Laughably Evil / Hitman

Hitman has many goofy and witty characters. Here are the most comedic ones 47 has encountered over the years.

Series wide

• 47 himself can fall into this. Acting as the Comically Serious no matter the situation, there's something darkly comical about making him menacingly sneak after unsuspecting people while dressed as a bird, chipmunk, shaman, Santa, or supermodel. Honest and sardonic no matter what the occasion, he'll frequently hint to his targets he's about to murder them, yet hide it behind innuendos and Exact Words 47's willingless to do anything to get the job done and his heavy lack of morals make him far from heroic, yet he can interact with the places he visits in such unusually varied ways (such as dealing drugs, performing shaman rituals, walking on a runway, and selling houses) that he brings hilarity and absurdity to the otherwise mundane.

Codename 47

• Otto Wolfgang Ort-Meyer is one of the biggest Large Hams in gaming history. A Mad Scientist with the desire to create a clone army, he's prone to going off on enthusiastic rants, narrating all of 47's actions with absolute glee. Even when trying to kill 47, his goofy demenor doesn't change, making it easy to forget just how dangerous and destructive his actions would have ended up being. He has almost half an hour of dialogue in a game with otherwise little voice acting, with all of it containing his trademark unhinged euphoria. A gifted Deadpan Snarker and a Talkative Loon rolled into one, Ort-Meyer's voice acting, personality, and dialogue merge seamlessly together to create one of the most memorable and entertaining villains in the series.

• Pablo Belisario Ochoa is the Arc Villain of the Colombia missions, and a Large Ham in his own right (though he has nothing on Ort-Meyer.) Due to his heavy cocaine use, his battle with 47 contains him unloading an entire magazine in 47's direction while butchering dialogue from scarface. An unhinged and dangerous mobster, he's still humorous enough to make creative taunts at 47 while being riddled with bullets. It also helps that he screams all his lines as loud as he can in the most stereotypical South American accent he can manage, giving him another layer of charm and comedy.

Contracts

• Alistair Beldingford is a stark contrast to his Hate Sink father. He lounges around in his mansion, slurring orders at his butler while making oddly sexual remarks about Giles Northcott. While he's a dangerous hunter of men at his darkest moments, when encountered, he's barely a threat, being so heavily intoxicated and inept that him slumping over dead doesn't raise any suspicion for his equally intoxicated drinking buddy.

Blood money

• Rudy Menzana, Carmine DeSalvo, and Lorenzo Lombardo could not give less of a fuck about blending into their surroundings. A trio of mobsters using a luxury rehab center to flee justice, they make the most of their surroundings and proceed to have the time of their life. Whether they're too honest about their deception (Menzana,) overly hostile (Desalvo,) or a textbook Jerkass (Lombardo,) they milk the stereotypes they embody for all they're worth and chew the scenery throughout their limited screentime.

• Vinnie Sinistra is a ticking time bomb of emotional instability, and it's played for all it's worth. He hates blending into the suburban life and has obviously given up trying to keep up appearances (Jimmy isn't exactly a name that would match a man with a thick Cuban accent,) and is just itching for something to happen. Pulling his gun out in random paranoid fits and complaining about the TV nonstop, his volitility makes him come across as ineffective rather than threatening, and his increased frustration with the FBI in his house and his unfaithful wife can climax with some Black Comedy if the things used to keep him safe are reworked to cause his violent demise.

• Billy Jack aka Red Bird instantly sets the tone for "A murder of crows." A delivery man for a dangerous group of assassins, he waltzes around in a giant crow outfit and speaks with a thick high-pitched accent, politely conversing with anyone who will give him the time of day. The wearer of a Lethal Joke Item, (allowing you to see what 47 looks like in a bird costume.) he perfectly captures the mood of the level and is a minor yet memorable antagonist.

