What An Idiot / Malcolm in the Middle

• "Pilot":
  • Carolyn Miller is the school psychologist and the head of the gifted program. She notices that Malcolm, a straight A student, has a lot of potential, and runs some tests on him. It turns out he has a genius level IQ and qualifies for her class. This excites her so much that she decides to talk with Malcolm's parents about it.
    You'd Expect: Carolyn would call ahead of time, or discuss it over the phone with Hal and Lois.
    Instead: She knocks on the door on a random Saturday, when Lois is doing laundry while topless. Meanwhile, the house is a mess. The boys also start fighting because Francis has called and they miss him.
    The Result: Carolyn gets flustered when Lois opens the door, without a shirt or a bra on, and out of the corner of her eye she sees the boys fighting. It takes her a while to explain why she came to the house.
  • After this, Carolyn manages to communicate that Malcolm is a genius and that he could do more in her gifted class. Malcolm doesn't have a high opinion of being "smart" or being a gifted Krelboyne because it makes one a walking target of the local bullies, like Dave Spath. Spath just covered his pants in red paint merely because the teacher praised Malcolm's abstract painting.
    You'd Expect: Either Carolyn or Lois would involve Malcolm in this discussion, and Hal if possible. Lois makes it clear she wants Malcolm to succeed because no one else in the family at this point will be a success. Also, the abrupt transition might make Malcolm's grades slip with the increased pressure and workload
    Instead: Lois breaks the news over dinner that Malcolm is getting transferred to Carolyn's gifted class, which will make him a Krelbyone, without having either consulted Malcolm or Hal. Hal bemusedly offers some remarks.
    The Result: Malcolm understandably loses his temper when he tries to explain to his mother that he'd have rather had the choice, because he doesn't want become a bigger target for Dave Spath. He runs off in tears when Hal refuses to defend his side, and Lois barely calms him down while he's tucking in for bed that night.
• "Red Dress":
  • It's Hal and Lois's anniversary night. Lois is excited about this new red dress she's going to wear to their celebratory dinner, at a restaurant that serves good lobster. At some point off-screen Hal burns it by accident while lighting cigars.
    You'd Expect: Hal to have confessed to Lois what happened. Yes, she would have read him the riot act and it would have possibly ruined their dinner, but at least she would know who burned the dress and known it was an accident. Also then they could figure out a plan B.
    Instead: Hal leaves the dress in the toilet, implying that he tried to flush it, and goes to the restaurant without telling anyone about it. Lois of course finds it right when she's getting ready, and she blames her sons, who have no alibi apart from wrapping a picture frame.
    The Result: Lois then tortures the boys for hours, tossing away their toys, making them spin around, and threatening to smash their TV, until one of them confesses. This takes up the whole night. Hal deservedly gets stood up because Lois is busy and she forgets all about Hal at the restaurant, and he can't get through to the home line because the boys are calling their brother Francis for help. It's implied that he will get busted when he gets home and Lois has taken the boys out to dinner because Francis convinces her to let the affair go, since he then does the same to a couch cushion and this time the boys do have an alibi.
  • Meanwhile, there is Lois, and Francis. Lois is convinced the boys did the deed. Francis in the meantime has no context. His little brothers have called him for help because they don't know how to handle their mother in this rage.
    You'd Expect: He would ask the boys if they did the deed and start from there. Then he could figure out if they have an alibi, and if they didn't do it, then they should call their dad because he was the only other person in the house.
    Instead: He says that if Lois thinks they're guilty, then they're all guilty together, and not to rat each other out or confess. Then he coaches them through the torture sessions, and only helps them out when Lois grabs the home phone and accuses him of "undermining my authority". It's only Francis pointing out that Lois is spending her anniversary obsessing over a dress that the boys are spared from further agony.
• "Home Alone 4":
  • Malcolm overhears that his parents may let Francis come home permanently from military school if Francis takes care of his brothers well for one weekend, while the parents attend a wedding. He happily tells Reese and Dewey, but they fear that contrarian Francis will refuse to behave because he hates authority, especially their mother's word.
