Favorite lines from your own writing

A conversation that I think is hilarious.

(Background: the 15-year-old Carl is actually a Grim Reaper. His girlfriend, Slate, is still trying to get over her father's death six years ago (she's 16), and is obviously conflicted about dating Carl. They are at a Renaissance Festival at a jewelry booth.)

Carl: (Turns to the shopkeeper) Hey, I'd like to buy my girlfriend a necklace. Nothing over thirty bucks, please.

Shopkeeper: Oh, of course. This one's twenty-five, the symbol of resistance—

Carl: Nah, what about this thing?

Shopkeeper: That's fifty dollars, stands for beauty.

Slate: (Points to a necklace) Hey, how much is this?

Shopkeeper: Twenty dollars. But you don't want to get this one for your girlfriend, it's the symbol of death and mourning.

Carl: It's perfect. I'll take it.

Shopkeeper: But—(Carl hands him the money) Oh, fine.

Carl: (Walks over to Slate.) Here. You heard him, it's for death and mourning. *Puts it on her* I...I don't care if he's still in your heart, as long as I'm in your eyes.

Slate: Carl, it's...(Kisses him)

Shopkeeper: (Watches, mystified) So, you're, you know, goths or something?

I, Komodin the Immaculate, got another one.

Experience has taught me to investigate anything that glows.

"Sir, the actions you have taken not only eliminated your enemies but garnered you valuable allies. That shows a mastery of the arts of statecraft." "You know, calling me a good politician isn't a compliment."

"Hey, where are you going? You're not a doctor!" "Doctorate of Journalism?" "A useful doctor."

Regarding God: "Oh, please. It's not like I'm bitter or anything, I swear to you. I just believe that, despite all the nice things He did, I have the right to call my Father an asshole. He's a self-important bastard with a perverse, arbitrary sense of humor that His Benevolence uses to screw everyone over, regardless of what anyone deserves, and expects you to still be singing "Exaltations to His Mercy!" after all that."

"So it's finally my turn. God proclaims, "YOU WANTED TO KNOW AND NOW YOU SHALL HAVE IT," and I get the worst experience I've ever had in my existence. I saw some pretty bad things—murder, famine, terrorists, the Black Death, genocide, abortion, eighties slasher flicks... And hatchet fish. Ugh, I hate hatchet fish, they're fuck-ugly."

"'You fucking nutjob!' I lamented, being pretty upset at the time."

The title was, "In Which Lucifer Narrates"

edited 24th May '09 2:45:27 PM by melloncollie

Here's a jump cut towards the beggining of my... you know, chunk of text that we like to think might one day be worth reading. I think that needs to be a trope, actually, those "Unfinished Novels" with that extra-specially-depressing connotation. Anyway...

"An immesurable series of unrealized possibilities away, the sun was beginning to set. This was not, in itself, remarkable— the sun was setting on Annabelle's world as well, but as it set in the world away from Anabelle's, it set on a boy. It set on a boy who would not, in a few heartless minutes, be anything that Annabelle would think had ever been a boy at all, but until then, he was just a boy, and all he could do was watch the sun set and weep for the night to come."

Someone please tell me if that makes any sense... if it punched your narm reflex... purple prose'd you to death?

“Don’t worry Marcus, I think in the scenario of “I’m under attack by a werewolf,” you really can’t do much.”

Said by Tabitha Williams over why her fellow vampire and boyfriend, Marcus Shelley was running late for a movie.

I AM A MAN!!!

from one of my older stories...

Suddenly, it dawned on Sand Josieph as he looked out over the rolling hills of grass.

"Oh my god! These hills...they're rolling!" he exclaimed.

♥♥II'GSJQGDvhhMKOmXunSrogZliLHGKVMhGVmNhBzGUPiXLYki'GRQhBITqQrrOIJKNWiXKO♥♥

"And here, finally, was the choice Ayame always knew was going to be presented to her, the final insult in a life full of ridiculous absurdities and bitter ironies. What she'd always wanted was right before her- always right before her, wasn't that the way these stories had to go? One last sadistic choice. Her personal honor and her people's goodwill, on the one hand, and doing the right thing, on the other."

