As a woman of Victorian England, Johanna Joestar knew that her expectation was to marry her fiancé Dio Brando, with her wedding day getting closer due to her father’s illness. However, she couldn’t help but be invested in a pair of supernatural eyeballs she bought from Ogre Street.
Tragically, her life, and the life of her descendants, take a turn not only when she discovers Dio’s plot of poisoning her father for a long time, but also becomes the focal point of a battle between her family and a familiar conqueror of time and space.
I Ain't a Doll, This Ain't a Dollhouse
is an Alternate Continuity fic of JoJo's Bizarre Adventure: Eyes of Heaven, with the first protagonist of the manga now a woman named Johanna Joestar, and follows her and her descendants on their adventure.
I Ain't a Doll, This Ain't a Dollhouse contains the following trope
- Action Girl: Johanna is no less of an asskicker than the male members of her future family lineage.
- Actually Pretty Funny: In chapter 8, when the other heroes discuss the possibility of young Joseph being another illegitimate child of older Joseph, Kakyoin shuts the idea down since if that was true, Jotaro would have asked him to help bury Mr. Joestar's body. This earns a few chuckles among the group.
- Adaptational Backstory Change:
- The first meeting and the start of their friendship between Robert Speedwagon and Johanna Joestar (a female Jonathan Joestar) is different from canon. While in Phantom Blood canon Speedwagon debuts in Ogre Street and initially plans to rob Jonathan before his defeat and being swayed by Jonathan's quest to save his father, in the fic it is mentioned they first ran into each other in Ogre Street when Johanna finds the Holy Corpse's eyeballs and the Londerer offering to help the young archeologist investigate them, leading to a Platonic Life-Partners relationship parallel to Jonathan and Speedwagon's friendship in canon.
- Unsurprising, Giorno Giovanna's history is also subject to change due to Johanna's gender. Rather than being conceived because Dio was possessing Jonathan's lower body and had sex with a random woman, here he was conceived through DIO and Johanna's undead corpse, which nearly nearly died during the birth process. While the full details aren't clear, it was enough for DIO to be tossed out of DIO's mansion and left with a horrid childhood similar to canon from what Joseph's vision of the 3-years-old from Johanna's corpse back in 1989 told him.
- Adaptational Wimp: While in the game Jonathan Joestar already has Hamon by the time Jotaro, Speedwagon, and the others arrive to Victorian England, Johanna Joestar hasn't learned hamon yet in between their arrival and when Dio turned into a vampire, having to rely on her normal strength to fight against him and the zombies. This is because her mentor Baron Zeppeli has been brainwashed by DIO Over Heaven before he could teach her. Jotaro suggests that her future grandson Joseph could help activate her Hamon as a fellow user, and internally he considers using the Stand Arrow to make Johanna into a Stand User if need be. Johanna finally gets Hamon thanks to Lisa Lisa unlocking her powers.
- Adventurer Archaeologist: Besides the Stone Mask that belonged to her mother, Johanna was also researching the eyeballs from the Holy Corpse at the start of the story. She is soon forced into action when she discovers Dio’s true colors and has to fight both him and his zombies along with the Noble One’s brainwashed minions.
- Affair? Blame the Bastard: Defied by Jotaro regarding both Josuke and Giorno's conception. While he isn't happy that his grandfather cheated on his wife and he's furious that DIO essentially took Johanna's body and forcefully conceived their child, he doesn't want to take his anger out on the two teens.
- Bilingual Backfire: In chapter 5, Giorno and Mista try to have a private conversation in Italian about Giorno being drawn to Josuke. Both of them are overheard by Joseph, who knows enough Italian thanks to overhearing his wife and mother gossiping in the same tongue. The conversation further Joseph's suspicion that Giorno is Dio and Johanna's son.
- Birds of a Feather: Guido Mista, Narancia Ghiga, Josuke Higashikata, and Noriaki Kakyoin become quick friends over their love of video games.
- Blood-Splattered Wedding Dress: Days of fighting Dio’s zombies since his transformation during their wedding day has not given time for Johanna to change out of her wedding dress. By the time Speedwagon arrives with help, her dress is torn and coated in blood stains.
