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WebOriginal.Rauhattomat

    Eternal Boycott Forever 
  • A Man Is Always Eager: played with. Jojo could (and aspires to) fornicate constantly, while Aaron is nearly frigid in the absence of feelings. This roles were reversed once when Jojo tried a "business man" role for shiggles, including moderation when it came to sex. Aaron found this rather amusing and started bothering Jojo with constant seduction attempts to see what would happen...
  • The Bechdel Test: the cast is not quite as minimal as in Restless, but it's still rather limited, and the only mentionworthy females (three or four of them) probably never even met each other let alone talk to each other.
  • Hands-Off Parenting: how Jojo was brought up.
  • Idealized Sex: averted contrary to expectations for the genre. The author aims for realistic sex, down to grit and the logistics of wraps and lube.
  • I Love You Because I Can't Control You: Jojo is very used to having his way either by cross dressing and sex appeal or by money, so this weird creature who doesn't take his shit certainly does intrigue him. No matter how fiercely he will try to convince you otherwise.
  • Insane Troll Logic: Its readership know it better as "Kitti Logik". Do not question it.
  • Lemony Narrator: Aaron as the narrator. Notable as an example of a Lemony Narrator narrating a Lemon.
  • Love Hurts: pretty much the entire reason Aaron expresses so little emotion to Jonah before the entire Radoun thing: he's pretty sure Jo will one day just up and leave him, and doesn't want to get too attached. Too bad he fails and is pretty crushed anyway when the inevitable happens.
  • Parental Abandonment: Aaron's both parents (a manipulative bitch and an abusive father) died "accidentally" a year or two before the story's beginning. Jonah originally only has a Missing Mom (she's alive but divorced his father years ago and wants to hear nothing about her loser ex-husband and her freak son); once his father kills himself, Jojo too is a fully fledged case of PA.
  • Romantic Plot Tumor: boy oh boy, meta example... Jonah and Aaron were originally supposed to be completely platonic bad guy comrades in another story about variably human low-power mages in an urban dystopia setting. But once the creators got into thinking about how these two would interact and what their chemistry would be like, it took about five minutes for Jonah to decide he wanted to bone this annoying bitch. Let's just say the original story was eventually cut off completely. Basically the whole work is one big pulsating Romantic Plot Tumour that grew legs.
  • Shirtless Scene: Aaron is an avid swimmer. He has a heated pool in his yard. Said yard is nicely fenced. You do the math.
  • White-Dwarf Starlet: while Jojo's mumsy is just barely over 30 she has a massive fear that she's turning into one of these. Not far-fetched seeing how long it's been since her Glory Days as a fashion model and how her drinking habit (and some other, more secret habits perhaps) bodes for her looks...
  • Your Cheating Heart: major plot element.

Aaron

  • Above the Influence: Aaron has no trouble not wanting sex and boy does this annoy Jojo.
  • A Man of Wealth and Taste: Aaron manages to be an archetypal example despite his young age.
  • Angst Coma: has a couple of catatonic attacks in the story.
  • Cannot Spit It Out: used to keep his thoughts to his own, so "spitting it out" is foreign to him. Combined with Jojo's similar trait this brews up a soup and another...
  • Heroic BSoD: he actually tends towards an aggressive type of catatonic depression which looks exactly like Heroic BSoD in the initial stages after something upsetting enough happens
  • Seme: quite a classical "romantic" seme, Aaron is: wealthy, large, reserved, likes to tease his cute uke...
  • Silly Rabbit, Romance Is for Kids!: the page quote could be for him.
  • The Stoic
  • Workaholic: very possibly the only reason knowing Jojo does him any good initially...