Some time later in the same story:

"The shock on his face is almost worth it, and even as everything she ever wanted shatters to pieces in her mind like glass from a thrown mirror, Ayame can tell that she will sleep soundly tonight."

And one line from that.

"I did what was right, Ayame thinks, and her heart sings a little even as the realization hits her. She will not have a throne or the love of her people, and her name really was her destiny.

But she did what was right, and who can judge that a throne is greater than being able to sleep at night?"

Probably my favorite bit I've ever written. Basic story: In her country, the ruler has a "trial period" before taking the throne, to ensure they aren't nutters. They keep the throne on the basis of Senatorial approval (constitutional monarchy).

Ayame's name, in this country, is a cursed name, a bad omen. Her people have never liked her and her trial period has been going badly, with her always just one step ahead of getting kicked out of office and being exiled forever.

But then she gets a chance to make a real change, do something good, but only if she breaks a promise she made- and that's a big, big no-no in her culture. And everyone knows she made the promise, so she can't wiggle out of it by lying.

She ends up breaking the promise because, well, fuck it, she wanted to do what was right, not what she had to do. She spends the rest of the day in a godawful funk.

So she goes to bed that night, and she wakes up knowing it's all lost, it's all over, today she will be exiled and put away...

And then she is then told by her advisor that her people were deeply impressed by her willingness to subjugate her personal honor for the pursuit of justice, that approval of her is skyrocketing because she was so willing to risk her own personal honor for what she believed right, because what poor Ayame forgot was that her culture also adored self-sacrifice and tragic heroes. The Senate almost unanimously votes down a proposition raised by one of its members to eject Ayamae.

"Ayame the Just" becomes her nickname among the people, and she keeps her throne.

She openly bawls when her advisor informs her of all this. One of my favorite personal lines.

Tsundere (After an Anguished Declaration of Love from a Dogged Nice Guy):

"... Are you threatening me?"

ALL CREATURE WILL DIE AND ALL THE THINGS WILL BE BROKEN. THAT'S THE LAW OF SAMURAI.

Aw, Schizo... you made me hurt for your character and he doesn't even have a name.

Nicely done!

Tbh dialogue was never my strongest point. Here's some of the better "dramatic" speeches from the comic I'm (still) planning on eventually writing. These both are from what I've planned to be the final story arc. A bit of background: One of the main cast members, who is a demon, has been captured by an avatar of a Lovecraftian deity to use as a sacrifice to break the seal holding Cthulhu in R'lyeh. The other protagonists have gotten her father, a demon lord, to help them free her.

Zaran il Erad'nash: "OK, you've taken me hostage and flown me on a tiny island in the middle of the Pacific. Now would you mind telling me what the hell is going on in here!?" Herald of the Outer Gods: "Right now we're waiting for the stars to reach a favourable position, at which point I will kill you and use you'r essence to power a ritual that will release the Dreaming One, who will awaken and plunge to world to eternal darkness. Happy now?" Zaran: "I think I preferred not to know..." Herald: "Figures. Ignorance is like virginity. People want to get rid of it and only afterwards consider if maybe they shouldn't have. Care for some tea while we wait?"

Herald: "Trust me you do not want to fight me. But luckily, I have no desire to fight you eighter. I believe we can reach a mutually beneficial solution." Lord Maladath: "Mutually beficial? You're trying to sacrifice my daughter for the dark gods!" Herald: "Indeed I am. I understand that she is very valuable to you, but the question is...How valuable?" Maladath: "What are you on about, fiend?" Herald: "We'll make a trade. You'r daughter in exchange for power. Phenomenal Cosmic Power. I can grant you a tiny portion of my Master's essence. Enough to make you a god compared to you'r peers. You could single-handedly subjugate you'r world and reign as the new Demon King. That's what you'd want to do, isn't it?" Maladath: "So what you're saying is, I can tade the live of my daughter to become a physical god?" Herald: "Exactly. So, what do you say?" Maladath: "Do I even need to answer that?" Herald: "I rather wish you did, just to see the look on her face." Maladath: "Very well. My answer is...." Herald: "Go on". Maladath: "Fuck you." Lord Maladath cuts the Herald's head off

edited 16th Oct '09 10:05:33 AM by Nomic

In order of naming: scorpion man (pincers, tail), normal human woman, jackal man (head, legs, tail). From something relatively new I'm working on. And yes, Luseir has the collective intelligence of a chocolate pancake. Lovable, though, and usefull when given assignments that can be summed up in two words.

