My lord, you must be careful when traversing this forest! Unicorns are known organ thieves, and the elves might try to make themselves feel better by reciting....goth poetry.
WAAAGH!
You should be most careful in regards to the Elves. Blasted lazy Elves, at least they aren't the ones from Everlight!
Still need More Dakka, and it's about time to start a real WAAAAAGH.
I have seen the amateur, and it is me.
(OOC Translation: New update will be coming soon. I missed my schedule because I was burned out from helping my sister move into her new dorm room this weekend.)
I hope you get tiny bits of eggshell in all your omelettes for the rest of your life!
Dreams of Revenge
You should have got your minions to do that. 
I have seen the amateur, and it is me.
(Badman IS one of my followers. He has to do the updating because the Omnomnoms lack opposable thumbs.)
I hope you get tiny bits of eggshell in all your omelettes for the rest of your life!
Dreams of Revenge
Ah, right.
Locking you up on radar since '09
I have seen the amateur, and it is me.
Eleventh Order, First Addendum: Green with Envy
This is peculiar...there only seems to be one node within our reach. Perhaps we should backtrack a bit through the forest and see if we can get those Greens to assist us.
[The Overlord and his Minions come across a wooden gate close to the tower portal. He smashes it open to find a new Minion spell.]
This is not exactly what I was looking for, but it would be a definite boon to my plans for conquest.
Gnarl: The Anger spell will get your Minions all riled up, Sire! It also increases their health and armor!
A spell that turns my cannon fodder into hardened killing machines? Brilliant!
[The Overlord and his minions fight their was past groups of shamans until they reach the Viridian Caverns, and another shiny mana-boosting block.]
Gnarl: The Viridian Caverns! The Green Minions must have made their home here! You must follow them, Master!
Why is it that the Green Minions are able to keep their forest looking like a...well, forest, and yet those elves allow theirs to decay? They really should know better.
Minions: Follow, follow!
I will give the commands around here, thank you very much!
Gnarl: Being an observant Lord, I'm sure you'll notice that our Green friends are immune to all kinds of poisons.
[The Browns and Reds beat up a green beetle, which emits a few green glowing orbs as it is killed.]
Gnarl: Ah, this is Green Lifeforce, Sire. Use it to summon Green Minions to your side. They can also destroy the plants that produce these noxious fumes.
Yes, yes, just like the Reds and their ability to swallow fire without getting that most unpleasant "heartburn". It is amazing what these creatures are able to consume that does not kill them.
Gnarl: Greens are also known for their poor hygiene. Look at this place! Pah, even Evil creatures should have standards!
That is an interesting question. Why is there so much smoke spewing from those plants? A pity this mask of mine is not equipped with some sort of air-filtering device.
[The Overlord and his army follow the Greens through many twists, turns and traps until they reach the end of the forest, where the Green Lair is gaurded by more of those poisonous pants.]
Gnarl: Master, use the Greens to pick up that Green Hive. We will need it to summon more of them.
[The Browns and Reds are sent back to the lair, paving the way for more Greens to appear.]
All right, boys! It is now your time to...er, shine, as it were. Get that Green Hive back to the Tower so that we can be done with this place. The stench of Nature is nigh-unbearable.
I hope you get tiny bits of eggshell in all your omelettes for the rest of your life!
Outstanding, my lord! Outstanding! These green minions will provide his darkness great aid! The lands are now destined to fall under his greatness' spiked boot!
I have seen the amateur, and it is me.
Twelfth Order: Cut! Cut! Cut!
All right, grunts! Back to work! There are many more nodes we must destroy before Oberon wakes from his slumber. Many of them are behind these putrid piles of...whatever, so it will be up to you Greens to destroy them.
Elf Ghost: We, the lost children of the Goddess, praise Her. For She is mother to all races, but embraces the Elves as Her kindred.
Elf Ghosts: Do not forsake us, Elf Mother!
How droll. Instead of actively trying to solve their own problem, they pray to some earthly Goddess for salvation. No wonder their so-called "hero" abandoned them. Still, this temple may yet hold some interesting secrets...another node, for instance.
Gnarl: How nice...company. Do kill them quickly, Sire.
