"Good grief. I know this is blatantly obvious, but you really are a piece of work."
The Joestar Bloodline has been at war with all kinds of monsters for centuries on end, but that doesn't mean all of them, or even all of their adversaries, end up using their noggin right all the time.
Phantom Blood
- When Jonathan and his allies confront Dio, Dire demands that he fight Dio first, hoping to avenge Zeppeli's death.
You'd Expect: For Jonathan or Speedwagon to warn Dire that Dio can freeze people just by touching them.
Instead: Jonathan only vaguely warns Dire that Dio has powers he's unprepared to deal with.
The Result: Dio freezes Dire's entire body in seconds and shatters it like glass when he attempts his Thunder Cross Split Attack. While he manages to temporarily blind Dio in one eye before he dies, which Jonathan exploits, Dire might have lived longer than he did. - During their fight, Jonathan impales Dio through the chest with a sword. Dio takes this opportunity to reach into Jonathan's neck and grab his carotid artery.
You'd Expect: For Dio to immediately sever it and drink his blood.
Instead: He injects Jonathan with his blood to transform him into a zombie and spends around a minute idiotically gloating about how he's about to win.
The Result: This gives Jonathan enough time to heat up his sword with a torch directly behind Dio; he cuts through Dio like butter and delivers a fistful of Hamon to him for his trouble. Though Dio survives this, the fight eventually ends in Jonathan's favor.
- Lisa Lisa is a very talented Hamon master who had a lot of knowledge, wisdom, and experience during her time being taught by Straizo. However, her husband got murdered by the zombie that he was investigating, and Speedwagon and Straizo let her know about it.
You'd Expect: For Lisa Lisa to allow Straizo, the very man who trained her in Hamon and the one who has more knowledge and experience about vampires and zombies, to handle the situation with support from Speedwagon and his resources.
Instead: She puts Joseph down, and runs to the zombie, and kills the zombie in a building where there are many military officials without thinking.
The Result: She gets discovered by a nearby officer, and she becomes a national fugitive who is forced to leave baby Joseph behind. Not really The Stoic, huh?
Although: When Straizo fought Dio Brando's zombies, he shouted "I, Straizo, will show you no mercy!", possibly suggesting that he taught Lisa Lisa about using revenge as motivation when it comes to using Hamon, and perhaps how he eventually got tempted into betraying Speedwagon to be like Dio Brando with the Stone Mask's power due to his envy of Dio's rise to power and ability to stay young. Perhaps Joseph shooting Straizo is now more satisfying to look at, especially since Straizo's problematic teaching caused him to grow up with Erina and not Lisa Lisa, and now, Straizo wants him dead. - Esidisi gets reduced to a brain after being tricked by Joseph, but manages to possess Suzi Q to mail the Red Stone for Kars to pick up. However, he then encounters Lisa Lisa bathing.
You'd Expect: For him to attack Lisa Lisa while she isn't looking and is naked while using Suzi Q's ditziness to his advantage.
Or: To get away from Air Supplena Island and stay away from the Hamon master and her students as far as possible until he finds himself a more suitable host to possess or the Red Stone reaches Kars.
Instead: He gives himself away and then starts to attack the trio with his flame mode.
You'd then expect: For him to run away since he is in Suzi Q's body without telling the trio about the Red Stone and it is not like he can dishonor himself any further so Kars can achieve his goal.
Instead: He tells the trio about his plan to mail the Red Stone and then starts gloating Joseph into killing him, taking Suzi Q as well.
The Result: Esidisi's nervous system gets out of Suzi Q, saving her and Joseph manages to expose him to the sunlight, killing him while also embarking with Caesar, Lisa Lisa, and Messina to travel to Switzerland to recover the Red Stone. Although to be fair, Kars did get the Red Stone and succeeded in his goal, but it could have happened a lot faster thanks to Esidisi.
- DIO has numerous Stand-wielding minions deployed across Asia and Egypt, most of whom serve him willingly, and two of them are Brainwashed and Crazy by his flesh buds.
You'd Expect: Him to have his minions work in teams to have better chances at killing the Joestar Group, as well as to keep brainwashed Kakyoin and Polnareff at hand.
