A critic at her wits' end - please advice

Okay. The voices in my head are all like DON'T POST IT! but if I don't, they'll start to tell me to grab a hatchet and we wouldn't like where that goes.

So, I'm criticising-slash-editing an aquaintance's novel.

It sucks.

Both the novel and the experience. Now, I'l admit - I'm a snarky reviewer. Generally not rude, though. But now I'm finding myself rude, by which I mean aiming to hurt.

When we began, it was just regular comments: this bit is purple. You misused this word (link to dictionary). Grammar should go like this here (explanation). I have no idea what you're trying to say here. Why is this character doing that?

But it devolved very quickly. Now she writes something like "three paragraphs with no nitpick? Are you feeling all right?" and I respond with things like "Had you actually read the link I sent you, you would know this is WRONG". And this is not the snippiest exchange we've had, by far. Then she acts like nothing happened. Why is this and am I the only one uncomfortable with it? The novel really sucks, I don't think it's salvagable without a major reworking, certainly not by bitching at each other. But she's the one who asked me to nitpick! Am I, perhaps, misreading something? Could it be she wanted to be praised, not to learn?

She was outraged when I proposed we use Tiddly for reverse outlining, so in the end, I'm not outlining at all and the "story", feeble as it is, is getting away from me (it's really long). I have no idea what these characters are motivated with or what they think they're doing, and of course she expects me to remember every little detail among the sea of clashing details. She insists on being lazy with word choice, when she's not picking weird archaisms. Her metaphors are - intentionally! she said multiple times she likes them that way! - convoluted and her descriptions purple. When I tell her something is unrealistic, she's outraged, because "the characters wouldn't know it" (well, they wouldn't, but you should!).

I know I'm biased here - trying to be honest with myself, I have to admit I don't like to be asked for help and then treated like the enemy for helping. The bitching definitely goes both ways. It makes me tired, on edge and increasingly doubtful about my own ability to communicate (perhaps rightly doubtful). I don't, actually, like to be rude. Snarky, yes. Snarky is funny, snarky is informal and friendly, and shortens the distance. Yet, in this case, I feel I want to make the distance longer. I want her to shut up already.

She knew I was snarky! She knew I was a nitpicker. That's why she asked me, or at least that's what she said. Maybe I should have had alarm bells go in my head when she called another member of our writing group, who has a sharp eye for mistakes (sharper than mine) and is generally good at summing up why a story works (or doesn't) - "despotic". "Despotic" for insisting on proper grammar and clear prose. If that's despotic, then hand me my commisar cap.

Anyway, I needed to say it and feel free to just ignore this thread (hopefully it's in the right place...), but if anyone's been in a similar situation - what did you do?

I fear that it's hard to give a particularly confident or specific answer without better knowing the situation, including the people, and the perspective of the author in question.

That said, I suppose let me ask this: if the process of editing the work in question is proving so terrible, then... why continue?

Do you have a duty to fulfil? Or some other purpose that keeps you there...?

Three important things:

1. Art is subjective.
2. She's not obligated to take your advice.
3. You're not obligated to give her advice.

It sounds, based on how you're describing it, like she just wants you to validate her bonkers creative choices. But if you're not down to give that (or if that's just not how you operate) then you've got a mismatch.

All feedback is just a matter of opinion, of course. With some critics it's "I like this! / I don't like this." For others it's "Here's how I think you could make your story stronger." It sounds like you're the second kind of critic, and she wants the first.

If you feel the writer/critic partnership isn't working, then by all means break it off. If she's not going to take your notes seriously, then you shouldn't have to keep going back to the well.

But also know that this isn't nearly as bad as it could get. A filmmaker who thought he was hot stuff once asked me for feedback on his script, and after I didn't heap praise on him it escalated to him writing in a mean caricature of me and putting it on an international streaming service. So, y'know. It could be worse. Live and learn.

My advice: Explain to her that you're not feeling respected and she clearly wants a type of feedback that you can't give, and then (if you feel up to it) recommend some other writers she could talk to. Make sure these other writers actually want to read her stuff.

I agree the writer/critic partnership isn't working.

It sounds to me like she chose you, the snarky one, because maybe on some level she believed that if you who are so snarky would say her story premise and execution is so brilliant! and it's going to be an instant modern classic! and the only problem is this comma should be a semicolon...then she's something truly special.

But if she can't be honest about that, and you can't be honest in a way that will translate to helpful (because she's not having it. Whether you are right or wrong, she's not having it,) then better to disengage with this whole thing.

Edited by Wrensong on Jul 22nd 2023 at 7:39:41 PM

Why continue, you ask... I'm not sure at that point.

Thanks, guys. Guess I really should take a deep breath and get out of this before things really get out of hand (Aw Sam Weston, now you got me scared, really - I mean, every time I think there are boundaries people won't cross, somebody does).

So. Getting out. My greatest weakness...

Thank you.

Good luck, and I hope that it works out for whatever is best for each of you and the writer! ^_^

Thanks. I guess what I needed here was a bit of support...