History Funny / TheTrialsOfApollo

'''Apollo:''' I will not resort to threatening you--\\

* Apollo recounts how once, the Gray Sisters had a huge crush on Ganymede, at which point Apollo created a meme depicting a honey bear bottle with the caption, "[[IncompatibleOrientation Honey he gay]]". Even better, this is a meme a Rick Riordan parody Twitter account [[note]](campha'''fl'''blood, while the real account was campha'''lf'''blood, currently used by Becky Riordan)[[/note]] previously used, with a joke post about a fangirl asking Riordan to name "Nico's girlfriend" after her. Also, while Apollo had already described how gods have their own social media, the idea of three withered hags using "Instagod" is hilarious.

-->'''Apollo:''' "O protector of Rome!" I read aloud. "O insert name here!"

''(They enter an elevator that reminds Apollo of [[CallBack a similar one leading to the Underworld]]'')\\

* [[BrickJoke "All da cows love Leo."]]

* Commodus has a tendency to [[{{Egopolis}} name everything he can after himself]]. This leads to his palace's bathrooms being labeled as [[AC:Commodus Commodes.]]

'''Nico:''' Could you not--\\

-->'''Percy:''' What the--Mrs. O'Leary, geez!

[[folder: Companion Books]]
* Camp Half-Blood Confidential has one of the funniest moments in any of the series in the introduction, when Nico, of all people, sings a corny-as-hell song from the orientation film, only to realize he’s the ‘’only person in the entire camp’’ to have seen that orientation film.
** Doubly funny if your first experience of the book’s intro is in audiobook format, like this troper’s was.
* Other included parts from the original orientation film involve Apollo’s goofy musical numbers, as well as one that gives Nico’s comment of “the wine dude” from ‘’Titan’s Curse’’ some context.

[[folder: “Companion Books”]]

[[\folder]]

* Percy Jackson shows up for the fight against the Colossus Neronus on [[HellHound Mrs. O'Leary]]. On top of the Colossus' head. Apparently, hellhounds are not that fond of heights, so naturally... she has a [[UrineTrouble little accident]].

* Percy Jackson shows up for the fight against the Colossus Neronus on [[HellHound Mrs. O'Leary]]. On top of the Colossus' head. Mrs. O'Leary apparently isn't too fond of heights… and has a [[UrineTrouble little accident]].
-->'''Percy:''' What the--Mrs. O'Leary! Geez!

** Turn on both Creator/{{Fox News|Channel}} and Creator/{{MSNBC}} simultaneously (something that Apollo notes should cause an anti-matter explosion).

* On the dedications page, Rick Riordan thanks the Muse Calliope, adding that such thanks are "long overdue. Please don't hurt me." [[BrickJoke A few chapters into the book itself,]] Apollo mentions that Calliope [[LeaningOnTheFourthWall "is quite touchy when novelists forget to thank her."]]
* In chapter 2, Apollo makes a throwaway comment about how Zeus is probably sharing his humiliation on Snapchat. Which implies that not only does almighty Zeus use Snapchat, but ''so do many of the other gods.''

** This becomes even ''more'' hilarious if one had read book two of ''Magnus Chase''... in which Heimdall is very big on social media. One can only imagine how much fun Heimdall is having laughing at Apollo's pain.

** [[NoodleIncident Again?]]
* Apollo explaining that he's kind of a slack parent; it may be off-kilter but when he learned of the French Revolution he did try and check on his son, Louis XIV, King of France... only to find out he died 75 years previously.

-->''Then the glow became brighter: a holographic golden sickle with a few sheaves of wheat, rotating just above Meg [=McCaffrey=].\\
A boy in the crowd gasped. [[DirtyCommies "She's a communist!]]"''

-->''I adjusted the pitch, but stopped when I realized Valentina was sobbing.\\

I blinked. "It's called tuning."''

--->''Will caught him [Nico] in a fireman's carry and took him away. "Good luck! I'm going to get the Lord of Darkness here some Gatorade!"''