- Break-Up Bonfire: While in the Joestar mansion, Jotaro and the others collect Dio's old possessions, such as his furniture and university degree, to set up a burning hearth. While Johanna can't personally get herself to destroy her ex-fiancé's possessions, she does allow the others to burns his traces from her life.
- Brick Joke: In chapter 7, Polnareff declares he is going to take a dump in Dio's old bedroom as revenge for his future self's actions. In chapter 8, when Johanna and Jotaro go near Dio's room, Johanna picks up a foul order but Jotaro tells her that she shouldn't go in there.
- Call-Forward: In chapter 3, Jotaro reads Dio’s journal for more information about their defeated foe. He finds out about the arrows that DIO used to get his Stand, which he and Polnareff will investigate in the future. He also finds the instructions for DIO’s Heaven Plan, which would have become a plot point decades later in Part 6.
- Childhood Friend Romance: As in canon, Johanna will marry her childhood friend Erin Pendleton when he returns from India following Dio's exposure. When Johanna learns this from their future grandson Joseph, she's surprised that will reunite and marry her first love.
- Comically Missing the Point:
- When Polnareff finds out that Josuke Higashikata, from 1999, is Joseph Joestar's illegitimate son, he's initially more shocked that Joseph got more action in his 60s while Polnareff hasn't managed to get a date.
- Likewise in chapter 10, Joseph latches onto the fact that he still had sex in his 60s rather than the possibility it was an affair, much to his older self's concern. Word of God confirms that this is deliberately Invoked on Joseph's part, glossing over the as a defense mechanism over the idea that he cheated on his future spouse.
- Deliberate Values Dissonance: In chapter 7, the more modern heroes from Parts 3 to 5 are shocked to discover that Johanna has been using cocaine. Joseph has to explain that in the 19th century, people like Johanna and Speedwagon saw cocaine as a miracle drug rather than a dangerous addiction, with Johanna using it to keep herself fighting against Dio’s zombies. Joseph also adds that his grandfather Erin gave it to him as a child to alleviate toothache, along with people adding it to Coke soda.
- Domestic Abuse: Being that Johanna's fiancé is Dio, this trope naturally comes into play for him before Johanna breaks things off. Even before Johanna discovered his true colors, he constantly manipulated her emotions and made her doubt her own character to get her to do what he wanted.
- Dude, Not Funny!: In chapter 7, when Joseph and Jotaro are talking about how Johanna almost married Dio, Joseph decides to impersonate Dio wanting to celebrate his wedding anniversary with Johanna in a carnal matter. He has to avoid a punch from Jotaro's Star Platinum, the latter sickened at the thought of Dio having sex with their ancestor and still mad finding out about Joseph's infidelity years prior to his time.
- Due to the Dead: As the ground by the Joestar mansion was too solid for a proper buriel, Giorno transforms the bodies of George Joestar and the wedding guests into plants to bring new life. Joseph hands Johanna the chestnut seed that used to be her father so she'll have the final say, with the noblewoman choosing to keep it at her side.
- "Eureka!" Moment: Upon seeing the resemblance between his younger self and his grandmother Johanna, Mr. Joestar realizes that now that they freed Lisa Lisa, she can help Johanna unlock her hamon and teach her how to use it.
- Explain, Explain... Oh, Crap!: After their encounter with Enyaba in Morioh, Jotaro try to discern the identity of the Noble One that has been gathering various enemies and brainwashed allies under his command to fight the Joestars. As he thinks back to Enyaba and N'Doul's admiration to the Noble One, he realizes with dread the only person they would devote to out of their own free will is DIO, the Joestar's Familial Foe.
- Gaslighting: Dio uses words and false sympathy to manipulate Johanna into doing what he says. When she brings up going to Mexico for their wedding anniversary in chapter one, he claims that any statement of safety for British citizens she heard in her independent study was exaggerated reports for the men to impress either ladies or their superiors. And to get her to agree finally, he guilts her by asking if she plans to abandon her ill father.
