History Funny / Ted2

* Pictured above, to celebrate Patrick Meighan agreeing to see them, [[https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=ehbMGDEfM-E Ted and Johnny go to the local improv]] to yell sad suggestions [[CrossesTheLineTwice at the performers]], the list including [[UsefulNotes/TheWarOnTerror 9/11]], [[Creator/RobinWilliams Robin Williams]], the offices of Charlie Hebdo, Ferguson, Germanwings cockpit and [[Creator/BillCosby Bill Cosby]]. Before Ted says "Bill Cosby", the improv guy says that [[BlatantLies he heard Starbucks]]. Ted and John [[LampshadeHanging tell the guy that no one said Starbucks]].

** To help John with his porn addiction, he and Ted smash the laptop before tossing it into the Hudson River, planning to check on it every three months.

* During dinner at the apartment, Ted confesses that he has had to do things that he's not proud of for money; in a cutaway, we see Ted dressed as a prostitute offering "red hot BJs".

* Ted throwing a Cookie Crisp into a fat, blind man's buttcrack.

-->'''Man:''' Who did that!?
-->'''Ted:''' Sir, I apologize for my five-year-old child. Bad Butch! You sit there and eat your fish nuggets!
-->'''John:''' Fishy nuggie!

** [[Film/BackToTheFuture Marty McFly vs. Doc.]]

[[quoteright:350:https://static.tvtropes.org/pmwiki/pub/images/a87608d0_96b5_4e82_9b85_a013e2859cc4.jpeg]]
[[caption-width-right:350:”You people are monsters”.]]

-->'''Ted:''' You sick bastard—Look at this, ''"Chicks with dicks"?!''

-->'''Ted:''' There's so much ''porn!''
-->'''John:''' What the hell are you doing looking at my private shit?

-->'''Ted:''' Jesus Chri-Look at the organization here! "Clockwise rimjob?" "Counterclockwise rimjob?"

-->'''Ted:''' You sick bastard! Look at this, ''"Chicks with dicks"?!''

* Ted borrowing John's laptop.

** To help John with his porn addiction, he and Ted smash the laptop before tossing it into the Hudson River.

-->'''Ted:''' You sick bastard! Look at this, ''"Chicks with dicks?!"''

-->'''Ted:'''... and there is our first impression.

--> '''Ted''': They're moving in herds....They ''do'' move in herds!

--> '''John''': Hey, be careful with that, huh?
--> '''Ted''': [[TemptingFate No, it's okay, it's not loa-]] (the rifle, which actually is loaded, fires, knocking Ted offscreen) [[MajorInjuryUnderreaction ...and my fucking nose came off.]]

** John gets back at Ted when he takes a picture of him smoking Samantha's penis-shaped bong.
-->'''Ted''': Aw, what the fuck? What are you doing?!
-->'''John''': Hashtag, My Amazing Summer.
-->'''Ted''': God damn it, what the hell's wrong with you?!
-->'''John''': Oh, I fucking owned you, you bastard.
-->'''Ted''': What are you talking about? I was messing around!
-->'''John''': Oh, shut up and suck that dick.
-->'''Ted''': Oh, fuck you!
** Later, Ted gets back at John by throwing the baby's diaper in his face and taking a picture of it.
-->'''John''': Oh, Teddy, what the fuck?! Holy shit! Oh, you motherfucker!
-->'''Ted''': Hashtag, Shit Happens.

** Ted goes looking for a soda can in the barn he can turn into a makeshift bong so he doesn't have to use Sam's cock-shaped one. He doesn't find one, but he does find a guitar, a cowboy hat, and a shotgun. He tries firing the gun and gets launched into the air from the recoil.
--> '''Ted''': (''offscreen'') [[MajorInjuryUnderreaction ...and my]] [[PrecisionFStrike fucking]] [[MajorInjuryUnderreaction nose came off.]]

-->'''Ted:''' ...and there is our first impression.

--> '''Boss''': That took guts. We need guts. I'm naming the store after you.