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Toys Round! Ready.... GO!
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- American Girl: There's nothing wrong or odd with publishing a series of books about eight to eleven-year-old girls, together with a line of expensive accessories and outfits appropriate for eight to eleven-year-old girls, to promote a line of dolls that look like one to two-year-old girls. No one wants dolls that don't look like babies, anyway.
- Barbie: Hey girls, if you don't have an Impossible Hourglass Figure, there's something wrong with you. Plus, all men have six-pack abs.
- Women of all races basically look the same save for skin and hair color, but are blonde-haired and blue-eyed by default. Anything else is a deviation from that norm.
- Women all have tiny little bent up feet.
- Because women have evolved to wear high heels, and nothing else is right.
- [Meta] If you don't have an Impossible Hourglass Figure, people on the internet think you're basically a sign of the end of the world.
- Girls actually notice and care that their playthings have an Impossible Hourglass Figure, and develop negative body images because of it. But men do not.
- Having dozens of jobs all at once will not psychologically damage you in any way.
- Any male action figure: All men have six pack abs and build of a bodybuilder!
- Pretty much all baby dolls: It's good to train girls to be mothers as soon as they're toddlers.
- Being a mother is fun because all babies do is sit there in silence. At most they'll say things like "Mama" and wet themselves, but only when you press a button. So yes, have yourself a baby as soon as you can little girls!
- Lalaloopsy Babies Diaper Surprise: When babies poop in their diapers, they just leave cute, plastic little flower toys.
- The only way you'll gain any sort of notoriety is if an Internet celebrity makes fun of a particularly strange product of yours.
- Poopsie Surprise Unicorn: The best way to help a baby properly digest its food is to shake it.
- Baby Tumbles Surprise: Babies can handle being tossed around and forced to do somersaults down flights of stairs. Try it on your baby siblings, little girls!
- Any sort of 'wetting' baby doll: The best part of being a parent is changing your child's nappy.
- BIONICLE:
- The definition of democracy is: you can disagree with the boss if you can stand him beating you. And anyone can be candidate for being the new boss, if they can hit harder than the current boss.
- And how does a woman prove that stereotyping females as the more understanding and gentle gender is BS? By killing a random animal, no matter how it might affect her personal reputation as a well-meaning hero.
- Word of God is like violence. If it doesn't solve your problems, use more.
- You do not need might and power to be a hero. However, you do need might and power to be a main character.
- It's alright to have a your city to be police by robotic guards that have the power to turn disobedient villagers into passive slaves who will go back to work.
- Fidget Spinners: The best way to reduce fidgeting in autistic children is to make a toy that becomes a meme and when the inevitable backlash occurs, becomes a negative stereotype for autistic people.
- LEGO:
- LEGO Indiana Jones: It's totally OK to add Nazis to your toyline as long as you don't call them Nazis.
- LEGO VIDIYO: You know what's better than selling blind bags that your customers have to feel to vaguely tell which one they're getting? Selling blind boxes that don't even allow them to do that!
- Revoltech's Woody Doll: Surely putting a mischievous, evil-looking smile on a doll of a famous and beloved character won't give anyone on the internet ideas, right?
- The trollface is apparently cute and endearing.
- [Meta] If you really want to be a success, it doesn't matter who you are or what you can do. You just need to get an appearance on the right talk show and the suckers will not only line up around the block, they will beat each other up to buy your product.
- [Meta] America can't sell plastic canisters in chocolate eggs. Kids might get hurt by them. Of course, tops designed to spin really fast, look like ninja stars, and are even weighted? A-Okay!
- [Meta] Merchandise is the most profitable form of media, therefore making it the most important part of every single franchise. If the merchandise does not fly off the shelves, then clearly no one loves it and the series deserves to die.
- Cabbage Patch Snacktime Toy: Pencils are edible! So are human fingers.
- Beanie Babies: Tulipmania of The '90s!
- You should spend thousands of dollars on these. Don't ever play with them, though. They will become over a hundred times more valuable in mint condition.
