History Quotes / OpeningScroll

''Meanwhile, Supreme Leader KYLO REN rages in search of the phantom Emperor, determine to destroy any threat to his power....''

''Oh, by the way, here's a tip for you: when this is over, go out and rent the movie "Film/{{Gia}}." She way naked in it, and makes out with another chick and everything. It's awesome. I stumbled across it late at night on Creator/{{HBO}} after I had just got back from hockey, and I almost fainted. But I digest...''\\

''There's cool space battles, and [[SpoilerAlert the bad guy is the good guy's dad]], but you don't find that out 'til the next episode.''\\

''Pursued by the Empire's sinister agents, princess Leia races home aboard her starship, custodian of the stolen plans that can save her people and restore freedom to the galaxy....''

''Senator Amidala, the former Queen of Naboo, the returning to the Galactic Senate to vote on the critical issue of creating an ARMY OF THE REPUBLIC to assist the overwhelmed Jedi....''

[[/folder]]

[[folder:Family Guy Presents "Laugh It Up, Fuzzball"]]

->''It is a time of civil war, and [[LampshadeHanging renegade paragraphs floating through space]].''\\

''There's cool space battles, and [[SpoilerAlert the bad guy is the good guy's dad]], but you don't find that out 'til the next episode.''\\

''And the hot chick is really the sister of the good guy, but they don't know it, and they kiss. Which is kind of messed up. I mean, what if they had done it instead of just kissed?''\\

''Creator/AngelinaJolie kissed her brother. Yeah, she did. You know it, I know it, and her dad knows it. That's why they hardly ever talk anymore. You can run away to Africa, but you can't run away from the truth.''\\

''Oh, by the way, here's a tip for you: when this is over, go out and rent the movie "Film/{{Gia}}." She way naked in it, and makes out with another chick and everything. It's awesome. I stumbled across it late at night on Creator/{{HBO}} after I had just got back from hockey, and I almost fainted. But I digest...''\\

''Leia has sent her most daring pilot on a secret mission to Dakku, where an old ally has discovered a clue to Luke's whereabouts....''

[[/folder]]

[[folder:Family Guy Presents "Laugh It Up, Fuzzball"]]

->''It is a time of civil war, and [[LampshadeHanging renegade paragraphs floating through space]].''\\

''There's cool space battles, and [[SpoilerAlert the bad guy is the good guy's dad]], but you don't find that out 'til the next episode.''\\

''And the hot chick is really the sister of the good guy, but they don't know it, and they kiss. Which is kind of messed up. I mean, what if they had done it instead of just kissed?''\\

''Creator/AngelinaJolie kissed her brother. Yeah, she did. You know it, I know it, and her dad knows it. That's why they hardly ever talk anymore. You can run away to Africa, but you can't run away from the truth.''\\

''Oh, by the way, here's a tip for you: when this is over, go out and rent the movie "Film/{{Gia}}." She way naked in it, and makes out with another chick and everything. It's awesome. I stumbled across it late at night on Creator/{{HBO}} after I had just got back from hockey, and I almost fainted. But I digest...''\\

->''Luke Skywalker has returned to his home planet of Tatooine in order to-- okay, you know what, we don't even care. We were not even thinking of doing this one. Fox made us do it. When we did "Blue Harvest", they said, "Oh, you guys are crazy." They tried to talk us out of it, [[AndYouThoughtItWouldFail and it ended up making a ton of money.]] By then we were just finishing up "Empire", and we were absolutely exhausted. But Fox suddenly had dollar sighs in their eyes, and they said, "[[Creator/SethMacFarlane Seth]], if you don't do 'Jedi', we're not gonna let you leave to go direct [[Film/{{Ted}} your movie]].''\\

->''Luke Skywalker has vanished. In his absence, the sinister FIRST ORDER has risen from the ashes of the Empire and will not rest until the Skywalker, the last Jedi, has been destroyed.''\\

->''It is a period of civil war. Rebel spaceships, striking from a hidden base, have won their first victory against the evil galactic Empire.''\\

[[folder:Family Guy Presents "Laigh It Up, Fuzzball"]]

->''It is a parody of civil war. Rebel spaceships, striking from a hidden base, have won their first victory against the evil galactic Empire.''\\

''With the support of the Republic, General Leia Organa leads a brave RESISTANCE. She is desperate to find her brother Luke and gain his help in restoring peace and justice to the galaxy.\\

''Lei has sent her most daring pilot on a secret mission to Dakku, where an old ally has discovered a clue to Luke's whereabouts....''

