History Funny / BewareTheBatman

* Mr. Toad wanting one of the women he and Pyg plan to mutate into animal hybrids as his wife.

-->'''Alfred:''' A shirt that expensive, I'm surprised the cuffs don't loot themselves.\\

-->'''Bruce''': Tell me that's not the real [[Creator/VincentVanGogh Van Gogh]].\\
'''Alfred''': [[CrazyPrepared A copy]]. The real painting is safely locked away. I'll have your room in the hallway cleaned by this afternoon.

-->'''Mr. Toad''': Boss! It's the Bat Guy!\\
'''Professor Pyg''': It's Batman, Toad. Remember, respect our enemies.

-->'''Professor Pyg''': I say, this isn't Bruce Wayne. I believe you sacked the butler.\\
'''Mr. Toad''': I was sure that was Wayne.\\
'''Professor Pyg''': I told you to get your eyes checked. Retinal deterioration is the number one cause of blindness in amphibians.

-->'''Alfred''': And I actually thought he was going to let me really drive this once.\\

'''Alfred''': Aw, bother! I might as well try them all and hope for the best. ''(presses all the buttons on the controller at the same time)''

-->'''Tatsu''': A secret elevator to a private library. Not only does this guy have too much time and too much money, he's a geek, too.

--> '''Tatsu''': I don't need an ethics lesson from a nut dressed up like a bat.
--> '''Batman''': Too bad. You just got one.

-->'''Alfred''': A shirt that expensive, I'm surprised the cuffs don't loot themselves.\\
'''Tatsu''': You can't buy class.

--> '''Batman''': [[LampshadeHanging I need a new security system.]]

-->'''Gordon''': How did you get this number? [[SuperCellReception And how did you reach me down here? We're 300 feet underground]].\\
'''Batman''': [[JustifiedTrope I hacked your phone and modified your SIM chip]]. [[LampshadeHanging Gotham PD should really get better security for their equipment]].\\
'''Gordon''': [[DeadpanSnarker I'll stick that in the suggestion box when I get the chance.]]

-->'''Gordon''': [[LampshadeHanging Batman can get reception, but not me]].

-->'''Gordon''': How did you get in here? (beat) Why do I even ask?

-->'''Barbara''': Hey, dad. I got us that low-fat and low-salt corn beef hash you like.\\
'''Gordon''': Barb, you know I happen to like the one with extra fat and extra salt.\\
'''Barbara''': That's off your menu, lieutenant.

-->'''Computer''': [[LiteralMinded A wall]].\\
'''Batman''': I'll rephrase.

-->'''Alfred''': Uh, Bruce? Exactly what did we just purchase in there?\\
'''Bruce''': Hormone-free bovine glands. I'm experimenting with my body's need for sleep. Currently, it's four hours and I'd like to get it down to two. Certain glands are rich in adrenals.\\
'''Alfred''': [[ServileSnarker Very good. I look forward to blending it up for you]].

-->'''Bruce''': Don't say one word.\\
'''Alfred''': What and make you even more flustered?\\
'''Bruce''': I'm not flustered. ''(beat)'' I'm not.\\
'''Alfred''': Don't worry. I'll keep your bovine glands on ice.

-->'''Bruce''': ''(to Alfred)'' [[CrazyPrepared Please tell me you packed my Batsuit]].

-->'''Batman''': ''(using his Bruce Wayne voice)'' Hello?\\
'''Ravencroft''': Did I catch you at a bad time?\\
'''Batman''': Not at all. Just finishing work.\\
'''Ravencroft''': What are you wearing?\\

'''Batman''': Sorry, what?\\
'''Ravencroft''': I hoping it's a tux. Because it's 7:30 and I'm expecting you in half an hour.\\
'''Batman''': With my checkbook, that's right.

-->'''Simon''': My security team is useless. You're all fired!

-->'''Simon''': ''(to Batman)'' He's in the building! Do something! Be Batman!

-->'''Tatsu''': I warned you not to mess with me... but you zombies never listen! Aw, come on! Those goons never even touched me! This game is rigged.
* Bruce snarking at [[spoiler:Professor Ravencroft]] and Silver Monkey while being held hostage by them, even asking if they were a couple.
-->'''Bruce''': I have a question. Does the Argus Club control the League of Assassins, or is it the other way around?\\
[[spoiler:'''Ravencroft''']]: Keep asking questions, maybe one of them will be your last.\\
'''Bruce''': You know, I always argue that no one needs therapy more than [[spoiler: therapists]]. And now you're proving my theory.\\
[[spoiler:'''Ravencroft''']]: A keen insight. It's a shame you have no one in your life to appreciate it.\\
'''Bruce''': Said the [[spoiler: shrink]] with the crossbow and the ninja boyfriend. I mean, you and the monkey guy are together, right?\\
'''Silver Monkey''': If you don't keep your mouth shut, I will shut it for you!\\
'''Bruce''': Just making conversation.

--> '''Tatsu''': I can't even move a finger in this suit. ''({{Beat}})'' See? That was me trying to move a finger.

--> '''Batman''': A sword and a mask. That's all?

-->'''Gordon''': ''(to himself)'' This is ridiculous. What was I thinking?\\
'''Batman''': I was thinking a phone call would've be more practical.\\
'''Gordon''': How long have you been there?\\
'''Batman''': Long enough. ''(looks at the bat signal)'' I like it.