• Skip Muldoon is probably the least intimidating person 47 has ever faced. An obese drug runner with a high pitched voice, Muldoon waddles around his deck making awkward advances at people who clearly want nothing to do with him. Despite being an incestuous man, it's hard to take him seriously when the loading screen has him licking his finger with a goofy expression. A contrast to his menacing racist minions, Muldoon is portayed as a flamboyant and socially inept idiot throughout his appearance.

• John "Pappy" Leblanc is Skip's brother and while he lacks his campiness, he compensates it with insanity. Supposedly a genuis criminal leader, he easily hides this Informed Attribute by rambling incessantly about every conspiracy theory imaginable, which can be punctuated by 47 kicking him into his brother's open grave. A Talkative Loon Conspiracy Theorist, he's yet another person whose crimes are overshadowed by his silly personality.

• Hank "Buddy" Leitch Muldoon is a man far too gleeful about banging his cousin. A gangster with no impulse control, he remains oblivious to Margeaux's obvious hatred of him. To further demonstrate his dimwitted and overconfident personality, he also proves to be a Dreadful Musician, wailing on a piano with no grace or talent in the slightest. An imbecile with no self awareness or charisma, he shows just how dysfunctional a family the Leblanc-Muldoon's are.

• Hendrik Schmutz is a white supremacist who is making a multimillion dollar transaction with a dark skinned middle eastern businessman and his scientist assistant. His reverse Hitler moustache instantly makes him look like a joke and he somehow thinks using pickup lines with sexual innuendos referencing his racism will endear him to women at a casino with a Saudi Arabian aesthetic. An alcoholic idiot only worth killing due to his briefcase of DNA samples, Schmutz is an effective Take That! at racists with no self awareness or intelligence.

• Maynard John is an assassin with a death wish. Disguised as a bartender despite having no skill at mixing drinks, he's waiting at his stall for 47 to come along so he can challenge him to a Duel to the Death. With his gaudy costume and bombastic line delivery, he's a complete foil to 47's icy Deadpan Snarker delivery. A man whose skill at infiltration is instantly rendered moot by his lack of restraint, he somehow manages to stand out more than a woman performing a pyrotechnics show.

Absolution

• Blake Cornwallis Dexter is a man too hammy to truly hate. He overcomplicates things on a whim, uses For the Evulz every appearance he makes, and plays into every evil southerner stereotype imaginable. Whether his comedy comes out of his witty yet profane dialogue or his obsession with being as awful as he can, he devours the scenery, being the only character in the franchise to slap 47 in the face with a sex toy. While a formidable foe to 47, he hides his ruthlessness and brutality behind a Large Ham who at times competes with Ort-Meyer for the title of most bombastic character in the series.

• Blake Dexter's goons are also rather entertaining. They're incredibly blunt and crass, itching for the opportunity to launch a string of profanities at someone. They're frequently hypocritical, rude, or cruel, yet so cartoonishly unpleasant that they compliment the game's grimy setting perfectly. They're a good source of early game Enemy Chatter, providing unapologetic and thuggish assholes to set the stage until Blake Dexter and his cronies make their appearance. While they only appear in Terminus, they're given by far the most personality, with most other enemy factions usually being simply a Dirty Cop, Punch-Clock Villain, Psycho for Hire, Good Is Not Nice, Deadpan Snarker or Mr. Exposition.

• Mickey "Snowman" Caps is Chinatown's resident drug dealer, and a foil to the king of chinatown. He's laid back and facetious, dressing in the most conspicuous outfit a drug dealer could wear. His slimy voice and stereotypical mannerisms are milked to perfection and the lack of seriousness he gives to his profession makes him come across as a breath of fresh air in an otherwise Darker and Edgier game.

• Lenny Dexter is Blake's intellectually challenged son, and the game's Butt-Monkey. Trying to prove himself despite having no skill whatsoever, he's little threat to anyone but himself, and not taken seriously by everyone who knows him. Whether it's using a grenade to hold someone hostage or offering to give 47 "a real good reach around," the closest Lenny gets to hurting 47 is missing hitting him with a revolver desite being ten feet away from him and then trying to hide behind a stack of dynamite to avoid being shot. He can be run over by an ice-cream truck that comes out of nowhere, and somehow it seems like a fitting end for him.