[[folder:Family Guy Presents "Laigh It Up, Fuzzball"]]

->''It is a time of civil war, and [[LampshadeHanging renegade paragraphs floating through space]].''\\

''There's cool space battles, and [[SpoilerAlert the bad guy is the good guy's dad]], but you don't find that out 'til the next episode.''\\

''And the hot chick is really the sister of the good guy, but they don't know it, and they kiss. Which is kind of messed up. I mean, what if they had done it instead of just kissed?''\\

''Creator/AngelinaJolie kissed her brother. Yeah, she did. You know it, I know it, and her dad knows it. That's why they hardly ever talk anymore. You can run away to Africa, but you can't run away from the truth.''\\

''Oh, by the way, here's a tip for you: when this is over, go out and rent the movie "Film/{{Gia}}." She way naked in it, and makes out with another chick and everything. It's awesome. I stumbled across it late at night on Creator/{{HBO}} after I had just got back from hockey, and I almost fainted. But I digest...''\\

''Princess Leia was coming back from buying space groceries when this happened...''

-->--''WesternAnimation/FamilyGuy'', "[[WesternAnimation/FamilyGuyPresentsLaughItUpFuzzball Blue Harvest]]"

----

->''It is a dark time for the Rebellion. Although the Death Star has been destroyed, Imperial troops have driven the Rebel forces from their hidden base and pursued them across the galaxy. But you know this story.''\\

''What you may not know is that 20th Century Fox had so little faith in the "Star Wars" franchise that they let George Lucas keep the merchandising rights.''\\

''Are you listening, stockholders? How can you invest in a company that makes such short-sighted decisions? I mean, this is the same company that cancelled "Family Guy" twice. Who's running that joint? Monkeys? I mean, if they're gonna be that foolish with their money, I guess that means we can be foolish with their money, too. Like spending much of it to animate a computer-generated cartoon elephant that has nothing to do with the rest of the episode.''\\

(a computer-generated cartoon elephant prances across the screen)\\

''Did you see that? Know what that cost? $58,000. I mean, what a waste. It wasn't even that funny. That $58,000 that could have gone to curing leukemia. Or muscular dystrophy. Or...what does Creator/MichaelJFox have? That. Alright, let's watch some damn cartoons.''

-->--''WesternAnimation/FamilyGuy'', "[[WesternAnimation/FamilyGuyPresentsLaughItUpFuzzball Something, Something, Something, Dark Side]]"

----

->''Luke Skywalker has returned to his home planet of Tatooine in order to-- okay, you know what, we don't even care. We were not even thinking of doing this one. Fox made us do it. When we did "Blue Harvest", they said, "Oh, you guys are crazy." They tried to talk us out of it, [[AndYouThoughtItWouldFail and it ended up making a ton of money.]] By then we were just finishing up "Empire", and we were absolutely exhausted. But Fox suddenly had dollar sighs in their eyes, and they said, "[[Creator/SethMacFarlane Seth]], if you don't do 'Jedi', we're not gonna let you leave to go direct [[Film/{{Ted}} your movie]].''\\

''I'm sorry. I took a muscle relaxer earlier and it's kicking in. I'm just so stressed because there's been a car parked in front of my house for three straight days and there's a pillow in the back seat. And I've never seen anyone get in or out of it, but it moves a couple feet one way or the other each day. Wouldn't it be funny if it was a bunch of raccoons living in there, moving it? You know, with their little paws on the steering wheel? And then another one working the break and the gas? And the steering wheel raccoon and the pedal raccoon have to talk back and forth to each other 'cause the break pedal guy can't see the road? I'm gonna keep thinking that, 'cause I know really it's probably a car bum.''\\

''Look, just do me a huge favor and lower your expectations, okay? Just this one time. I promise I'll make it up to you. I mean, "Star Wars", fine. "Empire" -- still not bad. But on this one we ran out of gas. Seriously, we let the assistants write it. Hell, even the Fed Ex guy got a joke in, and he calls the baby "Steve." Anyway, here's "Return of the Jedi" starring Steve as Darth Vader.''

-->--''WesternAnimation/FamilyGuy'', "[[WesternAnimation/FamilyGuyPresentsLaughItUpFuzzball It's a Trap]]"

''Princess Leia was coming back from buying space groceries when this happened...''\\

''Did you see that? Know what that cost? $58,000. I mean, what a waste. It wasn't even that funny. That $58,000 that could have gone to curing leukemia. Or muscular dystrophy. Or...what does Creator/MichaelJFox have? That. Alright, let's watch some damn cartoons.''\\

''Look, just do me a huge favor and lower your expectations, okay? Just this one time. I promise I'll make it up to you. I mean, "Star Wars", fine. "Empire" -- still not bad. But on this one we ran out of gas. Seriously, we let the assistants write it. Hell, even the Fed Ex guy got a joke in, and he calls the baby "Steve." Anyway, here's "Return of the Jedi" starring Steve as Darth Vader.''\\

-->'''Gavin''': It's actually blown my mind that it's way in the past and really far away. They should have put that in the beginning of the movie!\\

''Are you listening, stockholders? How can you invest in a company that makes such short-sighted decisions? I mean, this is the same company that cancelled "Family Guy" twice. Who's running that joint? Monkeys? I mean, if they're gonna be that foolish with their money, I guess that means we can be foolish with their money, too. Like spending much of it to animated a computer-generated cartoon elephant that has nothing to do with the rest of the episode.''\\

