he doesn't have much luck. After an hour, however, they get Susie's father to agree to watch Calvin. Dad thinks that trapping Calvin in a house with Susie is cruel even for them, but Mom is desperate to get them out of the house. They take Calvin to the Derkins' house, but they don't tell him where he's going. He's just glad it's not Roslyn, and lists off all the people who would be better babysitters than her (including Attila the Hun, Dr. Clayton Forrester, Laurie Foreman, and Hal Warren). His opinion changes when he gets there and Susie answers the door.
- Calvin: On second thought, Roslyn's only appeared in one episode during this entire show. Let's bring her back!
He tries to run away, but Mom catches him and brings him into the house. Calvin's parents go into the living room to meet Susie's parents, leaving the two mortal enemies alone.
- Susie: You know, Calvin, if you were my husband, I'd put poison in your coffee.Calvin: Susie, if you were my wife, I would drink it.
Hobbes congratulates Calvin on the comeback, and Mom and Dad leave. Calvin and Hobbes have an emergency upstairs meeting of G.R.O.S.S. in the upstairs bathroom. But before they can get there, they're stopped by Susie, who lays down a few rules: One, no going in her room, Two, no eating the cookies on the counter, Three, don't bother her when she's watching movies, and Four, don't touch any of her stuff. Of course, once they do meet up, they plan to break all of these rules.
First, they sneak over to Susie's room. Hobbes picks the lock, and they walk in. They're amazed at the number of unicorns in there. Hobbes wonders what they do next, and Calvin replies that they'll stand there and let nature take its course. That won't take long, considering that Calvin is part of nature.
- Calvin: OH, SUSIE! WE'RE IN YOUR ROOM!Susie: CALVIN, GET YOUR STUPID TIGER OUT OF MY ROOM!Calvin: *Tosses Hobbes out* There. Hobbes is out of sight, and out of mind.Susie: I WANT YOU OUT OF SIGHT, TOO!Calvin: *Covers her eyes with his hand* There. Now you can't see me.Susie: CALVIN, GET YOUR HAND OFF OF MY FACE!Calvin: *Does so* Man, this is my new favorite interactive game.Susie: GET OUT OF THIS ROOM!*Calvin gets into her closet*Susie: GET OUT OF MY CLOSET!*Calvin gets out of the closet*Susie: I WANT YOU TO LEAVE!
Calvin doesn't see any way around that one, and so he leaves. Susie slams the door, and Calvin and Hobbes grin and high-five each other. Hobbes comments that he likes Calvin when he's keeping his head cool instead of screaming it off about everything. Calvin just says that he felt the situation called for it. They then move on to part two of their plan: eating the cookies.
Calvin thinks that it should be easy, as Susie has locked herself in her bedroom, but then Hobbes points out that Mr. Derkins (who hasn't yet heard any of the commotion) has a clear line of sight to the cookies. Calvin gets around this by using the MTM's new manipulator arms to move the cookies out of Mr. Derkins' sight. When Susie comes down and finds out Calvin ate them, she's furious.
Later, when Susie wants to watch a movie, Calvin and Hobbes show up and start riffing it. Susie ends up spending most of the movie's run time trying to get them to stop. Calvin then goes upstairs and proceeds to break the rule about touching her stuff, juggling several of her dolls (well, actually he's just tossing them into the air one at a time, as he can't juggle). She runs up the stairs after Calvin, who jumps off and falls to the ground floor. Susie collects her things and stores them in her room.
Now, Calvin and Hobbes have done everything on the list... except bug Susie. Calvin decides to do this by singing songs like On Top of Spaghetti, Ten Million Bottles of Beer on the Wall, and the Spongebob theme song. Susie starts throwing things at Calvin, but when this doesn't work, she just goes over and beats Calvin up.
Soon after, Mr. Derkins finally decides to go check on his charges, and Susie tells him the whole story. When Mom and Dad return from a very peaceful evening, they find that they're really going to have to pay. Dad gives Mr. Derkins everything he has in his wallet. Calvin is very happy- he's just gotten rid of a slimy girl! Hobbes points out that he's the only one with bruises, but that doesn't do anything to dampen Calvin's mood. Dad's promise that Calvin "won't see the light of day for months" does provoke a sigh, however.
Tropes
- Adults Are Useless: The Derkins. Mrs. Derkins spends the whole time in the garden, and Mr. Derkins has earphones in and doesn't hear any of the commotion Calvin and Susie are getting into.
- Early-Installment Weirdness: This is the first appearance of the MTM's manipulator arms, and they're controlled by Calvin (via a pair of gloves) rather than the MTM.
- Even The Annoying Have Standards: Calvin just wants to irritate Susie, not seriously harm her.Calvin: The enemy, Susie Derkins, has taken us prisoner, and we are now to take advantage of this situation and unleash our annoyingness on her!Hobbes: What, we're not going to kill her?Calvin: You... are sick!Hobbes: Just checking.
- Exact Words: Calvin plays this game with Susie when Susie is trying to order him out of her bedroom. When Susie says that she wants Calvin to "GET YOUR STUPID TIGER OUT OF MY ROOM!", Calvin tosses Hobbes out... but remains where he is. When she says she wants him "out of sight", he covers her eyes so she can't see him. When she asks him to leave her bedroom, he goes into her closet, and when she says she wants him out of the closet, he goes back into the bedroom.
- Twitchy Eye: Susie after she discovers that Calvin's made her miss her movie.
