History Funny / CrushCrush

** Nutaku openly acknowledges that she's a character in a dating sim. In fact, you meet her by playing a dating sim when she abruptly and [[JustForPun literally]] comes [[BreakingTheFourthWall crashing through the Fourth Wall.]] She's named for one of the sites the game is hosted on, and mentions that [[ProductPlacement she's supposed to plug the other games they offer.]]

* [[HulkSpeak Anything out of Bearverly's mouth]], considering she's literally a full-size brown bear in a bonnet. Destined to be even more hilarious with the planned voice acting, as she's slated to get a deep, manly voice.

--> "I don't know why calling someone a pussy means they're weak and sensitive. [[ReallyGetsAround Those things can take a pounding!"]]

---> "Nice shoes. Want to do anal?"\\

--> "Oh good, I always wanted my breasts to be seen by total strangers. Check mark that fucking box!"

--> "I just want to cruise around with my top down... hee hee, you KNOW what I mean!"

--> "BEARVERLY EXHAUSTED FROM UGLY CRYING."
--> "[[EmotionalBruiser BEARVERLY'S FEELINGS DELICATE, LIKE BEAUTIFUL FLOWER.]]"

--> "SORRY IF YOU WERE HOPING FOR SEXY TIME WITH OTHER FORM. [[EveryoneHasStandards THIS GAME NOT GO THERE.]]"

--> "WHY IS WINNIE CALLED POOH? POO COMES FROM BUTTS! HE IS CRAP BEAR!"

--> "'''Boobs!''' ''(laughs)'' Seriously though, who ''doesn't'' love boobs? Nazis, probably."
--> "You were probably wondering if the carpet matched the drapes. Well, joke's on you! There's no carpet, only hardwood fl-- wait, no! Ack! No! [[ThatCameOutWrong Analogy gone bad!]]"
--> "Caution - boobs on the loose!"
--> "Haha! Let's hit a nude beach and give the tourists something to look at!"
--> "If you'll forgive a girl a little humble brag, but one upside to being an athlete is, I look '''goooood''' naked!"
--> "Hey, watch this - my boobs look ''ridiculous'' when I run!"
--> "Alright, I'm warmed up, well hydrated, and ready for action. [[BringIt Let's do this!]]"

-->"Bonnibel dropped off some cookies for ye. I ate 'em. I have no regrets."
-->"The police dropped by lookin' for a masked vigilante. I cleared your internet history and pretended not to speak English."
-->"Oh! You caught me doing some actual cleaning. The upstairs bathroom has been declared a national disaster zone. I'm going in!"
-->"Some creeper said my hair reminded him of an autumn sunrise. I punched him in the nose and said he reminded me of failure."
-->"Bloody hell! I found a butcher's knife in me shower today. What sort of party did you have last night?"
-->"Ye have the scariest tax return I've ever seen. Why do you have so many jobs? HOW do ye have so many jobs. Are ye daft? Well, I can't argue with billions of dollars. No really, I've tried. It's time consumin'!"
-->"Ye've made quite a bit of progress. I dare say ye might even be quite the catch. Are ye feelin' fishy? Great! Channel yer inner sturgeon! Embrace the tuna in yer heart. Or whatever. I might be drunk."
-->"Ye've got a brave heart to tickle me, Boss! I've got the reflexes of a Japanese Ninja, and the temper of a Drunken Scot."
-->"I must say Boss, the holiday dress code has my approval. Want to get trashed on eggnog?"
-->"That movie was so testosterone packed, I was expecting to leave with a mustache. Let's go see it in 3D!"
-->"I cook. I clean. I do basic auto repair. Stock consultations. CPR. Wine makin'. Bitcoin minin'. And yo yo, make a good cup of cocoa."
-->"I washed and pressed all your knickers. And I sewed that one pair with the holes. Did you get into a fight with a bear or somethin'?"
-->"I was goin' over yer bank statements, and it looks like ye've spent 1.4 billion dollars at the beach. 1) How did you do this? 2) Why didn't you buy the beach?"
-->"I updated your social media. I liked a whole bunch of old photos of your ex girlfriends. Turns out I'm evil incarnate."
-->"Your Jazzers account was hacked again. I took the liberty of changin' your password from '123' to 'imabloodyeejit'."
-->"Aye, I be attracted to ye. I've got a doctor's appointment scheduled for later. Don't fuss."
-->"I've scheduled a rave so you can work on your Funny stat. That pun you told me yesterday was worse than fascism."
* Fumi's Phone Fling has her pass a spring that she analyzes using a futuristic device. She finds it is extremely hot and filled with microbes harmful to people. She then says that explains why the spring is surrounded by a fence and a large sign reading, "Keep out!"