Instead: Aside from Hol Horse and J. Geil (who manage to, even if temporarily, take Avdol out of action), as well as Oingo-Boingo brothers (one of whom joins Hol Horse in a second attempt at killing the heroes), the minions work seperately.
The Result: The crusaders beat all of DIO’s minions, with Kakyoin and Polnareff becoming staunch allies of the Joestars. In fact, Polnareff becomes the Spanner in the Works that leads to DIO not being able to confront and kill them all at once, and Kakyoin figures out the ability DIO's Stand has, enabling Jotaro to beat him. - One of the assassins, Rubber Soul, can take form of almost anything he can see.
You'd Expect: That he would disguise himself as a random person - anyone Jotaro doesn't know.
Instead: He takes the disguise of Kakyoin, who is Jotaro's ally.
You'd Then Expect: Him to at least try to act like real Kakyoin to avoid drawing suspicions.
Instead: He acts like a rude Jerkass, assaulting people for no reason and becoming as generally unpleasant person. While he does get a couple of lucky shots from behind, these are thwarted by Anne, and eventually he undoes his own disguise when Jotaro finally punches him. He is somehow even dumber in JoJo's Bizarre Adventure: Heritage for the Future, where he punches Jotaro at random and the latter sees through the disguise right off the bat.
You'd Also Expect: That Rubber Soul will use the opportunity to ambush the real Kakyoin when he returns back to the hotel, knock him down and instead join the group in his disguise.
The Result: While he does put up quite a fight, Rubber Soul ends up defeated and pummeled senseless after a failed attempt at striking Jotaro down from behind. - Steely Dan has a laundry list of these moments that ends up contributing to his defeat:
- First, he uses his Stand, Lovers, to enter Joseph Joestar's brain through his ear canal and plant a deadly flesh bud that will eviscerate it. His Stand's ability not only shares any physical pain he experiences with his victim, but also doubles it. Dan uses this to his advantage and essentially takes Joseph hostage.
You'd Expect: Steely Dan to take the group to DIO immediately, under the threat that Joseph will be killed if they don't cooperate. That way, he would've killed five birds with one stone.
Instead: He lords over the group about how untouchable he is and starts verbally and physically slapping Jotaro around. - After that, Polnareff, Kakyoin and Joseph run off to find a way to deal with Dan's Stand.
You'd Expect: For Dan to demand they stop, or Joseph will be killed.
Instead: He lets them run off, thinking they're simply putting distance between his Stand and himself. Also, he takes the time to swipe Jotaro's wallet. - While Dan is using Jotaro as a bridge to cross a gap, the trio run to an electronics store so Joseph can use Hermit Purple to look inside his brain with a TV. Polnareff and Kakyoin shrink their Stands down to an atomic level and enter Joseph's brain to deal with Lovers. Thanks to the Synchronization between Stands and their users, Dan is fully aware of what they're doing.
You'd Expect: For Dan to immediately kill Joseph. He has one of the most physically weak Stands in the series, and if they manage to get a hold of it, he's done for, but at the very least, he would've gotten one hero out of the picture if he acted now.
Instead: He pays it no mind and continues to bully Jotaro, demanding he shine his shoes and steal a bracelet from a jewelry store (and letting the cashier know when he grabs it). - Finally, after Lovers has been defeated and Dan is reduced to a crippled wreck, he begs for mercy and forgiveness from Jotaro, revealing himself as the spineless dirtbag he is. Jotaro decides he's Not Worth Killing and walks off.
You'd Expect: For Dan to retreat and fight another day.
Or: Since he has a knife, he could swiftly stab Jotaro in the back and he'd never see it coming.
Instead: He states that Lovers has now taken a young girl hostage and demands Jotaro to let him stab him in the back, lest the girl dies, only for Jotaro to reveal that Hierophant Green had tied up Lovers, allowing Kakyoin to swiftly yank it out of the girl's ear canal.
The Result: By the time Dan starts begging for mercy again, Jotaro has had enough and Star Platinum beats the bullshit out of the bastard FOR TWENTY WHOLE SECONDS. "Keep the freakin' change", indeed.