How I so despise being interrupted when I am out spreading evil. However, it appears we were able to drive most of them off.
Elf Ghost: Has the Goddess deserted us? Does She favor the Dwarves? Can it be?
And just our luck...I now have to deal with more of those whiny elves. Just for that, I will take this artifact back to base with me. IT would be wishful thinking that my pilfering of this object would shut them up, but the ability to control more Minions is totally worth it. These tree nodes smash open like fine cantaloupes! It is obvious that defense was not one of Oberon's strong points.
Gnarl: Well done, Master! You have found a new Shield spell! The Shield spell will help you, well, shield yourself from oncoming enemies. It's got a bit of kick to it, too, which'll send them flying!
Ha! At least one of us will be able to find a use for something like this! Keep going, Minions! We are but halfway toward smashing Oberon's lazy bloody face in!
I hope you get tiny bits of eggshell in all your omelettes for the rest of your life!
Good work, my Lord! By the time Oberon is defeated, I'm certain that the only god they'll worhip is you!
Still, those pointy-eared poets mentioned something about dwarves. Be careful around them, my lord! They are known for thier nonsensical-yet-effective strongholds!
I have seen the amateur, and it is me.
Thirteenth Order: Feeling Blue?
Everywhere I turn, there is naught but water! How am I supposed to kill this lazy oaf when his roots block all viable paths? Blast it all...time to return to Heaven's Peak and figure out more about this so-called plague. "Don't destroy the barrier," they say. "It keeps the plague out," they say. Well, I say, destroy the barrier!
Er...uh...hmm...the drawbridge is up. All right, then. To the mountains!
How unfortunate that we cannot retrieve any life force from these zombies...I could put them to good use...it is certainly better than meandering about in some dusty graveyard. Still, they make the most lovely squishing sound when blades are driven through their rotting flesh.
Those sorcerers have done such a number on my troops. Certainly they would not notice if I took this health cylinder in retaliation. What? They would? Too bad, because I am stealing it anyway.
Guard: Heard you might be looking for a way into Heaven's Peak?
Yes. Do tell.
Guard: You're crazy, you know that?
Why, thank you. I do try.
Guard: But I've still got a family in there... so maybe you're the kind o' crazy we need right now. See that sewer entrance over there? I've been watching it. Seen a few refugees comin' out. Not many, I grant you, and some are in a bad way...a real bad way. But if you want in, there it is.
Gnarl: Ah, if you want to cross water, you'll need to locate the Blue Minions. They must be somewhere around here...they gravitate towards watery areas.
Brown, red, green and blue, working in harmony, causing discord...I like it!
Oh, great...the succubus has returned. Your magicks will not work on me, foul temptress of the night!
[After a short struggle, the Minions are able to keep their hormones in check long enough to defeat the succubus.]
Wonderful! I trust she will not bother us again. Come! There is still work to be done. Mind the steps, as well...it is a bit soggy around here.
Gnarl: These creatures are Boombo Birds. They are as deadly as they are stupid-looking and fiercely protective of their eggs.
Eggs are of no concern to me. I must find the Blue Minions' lair before we can continue our plan for conquest. But...what are they doing behind that thick cloud of gas. Please tell me these idiots are not colorblind...
Gnarl: I might've known that the Blues would find somewhere nice and damp to hide. Go forth, Sire, and retrieve their Hive.
That is what I was going to do! You do not need to tell me twice, Gnarl.
I hope you get tiny bits of eggshell in all your omelettes for the rest of your life!
Huzzah, my lord! Hoo-rah! The final minions will ensure that not even the fiercest of seas can wash you away!
I have seen the amateur, and it is me.
Fourteenth Order: Minions, Mobilize!
Gnarl: Quick! Follow them!
Follow them to wher-WHOA! Look at the size of that bird!
Gnarl: As you can see, Lord, the Blues are not adept fighters! But they can resurrect fallen Minions! As you can see, Sire, Blues can cross water! You will need their skills to retrieve that Hive!
Seeing as I am going alone for this leg of the journey, that does not instill the best of confidence in me at the moment. It is probably for the best...those foolish fools would not survive very long in a place like this.
