After the defeat of Ronan the Accuser established the Ragtag Bunch of Misfits that is the Guardians of the Galaxy, Nova Prime has hired them to do a mission for her. And, because this is an above-board thing for once, she expects a mission report. There's just one problem:
None of the Guardians have ever written a mission report before. Nor do they even really know what one is. So, after much procrastinating, Peter Quill locks them in a room and forces them to write one. Chaos, and a round-robin of each team member correcting the entirely unique way another teammate has managed to bodge up the report, ensues.
It can be found here
Trope Report: Impossible
- Bunny-Ears Lawyer: Nova doesn't fire the Guardians despite their report-writing skills because she notices that the mission they're recounting went remarkably well. Quill made a good plan, everyone followed it, and they accomplished all their goals.
- Conversation in the Main Page: An In-Universe variant. The Guardians have conversations in 'editor's notes' that get sent out with the main report. Despite the fact that they're all in the same room and could just talk to each other.
- Epic Fail: The mission itself went better than writing the mission report, as all the Guardians prove hilariously and uniquely incompetent at writing.
- Quill can't spell (hey, he was abducted when he was a kid), and Drax has to spellcheck him.
- Rocket can't write longhand (he's only used datapads before), and has to learn handwriting with the aid of a blue crayon and Gamora clarifying the least-legible words (plus removing some of his ruder remarks).
- Drax has been trying out metaphors, and still mixes them. Rocket has to translate.
- Gamora writes in Purple Prose, and Quill has to simplify things.
- The whole team argues in the editor's notes, which are kept in the final paper.
- The Illegible: Rocket's problem. He's never had to write things out on paper before, so he has to learn handwriting from scratch. He mostly overcomes it, although Gamora still has to clarify a few words.
- Literal-Minded: Drax has been trying to break this and use metaphor better. It hasn't been working.
- Not So Above It All: Gamora and Nova Prime. Gamora is just as bad a writer as the other Guardians, and Nova Prime refuses to tell them how to write an actual mission report so she can keep getting comedy gold like this one.
- Not So Stoic: The titular mission report gets Nova Prime to laugh out loud.
- Purple Prose: Gamora's personal writing problem. Ironically, she's only like this when writing the report itself.Rocket: OH, SO WHEN IT'S THE EDITORS' NOTES, YOU'RE ALL 'MISS CONCISE', BUT WHEN IT'S OUR NECKS ON THE LINE, YOU DECIDE TO WORD VOMIT?
- Rouge Angles of Satin: Quill can't spell to save his life.
