Groin Attack / The Simpsons

Ow, my thingies!

— Homer Simpson

Groin Attacks on The Simpsons.

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• In "Bart the General," Homer advises Bart to go for the "family jewels" when fighting bully Nelson Muntz ("That little doozy's been a Simpson trademark for generations"), eliciting a visible cringe from Bart when he demonstrates the move on a punching bag. Subverted in practice when Bart tries it and is prevented by Nelson holding him At Arm's Length.
• "Bart Star": Bart, wearing a cup, goads Milhouse into kicking his crotch. Milhouse repeatedly does so, to which Bart merely yawns. Eventually:
  Marge: Milhouse, stop that!
• The infamous "Man Getting Hit by Football" short film (directed by and starring Hans Moleman) shown in "A Star Is Burns". Homer, upon seeing it, says "The contest is over, give that man the $10,000!", even though it was pointed out that this wasn't America's Funniest Home Videos. Homer replies, laughing the whole time, "but... the ball... his groin... it works on so many levels!"
  • Homer is apparently the only one who finds it funny. Yet at the end of the episode, Homer's comedic taste is vindicated when a remake of the film starring George C. Scott wins the Best Actor Oscar.
    George: Aaahh! My groin!
  • Jay Sherman also got hit by a football in the same episode.
    Nelson: Ha ha!
• Homer Simpson himself is at the end of a variety of attacks to the groin, in the episodes "Mr. Spritz Goes to Washington", "Bart the Mother", "Little Big Mom", "Tennis The Menace", "Mom and Pop Art", "Ice Cream of Margie (with the Light Blue Hair)", "Goo Goo Gai Pan", "Treehouse of Horror XVII", "Million Dollar Abie", "Sex, Pies and Idiot Scrapes", "Treehouse of Horror XIV", and "Weekend at Burnsie's", as well as in The Simpsons Movie, where he gets kicked in the crotch by a tree.
  Homer (skiing, accidentally doing the splits, Tempting Fate): "Owww, my legs! This is the worst pain ever!" (receives several additional attacks from moguls as he passes not-quite-over them)
• In "The Computer Wore Menace Shoes", an episode spoofing The Prisoner (1967), Homer returns home only to be attacked by his own German body double. As the evil Homer tries to strangle him, Homer counters with this attack, reasoning that "If I know me, he won't like being kicked in the crotch!"
• In "Homer to the Max", The "fat and stupid" version of the 'fictional' Homer Simpson (From the show 'Police Cops'), falls from a great height and lands on a cactus.
• In "Lisa the Iconoclast", a flashback shows George Washington using his wooden false teeth to bite infamous pirate Hans Sprungfeld, a.k.a. Jebediah Springfield, on the family jewels.
• In "Brother from Another Series", Sideshow Bob and Bart fall from the "new" Springfield Dam, and Bob lands straddling a large, protruding pipe. It's implied to be very painful, as Bob doesn't even scream, he just stares forward blankly, as still as a statue.
• In an unusual female example in "Midnight Towboy", Marge knees a female child therapist in the crotch. Appropriately, the woman crumples over in pain.
• In the "Treehouse of Horror XIV" segment "Frinkenstein", Professor Frink kills his father this way as the only organs he didn't have were testicles.
• In "Treehouse of Horror IV", when attempting to stake the Vampire-Burns...
  Homer: (positions the stake) TAKE THAT, VILE FIEND! AH! AH! AH! AH! (Hammers the stake into Vampire-Burns)
  Lisa: Uh, Dad? That's his crotch.
• Comic Book Guy gets kicked in the crotch by Nelson in "Lisa the Drama Queen", and Krusty shows an old clip from 1964 of him being bombarded by snowballs to the nuts in the episode "Simpsons Christmas Stories" (which he claims is his "most requested" clip all year).
• Although it's offscreen in "Lisa's First Word" when a toddler Bart jumps off the TV trying to land on a sleeping Homer's stomach, when Bart makes the jump it implies he jumped a little too low and it cuts to Homer screaming in pain.
• Subverted slightly in "Beyond Blunderdome", as during shooting of Rainier Wolfcastle's Saving Irene Ryan (Which Homer, Mel Gibson, and studio executives interrupted due to a chase between the executives and Homer/Gibson in regards to an edited film), Rainier's character is carrying Irene Ryan through a battlefield while she's kicking and screaming, and it is implied that she's kicking him in the crotch, yet his only reaction is "...and stop kicking me there!"
• In "Million Dollar Abie", Bart is helping Grandpa train to be a bullfighter by pretending to be the bull, using a pair of horns strapped to his bicycle's handlebars. He misses Abe, but heads right for Homer, who's bent over trying to pick up a lucky penny that he found on the sidewalk. Bart manages to brake in time, but then Homer turns around and walks groin-first into the horn, complete with a cartoonish "doink" sound effect, and falls over clutching at himself.
• "The Greatest Story Ever D'ohed": Bart gets groined by Dorit, the daughter of Jakob the tourist, and from Lisa herself; both in the art of Krav Maga.
• "The Wandering Juvie" has this threatened by guest star Sarah Michelle Gellar at knife point. The same character knees Bart in the crotch later in the episode.
  "Touch my fence again, and puberty's gonna be very boring.
• In "Take My Wife, Sleaze" near the end when Homer gangs up on the bikers who had kidnapped Marge he punts one of them in the crotch; little did he realize at this point they had given up their violent ways.
• Mabel Simpson, the true ancestor of the Simpson family in "The Color Yellow," threatens to shoot Colonel Burns in the groin with a shotgun should he ever try to approach her property again (especially to retrieve a runaway slave). Colonel Burns gets the hint and flees, although not before swearing revenge.
• An eagle responds to Moe's bird call.
• At one point, when kicked in that area, Homer yells "Ow, my thingies!"
• In "Day of the Jackanapes", when Sideshow Bob hypnotizes Bart to kill Krusty during his last performance, he takes Bart to Krusty Burger so he can hit the Krusty statue's groin with a baseball bat.