Gnarl: There's the Blue Hive! Return it to the Tower and bring our boys home. These Blues will help carry the Blue Hive back to the Tower!
Ah, this is what I have been missing...but before we can get to that, we must hire a few...bodyguards in case we run into any problems along the way. Browns! I leave this in your scrawny but capable hands!
Gnarl: Blue Lifeforce, Sire! I don't think I need to tell you what that is good for!
Of course not.
Gnarl: Blues are magic immune, My Lord! They are also the only Minions that can deal damage to magical beings, like this Wisp!
The squishiness of these creatures shall not go unmourned. Since it is the Blues' duty to bring their people home, they will be the ones to get the majority of the spoils and kills from this journey. Not the turkeys, though...they will be mine, and mine alone. Come, foul fowl! Break your beaks upon my armor! Mwahahahaha!
You there! That boulder is blocking our path to the tower. Remove it at once!
[The blue minions move it out of the way, but the waterfall further impedes their journey until a second is shifted out of its proper alignment.]
Keep going! We are almost home! Just a few more meters until...oh, bloody hell...
[A sea serpent appears from nowhere and kills one of the Blues.]
Gnarl: Overgrown newt! Crush it at once!
Time to send in the Browns once again.
Gnarl: Like all creatures, it has a soft spot between its ears. Target its head, Master!
[The Overlord casts an Anger spell on his Brown minions and sends them after the sea serpent, with predictably positive results.]
Gnarl: Gather up your Minions and get that hive out of there! My feet feel soggy just watching you!
Good work, Browns! You have earned your rest for now. Ugh...it is a good thing my armor is rustproof and I am able to stand upright in this water...
Gnarl: Master, the geyser field looks rather dangerous! Use your Guide Marker ability to carefully guide your Minions through. Boiled Minions are no good to anyone.
Forget the markers. I can just as easily get these goons to do whatever I want without their help. Anything after that, on the other hand, will take some time.
[The Blue Minion Hive is safely returned to the tower. Doing this has opened a rear passage to Heaven's Peak. The Overlord also finds a bag filled with 500 gold coins, and opts instead to return to his tower to upgrade his equipment, sacrificing his minions for a small boost in army size.]
At last...my evil army is fully assembled. Oberon...your days of Sloth are soon to come to an end!
I hope you get tiny bits of eggshell in all your omelettes for the rest of your life!
Wonderful, my lord! Soon, that sleepy elf will get a rude awakening!
I have seen the amateur, and it is me.
Fifteenth Order: The Rude Awakening
You have your orders, Minions: Seek out and destroy the remaining Nodes! The sooner you complete this task, the sooner I can sit on my throne once again. What do you mean, "what about me"? I gave you your orders. Go and fulfill them! Your Overlord decrees it! Greens, wait here. Blues, come with me.
[The Blue Minions push aside a large block of questionable mass so that they can investigate further up the swamp.]
Perfect...it seems that we have found Node number four.
[Despite their frailty, the Blues are able to destroy the node with little effort. There is also a portal nearby to serve as a checkpoint.]
A poison marsh on the other side of the river? The design of this forest is most peculiar. I shall go and further investigate this on my own.
[After taking a roundabout way, the Overlord finds a spawning pit for Green Minions near where he first saw the poisonous cloud.]
Elf Ghost: The Sacred Grove is the last place in Evernight untouched by corruption...
You again?
Elf Ghost: See, our ancient tree still stands.
Gnarl: The area is infested! Those creatures don't know how to destroy the tree.
Elf Ghost: I know you need aid, stranger. Over by the tree is an ancient artefact.
Untouched by corruption? Where is the sport in that? Those blood-soaked unicorns seem to have made this a hiding spot of theirs. Those filthy animals do not seem to care about tainting this place. They should be taught a lesson. Kill them and retrieve that health disk.
Elf Ghost: You are skilled indeed. No leave me to my grieving.
Oh, stuff a tissue in it, you whiny bastards! Keep your stupid grove. There is hardly anything in this area worth destroying, anyway. Come. We will investigate this temple further. This cannot possibly be all there is now.