** Especially when it involves Ayano, since the girls often don't seem to understand that someone is attempting to murder them.

* Pretty much whenever one of the girls mentions one of the other girls. More than a few of them seem unsure of what to make of Quill.
** Especially when it involves Ayano, since the girls don't seem to understand that someone is attempting to murder them.

** Some of the responses you can choose involve you mentioning game mechanics.

* Cassie spends most of her first relationship level fuming at you, but occasionally switches to complaining about her BandageBabe status, which can yield:

-->"I've scheduled a rave so you can work on your Funny stat. That pun you told me yesterday was worse than fascism."

-->Bonnibel dropped off some cookies for ye. I ate 'em. I have no regrets.
-->The police dropped by lookin' for a masked vigilante. I cleared your internet history and pretended not to speak English.
-->Oh! You caught me doing some actual cleaning. The upstairs bathroom has been declared a national disaster zone. I'm going in!
-->Some creeper said my hair reminded him of an autumn sunrise. I punched him in the nose and said he reminded me of failure.
-->Bloody hell! I found a butcher's knife in me shower today. What sort of party did you have last night?
-->Ye have the scariest tax return I've ever seen. Why do you have so many jobs? HOW do ye have so many jobs. Are ye daft? Well, I can't argue with billions of dollars. No really, I've tried. It's time consumin'!
-->Ye've made quite a bit of progress. I dare say ye might even be quite the catch. Are ye feelin' fishy? Great! Channel yer inner sturgeon! Embrace the tuna in yer heart. Or whatever. I might be drunk.
-->Ye've got a brave heart to tickle me, Boss! I've got the reflexes of a Japanese Ninja, and the temper of a Drunken Scot.
-->I must say Boss, the holiday dress code has my approval. Want to get trashed on eggnog?
-->That movie was so testosterone packed, I was expecting to leave with a mustache. Let's go see it in 3D!
-->I cook. I clean. I do basic auto repair. Stock consultations. CPR. Wine makin'. Bitcoin minin'. And yo yo, make a good cup of cocoa.
-->I washed and pressed all your knickers. And I sewed that one pair with the holes. Did you get into a fight with a bear or somethin'?
-->I was goin' over yer bank statements, and it looks like ye've spent 1.4 billion dollars at the beach. 1) How did you do this? 2) Why didn't you buy the beach?
-->I updated your social media. I liked a whole bunch of old photos of your ex girlfriends. Turns out I'm evil incarnate.
-->Your Jazzers account was hacked again. I took the liberty of changin' your password from "123" to "imabloodyeejit".
-->Aye, I be attracted to ye. I've got a doctor's appointment scheduled for later. Don't fuss.
-->I've scheduled a rave so you can work on your Funny stat. That pun you told me yesterday was worse than fascism.

** The messages from Sawyer are bound to bring laughs, as they make her come across as an {{Adorkable}} {{Moe}} filled with nothing but awkwardness, especially when it comes to the second pic from her.

--> "Nice shoes. Want to do anal?"\\

* The messages from Sawyer are bound to bring laughs, as they make her come across as an {{Adorkable}} {{Moe}} filled with nothing but awkwardness, especially when it comes to the second pic from her.

** After you get to a certain level in your relationship with Bearverly, you get a text from a childhood friend. Late in the conversation, she dares you to kiss a bear, and you can send her a picture or three which apparently prove you completed your dare.

-->"Would you do me? I'd do me."

--> "Nice shoes. Want to do anal?"
--> "If I said you had a nice body, would you tie me up and have your way with me?"

* Sometimes when flipping through the girls' portraits, you'll catch Nutaku singing to herself. Dually funny because it suggests her nympho tendencies may just be an act.

-->"I'm so happy you get to see me like this. I practiced being naked in front of the mirror."
-->"You can put a baby inside of me if you want. I mean--we can make love!"
-->"I've dreamed of this day for so long. Even in my nightmares."

--> "I'm going to curse your serial killer to a fate worse than death... [[DevelopmentHell An infinite development cycle for her game.]] Mwa ha ha!"

* Ayano's portrait will occasionally change briefly to a NightmareFace while you're on another girl's page.

--> "I'm going to curse your serial killer to a fate worse than death... An infinite development cycle for her game. Mwa ha ha!"

--> “There is a human girl spreading rumors about my proclivities. I shall attempt to respond in kind. Ayano has a penis.”