    You'd Expect: Malcolm being the genius would word his phrasing; it's not that Francis has to be responsible and mature for two days. It's that it may be a good idea to stay civil and then go back to his partying ways once he's settled. Francis doesn't have to do anything, and it's his choice.
    Instead: He decides to keep Francis calm and bored by watching golf on TV.
    The Result: Francis calls some destructive friends over, who trash the house and get arrested. It's only then that Malcolm tells Francis what they overheard, and Francis rapidly agrees they need to get the house cleaned. In their subsequent quest to dirty it sufficiently, Malcolm then gets injured. It becomes All for Nothing when Lois and Hal decide to keep Francis at military school, but still.
• "Shame":
  • A tall seven-year old named Kevin has just transferred to Malcolm's school. He's also established as a bully, who mocks the twelve-year old Malcolm by repeating everything he says. Malcolm tends to respond by snarking back, though he's annoyed when Kevin cuts in front of him on school pizza day and takes the last two slices.
    You'd Expect: Kevin to have learned not to pick on someone who is older than him, and who is Reese's little sibling. It's later known that Reese's bullying keeps the school in balance, and Malcolm has grown up grappling with all three of his brothers.
    Instead: Kevin approaches Malcolm and starts mocking him about getting goulash instead of leaving him alone.
    The Result: Malcolm hits his Rage Breaking Point and pounds Kevin to a pulp, using the pizza as a weapon. No one defends Kevin from the No-Holds-Barred Beatdown, and he ends up traumatized since it was also his birthday. It says something that no one watching the fight, not even the lunch ladies, breaks them up, and when Malcolm expects his parents to punish him for fighting at school, they let him off the hook. Lois and Hal all but admit the little rotter deserved it, especially when Kevin's fifteen-year old "father" (more likely his brother) taunts Hal while demanding an apology for Kevin. When Malcolm confesses to his mother that he can't shake off the guilt about having beaten up a seven-year old, she tells him he's not a bad person because his conscience is always watching him and he knows right from wrong. It's implied that after this episode Kevin knocks it off, and Reese would have done much worse to him if Kevin had taunted Reese similarly.
• "Lois Vs. Evil":
  • Malcolm of all people gets one. The boys have to go spend the afternoon at the store where Lois works until she finishes her shift. She gives clear instructions that they can't touch anything, and makes specific details. Malcolm notes that she forgot to mention a new suds machine. Reese then gets a look in his eye.
    You'd Expect: Malcolm would realize that all parts of the store is off-limits to their boy-time shenanigans. Put it off because their mother needs this job to support four kids and pay for Francis's school tuition.
    Instead: They head to the machine and make a mess.
    The Result: Lois punishes them by making them kneel against the wall with their heads behind their backs.
    To Make Matters Worse: Malcolm and Reese call Dewey a baby for not wanting to be in trouble; he ends up stealing an expensive item to prove them wrong, but hides in the house vents out of guilt. This leads to Lois losing her job when she makes Dewey confess to the manager on Dewey.
  • Said manager it turns out is a skeezy guy named Mr. Pinner. He's had it out for Lois because she has blackmail material on him: she knows that he stole the credit from her on sales reports, smokes marijuana on the job, and slept with their boss's wife. Her coworker Craig tries to convince the guy to hire Lois back, which the manager only will if Lois signs a written confession and apology, takes a dock in pay for the 100-dollar cognac that Dewey stole, and spend several months doing graveyard shifts. Craig tells Lois this, and offers to take up graveyard shifts with her while failing to hide his infatuation for her.
    You'd Expect: Lois would realize this is a desperate situation. She should go to their district manager and tell him exactly what Mr. Pinner has been doing. Lois may believe in Nobody Likes a Tattletale but this isn't tattling this is revealing that management is power-hungry and corrupt, which has been making her and her coworkers miserable. That would be doing the right thing.