• Timothy Hawke manages to be even crazier than Pappy Leblanc. A nutjob who destroyed several garden gnomes to fight against government surveilance, he sees himself as a Well-Intentioned Extremist and represents himself in court. His Insane Troll Logic throws the seasoned prosecutor off his guard and the courtroom quickly falls into chaos. Even better is that his awful shirt, scruffy hair and tinfoil hat perfectly paint the picture of a criminal who is only potentially dangerous because of his stupidity and insanity. His outfit can be worn by 47 in one of the most unexpected disguises in the series. Hawke's eccentric personality and harebrained antics easily make him one of the most memorable NPCs in the entire series.

HITMAN (2016)

• Harry "Smokey" Bagnato and Marv "Slick" Gonif are references to the thieves from home alone, and not much worse here than in their source material. Targeted by 47 due to stealing christmas presents, their worst crimes involve petty theft, trespassing, and flooding the odd sink. They're hardly a danger and the oddness of having such minor villains as 47's targets provides some jarring and absurd humor from the scenario alone.

• Anthony L. Trout is a Hate Sink in the retconned version, but in his first outing, he's more humorous than hatable. Absurdly outdated in his views, he patrols around the Caruso manor making ignorant and inane comments about anything too sophisticated for him to understand. Out of touch and idiotic, he'd be a standard Jerkass if it wasn't for the friendly fire incident he caused years ago.

• Vito Đurić is a notorious Arms Dealer who is endearingly enthusiastic about his craft. Seemingly forgetting the massive smuggling operation he's supposed to be running, he uses every opportunity to go off in tangents about firearms and demonstrate his extensive knowledge to confused and impressed soldiers, providing some lighthearted banter in a situation that is anything but. While his facade drops when he realises an undercover cop is onto him, the majority of his screentime portrays a goofy and eccentric man who just so happens to be a massive threat to national security.

• Dylan and Gonzales Narváez take Sibling Rivalry to the logical extremes. Two tobacco smugglers with amoral methods of obtaining their goal, they aimlessly patrol around the streets of Sapienza, trying to one-up each other whenever they get the chance, being as petty and obnoxious as they can. Their antics are similar to siblings bickering, hiding the fact that Gonzales is almost certainly getting 47 to murder his brother.

• Howard Moxon is a wealthy British art broker who funds terrorists. While trying to be as covert as possible, he can't help making himself known amongst the guests of the fashion show by reciting tacky limericks to unimpressed women. Even his racism does little to make him a Hate Sink, as his extreme hatred of the Norwegian people stems from a client from that country being a bit late. His habit of congratulating his own intelligence while spouting nationalistic quotes makes him come across as far less dangerous than he really is.

• Owen "Protagonist" Wagner is a hacker for hire with a love for a certain American jam. Stationed in the Paris palace's attic, him and his friend spend as much time cracking jokes and referencing internet trends as they do hacking highly sensetive information. While undeniably evil, Wagner fits so snugly into his profession that he feels more like a Affably Evil Villain Protagonist than a person so dangerous that 47 was called in to eliminate him.

• Walter Williams is a supermodel and blackmailer. Using his looks to seduce and then sexually extort other women with images of their sexual exploits, he is so insecure that he inserts himself into stranger's conversations in order to boast about himself. His awful makeup and pettiness make him seem like more of a Spoiled Brat than an extortionist and his obsessive hatred for Helmut Kruger comes across as jealous spite over anything else.

• Pavel Frydel is far goofier than Akane Akenawa, who is simply a Jerkass with a Never My Fault mentality thrown in. Lacking a basic understanding of human interactions, he claims a fourteen year old boy died not because of the botched surgery but because of the wild sex parties he must have gone to during his study travels. He also is prone to misunderstandings, mistaking a guard who is asking for steroids as being insecure about his penis size, and sharing an anecdote of his gay experiences in college, much to the confusion of the bodyguard. If he didn't cause a child's death, he'd seem more like a harmless idiot than anything else.