- Gender Flip:
- The premise of the fic is that Phantom Blood's protagonist Jonathan Joestar is now a woman named Johanna Joestar. Her grandson Joseph also reveals that Jonathan’s Love Interest, Erina Pendleton, is now a man named Erin Pendleton.
- A casual statement from Diego Brando in chapter 6 reveals that Jonathan’s Alternate Self, Johnny, is now a woman named Joni Joestar, though as of chapter 9, she has yet to appear.
- The Ghost: Erin Pendleton, the male version of Erina Pendleton who the story's protagonist Johanna Joestar will marry and who the future Joestars will descend from. He doesn't appear as he is still a nurse in India and the Phantom Blood section of the Eyes of Heaven takes place before his arrival, but it provides hope that Johanna will find love and happiness after the travesty that was her controlling ex-fiance Dio.
- Humble Hero: Josuke tends to underplay his strength and skills, such as his ability to speak English and the strength of his Stand Crazy Diamond.
- Important Haircut: Johanna has been told to keep her hair long by both Victorian custom and by Dio's manipulation. In chapter 8, she cuts it short to escape the memory of Dio, remarking on the feeling of freedom without her long hair as she reclaims her life.
- Mistaken for Related:
- When a time-traveling Speedwagon learns that Part 3 Joseph and Jotaro are Johanna's descendants, he worryingly asks if they are also the descendants of her wicked fiancé Dio. While Jotaro is annoyed at the idea of being related to their Familial Foe, Joseph laughs it off and assures Speedwagon that Johanna will marry a man named Erin Pendleton
- Two examples are Played for Laughs and Played for Drama respectively in chapter 7. The first is Jotaro suspects that Speedwagon, who shows plenty of Undying Loyalty to Johanna, might actually be the Joestar's forefather instead of Erin. The second is Jotaro accusing his grandfather of being Giorno's father through an affair just like with Josuke since he's the only viable Joestar father when Giorno was conceived. This gets disproven when Joseph shows the birth certificate found at Dio's lair, revealing Dio is Giorno's father through Johanna's corpse.
- When Joseph learns that Josuke is his Kid from the Future, his first thought is that Josuke is Jotaro's father, as he already knows the latter is his grandson. Josuke has to correct him and say that not only is he Jotaro's uncle, but he was born over a decade after Jotaro.
- Mass "Oh, Crap!":
- The Passione members all flinch in chapter 9 when they learn they are in 1938 Italy, which is currently under Fascist control.
- In chapter 10, the Hamon-Users of Part 2 are shaken that a Pillar Man has infiltrated Air Supplena Island, with Mr. Joestar ordering all non-Hamon users to spend their night in turtle until the crisis is dealt with.
- Momma's Boy:
- Giorno Giovanna is drawn towards his mother Johanna when he finally gets to meet her, wanting to help her recover from the tragedy his father Dio put her through and is happy just spending time with her, even when she isn't aware that he is her son yet.
- Underneath his gruff attitude, Jotaro Kujo is fiercely loyal and protective of the female relatives in his family, such as wanting to save Holly from the Stand-related illness like in canon. He's also furious at his grandfather when he finds out he cheated on his grandmother Suzi Q, and the idea of Dio being near his great-great-grandmother Johanna, much less have sex with her, is enough to make his blood boil.
- Older Joseph Joestar is furious when he finds out that DIO had brainwashed his mother Lisa Lisa into one of his subordinates, and more so learning that Dio had deliberately targeted her.
- Not So Above It All: After defeating Dio and Diego, Jotaro tells Polnareff not to go ahead to find Dio’s old room and take a dump in it... because he wants to be the first to trash his Archenemy’s stuff.
- Once Done, Never Forgotten: After the reveal that Josuke is Mr. Joestar's illegitimate son, every time an unknown Joestar appears (like Giorno and younger Joseph) the heroes assume that he's another Heroic Bastard from Mr. Joestar. The accusations peeve the veteran Hamon-user but he admits to himself that he deserves the reputation due to his affair.
- Parental Substitute: Part 3 Joseph, Johanna's future grandson, takes up the role of paternal figure for Johanna after her father's passing and the Trauma Conga Line she went through.
