Make your own Magic card!

Bonus points if they're funny or cool in some way.

I'll be using the following shorthand: number in mana cost means any color and letters stand for the color starting with the same letter except U for blue. Single question mark (but only a single question mark) means a quantity that I haven't decided on yet.

One that I like to show off is this:

That Ass◊, GG, 1/1, Creature - Donkey Sensualist

• Tap: Create a green 1/1 Donkey Aberration token with Suspend 2.
• Blame either Sean Connery or Randall Munroe. Or both.

One I made for fun:

K. Rool, UBG, 3/3, Creature - Crocodile Pirate Boss (picture: Kaptain K. Rool)

• Spiked Armor (Whenever K. Rool blocks, it deals damage equal to its power to each creature it blocks.)
• B: Flip a coin. If heads, K. Rool deals 1 damage to target creature. Whenever the third tails in a row is flipped, K. Rool deals 1 damage to itself.
• Is that thing a vacuum, a trumpet, or a shotgun?

A pair of cards I made for the two most famous Metroid series bosses:

Ridley, 5RRBBBB, Legendary Creature - Space Pirate Ninja Deity, 13/13

• Flying
• If you would reveal cards, you may choose not to reveal them.
• U/2: Look at the top card of your library.
• U: Look at the top card of target player's library.
• tap: Destroy target artifact.
• tap: Ridley deals 10 damage distributed over up to eight target creatures or players.
• "For gods, there is no game like the meta-game...even if it may be a lonely existence where one must watch al tragedies unfold."
• Comments: This card was created before planeswalkers were made, so presumably, they become a valid tap damage target too. Also, the U/2 (half blue mana) ability is to avoid mana burn and also to fend off any strange unglued mana-flaring that might come the way of the controling player. The one idea I have now that I didn't back then is whether it would be interesting to give Ridley the ability to tap an opponent's mana.

Kraid, 5GGGG, 8/8, Legendary Creature - Space Pirate Commander Fatso

• Reach (This creature can block flying creatures.)
• Each non-creature artifact and enchantment is a 0/X creature in addition to its other types, where X is its converted mana cost. They cannot attack or block.
• tap: Kraid deals 7 damage distributed over up to four target creatures.
• UU: Remove target attacking creature from combat; that creature's activated abilities cannot be played this turn.
• Despite its intimidating size and rotund belly, describing its weapons as fingernails and lint makes it depressed.
• Comment: The thing about Kraid being depressed stems from the description of the "Kraid" bot at the Metroid2002.com IRC channel.

Some more assorted cards that I came up with:

Counter Strike, 4, Sorcery

• Remove all counters from permanents.

Counter Confusion, 2, Sorcery - Annoyance

• Put the following counters onto up to three target creatures: a +1/+1 counter, a +1/+0 counter, and a +0/+1 counter.
• Comment: I'm not sure what this would do if there were no creatures. Rules-lawyers, care to tell me?

Ghostbuster, 1W, 1/1, Creature - Mercenary

• tap: Remove up to three counters from target Phantom creature.

Fast Food Restaurant, Land (colorless)

• Each time a creature is played or a creature's ability is used that makes use of mana produced by Fast Food Restaurant, that creature gains a cholesterol counter.

Unhealthy Food Vending Machine, 1B, Artifact

• Whenever a creature attacks or blocks, remove a cholesterol counter from it.
• tap, 1X: Put X cholesterol counters on target creature.
• tap: Destroy target creature with three or more cholesterol counters.

Counter-intuitive, 1U, Enchantment

• Counter-intuitive is a -1/1 red and black robot creature with "Whenever a spell is countered, put two +0/+0 counters on this creature" and "tap: Counter-intuitive becomes a copy of itself until end of turn." It cannot be blocked by token nontoken creatures.

??, ?? ??, Creature - ??

• tap: ?? does something. We're not sure what it is.

??/??

Lame Duck, UW, 2/3, Creature - Duck

• Flying
• Creatures from editions newer than the edition of this Lame Duck have protection from Lame Duck.

Comment: This card is blamed on the following player.

[real-life person's name], WWWU, 0/20, Legendary Creature - Dogmatist

• Whenever a player plays a card from an edition you disapprove of, remove that card from the game.
• Whenever a player applies a rule or rule interaction from an edition you disapprove of, that rule or rule interaction is declared illegal or inapplicable in the current game.
• If player refuses to remove a disapproved card from the game or to agree to reject disapproved rule or rule interaction, then remove player from the game.
• If player refuses to be removed from the game, then remove yourself from the game.
• "They banned my cards, so I banned theirs!"

Comment: The person referenced here is a friend of mine. Yes, he did say that quote. Yes, he refuses to play newer editions.

Intimidating Glare, U, Instant

• Remove target attacking creature from combat; that creature's activated abilities cannot be played this turn.

Edit (2014-04-16): fixing That Ass link. none of the other cards have been updated; some of them may still continue stupid ideas.

edited 16th Apr '14 12:17:23 AM by GlennMagusHarvey

My contributor page has quite a few of my custom-made Magic cards.