-->'''Milo Match''': ''(to the Ghosts)'' Because your Cauldron lacks electricity, I am offering you something better than gold.\\
'''Barbara''': You're kidding, right? You're not actually trying to make a deal with Ghosts, are you?\\

'''Match''': As I was saying...\\
'''Barbara''': Hope you have a back-up plan. If not, you should get one. My dad's gonna figure out where I am. He's a great detective.\\
'''Match''': ''(to the Ghosts)'' So I offer you a tanker of fuel, which is parked outside this building, in exchange for...\\
'''Barbara''': Classic bad guy mistake: trusting other bad guys. Dude, you can't just give it to them, they'll bail at the first sign of trouble. You're way over your head.\\

'''Match''': Gentlemen, ladies...\\
'''Barbara''': I think they're all guys.

--> '''Katana''': For the record, I do not have an ego. It's called pride in my work.

-->'''Katana''': But our differences make us stronger. You know, like to-mato, toma-to.
-->'''Batman''': No. Those are the same things said differently.
-->'''Katana''': Exactly my point.

-->'''Gordon''': Not until you're old enough.
-->'''Barbara''': ''(excited)'' When will that be?
-->'''Gordon''': Never.

-->'''Alfred''': Will it be one straw or two for dinner this evening?
-->'''Tatsu''': Sorry Alfred, I kinda promised to let Jason make dinner for me this evening. I just hope the nerd can cook.

-->'''Gordon''': Why don't you go get a donut?
-->'''Cop''': The wife says I gotta to cut back.
-->'''Gordon''': Then only get a half-a-dozen this time.
-->'''Cop''': Hey, yeah. (walks off)

-->'''Gordon''': Even when I know you're coming, I still can't get used to that.

-->'''Computer''': The probability of accomplishing this maneuver is less then eight percent, Batman.
-->'''Batman''': Then you'd better wish me luck.
-->'''Computer''': Good luck, Batman.
-->'''Batman''': Thanks.

-->'''Batman''': Wanna see ''my'' true nature? Keep talking.

-->'''Mr. Toad''': Would you like a biscuit?\\
'''Professor Pyg''': I really shouldn't. ''(beat)'' Oh, maybe just one.

-->'''Tatsu''': ''(imitating Batman)'' "Nice work, Katana". Thank you, Batman.

-->'''Batman''': The "lane" is the key. We should...\\
'''Tatsu''': ''(typing on the Batcomputer)'' Look for every street in Gotham with the word "lane" in it. The Batcomputer cites 129 streets...\\
'''Batman''': I narrowed it down to three.\\
'''Tatsu''': ''(referring to the Batcomputer)'' Why do we even have this thing?

-->'''Katana''': Exploding goo? Hmm. I think someone has a bigger gadget budget than me.

-->'''Mr. Toad''': [[GoshDangItToHeck Oh, phooey and fiddlesticks!]]
-->'''Professor Pyg''': Language, Mr. Toad.

* Bruce snarking at [[spoiler:Professor Ravencroft]] and Silver Monkey while being [[BruceWayneHeldHostage held hostage]] by them, even asking if they were a couple.

'''Barbara''': Classic bad guy mistake: trusting other bad guys. [[GenreSavvy Dude, you can't just give it to them, they'll bail at the first sign of trouble]]. You're way over your head.\\

* Batman is simultaneously confronted by five villains, who are after the dead-or-alive reward offered by Ra's al Ghul. He surrenders to Magpie, who is then attacked by Phosphorus Rex, who is then attacked by Professor Pyg... and so on until Batman casually walks away from the free-for-all.

* Batman is simultaneously confronted by five villains, who are after the dead-or-alive reward offered by Ra's al Ghul. He surrenders to Magpie, who is then attacked by Phosphorus Rex, who is then attacked by Professor Pyg... and so on until Batman casually walks away from the free-for-all, commenting "Almost too easy."

-->'''Dent:''' I'm confused. Does he just look like a penguin or is he an actual penguin?

'''Tatsu:''' ...all right, party time.

-->'''Barbara:''' Ok maybe that wasn't the best example.
-->'''Commissioner Gordon:''' Fact, You are staying in this precinct.
-->'''Barbarra:''' But lieutenant-
-->'''Commissioner Gordon:''' Call me dad-

'''Tatsu:''' ...alright, party time.

-->'''Officer:''' Uh, dad...

-->'''Barbara''' "Fact, I can code faster than kids twice my age, heck I hacked the Gotham PD database when I was twelve!"
-->'''Commissioner Gordon''' "You what?"
-->'''Barbara''' "Ok maybe that wasn't the best example"
-->'''Commissioner Gordon''' "Fact, You are staying in this precinct."
-->'''Barbarra''' "But lieutenant-"
-->'''Commissioner Gordon''' "Call me dad-"

* Katana dissing Magpie's fashion sense, then slicing the feathers on her shoulderpads.

[[AC: Fall]]

-->'''Professor Pyg''': Language, Mr. Toad.

''(Alfred starts having trouble dealing with Daedalus and Junkyard Dog)''\\'''Alfred''': Aw, bother! I might as well try them all and hope for the best. ''(presses all the buttons on the controller at the same time)''

-->'''Bruce''': Tell me that's not the real [[VincentVanGogh Van Gogh]].\\

-->'''Computer''': "The probability of accomplishing this maneuver is less then eight percent, Batman."
-->'''Batman''': "Then you'd better wish me luck."
-->'''Computer''': "Good luck, Batman."
-->'''Batman''': "Thanks."