* When the Arrow of Dodona first shows up, Apollo complains in his narration about how he hates talking weapons and how he once met a god in a bar in Stockholm who had a talking sword. [[Literature/MagnusChaseAndTheGodsOfAsgard Sound familiar?]]
* Nero at one point takes severe offense to the WhileRomeBurns trope. [[SkewedPriorities Fiddles weren't even]] ''[[SkewedPriorities invented]]'' [[SkewedPriorities yet!]]

* Percy Jackson shows up for the fight against the Colossus Neronus on [[HellHound Mrs. O'Leary]]. On top of the Colossus' head. Mrs. O'Leary apparently isn't too fond of heights... and has a [[UrineTrouble little accident]].

--->''One cannot change one's way of thinking as easily as one might, say, turn into a snow leopard.''

--->''Part of me wanted to find a fresh towel, clean her face, and give her money for a hot meal. Part of me wanted to fend her off with a chair in case she decided to bite me.''

--->''It always disappointed me when mortals put themselves first and failed to see the big picture—the importance of putting me first.''

--->''Exercise is nothing more than a depressing reminder that one is not a god.''

--->''No doubt she was thinking, Who dressed this poor girl like a traffic light?''

--->''I hadn't witnessed such a tense greeting since Patroclus met Achilles's war prize, Briseis.''

--->''For all I knew, Zeus was aware of the Beast and his plans, and he had sent me here specifically to deal with the situation... a thought that did not make me any more likely to get him a nice tie for Father's Day.''

--->''They were presently on hold with Comcast customer service and might not emerge for hours, if indeed they survived the ordeal at all.''

--->''Being right so much of the time was a terrible burden.''

--->''The word smacked me in the face like Ares's body odor.''

--->'''Will:''' It's the strangest thing. [[BlatantLies Not that Nico would ever misuse his powers to get what he wants.]]\\
'''Nico:''' [[SarcasmMode Of course not.]]

* Rachel acting like a jealous girlfriend after finding out there are four other oracles. [[DoesThisRemindYouOfAnything Apollo is quick to assure her that the other oracles mean nothing to him.]]

* Will states that Nico is going to pass out after a bout of shadow travel, to which Nico [[TemptingFate denies]]. [[InstantlyProvenWrong Guess what happens immediately afterward.]]

* [[BlackComedy The Three Mile Island meltdown was a result of an epic chainsaw fight between Ares and Hephaestus, started by Hephaestus insulting Ares' bell-bottom jeans.]]

'''Arrow:''' ''[[HesitationEqualsDishonesty OF COURSE NOT.]]'' ''FIE UPON YOU.''

'''Apollo:''' [[MedievalMorons It was the Middle Ages. We were crazy back then.]]

* Piper's way of getting past mercenaries and cyclopes on Boat 31? [[RefugeInAudacity Sing "Life of Illusion" with Apollo backing her up on his ukulele.]]

-->'''Apollo:''' [[SarcasmMode I love you too, maze.]]

* Apparently, Camp Jupiter has VideoGame/{{Fortnite}}. Or as Apollo calls it, ''Fortiusnitius''. [[FridgeBrilliance Then again, it is a game about combat and construction, which were Rome's bread and butter...]]

'''Tempest:''' [[WontTakeYesForAnAnswer You can't make us!]] Even though your fate depends on it!\\

'''Tempest:''' He's threatening us! ''(smacks their eye out of Wasp's socket, who very deliberately "fumbles" it [[{{Squick}} into Apollo's lap]]; Apollo screams)'' [[BlatantLies He's stolen our eye!]] We can't see!\\

'''Will:''' [[HypocriticalHumor Okay, Signor]] [[ContinuityNod Myth-o-magic.]] If you would just watch the original trilogy... ''(looks around at everyone else's blank expressions)'' Nobody? Oh, my gods. You people are hopeless.

