June Johns
In the original books, she's Alicia's bratty, sharp-tongued younger cousin. In this fic, she's the protagonist.
- Butt-Monkey: Regularly on the receiving end of her cousins' pranks and teasing.
- Deadpan Snarker: Lampshaded by herself.See? I can be very cutting and quick thinking. I truly do amaze myself. I am such a nice, funny, witty, lovely person. Modest too. I NEVER boast.June: Why not? It’s a perfectly nice name. *snorting* Sorry, sorry, I can't help it, I'm hilariously witty even during these hard times of heartbreak and distress.
- Drama Queen: Overreacts to pretty much everything, and accuses other people of being dramatic.
- Embarrassing Nickname: Alicia, Betty and Sam call her "Junebug", much to her annoyance.
- Emo Teen: This is a fifteen-year-old girl’s diary, after all.
- Hypocrite: Played for Laughs when she follows her brother outside and spies on him, and then calls Bridget and her uncle nosy and interfering as well as complaining about how people are so hypocritical nowadays. She also calls Sam, Moira and Alicia overreactive when she’s the biggest Drama Queen of them all, and gets mad at Bridget for having a friend before her and claims that she would never do that to her, immediately before mentioning that she has to phone her friend Jenn sometime.
- My God, What Have I Done?: When she accidentally causes Jeremy to break up with Andrew.
- The Nicknamer: Sam notes that she has a knack for giving people nicknames. She calls Alicia "The Devil Incarnate", Moira "Hitler Girl", Betty "Ugly Betty" and "The Buffoon", and Darrell "Macho Girl".
- Puppy-Dog Eyes: Gives these to Sam to get him to forgive her.
- Unreliable Narrator: Not in the story, but when she explains the reasons she hates Darrell Rivers, she says she violently shook her for no reason and leaves out the part where she was going to get Darrell's form in big trouble just to get back at Alicia for something else.
Alicia Johns
In the original books, she's one of Darrell's friends who loves to prank people and has a sharp tongue, and is pretty much the same in this fic.
- Big Cousin Bully: Loves to tease and rile up June, though June occasionally does the same to her.
- Better as Friends: She decides this about Peter after learning how stupid he is.
- Deadpan Snarker: Especially towards June.
- Lethal Chef: No one can stand the pie she makes when it's her turn to cook.
- The Prankster: Like in the original books, she enjoys pulling pranks on people and bonds with Peter over it.
Moira Linton
In the original books, she's the bossy, domineering head of form who first appears in In the Fifth at Malory Towers, and is the same in this fic.
- Berserk Button: June teasing her about her crush on Catherine.
- Butt-Monkey: Often gets pranked and tormented by June, who is a butt monkey herself.
- The Comically Serious: She rarely laughs or shows emotion. When June sends her a fake love letter from Catherine and everyone laughs at her, she says with great dignity that they are all the most contemptible people she’s ever met, before storming off to her room.
- Death Glare: Gives one to Jeremy when he suggests that she go comfort Dick.
- Disappeared Dad: Her father killed himself when she was young and her mother remarried, giving her a stepfather.
- Emotionless Girl: She is very reserved and seldom shows emotion.
- Foolish Sibling, Responsible Sibling: The responsible, serious and reserved to her sister Bridget's foolish and ditzy.
- The Glorious War of Sisterly Rivalry: She's the serious, studious and unpopular sister, Bridget is the ditzy, fun-loving and popular one.
- My God, What Have I Done?: When she tells her sister she wished she would shoot herself. This brings up memories of their father's death.
- No Sense of Humor: June says that she "ruins every single moment of fun" and is “physically incapable to laugh, OR smile”.Alicia: Speaking of...there you are!
Moira: *raises eyebrows* You were looking for me?
Alicia: Yes, but we found you. Your sense of humor, on the other hand...nope, haven't found that yet. - Not So Stoic: Though she’s mostly cold and stoic, she does occasionally loses her composure. She tries to strangle June when the latter publishes an article to the town newspaper about her attraction to girls, specifically Catherine, repeatedly whacks Bridget over the head with her notebook when she steals it to read about her crush on Catherine, and when June sends her a fake love letter pretending to be Catherine, she later shows up to dinner looking frantic and screaming "STOP STARING AT ME!" (Noticing a pattern?) On that last occasion, June notes how Moira is always very controlled and never acts in that way.
- Self-Deprecation:June: OW! Moira, do you know ANYTHING about delicacy?
Moira: *calmly* No, I'm Hitler Girl. Hitler Girl is very indelicate and enjoys torturing people.
Bridget Linton
In the original books, she's Moira's hot-tempered younger sister who frequently argues with Moira. In this fic, she also argues with Moira, but also becomes June's loyal, but slightly ditzy best friend.
- Best Friend: To June.
- Disappeared Dad: Her father killed himself when she was younger, and her mother remarried, giving her a stepfather.
- The Ditz: Aside from being horrible at history and geography, she's rather slow on the uptake.
- Foolish Sibling, Responsible Sibling: The foolish and airheaded to her sister Moira's responsible and serious.
- The Glorious War of Sisterly Rivalry: She's the more ditzy, fun-loving and popular sister, Moira is the more serious, studious and unpopular one.
- Nice Girl: She's a very good friend to June, and generally friendly and pleasant (except when arguing with Moira).
Sam Johns
In the original books, he's the oldest of Alicia's brothers and is occasionally mentioned by her. In this fic, he has a larger role.
- Affectionate Nickname: June and Alicia call him "Sammy".
- Anger Born of Worry: After June runs away, he angrily scolds her and demands to know if she had any idea how worried they were.
- Ascended Extra: In the books he’s occasionally mentioned by Alicia, but in this fic he’s the most prominent male character.
- Everyone Has Standards: He's fine with teasing June when Alicia reads her diary to everyone, but draws the line when Alicia and Betty show embarrassing stuff about June to George after pretending to be nice to her.
- Only Sane Man: Due to being the oldest of the Johns kids. At one point he says that he's the only sane person in the house.
Jeremy and Abigail Adams
Twins who run the local town gossip newspaper.
- Aw, Look! They Really Do Love Each Other: Jeremy reluctantly admits that he loves Abigail, after much crying and whining on her part.
- Camp Gay: Jeremy is gay, and June says that he is extremely feminine.
- Nobody Touches the Hair: Jeremy takes keeping his hair neat very seriously.
- Trickster Twins: They run a gossip newspaper.
- Verbal Tic: Abigail has a knack for emphasising words.