Improbable Weapon User / Fan Works

• The Man Who Sold the World has its main character, the Hunter, wield the Burial Blade: a weapon that can be either a curved sword or a scythe.
• Meloetta: Melody of Discord: Miku melees with a leek.
• Slightly Damned: Wind of Redemption and Rebirth has Umi Soyokaze. A Rebirth whose main weapon is a flute.
• 40k: ToyHammer:
  • Main character Michael uses (and goes through) several fire extinguishers in an attempt to keep the peace at his home. Since he is fighting Fun Size incarnations of Warhammer 40,000 characters, it tends to lean more on the comedic side as he impresses the Space Marine Commander with the bottom of his CO2 projector. This really starts paying off when his enemies begin using fireball attacks.
  • He also threatens the miniature armies with a vacuum at the start.
• In Exoria, a Zelda fanfic which is set in modern times, rather than using a normal blade, Link uses a gunsword, a sword that folds back into a silenced handgun. The Valentine special forces also use gunswords as their standard weapon of choice.
• Talk Nerdy To Me: One of the most esoteric attempts on Lord Vetinari's life mentioned in the narrative involved the would-be assassin smuggling a feral cat into the palace in his pants. That worked out about as well as could be expected.
• In TD the Alicorn Princess, TD manages to weaponize sarcasm through the use of his division of personal guards.
• In the RWBY fic Guiding Shadow Ruby's mail crate is booby-trapped with a gun and cattle prod. Given Ruby's love of cool weaponry, this is oddly in-character for her.
• The KanColle fanwork Pacific: World War II U.S. Navy Shipgirls has O'Bannon. While her default weapon is usually potatoes, she can basically turn the environment around her into weapons. Just ask the Abyssal that learned it the hard way.
• In Guardian, Lulu's infamous moogle doll is explained as her only childhood toy and the only possession she had between the orphanage, Ginnem's pilgrimage, and the Bevelle temple. Her ability to puppeteer it with magic is what gets Ginnem's attention in the first place, and Lulu's first use of it as an actual weapon occurs when she beans a wolf-monster to protect Yuna. (Not that it does much.)
• In Wonderful (Mazinja), Emma's weapon is a mop. A tinkered, super-destructive mop called Wonder Mop. She's smashed tanks with it.
• Kasumi, the main character of Kasumi's Epic Quest!!! uses rubber bands as her weapon of choice. They are apparently ridiculously powerful against Creepers. Though in the final battle she forgoes this weapon in favor of a preposterously massive flamethrower. Hey, she was fighting an army of books...
• The RWBY Loops has Ruby Rose, who converts her pet Zwei into a War Corgi (which actually sticks) and later starts up a museum for weapons across the multiverse, presumably containing multiple instances of this trope.
• Many in The Infinite Loops, but the most notable are the Patchamen, by virtue of not being Loopers (thus not having all the abilities of the immortal dimension-wandering Loopers) and yet still beating a villain to death with napkins (that they choose specifically for the humiliation factor).
• In FREAKIN GENSOKYO, the main character uses a selection of enchanted plant hangers as his primary weapons.
• In Neither a Bird nor a Plane, it's Deku!, Santa Claus wields teddy bears, a shield made of chocolate, and a giant candy cane against All For One.
• The Second String sees Harry thinking creatively about how innocuous spells might be repurposed.
  Harry: Pel, refilling charms just transport liquids held in one container somewhere nearby to another container, right?
  Pel: ’A course. It’s against Gamp’s law – that’s one of the pesky laws of magic – to actually create food or drink … Though what a paradise it’d be, my young friend, if we could just conjure whiskey!
  Harry: Just out of curiosity, what would happen if you cast the charm on, say, a person’s stomach? Or heart? Or brain? Could you make it fill up with some liquid you have nearby, like beer? Or maybe could you make it fill it up with other liquids in their body, like blood, or urine … or whatever?
• The Secret Return of Alex Mack
  • Col. O'Neill pours surfactant on a water-slick stone floor, at which point even giant monsters can't do much.
    Jack: How’s your Jackie Chan fu?
  • Buffy curb-stomps a snatch team with ice skating. Skates are, after all, razor sharp blades, sometimes ending in an equally sharp point, and Buffy is an Olympic-level skater who only quit competing because of persistent doping allegations. Final score is two mooks very dead and two more badly injured, and an ice rink in dire need of a cleanup. Not to mention an impressed audience.
    Buffy: I tricked ‘em into following me out on an ice skating rink, and I showed ‘em why ice dancing is a real sport.
• Lorata's The Hunger Games We Must Be Killers fanfiction stories feature a District Six victor (Phillips) whose Addled Addict mentor sent him glitter and a rolling pin as sponsor gifts/weapons. He used the glitter to blind an opponent whom he then bludgeoned with the rolling pin.
• In his fight with Katerea Leviathan in Son of Sparda D×D, Dante picks up a loaf of french bread and uses it as a freakin' sword. The kicker is that he uses it as efficiently and stylishly as he would use Rebellion.
• Better Bones AU: Deadfoot has a gauntlet on his weak foot that he uses to whack other cats with.

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