Jonah

  • Allergic to Routine: of course.
  • Attention Whore: if any four words define Jojo up to 90% accuracy, they are Crazy Shameless Attention Whore.
  • Attractive Bent-Gender: well, justified... tiny cute boys are rarely considered too hot, but doll that up and you've got a fetching girl.
  • Blatant Lie: Jojo is adamant about two things: he's not gay no matter how much it looks like he's spending most of his time trying to get a man to screw him, and Aaron is nothing more for him than a convenient lay.
  • Brilliant, but Lazy: he was born with enough brains to breeze his way through basic schooling and enter university at the ripe, ripe age of 14... and he couldn't be bothered to do anything now that he's shown his Mom, and treats his studies like a club to go to when he's bored. Jojo also fills the "obnoxious or self-centered" part of this trope. He's both.
  • Cannot Spit It Out: no way he's saying any words that might make Harrington think he liked him or anything!
  • Competition Freak: always up for competing, always Serious Business, always a Sore Loser.
  • The Dandy: crossdressing or not, Jojo is very particular about his looks.
  • Does Not Like Spam: Jojo harbours a burning hatred towards any and all fried salmon.
  • Dude Looks Like a Lady: with a slight, short figure, delicate face, huge eyes and blond curls, who can blame them for mistaking him for a girl even when out of drag?
  • Enraged by Idiocy: he'll gladly throw a fit when someone's being an idiot. Keep him away from the Net and reality shows.
  • The Hedonist: contrary to popular belief, Jojo does have goals besides full-time sexual gratification. Examples include soaking in fragrant baths, high-end chocolate, and napping whenever and wherever the hell he pleases.
  • It Amused Me: his motivation for almost everything he does, outside of revenge to soothe his easily wounded, gigantic ego.
  • Rich Bitch: male version.
  • Selective Obliviousness: no matter how you try, you cannot make Jojo accept that Aaron has a lot of interests and obligations that have nothing to do with sexing Jojo up.
  • Serious Business: everything is Serious Damn Business! Especially the boycotts. Serious Kitti Is Serious.
  • Shameless Fanservice Boy: he has absolutely no reluctance to prance around the house in only frilly panties and a sweater. Or less.
  • Small, Annoying Creature: Jojo, who else. His antics and small size/cuteness earn him a number of comparisons to hyperactive kittens.
  • Spoiled Brat: oh so much. Yes he has a pony. And a dog. And his own bathroom with his own jacuzzi.
  • Tsundere: Jojo is a huge tsundere of the tsun (moody) type. He's also very brash.
  • Uke: subverted or something. Jojo is tiny, ridiculously cute, bottoms, and follows a lot of feminine stereotypes... but the feminine stereotypes are roles he plays for fun, his true personality is pretty masculine, he only bottoms because Aaron won't have it any other way, and of the couple he's absolutely the more active, tough and (sex-)initiating one.
  • Underpant Thief: Jojo stealing and playing with Aaron's underwear is just one of the many things the poor guy has to endure.
  • Wholesome Cross Dresser: well, with suitably liberal definitions of "wholesome"...

"Joannah"

  • Bare Your Midriff: along with the legs, another frequently exploited thing
  • Daddy's Girl: one of Jojo's roles: helpless, innocent, adoring little girl who needs Daddy to protect her. And give her a helicopter ride to kick a certain twat's ass.
  • Drama Queen: most of his roles are, with different flavours. Especially "Daddy's Girl".
  • The Ditz: one of Jojo's favourite roles.
  • Fur Bikini
  • Lady in Red: along with bright ultramarine, blood red is one of Jo's favourites and he rocks it
  • Method Action: Jojo doesn't act his roles, he becomes his roles. Each role contains a seed of truth and Jo plays them out frankly.
  • Naughty Nurse Outfit
  • Sexy Backless Outfit: the third main exploit
  • Shes Got Legs: he knows to exploit this since understandably he's lacking in the boobs and butt departments

    Chocolate Kisses and Frost Flowers 
Production values
  • Parody: to produce a parody that is not too obvious for the average not-very-analysing reader
  • Cliché Storm: to cram in as many clichés as possible
  • Costume Porn: to start from plain and plausible and end with ridiculously glamorous
  • Foreshadowing: to produce as crude Foreshadowing as possible
  • Did Not Do The Research: to include numerous inaccuracies and implausibilities
  • Fairytale Wedding Dress: in epilogue, part 1
  • Female Gaze: the author is female, prepare for excessive (bisexual) Female Gaze.
  • Purple Prose: to employ decidedly purple prose for shiggles (the author otherwise favours a very beige style)
  • Shout-Out: to sneak in as many Shout Outs as possible, to as varied material as possible, ranging from operas to day-fresh pop songs, to obscure films, to Annoying Orange, to The Bible, to decades-old ad campaigns, and so forth
  • Show, Don't Tell: to fail this guideline
  • Unfortunate Implications: to imply a number of very unfortunate implications
  • Viewers Are Geniuses: to expect readers to remember which one of the mean girls has a nose piercing and which one of the guys is wearing a blue-striped T-shirt to school this chapter
  • Wish-Fulfillment: to fulfill every wish a group of 20 insecure junior high girls might have