    Instead: She maintains that doing the right thing is not telling anyone about this because it makes her the better person to not sell a coworker down the river. Malcolm and Reese call her out for not taking the deal, saying they're barely living paycheck to paycheck, while not knowing the incendiary details. When Hal ends up in the hospital due to food poisoning and they have a big bill, Lois does consider taking the deal but takes the opportunity to berate the manager for attempting to bully her for something her preteen son did and decides to walk off after writing a suggestion on his written confession rather than suck it up or tell on him.
    Fortunately: Craig it turns out is more sensible than Lois. He gathers up their coworkers to listen in on how Lois's meeting with Mr. Pinner goes and to offer her moral support. They end up hearing all the secrets and fireable offenses that Lois blurts out. When she leaves, Craig and the others reveal themselves with giant smiles, implying that they will go to the boss to bust their manager for forgery and adultery. Mr. Pinner quits in disgrace, Lois is hired back, and happy ending for the family! Well, except for Malcolm who ends up alienating a girl that crushed on him because she organized a canned food drive for the family.
• "Rollerskates": Thanks to Reese tracking mud onto the floor while rollerblading, Lois throws out her back. It makes her immobile and grumpier than usual; she spends hours on the phone with Francis rambling about how bad her condition is.
  You'd Expect: She would take her painkillers as the doctor ordered. The whole point of taking meds is to get better, and she needs to be upright to do her job.A small amount makes it less likely that she will develop an addiction.
  Instead: Lois gets insulted when Hal tries to either ask her to take the painkillers or slip them into the meals that he prepares for her.
  The Result: Lois is immobile for several days, forcing Hal to be the solo parent for a while. Hal and a guilty Reese get so desperate that they team up and spike her milk with some of her prescribed anesthetics. Only then does Lois wake up the next day, mad as hell about the deception but able to move.
• "Smunday":
  • The inciting incident of the episode is that the boys have been grounded for ages due to them giving away Dewey's bike to Francis's friends in exchange for seeing one of them eat dog food. It's revealed that this happened at the time that Francis was home, and Francis told a suspicious Lois because she bribed him that if he busted his brothers, then he could come home on summer vacation.
    You'd Expect: Francis would have stopped his brothers from doing something so pointless and wasteful in the first place. He was supposed to be watching over them.
    Instead: Francis merely orders his friends to honor the deal by eating the dog food first before giving them Dewey's bike.
    The Result: The boys get grounded, due to Francis busting them, and they find out when a flu-addled Lois reveals it to the trio. They get so mad that they bluff to Francis about hiding a letter of him doing a stupid prank in turn at military school, which nearly leads to Lois sending Francis to a labor farm.
• "Water Park":
  • The family goes to the water park without Dewey, who has an ear infection and has to stay at home. Malcolm swears revenge on Reese for bringing an embarrassing nose plug that Malcolm has to wear for medical reasons.
    You'd Expect: Malcolm would cover his tracks when pranking Reese, or wait until after they have a nice day at the water park to enact his revenge. It's rare that the family can go out after all and Malcolm wants to enjoy it. Engage in Pragmatic Villainy if at all.
    Instead: He provokes Reese into an Escalating Prank War and reveals himself each time by declaring, "Now we're even!"
    The Result: Lois catches up to them after Malcolm pantses Reese and tells them both off for spending what's supposed to be a nice day being jerks to each other. The three end up in a scuffle down a slide, and the whole family is banned from the park for life come next episode.
  Lois: Do you think we're wealthy?! Wealthy people drive fancy cars. They have fresh pasta. Do we do any of those things?! NO! Wealthy people can afford any of their vacations ruined, no big deal. They just pick up and go again. Your father and I worked so hard, so long. What IS WRONG WITH YOU TWO?! ARE YOU ABORIGINES?! Every time I turn around, I hear someone screaming and fighting. And I pray to God that's someone else's children, but it's not, it's always YOU! Sane children would appreciate this. Are you even thinking? No, you're always at each other like a couple of rabid monkeys. It is not enough you two do this every day, but you have to make me suffer.
  • In the same episode, Dewey is at home with a babysitter due to having an ear infection. They get along and start dancing together, only for the lady to collapse. An ambulance comes and takes her to the hospital.
    You'd Expect: The paramedics would check the emergency phone numbers to call Hal, Lois, or any nearby relatives. Or, if no one is available, get Dewey to child services.