[The Blues are sent across a river to activate a gate, which generates a stone bridge to the other side, into the Skull Den]
"Skull Den?" Now this is more like it!
Gnarl: We are directly under the tree of that sleeping Elf...the heart of his nightmares.
What do you expect me to find under here, Gnarl? Clowns? Teddy bears? A video game starring an armored oaf who sends his subjects to certain death at every turn? This does not appear to be that much different from the rest of the forest. How treacherous could it possibly be?
Gnarl: It seems Oberon does not want us venturing this way...all the more reason why we should!
[The Overlord finds a mana cylinder, but as soon as he tries to steal it, a group of shamans appears and ambushes his Minions.]
Nice try, fools. You are not the only creatures who have perfected the art of resurrection, you know! Grr...all of this grunting and groaning is giving me a headache.
Gnarl: I hear the creak of something dying nearby.
Just one more node left and we can make this elf see the light again. Hmm...it appears those pudgy, flatulent trolls are here, as well. This is the last place I would expect to see one of them. I mean, ther is hardly any food here!
[The Overlord enters the Mother Goddess Temple.]
Elf Ghost: You are journeying toward damnation, Outsider! We are the ever vigilant ones. Sworn to protect the tombs of our heroes fallen in battle. We guard their rest until the day when they shall rise and reclaim our fallen Kingdom.
Gnarl: It seems that the tombs hold the key to this place. Be thankful for the foolishness of others.
Elf Ghost: Intruders! Defilers! Infidels! Cease so I may strip the quivering flesh from your unholy bones!
My...what crawled up your robe and died? Oh, wait...it was you. HAHAHAHA!
I hope you get tiny bits of eggshell in all your omelettes for the rest of your life!
A superb job of demonstrating your power throughout the land, my great and powerful liege. There is no doubt in my humble mind that tales of your greatness shall never be forgotten.
I understand that I am but a lowly serf, but once you have awoken Oberon (and then send him into a more permanent sleep), might I suggest making a return to Heaven's Peak? Sir William certainly isn't worth a milisecond of your valuable time, but considering the size of his estate, perhaps you may find something of value along the way...
Indeed, fellow serf! William should 'ave plenty to take from!
I have seen the amateur, and it is me.
Who is this William you speak of? Not that it matters...what is important is that I find the "root" cause of Oberon's suffering, and end him it!
Sixteenth Order: Oh, Someone Else's Goddess!
Of course, this place would only allow me to control Blue Minions at the beginning. Why make it easy for an Overlord?
Guard Elf: Go back! We are the watchful ones.
Gnarl: Careful! They'll attack whatever they see, so make sure they don't see you!
Ah-ha! That must be it...the foes in this temple must be mostly magical. Listen up, blokes! Take whatever you can from the tombs, but ignore those wimpy elf guards. Our target is the inner sanctum of this temple. Avoid combat whenever necessary, but pilfer everything that is not nailed down, on fire, or laced with poison. (The Reds and the Greens can handle things in those cases.)
[Suddenly, ninjas! Just two of them, but they kill off the Blues before they can retreat to safety.]
All right...you can ignore the elves, but the black-clad guards are fair game!
[The Overlord finds a Brown spawning pit nearby, and summons as many of them as possible, for they are much better equipped to handle the ninja threat.]
One of these keys must be around here somewhere. Ah...there it is!
[The Overlord actually finds two keys; one in the tomb he started exploring, and another in the long corridor on his way back.]
Guard Elf on the East Side: Go no further. We are the watchers...
They seem to be guarding that tomb rather carefully.
Mysterious Voice: Release us!
From what? Release you from what? And who are you, anyway?
[As the Elves leave their post to inspect one of the doors, the Overlord releases a third key from the tomb in the center of the room. The fourth, in the room beyond it, is much more closely guarded. It takes two passes for the Overlord's minions to reach it.]
At last! The inner sanctum is now mine for the taking! See this, elf scum? I'm in your tomb, defiling your mother goddess!
Thief Princess: It's gone! The statue's gone! I told you lot to hurry up! Fools! We're meant to be the thieves! And look, those rock-huggers have got here first!
She is the one behind the black-clad raiders? What is she doing?