  • The Bechdel Test: bullying probably doesn't count as a conversation, but later on Jannica and Alise do talk about things other than boys... which in this case means mainly Alise's looks.
  • Easy Evangelism: Alise makes Jannica drop furs and smoking
  • Heel–Face Turn: for Jannica, and to lesser extent, her girls
  • Love at First Sight: Alise, to Jani. We never hear his side of the story, but by the time they end up together he has liked her for a good while.
  • Rape as Backstory: for Alise of course. Expect it to be mentioned once or twice and be completely glued on.
  • Rape Portrayed as Redemption: for Miia, being raped makes her magically more okay with Alise and even smarter (the gigantic Unfortunate Implications are fully intended)
  • Wangst: oh so much

Alise aka. The Girl

Jannica aka. JJ aka. The Mean Girl

Miia aka. The Slutty Ditz

Xedi "You pronounce it 'Zedi'" aka. The Pretentious Artist

Crisu aka. The Crazy Bitch

Jani aka. The Cute Guy

    Sekopää analysis 
Vaik äiti pojastaan pappia toivoi Kolmas Nainen: Äiti pojastaan pappia toivoi, juppihippipunkkarin Neljä Ruusua: Juppihippipunkkari haikara toi.
Tyyleillä tullaan, tyylillä mennään, satasen laina Nylon Beat: Satasen laina ja paikalta pois.
Oi beibi ?, tia-maria Yö: Tia-Maria, doris J Karjalainen: Doris, mieletöntä melinda Leevi and the Leavings: Mieletöntä Melinda.
Nainen ku toiselta planeetalta ?, lievestuoreen liisa Irwin Goodman: Lievestuoreen Liisa.
Niina PMMP — Niina, kesä ysiviis PMMP: Kesä -95, den glider in "Leijonat", Den glider in, muistan sun rusketusraidat vieläkin PMMP: Rusketusraidat.
Selaan vanhoja valokuva-albumeita, voi äiti ku tietäsit.
Seksi vei, taksi toi, Nylon Beat: Seksi vie ja taksi tuo vaik kukaan uskonu ei nii sut sain ?.
Rakkauden haudalla Juice Leskinen (/Jonna Tervomaa): Rakkauden haudalla bläästään klasikkoit. filler bye bye baby, baby goodbye Cat Cat: Bye Bye Baby.

Kontrolli nada...

Ne sanoo sekopää...

Ei saa surettaa, hetken tie on kevyt kulkea taas.
Pillitä elli, pillitä, mut se ei olekkaan nii, juna kulkee vaan.
Todisteluun ei oo tarvetta, jengi voi kulmien alta vaan katsella.
Kun mä muistutan tanssilattialla levotonta tuhkimoo titanicin kannella.
Eikä se edelleenkään meinaa, ettei välitetä kenestkään
Paljon mustaa kahvia, on niin helppo olla onnellinen ihmisten edessä.
Aa, älä oo katkera kun, aa, mä oon aste ja suu
Fiilaten ja höyläten, pilke silmäkulmassa, sata salamaa, alla vaahterapuun.

Kontrolli nada...

Ne sanoo sekopää...

Vaik äiti pojastaan pappia toivoi, juppihippipunkkarin haikara toi.
Tyyleillä tullaan, tyylillä mennään, satasen laina ja paikalta pois.
Oi beibi, tia-maria, check, kersantti karoliina.
Nainen ku toiselta planeetalta, anna mulle piiskaa Apulanta: Anna mulle piiskaa kristiina.
Niina, kesä ysiviis...

Ne sanoo sekopää...

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