edited 16th Oct '09 12:48:19 PM by Mister Always

Always touching and looking. Piss off.

From And They All Lived:

• And it nearly had not happened again. Before him lay a dozen bodies of dying heroes and dear friends.

What Geass May Come

• Oh thank God! It was a dream!
• What was a dream?
• You died, and Lulu was Zero, and...
• But Honey, I did die.
• But th... then... you're... You're saying you're really a ghost?!?
• No, but I am dead. And so are you.
• Daddy! I'm really confused right now! Why is the academy empty?!?
• This is going to be harder than I hoped.

Not sure yet:

• It would take several years to explain.

edited 16th Oct '09 12:51:03 PM by Frodo Goofball CoTV

Heh, with me, it's just the opposite. Or so I think. Some examples from my desk:

"Why me? Why shit like this always happens to me?!" - one of Bjorn's early adventures. From the times when he was still a simple fighter with a two-handed sword.

And some lines from "Bad Blood", the dhampyre story:

• Ketonal forte, stuff that could sedate an elephant, or my mother (the weight difference wasn't that big).
• Yeah. Me and entering through third-floor windows. Who am I? Batman? Spiderman? Some kind of Daredevil, blinded by love?
• She was looking just as bad as me. With the difference of having a hickey with teeth marks on her neck. And just after she closed the door behind me, she slapped me in the face. Call that shock therapy.
  "What for?!" I asked, shocked.
  "That for." she pointed to her neck. "How am I going to explain this to Adrian?!"
  "Wait, wait, wait. Stop, hammertime." I blurted out. "You trying to tell me I did that to you?"
• "What's going on with you?! You see..."
  "Yeah, I see it and I can't believe. Wanna slap me again?"
  "It's a good idea, but I'll pass on it."
• I was wondering what was the worst: that I've screwed her, or that I've screwed her after we broke up, or that I used some dirty trick to screw her or that I didn't remember what trick was it.

edited 23rd Oct '09 3:18:48 PM by NotSoBadassLongcoat

"what the complete, unabridged, 4k ultra HD fuck with bonus features" - Mark Von Lewis

A quick little comedic line. The situation was a pro wrestler who is toughening up for the upcoming fight with 'massage therapy' delivered by a six and a half-foot tall Norwegian woman named Helga who was also training to be a veterinary chiropractor.

Several crunches and cracks later, and much screaming and cursing at the gods...

CRUNCH

"I CAN'T FEEL MY LEGS!"

SnickersnickerSNAP

"OH, GOD, NOW I CAN FEEL THEM! I CAN FEEL THEM ALL TOO WELL!"

"Now after limbering, we get into real massage for real men!"

SNAP

"THAT'S NOT SUPPOSED TO BEND THAT WAY!"

C-R-A-C-K

"THAT'S NOT SUPPOSED TO BEND!!"

edited 16th Oct '09 1:00:24 PM by TriggerLoaded

Don't take life too seriously. It's only a temporary situation.

Thank you Dae Brayk. Always write the ones you know :P

ALL CREATURE WILL DIE AND ALL THE THINGS WILL BE BROKEN. THAT'S THE LAW OF SAMURAI.

It's from my Atlas Shrugged liveblog, but it still qualifies as my writing. It's amazing how well the quote fits.

“I’ve been holding in the biggest Objectivism speech of my life, and now you’re going to listen to it!”

No! Please! Have mercy on Johnny Steps!

edited 16th Oct '09 7:51:53 PM by Cliche

"Those were probably the best 30 minutes of my life.