* In the final stages of Apollo's ghoul infection, the Arrow of Dodona begs him to hang on until help arrives, and suggests that he start singing to distract himself. Apollo promptly begins to belt out the lyrics to ''Sweet Caroline'', forcing the reluctant arrow to start singing along with him. Apollo himself notes the absurdity of what could be his final moments:

** Speaking of hats, Will Solace. [[LampshadeWearing Lampshade.]]

** Later Nero is described as uttering a curse word, "[[BrickJoke perhaps one that Meg had taught him]]"

* Apollo accidentally entering the wrong room and then proceeding to sing, [[Music/TheSupremes "STOP! IN THE NAME OF LOVE!"]]
* Austin playing ''Pop Goes the Weasel'' on his sax and thus causing a stampede.

* The [[SugarWiki/CrowningMomentOfHeartwarming Heartwarming]] moment when Apollo returns to the Grove of Dodona to give thanks and eulogy for his companion the Arrow of Dodona becomes this when you realize the entire sequence is also a StealthInsult to the grove for treating that one spirit as TheUnFavorite. The collective WaitWhat of the grove spirits when they realize the Arrow was actually helpful enough to be worthy of praise is so funny it's awesome.

--> Instead the cloak simply turned into an oversized sweater wrap.

--'''Artemis, Goddess of the Hunt'''\\

--'''Poseidon, God of the Sea'''\\

--'''Hades, God of the Underworld'''\\

--'''Dionysus, God of Wine'''

* Apollo recounts how once, the Gray Sisters had a huge crush on Ganymede, at which point Apollo created a meme depicting a honey bear bottle with the caption, "[[IncompatibleOrientation Honey he gay]]". Even better, this is a meme Rick himself had created previously when a fangirl asked him to name "Nico's girlfriend" after her. Also, while Apollo had already described how gods have their own social media, the idea of three withered hags using "Instagod" is hilarious.

* When the Arrow of Dodona first shows up, Apollo complains in his narration about how he hates talking weapons and how he once met a god in a bar in Stockholm who had a talking sword. [[Literature/MagnusChaseAndTheGodsOfAsgard Sound familiar?]]

* Apollo is rather uncomfortable with the idea of a god giving control of their realm to mortals.
-->I once went on vacation and entrusted the realm of music to my mortal follower Nelson Riddle. I came back a few decades later and found pop music infected with sappy violins and backup singers, and Lawrence Welk was playing accordion on prime-time television. ''Never. Again.''
* Apollo recalls the time Hephaestus made him a voice-activated virtual assistant called Alexasiriastrophona that was very particular about getting her name pronounced properly and kept getting his requests wrong.
-->I'd say ''Alexasiriastrophona, send a plague arrow to destroy Corinth, please.'' And she'd reply ''I think you said:'' Men blame rows of soy and corn fleas.

* Piper's way of getting past mercenaries and cyclopes on a boat 31? [[RefugeInAudacity Sing "Life of Illusion" with Apollo backing her up on his ukulele.]]

* Apollo ''finally'' figures out that the Graces being children of Zeus means that he was [[{{Squick}} flirting with his own sister]].
-->''Then again, neither of them [Jason and Thalia] looked anything like me, and as the son of Zeus, I was technically their brother. And I had flirted with Thalia, which... Eww. Curse you, Father, for having so many children! It made dating a true minefield over the millennia.''

-->'''Apollo:''' [[SarcasmMode I love you too, maze]].

** Later on we find out that yes, his cape does deflect weapons.

* In the final stages of Apollo's ghoul infection, the Arrow of Dodona begs him to hang on until help arrives, and suggests that he start singing to distract himself. Apollo promptly begins to belt out the lyrics to ''Sweet Caroline'', forcing the reluctant arrow to start singing along with him. Apollo himself notes the absurdity of what could be his final moments
-->'''Apollo:''' This was how I would die: sitting on the floor of a bookstore, turning into a zombie while holding a talking arrow and singing Neil Diamond's greatest hit. Even the Fates cannot foresee all the wonders the universe has in store for us.

** At the end of the chapter we find exactly what the haiku was referring to, as [[spoiler: Frank, after surviving the explosion]], is reduced to wearing just his underwear and cape.
* After crashing a car into a parking lot, Apollo tries to reassure a concerned mortal woman that he is a doctor. The woman understandably thinks that this teenage boy is asking if she is a doctor.