''Did you see that? Know what that cost? $58,000. I mean, what a waste. It wasn't even that funny. That's $58,000 that could have gone to curing leukemia. Or muscular dystrophy. Or...what does Creator/MichaelJFox have? That. Alright, let's watch some damn cartoons.''\\

''Oh, by the way, here's a tip for you: wham this is over, go out and rent the movie "Film/{{Gia}}." She way naked in it, and makes out with another chick and everything. It's awesome. I stumbled across it late at night on Creator/{{HBO}} after I had just got back from hockey, and I almost fainted. But I digest...''\\

''Princess Leia was coming back from buying space groceries when this happened...\\

''Oh, by the way, here's a tip for you: wham this is over, go out and rent the movie "[[Film/{{Gia}}]]." She way naked in it, and makes out with another chick and everything. It's awesome. I stumbled across it late at night on Creator/{{HBO}} after I had just got back from hockey, and I almost fainted. But I digest...''\\

->''It is a dark time for the Rebellion. Although the Death Star has been destroyed, Imperial troops have driven the Rebel forces from their hidden base and pursued them across the galaxy. But you know this story.''\\

''What you may not know is that 20th Century Fox had so little faith in the "Star Wars" franchise that they let George Lucas keep the merchandising rights.''\\

''Are you listening, stockholders? How can you invest in a company that makes such short-sighted decisions? I mean, this is the same company that cancelled "Family Guy" twice. Who's running that joint? Monkeys? I mean, if they're gonna be that foolish with their money, I guess that means we can be foolish with their money, too. Like spending much of it to animated a computer-generated cartoon elephant that has nothing to do with the rest of the episode.''\\

(a computer-generated cartoon elephant prances across the screen)\\

''Did you see that? Know what that cost? $58,000. I mean, what a waste. It wasn't even that funny. That's $58,000 that could have gone to curing leukemia. Or muscular dystrophy. Or...what does Creator/MichaelJFox have? That. Alright, let's watch some damn cartoons.''\\


-->--''WesternAnimation/FamilyGuy'', "[[WesternAnimation/FamilyGuyPresentsLaughItUpFuzzball Something, Something, Something, Dark Side]]"


->''Luke Skywalker has returned to his home planet of Tatooine in order to-- okay, you know what, we don't even care. We were not even thinking of doing this one. Fox made us do it. When we did "Blue Harvest", they said, "Oh, you guys are crazy." They tried to talk us out of it, [[AndYouThoughtItWouldFail and it ended up making a ton of money.]] By then we were just finishing up "Empire", and we were absolutely exhausted. But Fox suddenly had dollar sighs in their eyes, and they said, "[[Creator/SethMacFarlane Seth]], if you don't do 'Jedi', we're not gonna let you leave to go direct [[Film/{{Ted}} your movie]].''\\

''I'm sorry. I took a muscle relaxer earlier and it's kicking in. I'm just so stressed because there's been a car parked in front of my house for three straight days and there's a pillow in the back seat. And I've never seen anyone get in or out of it, but it moves a couple feet one way or the other each day. Wouldn't it be funny if it was a bunch of raccoons living in there, moving it? You know, with their little paws on the steering wheel? And then another one working the break and the gas? And the steering wheel raccoon and the pedal raccoon have to talk back and forth to each other 'cause the break pedal guy can't see the road? I'm gonna keep thinking that, 'cause I know really it's probably a car bum.''\\

-->--''WesternAnimation/FamilyGuy'', "[[WesternAnimation/FamilyGuyPresentsLaughItUpFuzzball Something, Something, Something, Dark Side]]"

-->--''WesternAnimation/FamilyGuy'', "[WesternAnimation/FamilyGuyPresentsLaughItUpFuzzball Something, Something, Something, Dark Side]]"

-->--''WesternAnimation/FamilyGuy'', "[WesternAnimation/FamilyGuyPresentsLaughItUpFuzzball Something, Something, Something, Dark Side]]"

->''It is a dark time for the Rebellion. Although the Death Star has been destroyed, Imperial troops have driven the Rebel forces from their hidden based and pursued them across the galaxy. But you know this story.''\\

''Did you see that? Know what that cost? $58,000. I mean, what a waste. It wasn't even that funny. That's $58,000 that could have gone to curing leukemia. Or muscular dystrophy. Or...what does Creator/MichaelJFox have? That. Alrihght, let's watch some damn cartoons.''\\

-->--''[[WesternAnimation/FamilyGuyPresentsLaughItUpFuzzball Something, Something, Something, Dark Side]]''

''Did you see that? Know what that cost? $58,000. I mean, what a waste. It wasn't even that funny. That's $58,000 that could have gone to curing leukemia. Or muscular dystrophy. Or...what does Michael J. Fox have? That. Alrihght, let's watch some damn cartoons.''\\