Funny Out-of-Context Quotes

The best quotes are ones that make you go "Huh?"

Edited by GastonRabbit on Jan 5th 2023 at 5:48:09 AM

"Floor Ice Cream gives you health!"

"REPLICA!"

edited 4th Jan '17 4:20:25 AM by Revaryk

"GOD DAMN IT KAYABA I AM SICK AND TIRED OF YOU KICKING MY HEART IN THE DICK. WELL NOT THIS TIME, PREPARE TO FEEL THE WRATH OF A PISSED OFF NERD WITH ADMIN PRIVILIGES"

Snake, what have you done? You've changed history. You've created a Time Paradox!

It tastes like a hospital.

"'You never cease to amaze me, galaxy,' he whispered heterosexually."

"Be sure to watch out for your backside!"

"It's not out of the question that you might have a very minor case of serious brain damage."

All of Sailor Moon Says.

"I set an ambulance on fire by accident."

"Am I knobbing the most ideal of all the knobbable whores in this brothel?"

"Wow, either that guy spent a ridiculously wasteful amount of money on a machine to cut his food in half, or he has mastered the ancient practice of feline martial arts!"

Oh man, back at my vocational university, my assigned groups for our second and third game projects lived for out-of-context quotes. Here's a handful of examples:

"My ass has become hotter with time."

"Are we going to get displaced tonight?"

"That would imply that I think there's anything wrong with gay porn."

"Nothing is as sharp as a hard edge."

"I love having coffee with old ladies!"

"More floaty than a fucking jellyfish."

"LET ME TAKE THE WEAPON VIRGINITY!"

"I want to see some dead kids."

"Oh shit, I'm a fucking midget!"

"But if ass-punching is what you're into..."

"What's a coffee machine without memes?"

"Maybe hobbits are rare!"

"Awesome, classic. Let's go kill Hitler."

"there's no flavor, it's just hot. and a little bit of corn."

This somehow reminded me of a group project I had to do for an audio recording class - we had to record a voiceover on top of pre-recorded music, so each group was given a set amount of time to come up with a short script and then the rest of the period to record it. Our group ended up just chatting about whatever the whole time we were supposed to be writing, but someone had started writing down out of context quotes from the conversation and made that the script. The only specific quote I can remember was "sleep and Bruce Campbell" ^note one of us had been out late the previous night at a Bruce Campbell book signing. Also, this was all recited over a mellow Santana instrumental by the group member with the most soothing voice, and therefor ended up seeming like a nonsensical guided meditation tape or something. Sadly I don't have the recording nor do I know who does.

If I could hack into Streamlabs and Streamelements accounts of the streamers I watch, I'd find a couple of the most ridiculous ones. But right now, what I managed to scrounge off the Twitch clips I made:

• "You're fucking with a monkey for two days now?!"
• "I'm sinking! Help! Hilfe! My rudder is broken! There are red lights all over my ship! (Beat) There are red lights all over my ship?"
• "Wait, where did he throw that peacock?" ^explanation "To throw a peacock" is a local idiom for puking, but this time it was about throwing a literal peacock in Planet Zoo on the wrong side of the fence enclosure
• "Why is that whenever I zoom on an animal, it's gotta be taking a shit?!"
• "Fang, are you checking out a dong with that magnifying glass?"
• "This song reminds me of a duck's mating call."
• "This looks like some guy flew here and fucked a pineapple!"
• "Synchronized shitting. Three poops at the same time. That's something you've never seen before."
• "He's wearing pants. Boy, am I glad he's wearing pants. You have no idea how glad I am."

• "I'm gonna steal your butt" (overheard this on the train years ago, no idea what the context was)
• "Did I just get rickrolled by God?"
• "Ah yes, the four seasons: summer, spring, fall, SALT"

Edited by Zanreo on May 11th 2021 at 4:45:52 PM

Joey: Don't you recognize...your owm mom?

"There's a partial murderer, there's a partial-ass murderer, and then there is a whole ass murderer, and then there's Cletus fucking Kasidy."

"Jesus was the original Amongus"

"HELP! HELP! THEY'VE DESTROYED MY COUSIN'S BRAIN! OH, MY GOD! THEY'VE ALREADY MILKED YOU, HAVEN'T THEY?!!"

Edited by ArgoTheBlank on May 13th 2021 at 11:44:39 AM

"The problem must be in your pants!"

"apparently, it's against the law to cook an eagle."

"God, kill my mom!"