** They actually fall for the [[LookBehindYou "look behind you"]] trick!

---->'''Apollo, narrating:''' You must forgive me. I know that this method of distraction is the oldest trick in the book. In fact, it is a trick so old that it predates papyrus scrolls and was first recorded on clay tablets in Mesopotamia.

* "All these people whose names ended in ''o'' - ''Jo, Leo, Calypso, Apollo'' - suddenly made me feel like my brand was being diluted. I thanked the gods we were not in Ohio and our dragon was not named Festo." Apollo will probably not enjoy meeting Khufu the baboon in Literature/TheKaneChronicles who only eats food with names ending with O.

** Apollo arguing with the Arrow of Dodona… from the perspective of an outsider, who can't hear the arrow talk.
** When Apollo asks the arrow how to get to the Cave of Trophonius, and the arrow replies with a very ''specific'' estimate of the amount of time their journey will take, as well as noting some road construction on the way:
--->'''Apollo:''' Are you somehow...checking Google Maps?\\

* Apollo and Britomartis's conversations allude to all sorts of AmusingInjuries, one of them involving Apollo's crush on Rock Hudson:

--->'''Apollo, narrating:''' I knew what Meg would say about our current predicament: ''You guys are dumb''.

* Apollo thinking the "MEERKAT, REPTILE & SNAKE" sign reads like the name of the worst law firm ever.

-->"I hadn't practiced that technique since the storm god Indra took me on a late-night road trip in search of vindaloo, but I guess riding an elephant is one of those skills you never forget."

** Particularly cute is Apollo has a vision of his parents when he’s high.
--> '''Leto:''' Please, my lord! He is your son. He has learned his lesson!
--> '''Zeus:''' Not yet. Oh, no. His real test is yet to come.
--> '''(Apollo, narrating:)''' I laughed and waved. “Hi, Mom! Hi, Dad!”
--> Since I was underwater and most likely hallucinating, my words should not have been audible. Nevertheless, Zeus glanced over and scowled.
* After Peaches (1,2,3) rescued Apollo and Meg from the Cave of Trophonius, they somehow teamed up to drive the pair back to Indianapolis, then when Apollo gets their attention they all peek over the top of the driver's seat, like See-No-Evil, Peel-No-Evil, and Eat-No-Evil.
* Some ''extremely'' BlackComedy when Apollo returns to the Waystation in the middle of the battle and finds Sssssarah the [[SnakePeople Drakaina]] [[ToServeMan has swallowed one of the Germani whole,]] [[BlatantLies something she denies]] [[ImplausibleDeniability despite the very clear]] [[BalloonBelly human-sized bulging in her stomach]] [[DinnerDeformation and the clear shape of a Germanus's helmet in her throat.]]

--> '''Apollo:''' Don’t ask me to wear flying apparel. Hermes tricked me into wearing his shoes once. I took a nap in a hammock in Athens and woke up in Argentina. Never again.
* This reflection on Emperor Commodus’s death:
--> '''Apollo:''' Commodus blames me for his death.
--> '''Meg:''' Why?
--> '''Apollo:''' Probably because I killed him.
--> '''Leo:''' Ah. That would do it.

--> '''Apollo:''' That was much too easy.
--> '''Meg:''' Hey. Remember what Percy told us? Never say stuff like We made it or That was easy. You’ll jinx us!
--> '''Apollo:''' My entire existence is a jinx.
* Apollo and Meg convince the police they’re siblings just by acting like siblings:
--> '''Policeman:''' This is a junior driver’s license from New York, kid. What are you doing driving a car like this? Where are your parents, and where’re you taking this little girl?
--> '''(Apollo, narrating:)''' I was tempted to explain that I was a four-thousand-year-old deity with plenty of experience driving the sun, my parents were in the celestial realm, and the little girl was my demigod master.
--> '''Apollo:''' She is my—
--> '''Meg:''' Little sister. He’s taking me to piano lessons.
--> '''Apollo:''' Uh, yes.
--> '''Meg:''' And we’re late! Because my brother is stooo-pid.