They could have been my last."

ALL CREATURE WILL DIE AND ALL THE THINGS WILL BE BROKEN. THAT'S THE LAW OF SAMURAI.

A speech about the motives of one of the main characters of a novel I'm writing.

We alter a billionth of a billionth of the universe, and within a mere span of time, a hundredth of a blink on the universe’s point of view, far less shall remain of us and every one of our accomplishments. A few dozen do last for a mere moment longer. Nevertheless, the few paragons of remaining only remind us of our own mortality. Our ashes are soon sown to the winds of time. A pity indeed.”

“So I decided I would not stand for it. When I kill, I leave an exponentially growing imprint upon the world that soon expands its black grasp upon the earth. Of course, humanity will not remember me; my purpose is at least in part defined by the fact that humans fear the unknown as a form of oblivion. The only time they learn of my existence is minutes before the final conflict commences and they die. But my own memory will leave enough of a thread; far better than the garbled strands, half-dissolved reminisces that humans consider their equivalent.

This is this.

I don't write much. Here's an excerpt from an essay I had to write on how to use hand tools. I felt like a smart-ass that day.

In some situations there may be need to fasten two materials together. After failing to find a power nailer, the tool you will fall back on is the hammer. Its use is simple. Hold the nail straight, perpendicular to the material. Hold the bottom of the hammer and touch it to the top of the nail. Lightly bash the nail in, to start it, them remove your hand from the nail as you carefully bash it with more force. Use your whole arm, not just your wrist. When you inevitably find that you nailed the wrong two things together, use the cat's paw (known to regular people as a nail puller) to remove the nail. After donning the appropriate safety equipment, brandish your nail puller. Using great finesse and dexterity, gouge the nail puller into the wood, catching the nail head in the claw. Using the leverage afforded to you by the handle, pull the nail out of the wood. Remember to keep balanced and use even pressure.

...

To make the work perpendicular to the force of gravity, call upon your spirit level. Through great care and precision you can attain levelness. Apply the spirit level to the work object. Sight the bubble between the sacred markings. Correct the work's position until the bubble has become centered. Only then have you reached levelness.

edited 20th Oct '09 11:54:57 PM by adam850

Ah, let's see...some lines from my most recent stuff(in other words, the novel I've been working on for months):

• "She stood by the counter, industriously divesting firm pink shrimp of their tails. A small pile of red shells already lay beside the white bowl, looking almost as forlorn as the shrimp looked without heads."

• "I'm not sure, perhaps we ought to wait until Evidence recovers himself."
• "'Recovers himself'? You sound like a Victorian maiden. Oh, look, there he is."
• "I have recovered myself", Evidence announced, floating gently up through the dirt.
• "A couple of Victorian maidens, you lot."
• "What?" said Evidence.

• "We’re allowed to go free if I stop giving Death a headache."
• "How’d you do that? Hit her in the teeth?"

Also my favorite simile I've ever used is "grinning like a shark on speed", though I may have gotten it from somewhere. I don't think I could think up anything that fun.

You called me bad and I posed like a gutter queen in a dress sewn of knives.

"I don't want to fight you, boy."

"Every time I love someone, they end up gone. Not this time. I won't let you take her from me."

"It is her time, boy. You have no say!"

She lunged at Stephanie, blade gleaming.

"Go to hell!" Artie seethed.

He jumped between the two. He winced. He was hit, the blade cleanly through him. The Angel of Death disappeared.

---

My character, Artie Luhrman, proves that yes, a nerd really does make a great boyfriend.

I'm trying to write a webcomic but I haven't had many opportunities to write fiction before now. Tell me, what do you think of this:

"Hmmm. Nice move. You sliced into three major arteries in the blink of an eye. Would've killed any normal person dead. Unfortunately for you, I really suck at dying."

A little explanation. The character has a Healing Factor and just got both wrists and neck cut.

edited 21st Oct '09 2:15:50 PM by K*SPAM

Don't use "suck", otherwise works okay.