- First, he uses his Stand, Lovers, to enter Joseph Joestar's brain through his ear canal and plant a deadly flesh bud that will eviscerate it. His Stand's ability not only shares any physical pain he experiences with his victim, but also doubles it. Dan uses this to his advantage and essentially takes Joseph hostage.
- While Oingo and Boingo are planning their assassination of the Joestar Group, Oingo gets pissed off by the random guy's face.
You'd Expect: For Oingo to just leave the man alone. Neither his nor Boingo's Stands are meant for combat, so they won't be able to bail themselves out if they get into trouble with the locals.
Instead: He punches the man in the face and steals his wallet.
The Result: After their attempt to kill the crusaders fails, the man returns with six of his hulking, burly friends, who proceed to beat the shit out of the brothers, resulting in them being sent to the hospital. Nice going, moron. - After Polnareff gets reduced to a child by Alessi's Stand, he finds Jotaro, and tries to ask for help, but he can't remember his name.
You'd Expect: Polnareff to tell Jotaro his own name and to (or try to) explain the situation.
Instead: He just stands there trying to remember Jotaro's name, before Jotaro asks if he's seen Polnareff, to which he replies "that's me".
You'd Then Expect: Polnareff to show him his Stand to prove it.
Instead: Polnareff does nothing.
The Result: Jotaro thinks he's being played and leaves him alone, only to be attacked by Alessi. - Even Jotaro isn't immune from this trope. During his game of pocker against Daniel J. D'Arby, Jotaro catches D'Arby cheating while dealing the cards and demands that someone else should deal them. D'Arby lets him choose anyone he wants to deal.
You'd Expect: Jotaro to ask Avdol to deal the cards. Just a few chapters ago, Joseph pointed out that they're basically in DIO's domain, thus they can't trust anyone nor take any risks. Jotaro knows Avdol is on his side and trusts him.
Instead: Jotaro chooses a random kid to deal the cards.
The Result: Surprise surprise, the kid turns out to be working for D'Arby and purposely deals Jotaro a bad hand.
Fortunately: Jotaro comes up with a backup plan and puts an incredibly epic bluff that manages to drive D'Arby completely insane and force him to fold in spite of coming dangerously close to winning. - When two dogs run away from Iggy towards the gates of DIO's mansion, Pet Shop, who acts as the mansion's guard, kills them on spot. Soon afterwards, their owner - a young boy - walks around the area looking for them. He notices the blood on the bottom of the gate and one of his dogs' collars below it.
You'd Expect: For the kid to quickly realize what just happened and get the hell out of here because the blood is still fresh, so whoever or whatever killed his dogs (as it's obvious that they were killed) is still lurking somewhere nearby.
Instead: He starts crawling under the gate and sees Pet Shop eating his dogs' remains, prompting Pet Shop to try and kill him as well.
Thankfully: Iggy arrives on the scene and defeats Pet Shop, just barely managing to save the kid from being bird food, but losing one of his paws in process. - Kenny G., a resident of DIO's Mansion, can use his Stand, Tenore Sax, to create illusions and transform the rooms of the mansion. He uses his Stand to transform the room where Jotaro, Kakyoin and Joseph fight Telence T. D'Arby and the room where Avdol, Polnareff and Iggy at.
You'd Expect: For Kenny G. to use his Stand to fill the illusionary room where the latter three are with booby traps, such as spikes, lava pools, etc. Furthermore, he could do the same in the room with the former three after they defeat D’Arby.
Instead: He turns the former room into a big but harmless labyrinth.
The Result: Avdol, Polnareff and Iggy find out where he's hiding in less than a minute and quickly defeat him.
However: Vanilla Ice arrives shortly afterwards and gives the heroes a tough fight, killing Avdol and Iggy. - During the fight against Vanilla Ice, Iggy manages to trick him with a sand statue of DIO, but accidentally places it in the daylight, thus letting the vampire put two and two together. After destroying the statue, Vanilla Ice corners Iggy and starts kicking him repeatedly. Polnareff, who had been incapacitated, is forced to observe the whole process from the distance.
You'd Expect: That, having recovered, he would try to attack Vanilla Ice with Silver Chariot while he is busy, using any ranged or projectile attack (for example; firing off his sword blade, like he used to defeat Chaka).