• Sean Rose's private militia is generally Darker and Edgier, though this goes out the window in Pertti Järnefelt's elusive target. Wasting millions of dollars on the most trivial things, their excuses and purchases range from excessive to utterly incomprehensible. Despite having no problem with murdering anyone who stumbles upon their private compound, their liberal use of Insane Troll Logic makes it impossible to see them as anything but a liability to Sean Rose's operations.

• Kieran Hudson is probably the worst paparazzo to ever exist. Having already been caught by a security guard, he awkwardly wanders around the Paris fashion show, having his every move thwarted by the vigilant bodyguard. His methods of trespassing include attempting to bribe a guard for ten dollars and complaining about 47 trespassing if he witnesses him, before walking back to the show for no reason. He's only a threat due to the slander and lies he publishes, and is woefully unprepared for 47's attack.

• Ji-Hu is one of three North Korean/Khandanyangan surgery patients who obviously have no idea about Japanese culture. When they're not fantisising about kidnapping women or eating dogs, they're making trivial complaints about their surgery, making them seem far more harmless than they actually are. To add to their incompetence, they're successfully united Japan, South Korea, and China, who hate them so much that they all chipped in to hire 47 to kill them. Inept and potentially insane, they're impossible to take seriously due to the sheer banality of their statements.

• Benjamin Bertram isn't exactly the best stalker around. Somehow having gotten himself into the top floor of the Bangkok hotel, he's now stuck and hiding from guards who will undoubtedly arrest him if given the chance. His disguise can be worn, but not only is it incredibly tacky, it turns the whole map into a hostile area. While he's clearly deranged in his actions, his incompetence takes away from the severity of his crimes.

Hitman II

• Orson Mills is a Harmless Villain before finally becoming a Providence commando. Knowing that Alma Reynard sees him as inferior to Sean Rose, his insecurity and awkwardness makes him the weakest link out of the seasoned terrorists in Reynard's mansion. He knows he's The Chew Toy for everyone else and his genuine but futile efforts to prove his worth are equally endearing and hilarious. He's so inept and unfortunate that an entire escallation is dedicated to tormenting him in his dreams.

• Jorge Franco may be a Tragic Villain, but damn if he isn't amusing. His odd speech patterns and obsession with his craft make him stand out from the manipulative and ruthless drug workers he's surrounded with. Prone to rambling about whatever is on his mind and confusing and creeping everyone out, his odd personality, walking, and appearance blend together to make him a strange, eccentric, and humorous antagonist. By the time 47 assassinates him, it's easy to forget he's the brains behind an international drug ring.

• Albert Noah is a blackmailer who has made a bad victim choice. Dressed as a flamingo, his plan instantly falls apart when the scantily-clad victim is merely knocked to the ground. Having good blackmail material but too naive to know how to properly extort someone, he's reduced to asking strangers for help, potentially walking to his obvious demise at the hands of Sierra Knox.

• Torres Piombo is a hippie working as a drug mule for Rico Delgado. Stoned out of his mind and utterly incompetent, him and his equally stupid friend are stuck with a broken toy bus, struggling to come up with a possible way to fix it. His costume is wonderfully stereotypical and he embodies all the hollywood hippie traits, being an Affably Evil smuggler who has stumbled his way into Colombia's most dangerous cartel.

• Dawood Rangan may be a massive Hate Sink, but he's also hilarious. Every action he takes is so selfish, immature, and cruel that it frequently comes across as pure Black Comedy. Such examples involve him hogging up a photo shoot by kicking everyone out of the way while he does cheesy poses, questioning an actress' sexuality when she refuses to kiss him, and believing a painter will accept exposure as pay despite said painting being held in his private mansion. The paintings of him on his walls and his blatant disregard for everyone but himself make him equal parts despicable and comical giving one of the few examples where a Hate Sink is equal parts Laughably Evil.