- People Puppets: When Lisa Lisa catches Giorno sneaking help into Johanna's training, she channels Hamon through the water and takes control of Giorno's body, then forces him to come towards her and make him take the seagull's place for Johanna's Hamon channeling lesson.
- Platonic Life-Partners: Johanna and Speedwagon have been close and trusted friends since they met in Ogre Street. Johanna finds him one of the few people she can trusts with both her internal worries and share in her "unladylike" interests like archeology. And like his canon self, Speedwagon has a strong amount of Undying Loyalty towards the young lady that he will keep watch over her family for many years even after his death.
- Polyamory: Joseph, Suzi Q, and Caesar were in a triad during the events of Part 2, sneaking off to get together during the boy's training. Joseph and Suzi were both devasted by Caesar's death.
- Secret-Keeper:
- During the time of Part 4, Jotaro is trying to hid the existence of his daughter Jolyne so his enemies can't target her. Josuke is one of the few people Jotaro told about her, and he agreed to keep quiet. Johanna (whom Josuke shared the info with in secret since she was family) and Rohan (who figured it out when Johanna nearly blurts out the fact in shock) also agree to not tell anyone.
- Mr. Joestar assures Lisa Lisa that he won't tell his younger self Joseph his teacher is his missing mother until she is ready to tell him herself, just like in his past.
- See the Invisible: The non-Stand users from Parts 1 and 2 can see Stands if they possess a piece of the Holy Corpse.
- Sitcom Arch-Nemesis: Carrying over from Part 4, Josuke and Rohan are always clashing with each other over every small detail.
- Shout-Out: The author explicitly mentions ‘’Jonathan Joestar, The First JoJo’’ as an inspiration for the story.
- Significant Name Shift: Before he and Joseph remove the Stand Arrow from Johanna’s corpse following DIO’s defeat, Jotaro starts to refer to her as "Babaa" (the Japanese term for grandmother), considering it a natural feeling since she was family.
- Teeth-Clenched Teamwork: ‘’Phantom Blood’’ Dio and his Alternate Self Diego Brando despise each other greatly and hate having to work together during the Phantom Blood segment. Dio is especially furious when Diego turns him into an obedient dinosaur during their fight against Jotaro and Johanna.
- Titled After the Song: The title of the story comes from the lyrics of "Dollhouse" by Priscilla Renea.
- Trademark Favorite Food: Johanna's favorite food is chocolate, which she happily adds to her pancakes during chapter 8. Her son Giorno also loves chocolate.
- Trauma Conga Line: Johanna goes to outright hell throughout chapter 2. First, she finds out that her fiancé Dio had poisoned his father and was plotting to do the same to her father George even after he took him in as his son and heir, on top of the disappointment that his "love" for her was nothing less than the desire to possess and control her rather than true affection. Then, when Dio is about to use her blood to activate the Stone Mask and become a vampire, her father pushes her out of his grasp only to be killed in the process. Johanna then has to send her best friend Speedwagon through a space-time rift with the Holy Corpse Eyeballs for his safety while the brainwashed Avdol and Iggy chase after him, leading Johanna to spend days fighting against Dio, his zombies, and Diego until Robert returns with reinforcements in chapter 6.
- Yandere: Every iteration of Dio is obsessed with making Johanna his dutiful wife. Phantom Blood sees Johanna as his ultimate prize and seeks to make her his bride even after becoming a vampire. Stardust Crusaders Dio plotted to use the Heaven Plan to make Johanna marry him in the past, and Over Heaven Dio is willing to manipulate all of time and space to get his hand on her.
- You Remind Me of X:
- For Jotaro Kujo, his great-great-grandmother Johanna Joestar reminds him of his mother Holly Kujo, particularly to their Strong Family Resemblance. It plays a big part in his concern for Johanna's well-being and his protective attitude against her ex-fiancé and the Joestar's Familial Foe Dio Brando.
- When thinking back to his time with Tomoko, Joseph recalls that both she and his late liver Caesar were Hot-Blooded individuals.