Thief Princess: Let's get out of here. You, call the Overseer!
Another one of those beholder-like monsters...and—what did they just do? They cast a spell on it and a large armored man walked out of it?
Armored Man: Honey, love muffin, I found you! You mustn't use the Overseers, snuggle-bottom. The old man don't like it!
Thief Princess: Clearly I didn't hit you hard enough!
Armored Man: Jewel, I don't like you beaming off like that, my little thieving sugar plum.
Jewel: Just stop talking!
Armored Man: It makes Kahn angry!
[Kahn pulls out a large ball-and-chain and knocks down Jewel's guards.]
What is that? A spat between two lovers? This does not interest me! Where is the node?
Jewel: Look what you did! Come on, you great lug. let's go!
Elf 1: We are lost, we are lost! The statue is gone! She has been taken from us! Is the destruction of our race not enough for those barbarians?
They must think this "Jewel" person is the one responsible.
Elf 2: We beseech you, return her, and you will not find us without gratitude. Until then, we shall mourn.
Mourn mourn mourn, cry cry cry. That sickeningly saccharine princess is right. "Pull yourself together, man!"
Gnarl: Mourn? Never rely on an Elf to do something useful!
I am tempted to kill them all, but they would probably find reason to whine about that, as well. Elves...never satisfied with anything.
Gnarl: Berserk! Good find, Sire! This temporarily raises the health, defense, and attack of your minions! However, they have very little self-control and will attack anything they see... animal, vegetable or mineral!
But what of me? I am animal, my armor is made of minerals, and...oh, never mind. The sixth and final node is here. This is all that we came here for, anyway.
[The minions attack the node, but no appreciable damage is done to it.]
Gnarl: This node is sturdier than the rest. Something must have strengthened it.
[A pair of Trolls chases after the Overlord.]
Gnarl: And there is the something now! The proximity of those Trolls must have toughened the node!
Go nuts, boys! These Trolls will soon know what happens to all why defy the will of the Overlord!
[The Overlord casts Berserk on the Minions and sends them loose against the Trolls. Once the trolls are defeated, they continue with their destruction of the last of Oberon's tree nodes.]
Gnarl: That was the last root node, Sire. The shield is down! Now, let's see if that Elf can keep his eyes open long enough to fight! He can sleep all he likes in the afterlife! Do not let that Elf fall asleep again!
Rose: Come on, man, what are you waiting for? He's not going to move himself!
Gnarl: Time is wasting, Sire. You must face Oberon!
I will get to it! Stop pestering me! If that lazy Elf gets to rest, then so should I.
[Oberon finally wakes up.]
Oberon: Once, I deserted my people, my forest, and I have been punished. I will not desert them again. You shall feel the suffering of Evernight...every broken branch, every fallen leaf!
Animal, vegetable and mineral, huh? HAHAHAHA...
Oberon: Roots...boring into my brain. I cannot control it... They are coming...they are coming!
Forest toads, Oberon? Really? You should stick with the plants-growing-out-of-the-ground-at-random thing. That was way cooler.
Oberon: My nightmares... it brought them forth...
Keep going, minions! Do not allow that overgrown crybaby an inch!
Oberon: The blackness... the shadows... Cease...cease! Leave me!
And out come the bloody bloody unicorns!
Oberon: I cannot control it... it controls me... it controls me! It is weakening...it is weakening!
Trolls? Archers? Minotaurs? Keep them coming, whoever or whatever you are! One day, I will be strong enough to literally eat you all for breakfast. You are nigh defenseless now, Oberon! Submit to me, and admit your defeat!
Oberon: Enough! Finish this! Free me from this torment!
Your torment is not over yet, Oberon. Not until I decree it so!
[The Overlord chops Oberon with his axe, destroying him and the tree, and revealing a path out of Evernight.]
Gnarl: The Shock Shield works like your normal shield, Lord, only he's got a bit of charge to him! He'll stun your enemies, giving you time to give them a good bashing!
Excellent! Now, to return to the Tower. My Throne is getting cold...
I hope you get tiny bits of eggshell in all your omelettes for the rest of your life!