Instead: He weakly begs Vanilla Ice to stop, even though the latter had been established as being utterly unreasonable. Even worse, he monologues at one point about how deranged Vanilla Ice is, all while not even lifting a finger to help Iggy until he has had enough.
The Result: By the time he does launch an attack with his Stand, it is too late, and Vanilla Ice dodges the next subsequent attack and goes into his void mode. Even worse, Iggy has been physically beaten so severely that he starts bleeding profusely and eventually dies from his wounds. - During his final fight against Jotaro, DIO manages to distract him by throwing blood into Jotaro's eyes from his improperly-healed leg that got cut off earlier, before diving in to inflict a killing blow.
You'd Expect: DIO, knowing that his bad leg would be a weak spot, would attack Jotaro quickly with one of The World's limbs that wasn't damaged, such as its fist, or use his own Time Stop; especially since he's had more practice with using such techniques and could accordingly kill Jotaro more easily due to the latter’s more limited time and longer cooldown on his time stop that he'd just used.
Instead: DIO does not take advantage of either, and simply attempts to kick Jotaro with his bad leg; while wasting the time he bought with the thrown blood to posture and throw a parting insult at him.
The Result: Jotaro exploits the aforementioned Synchronization by attacking The World in the leg, resulting in DIO's death when The World is destroyed by the attack.
- After Josuke successfully captures Angelo's Stand without much trouble, Jotaro gives him very clear instructions not to take his eyes off the Stand for a second.
You'd Expect: Josuke would take his advice and either hide the bottle in his pocket, or just keep it somewhere where only he could find it.
Instead: He leaves it out in the open.
The Result: Once Josuke's grandfather Ryohei shows up, Angelo takes advantage of the situation and tricks Ryohei into thinking his Stand is a bottle of brandy, leading to Angelo escaping with his Stand, and leaving Josuke's grandfather dead. - After his father was transformed into an indestructible blob by DIO's flesh bud, Keicho Nijimura gets ahold of the Stand-bestowing Arrow his father received from DIO and Enya and decides to create a Stand strong enough to Mercy Kill his father.
You'd Expect: Him to be very careful about who he chooses to shoot with the Arrow. After all, he needs someone who 1) is capable of manifesting a Stand, 2) gets a Stand capable of achieving his goal and 3) is willing to help him and won't end up abusing their Stand.
Instead: He shoots random people with the Arrow, including Koichi.
The Result: Keicho ends up directly or indirectly killing several people, before being killed himself by one of the people he empowered. - When Okuyasu has Red Hot Chili Pepper at his mercy, the latter claims that he's been weakened, but Jotaro, listening to the two from a distance, realizes that Red Hot Chili Pepper is up to something.
You'd Expect: Okuyasu to realize from Red Hot Chili Pepper's comment about possibly attacking the others that the Stand is clearly provoking him.
Instead: Okuyasu slashes at Red Hot Chili Pepper with The Hand.
The Result: Okuyasu ends up cutting some underground electrical cables in half, giving Red Hot Chili Pepper an escape route. Red Hot Chili Pepper then proceeds to give Okuyasu "The Reason You Suck" Speech about how his stupidity caused him to be a burden on his brother, and would have killed him if Josuke hadn't been able to "fix" Okuyasu's severed hand and bring the rest of his body back. - Kira's Sheer Heart Attack has Jotaro and Koichi trapped in the shoe store. While Koicihi claims that the user is nearby, Jotaro's tells him that it's a remote-controlled Stand.
You'd Expect: Koichi to simply listen to Jotaro. After all, Jotaro has experience dealing with Stands and has acquired plenty of clues that can significantly narrow down the wielder's identity, so it would be safer to prioritize escaping and use their information to track Kira down later.
Instead: Koichi gets angry with Jotaro for "underestimating" him and sends Echoes high above the store to scout for Kira.
The Result: Koichi finds Kira, but sees that he's more than 50 meters away by now and thus outside of Echoes' range. Sheer Heart Attack then attacks Koichi, who's unable to recall his Stand to protect himself, leading to Jotaro getting badly injured while drawing Sheer Heart Attack's attention away from Koichi. - During the investigation, Yoshihiro Kira finds out that Rohan knows that Kira has changed his disguise and is hiding among the civilians, and later sees Josuke and others searching for him. He also finds out that Hayato has discovered his identity and Kira has killed him. He immediately relays this to Kira and implores him to flee Morioh at the best chance he has got.