* As always, [[{{Cuckoosnarker}} Apollo’s]] narration is hilarious:

--> Not being born a mortal, I had no particular fear of the dead. You’ve seen one tormented soul, you’ve seen them all.
** or this:
--> Being productive. Ugh.
--> It’s such a human concept. It implies you have limited time (LOL) and have to work hard to make something happen (double LOL).

--> I won’t die here, I promised myself. I’m much too important to bite it in Indiana.
** More Indiana:
--> “At the ceremony, he plans to rechristen Indianapolis.”
--> That in itself did not strike me as a tragedy. Indianapolis was a rather difficult name to love.
** Apollo’s comment on Hercules when Calypso doesn’t know who Commodus is.
--> I doubted she would recognize the names of many people who hadn’t washed up on her shores. She barely knew who Hercules was. I found that refreshing. Hercules was such an attention hog.

--> A banner out front read WILDLY CUTE! For a moment I thought perhaps the zoo staff had heard I was coming and decided to welcome me. Then I realized the banner was just an advertisement for koala bears. As if koalas needed advertising.

--> Judging from the great ape’s expression, he was not terribly delighted to see me. Alas, among the great apes, only humans are capable of proper awe for the gods. On the plus side for orangutans, they have amazing orange fur that no human could possibly rival.
** Apollo’s relationship with George and Martha:
--> I could barely tolerate the snakes on Hermes’s caduceus, George and Martha. They were friendly enough, but they constantly pestered me to write a song for them about the joy of eating rats—a joy I did not share.
** Apollo reflecting on Meg’s ability to find things made out of wood:
--> I wondered if she could find me a magical dining table once I got back to Olympus. I really needed one with foldout leaves for accommodating the Nine Muses at Thanksgiving.

--> Nice guy, by the way; terrible singing voice. The legends don’t normally mention that he drove the snakes out of Ireland with his hideous version of “Te Deum.”

!As this is a Funny Moments page, spoilers are left unmarked. Administrivia/YouHaveBeenWarned

-->'''Percy:''' You know, I keep thinking, ''I have now killed every single thing in Greek mythology.'' But the list never seems to end.
-->'''Apollo:''' You haven't killed me yet.
-->'''Percy:''' Don't tempt me.
* In fact, most of [[DeadpanSnarker Percy]] and [[{{Cuckoosnarker}} Apollo’s]] interactions qualify:
** Standardized testing
--> '''Percy:''' Not to mention I have to pass the DSTOMP.
--> '''Meg:''' The what?
--> '''Apollo:''' An exam for Roman demigods. The Demigod Standard Test of Mad Powers.
--> '''Percy:''' That’s what it stands for?
--> '''Apollo:''' I should know. I wrote the music and poetry analysis sections.
--> '''Percy:''' I will never forgive you for that.
** Or fighting Nosoi
--> '''Apollo:''' These creatures are not myths. Of course, most things in those old myths are not myths. Except for that story about how I flayed the satyr Marsyas alive. That was a total lie.
--> '''Percy:''' You did what?
--> '''Meg:''' Guys. Could we talk about that later?
** This one in retrospect is a bit of [[spoiler: Foreshadowing or FunnyAneurism]]
--> '''Apollo:''' Where is that flying boy, Jason Grace?
--> '''Percy:''' We’re fresh out of flying boys.

* Apollo's assumption that the BLOFIS written inside the neckline of the jacket Sally lent him is an arcane ward against evil spirits. He actually attempts to use it against the nosoi later on.

** And later, he tries the same thing by waving Paulo's bandana and yelling, "BRASIL!"
*** Thing is, though -- that time, it ''worked.''
----> '''Apollo:''' I'll be Styxed. It does have magic power. I can never tell Paolo about this or he'll be insufferable.

* Apollo explaining that he's kind of a slack parent; it may be off kilter but when he learned of the French Revolution he did try and check on his son, Louis XIV, King of France... only to find out he died 75 years previously.