Pray tell, oh mighty Overlord, how exquisite is that cold throne you haft mentioned? Word has it that the fair Lady Rose can add some personal touches to your mighty castle...but for a small fee to cover the shipping and handling of materials, of course. Wouldn't want a Brown to handle your most prized possessions, would you?
Using one's resources to buy weapons and armor for when you travel and strike fear into the hearts of the wretched humans personally, or for improving the lair so that the masses will have something to be awestruck by no matter where you are in the world? Decisions, decisions...
R Lee Ermey Looks At YOU
Yes! Onward to domination!
M'Lord! I must warn you not to spend great amounts of life force on your current armor! I hear dwarves make much finer armor! When the time comes, force them to forge you a suit!
Dreams of Revenge
But Dwarven armour often lacks that certain evil touch! Far better to stay in your current form, m'lord, and be feared across the land!
Locking you up on radar since '09
Perhaps you may be right, fellow peasant.
Dreams of Revenge
'Tis a good day!
Locking you up on radar since '09
Eleventh Order: Weapons of Elf Destruction
[The Overlord and his minions arrive in the Evernight Forest, right on schedule. Just after they emerge from the tower portal and inspect the area a bit, a voice calls to them.]
Voice: Who trespasses on this once verdant soil?
I do. You got a problem with that?
[Two pale-skinned elves float toward the Overlord.]
Elf Ghost 1: What creature has the Dreaming brought forth? Alas, Oberon is truly sickened!
Gnarl: Elves, even dead ones, can speak telepathically to all magical beings, Sire. Lazy creatures!
Elf Ghost 1: It must prove that it is not a manifestation made flesh!
Elf Ghost 2: If you are of the earth and not of the mind, seek out the one-horned beasts.
Elf Ghost 1: Once they bestowed healing, but now they crave the blood of living creatures...all living creatures.
Minion: Blood...blood...woo hoo!
Elf Ghost 2: Release them from their pain and return here. Only then shall you learn more of Evernight's sorrow.
So, what you are saying is that I have to kill a few unicorns, and I can proceed? Done! Mwahahaha!
Gnarl: Soppy, over-rated pit ponies! Elves I despise, but not as much as bloody unicorns!
Minion: Ahhh, horsie wanna play!
Whoa! That horse sure has some kick to it. But you heard what the dumpy-looking elf ghost said...time to put this horse down!
[The Overlord and his minions take down the unicorn.]
Elf Ghost 2: You have freed one beast, but you must release the other from its suffering!
The other one is across this river...it's a good thing there is a wood bridge nearby, or else I would have to tackle this unicorn by myself...and who wants that?
[After a struggle, the second bloody unicorn is killed.]
Elf Ghost 1: The beasts are slain! Alas, it is only a brief light that shines within this darkness.
Elf Ghost 2: Listen to the forest...its sadness will tell you more.
Elf Ghost 3: To fight the Dreaming is to fight the wind. The leaves on the trees, the birds in the sky...it is everywhere.
You say that as if I am supposed to care.
Elf Ghost 4: Oberon Greenhaze once travelled the lands, vanquishing great Evils. But when last he returned, our great hero lost his taste for battle. When the Dwarven invaders came, he would not fight.
Pansy.
Elf Ghost 4: Oberon's blade became dull, his bow-string brittle and he would not wake from his slumber. Around him grew this tree, swaddling him in its branches. Then the Dreaming came.
Minion: Oooooooh!
Ah...Sloth. The easiest of sins to commit. No one has to do anything to make it happen. Lazy bastards.
Elf Ghost 4: Oberon gave form to his blackest dreams. They drove out the invaders.
Gnarl: Hmm...Oberon...catchy name. That Elf is protected by a powerful shield, Master. The roots give it energy.
Come on, Oberon...wakey, wakey!
Elf Ghost 4: What...? What is happening? The tree...I feel it quivering!
Gnarl: The shield is weakening! You must destroy the other root nodes, Sire! No doubt the Dwarf domain is bloated with the spoils of war! We must find a way through, Lord.
edited 22nd Aug '10 3:32:10 PM by WillyFourEyes
I hope you get tiny bits of eggshell in all your omelettes for the rest of your life!