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I noticed that.

I was also wondering why you didn't make Nanoha have an all-white (or all-white-or-colorless) card, but made her require red mana.

She gets really Hot-Blooded when people she love are in danger. Exemplified so much in Strikers.

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A cycle I came up with, one for each element: (I haven't decided on mana costs yet)

• —-

Light of Truth, (white), Instant

• Put X light counters into play, where X is the number of cards in target opponent's hand.
• During your upkeep, remove one light counter.
• If any light counters are in play, targeted opponent must play with their hand revealed.

Shadow of Friendship, (black), Instant

• Every black creature you control gets +X/+X until end of turn, where X is the number of black creatures you control.

Fire of Determination, (red), Instant

• If blocking red creature you control would be destroyed due to combat damage or a spell or ability played by any opponent during this turn, that creature is not destroyed (although any combat damage still counts as dealt) and it deals its power's worth of damage to the attacking player.

Water of Mixture, (blue), Instant

• Draw 7 cards. Choose a hand of up to 7 cards from these cards and your current hand, then place the remaining cards from your hand and/or these drawn cards back on top of your library, in any order.

Life of Rebirth, (X green mana), Instant

• Put a card of converted mana cost X-1 or less in your graveyard back into your hand.

IIRC, the idea behind these was to have some sort of feature that the color usually lacks. Creature defense is a green thing typically I think, and black usually ends up shedding creatures, so black gets Shadow of Friendship. White gets a blue-ish ability, and red gets a somewhat white-ish ability.

I remember being particularly annoyed at red's lack of ability to help itself when I made these cards.

edited 16th Mar '10 11:13:19 PM by GlennMagusHarvey

The red ability reminds me a lot of Shrapnel Blast. Darn, that would've been fun.

*pumps a red Elemental with firebreathing and uses aforementioned red ability*

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What's Shrapnel Blast?

Also, keep in mind that it's quite ironic that I'm making this thread, because my only experience to MTG is through playing a friend's decks a few times then hanging out with two people who discussed MTG incessantly for a few months.

Shrapnel Blast, I wonder which creature's ability you're referring to though, Mapi because I don't think any one of them is really similar.

edited 16th Mar '10 11:20:32 PM by catch_the_sun

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Pity you had to specify "spell or ability by an opponent". I could make Elementals and Goblins explode with that.

I was referring to Glenn's red ability thingie. Firebreathing is a Fan Nickname for any skill that goes "R: This gets +1/+0 until end of turn."

edited 16th Mar '10 11:20:31 PM by Mapi

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Please elaborate.

Fire of Determination.

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No, what you meant by singling out a phrase of my rulestext. I don't see a loophole that I either left uncovered or covered by accident.

If you didn't specify that that would only activate by a spell or ability your opponent controls, then I could pump my flimsy elemental and use Shock on him, destroying him and in turn dealing damage to you equal to its power.

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No, that would be totally wrong for the theme. The idea of pumping something full of explosives would be black in element color, I'd say, so a card like that ("explosive balloon" let's say) would be red/black. Fully black if you don't buy into the "red is direct damage" idea.

edited 16th Mar '10 11:49:03 PM by GlennMagusHarvey

I was being a Munchkin there (I'm always a Munchkin when it comes to Magic).

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"Munchkin" has such negative connotations. How about "Johnny"?

This "faculty lot" you speak of sounds like a place of great power...

Or Spike?

Well okay, since I used to play competitively, you know the drill. Sets of staple cards, mana curves are of utmost importance, etc.

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*slaps forehead* Doi. I meant to say Spike...

This "faculty lot" you speak of sounds like a place of great power...

I should get whatever that online MTG playing program is. So I can familiarize myself with all these cards people keep talking about. It'll be kinda like the Pokémon TCG GBC game. I can start with a crappy deck but add to my virtual "library" when people introduce me to cards.

I'm still definitely not a munchkin, though. If anything, I'm interested in the five-color scheme and its flavor aspects. Makes me somewhat of a Vorthos I guess. I also like interesting card interactions, even if they're not necessarily useful, which should make me a Johnny.

Hey Mapi, I have a question: Is Hickory Woodlot useless?

It sucks because it comes into play tapped.

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But is it strictly useless?

Because I have a friend who argues that the card is strictly useless.

In fact, he argues that blue equivalent is less useless because counterspell costs UU.

I agree with your friend. There are much better mana producing stuff for green, especially if you're going for Snakes and Elves.

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Damnit!

You sure? By "strictly", I mean specifically that everything that it can do, some other form of or combination of mana can do better.

Oh, IIRC my friends and I found one interesting use for it: To keep it around as an enchanted land as some sort of tree creature. Can't remember if that was judged as more useful or not.

edited 17th Mar '10 12:46:23 AM by GlennMagusHarvey

Hey, no one's going to judge even if you do use it. Personally, I just use the basic lands...

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