History Quotes / RealLife

-->-- '''John Mayer''', ''No Such Thing''

->''"I don't like the real world. I have to live there, and it ''sucks''. [[RealIsBrown It's drab,]] [[CrapsackWorld it's dingy,]] [[SturgeonsLaw quality control is a fucking joke]], [[{{UsefulNotes/Pettanko}} A-cups are far too prevalent]], [[IWantMyJetpack nobody can fly]] '''[[EverythingsBetterWithDinosaurs and all the dinosaurs are dead!]]'''"''

->''"I just drank poison, I am not a war criminal. I oppose this conviction."''
-->--[[https://www.theguardian.com/law/2017/nov/29/un-war-crimes-defendant-claims-to-drink-poison-at-trial-in-hague-slobodan-praljak Slobodan Praljak on losing the appeal to overturn his war crimes conviction]]

-->-- '''SherlockHolmes''', ''The Sign of the Four''

->''"You know what the big problem is in telling fantasy and reality apart? They’re both ridiculous."''
-->--'''[[Series/DoctorWho The Doctor]]''', ''"Last Christmas"''

->Ah! [[LikeRealityUnlessNoted What avails]] the classic bent\\
And what the [[{{Literature}} cultured word]],\\
Against the un[[ContrivedCoincidence doctored]] incident\\
That [[TruthInTelevision actually]] occurred?\\

->''"Life isn't divided into genres. It's a [[NinjaPirateZombieRobot horrifying, romantic, tragic, comical, science-fiction cowboy detective novel]]. You know, with a bit of pornography if you're lucky."''

->''"Life doesn't have plots and subplots and denouements. It's just a big collection of [[KudzuPlot loose ends and dangling threads]] that [[LeftHanging never get explained]]."''

->''“In the event our airline becomes a cruise line, life jackets can be found under your seats.”''
->''“If you can’t take any more of my jokes, we have six emergency exits: two in the front of the plane, two over the wings, and two in the back of the aircraft.”''
->''“In the seat back compartment in front of you, who knows what you will find. But there will be a card with safety instructions on it.”''
->''“If the plane loses pressure, oxygen masks will fall from the overhead compartments. Oxygen is four dollars for the first five minutes, and two dollars a minute after that. We accept Visa, Mastercard, and American Express. If you have a child, please stop screaming long enough to put on your mask first. If you have two children, now’s a good time to choose your favorite. They’ll support you through retirement.”''
->''“Federal regulations prohibit the destruction of smoke detectors, video cameras, and two-way mirrors in aircraft lavatories.”''
->''“Sit back and relax, or lean forward and be tense, we’re prepared for takeoff. Thanks to those of you who listened; the rest of you are on your own.”''
-->--'''Excerpts from a Southwest Airlines pre-flight safety speech'''