You'd Expect: Kira to listen to his father's advice and leave Morioh. The last time he fought against the heroes, Kira was ultimately able to escape due to sheer luck. This time, everyone knows what they are expecting and his "son", Hayato, is dead, making him the prime suspect.
Instead: Kira refuses to listen to him.
The Result: Depite gaining Bites the Dust, Kira gets himself and Yoshihiro exposed, resulting in their deaths.
- Bucciarati has brought Trish to the Boss/Diavolo and has no idea that he wants to kill her.
You'd Expect: Diavolo to simply wait until Bucciarati leaves the building and then kill Trish. Seriously, that's all he had to do! Even if Giorno’s ambitions would still pose a threat to him, he would've been in a much better position to deal with Giorno.
Instead: He attacks the two head on.
The Result: This starts a series of the events that culminates in Giorno using his newly-attained Gold Experience Requiem to trap Diavolo in an infinite death loop, while Giorno takes over the Passione. - As Team Bucciarati is trying to leave Venice, an enemy Stand User attacks Narancia from the water, while another one attaches itself to Narancia's tongue and forces him to lie to the group about the former's whereabouts, often suddenly changing what he says to mislead the others.
You'd Expect: The others to realize that something's wrong with Narancia, and that an enemy Stand is involved.
Instead: They assume that he's seeng things or messing with them.
The Result: The team ends up being led on a wild goose chase and becomes increasingly frustrated with Narancia. When Giorno finally starts to piece everything together, Clash nearly kills him. - Because she and her father share Mista's body after Silver Chariot Requiem switched everyone's bodies, Trish uses her Stand to launch the previously-fired bullets straight through King Crimson's hand, causing Diavolo to lose his grip on the Stand Arrow. Diavolo gets REALLY confused on what happened, to the point that his focus has momentarily shifted away from the Arrow.
You'd Expect: Trish to keep her mouth shut until Giorno/Bruno/Mista grabs the Arrow. It's even flying over Mista, with him pointing out that even with its time-skipping power, King Crimson is too far to reach the Arrow.
Instead: Trish immediately reveals to Diavolo what she did.
The Result: An enraged Diavolo mortally wounds Trish's soul, with the force of the impact sending Mista's body (which they're inhabiting) flying towards the Arrow. If it wasn't for Silver Chariot Requiem's destruction that sent everyone back into their bodies, Trish's spirit would have passed to the Great Beyond and Diavolo would have unlocked King Crimson Requiem.
- Pucci has unlocked Made in Heaven and uses it to kill Ermes, Anasui, Jotaro and Jolyne and successfully reset the universe. The only flaw is that Emporio has managed to survive and travel to the new universe due to Jolyne's Heroic Sacrifice.
You'd Expect: Pucci to ignore him and continue the time acceleration until his Heaven is complete. As far as he knows, the boy is no threat to him and he has more pressing matters.
Instead: Pucci stops the time acceleration to the day Jotaro (or rather, the Made in Heaven-version of him) visited the prison, just because he knows what Emporio will be up to that day.
Now You'd Expect: Pucci to activate Made in Heaven right then and there, and kill him as quickly as possible just to account for any Spanner in the Works he has in store for him.
Instead: Pucci chases him around to toy with him and gloats how Dio and his plan are foolproof and Emporio will have no place in his Heaven. He also tells him that resistance to his fate is futile and he will go to his Stand for shelter.
The Result: Emporio tricks Pucci into punching the Weather Report disc into his head, because Emporio isn't fated to get Weather Report right then and Pucci can change his own actions. Emporio then uses his Stands to fill the room with pure oxygen and tricks Pucci into activating Made in Heaven again, leading to him getting incapacitated and Emporio killing him soon after. Due to his death, Made in Heaven stops the time acceliration and sends them back to their universe, but because Pucci died in the acceleration itself before completely resetting the world, he is either erased from existence or replaced with another dissimilar version of him in a universe where all of his enemies are now alive, and his plan a complete failure.