*** This becomes even funnier when you remember that in The Battle of the Labyrinth, Annabeth stopped by Percy's table for 10 minutes to discuss a life or death situation and nearly got smote for it. Just how bad did Nico and Will get before Chiron gave up?

-->'''Nico:''' You're staring.
-->'''Will:''' I am not. I am merely assessing how well Paolo's arms are functioning after surgery.

'''[[DeadpanSnarker Nico:]]''' Significant ''annoyance'', in your case.

-->''Then the glow became brighter: a holographic golden sickle with a few sheaves of wheat, rotating just above Meg [=McCaffrey=].''\\
''A boy in the crowd gasped. [[DirtyCommies "She's a communist!]]"''
* Rachel acting like a jealous girlfriend after finding out there are four other oracles.
** [[DoesThisRemindYouOfAnything Apollo is quick to assure her that the other oracles mean nothing to him.]]

** He remembered it as something fairly normal. As in, a regular occurrence. Which just makes it funnier..
* Nero at one point takes severe offense to the WhileRomeBurns trope. Fiddles weren't even ''invented'' yet!
** In ''Tower of Nero'', while he does have instruments for the burning of New York, none of them are fiddles.

--> '''Arrow of Dodona:''' THY CHANTING SUCKETH!

* Apollo’s music is so good even basic scales are enchanting.
--> I adjusted the pitch, but stopped when I realized Valentina was sobbing.
--> “That was so beautiful!” She wiped a tear from her cheek. “What was that song?”
--> I blinked. “It’s called tuning.”

* Chiron tries to assure the campers that it is perfectly normal for gods to sometimes temporarily become human, and asks them to treat Apollo like any other camper. When one of them asks if they should give him an initiation swirlie, Chiron asks them not to.
* When the Arrow of Dodona first shows up, Apollo complains in his narration about how he hates talking weapons and how he once met a god in a bar in Stockholm who had a talking sword. [[Literature/MagnusChaseAndTheGodsOfAsgard Sound familiar?]]
* So very much of Apollo’s narration qualifies. Given he’s a {{Cuckoosnarker}} who’s been around for 3000 years, he always has a quirky perspective, something snarky to say, or gossip to dish. A few examples:
** Apollo’s thinking in the first chapter:
--> “One cannot change one’s way of thinking as easily as one might, say, turn into a snow leopard.”

--> “Part of me wanted to find a fresh towel, clean her face, and give her money for a hot meal. Part of me wanted to fend her off with a chair in case she decided to bite me.”

--> “It always disappointed me when mortals put themselves first and failed to see the big picture—the importance of putting me first.”

--> “Exercise is nothing more than a depressing reminder that one is not a god.”

--> “No doubt she was thinking, Who dressed this poor girl like a traffic light?”
** Apollo says this about Percy and Calypso’s awkward hug:
--> “I hadn’t witnessed such a tense greeting since Patroclus met Achilles’s war prize, Briseis.”

--> “For all I knew, Zeus was aware of the Beast and his plans, and he had sent me here specifically to deal with the situation...a thought that did not make me any more likely to get him a nice tie for Father's Day.”

--> “They were presently on hold with Comcast customer service and might not emerge for hours, if indeed they survived the ordeal at all.”
** Guessing Meg’s parentage correctly:
--> “Being right so much of the time was a terrible burden.”

--> “The word smacked me in the face like Ares’s body odor.”

'''Sally:''' Well I'm seven months pregnant.

* The [[SugarWiki/CrowningMomentOfHeartwarming Heartwarming]] moment when Apollo returns to the Grove of Dodona to give thanks and eulogy for his companion the Arrow of Dodona becomes this when you realize the entire sequence is also a StealthInsult to the grove for treating that one spirit as TheUnfavorite. The collective WaitWhat of the grove spirits when they realize the arrow was actually helpful enough to be worthy of praise is so funny it’s awesome.
* Reyna apparently overheard Leo flirting with Calypso and has taken it upon herself to be his big sister. Crosses over with [[SugarWiki/CrowningMomentOfHeartwarming Heartwarming]]