• Janus is a man past his prime and he knows it. Lonely, senile, and suicidal, he passes the time by rambling about the past, with outlandish and random stories that frequently involve Too Much Information. His Brutal Honesty and blunt and cold way of talking make him a frequent source of comedic moments and his Deadpan Snarker ways make him oddly charming, despite being the founder of an international conspiracy.

• Steven Bradley is a young tech bro with an obnoxious yet comical personality. Obsessed with physical improvement, his exercising methods are grandiose and pretentious, with his personality perfectly complimenting his actions. Enthusiastically psyching himself up just to lift weights or complaing that he can't ride a jetski after destroying the last one, he's another source of comic relief in a level that has a Lighter and Softer feel to it already. If he wasn't a dangerous hacker working for a malevolent organisation, he'd seem more obnoxious than dangerous.

• The haven island guests are an odd bunch. A bunch of wealthy villains, they're all enjoying a stay at a luxury resort before assuming a new identity. Cartoonishly evil and proud of it, they can be found boasting about their evil and petty deeds while trying to one up each other. They're awful and twisted people, but they ooze with Black Comedy due to their casual psychopathy. Their crimes are as varied as they are, yet they're all united by the sheer Lack of Empathy they possess.

• Basil Carnaby is an illusionist and con artist who just rips people off For the Evulz. Hamming it up to lure vunerable people to a place where he can freely rob them, he throws a tantrum when 47 doesn't fall under his spell, blaming him for not giving into his hypnotism. When not being a slimeball to the citizens of Mumbai, he's trying to befriend a random guy who neither invited him to stay or wanted him there in the first place. A man unable to function normally when not in control, he's a despicable yet humorous antagonist.

• Ajit "AJ" Krish is a sleazy businessman selling bogus products to customers. Hedonistic and egotistical, he loses his temper if confronted, barely able to keep his act up for more than a few sentences. He also frequently embarrasses himself by painfully flirting with unimpressed women and has an absolutely epic Villainous Breakdown if you destroy his car. A Jerkass with nowhere near enough charm to pull his schemes off, he's the butt of a joke rather than a dangerous foe.

• Vicente Murillo is a man unaware that communists aren't exactly the hot topic issue they were a few decades ago. A wannabe fascist, he just spends his broadcast screaming about the dangers of communism, offering no solution to any problems or any other positions he holds. He's treated as a joke by everyone else there and his attempts to gain support are laughable at best. He's a Large Ham spouting incoherent phrases at the top of his voice, yet still a danger worthy of hiring 47 to eliminate.

• Jimmy Chen is a failed actor and it shows. An immoral investagative journalist who somehow infiltrated the ark society, he's already aroused suspicion and has all his plans foiled by guards stopping him before he can even hatch them. Awkward and idiotic, he wanders into isolated areas as he demonstrates how he has no idea what to do next. His recordings aren't much more impressive, echoing through the room and being simplistic and overt. He's such an imbecile it's a wonder someone didn't get to him before 47.

Hitman III

• Terrence Chesterfield may be one of the most dangerous people 47 has killed purely for his incompetence. Too inept to do his job, he is so unbelievably lazy that even his assistant thinks he's putting on an act (he isn't.) Preferring to chat about his favorite sitcoms and visit the juice bar, Chesterfield does everything but any work, being one of the few targets who can willingly become a Stationary Boss simply because he can't be arsed to move his.

• Jack "Jakob" Roe is a manipulative and unscrupulous man who uses corpses for his recipes. Despite his sinister occupation, he's committed to the role of a quirky Danish chef, with an extremely exaggurated accent and odd mannerisms. Playing the act for all it's worth, Roe's a person who it's easy to forget how dangerous he is due to his sheer dedication to being as ridiculous as possible.

• Nicholas "Florida Man" Velmorres returns in a slightly more sinister role. Now a drug dealer, he waltzes around trying and failing to sell his own products. Lacking a grasp on reality and feeling like an oddball in even an eccentric alternative nightclub, he's yet another NPC as goofy as his costume which 47 can don.