    Instead: Dewey is left by the side of the road as the ambulance drives away.
    The Result: He chases a balloon and gets lost far from home. Fortunately, he makes it back home in time for his family to arrive and Lois scolds him for scaring off the babysitter.
• "Grandparents":
  • Lois's parents come to visit. Despite their heckling and needling remarks, Lois and Hal need them to stay to watch the kids while they work double shifts to pay the bills on their new fridge. It's revealed that Lois's dad was a war veteran in their home country and still has a grenade.
    You'd Expect: He wouldn't show off such a weapon to Reese, whom Malcolm outright states is an idiot.
    Instead: He not only shows it to Reese, but they accidentally pull the key out. Malcolm tosses the grenade in the fridge and everyone has to leave the house before it blows.
    Predictably: When Lois and Hal come home and Reese tells them what happened, Lois understandably blows up that her parents endangered her children and damaged their new fridge beyond repair. Hal, in his best moment on the show, calmly asks for several thousand dollars in compensation for the fridge and nearly getting the boys killed. He points out that all he has to do is call the cops, and both of Lois's parents will be in jail forever for "child endangerment".
• "Evacuation":
  • Thanks to Hal accidentally leaving an old couch on a railroad track and it getting hit, with the impact derailing the train, the whole town has to evacuate to a shelter thanks to the resulting fumes. Lois has grounded Malcolm for arriving late because he was doing homework at the library and wasn't able to call due to the lack of payphones and not many kids in the 2000s having mobiles. She then tries to enforce the punishment at the shelter, telling him he's not to leave his cot when he talks with his friends. Malcolm in a sense of Only Sane Man tells his mother they could die and this is not the time for Skewed Priorities.
    You'd Expect: Lois would read the room. She's had therapists come over before, and ostensibly social workers to investigate the boys' misdemeanors. They are in a public crowded place with military guards.
    Instead: She humiliates Malcolm for his sensible reasoning by putting him across her knee and miming spanking him so that his friends see. He's struggling and yelling at her.
    Predictably: Surprisingly Realistic Outcome ensues, and the other concerned neighbors tell the guards about the blatant child abuse. They escort Lois outside to where the rest of the family is for their episode's misdemeanors. She expresses further stupidity by arguing with the guard that she has the right to discipline her child, and he bluntly tells her she's being a troublemaker. The weather is cold, and when they try to beg Malcolm for blankets, he smugly reminds them he's abiding by Lois's punishment.
• "Garage Sale":
  • Lois feels Reese would be able to accomplish more if he had more confidence in himself so she puts him in charge of the garage sale to fix the wall destroyed in the previous episode.
    You'd Expect: Her to tell Malcolm about her plan ahead of time and ask Malcolm to keep careful supervision on Reese so he doesn't mess up, and also make sure herself Reese listens to Malcolm. Or maybe just wait till after the garage sale and put him in charge of something lower scale like preparing dinner for the family, which he could very much achieve with his cooking talent.
    Instead: She gives Reese 100% control of the garage sale and berating anyone especially Malcolm for questioning Reese's obviously bad idea such as selling a piggy bank for 2 dollars without emptying the 16 dollars inside. She only realizes her mistake after Reese intentionally breaks a computer Malcolm was gonna sell for $1300.
• "Malcolm Defends Reese":
  • Mr. Herkabe was apparently able to graduate high school with the highest GPA, but avoided taking gym class.
    You'd Expect: He would take this secret to his grave knowing if it gets out he would lose his award.
    Instead: While boasting to Malcolm about his award, he tells Malcolm in detail what he did.
    As A Result: Malcolm dishes some well-deserved revenge and rats out Mr. Herkabe to the principal causing his award (which was essentially the only worthwhile thing he had left since he lost everything when his dotcom went bust) to be revoked. And he tries to retake gym class to get his award back only to have Reese pelt him with dodgeballs for humiliating him earlier in the episode.
    Even Worse: It never even occurred to Herkabe that he had given Malcolm leverage against him until after he lost his award.

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