Pangolins

A thread in honor of the greatest mammal in the world.

The pangolin, or scaly anteater, is an insectivore covered in sharp, scaly armor. When threatened, the pangolin curls up into an impenetrable ball, deterring all but the most foolhardy of predators.

While curled up, they also possess the uncanny ability to fling themselves at enemies: predators, rival pangolins, industrialists, etc. Sound familiar? That's right, the pangolin was the inspiration for Sega's mascot: Wonder Boy.

Pangolins feed on ants with a tongue that is longer than they are. Biologists and physicists have yet to discover how they fit their entire tongue inside their body.

Did you know that pangolins are actually bipeds? Their upper body and tail weigh the same, so they balance on their hind legs. Baby pangolins frequently use their mother as a teeter-totter.

D'awww.

This baby pangolin has come unspooled; fortunately there was a scientist on-hand to rewind him.

Squid are better. And fire ants.

Pangolins are smart enough to do a variety of tricks. This one, for example, looks like he's showing off his prehensile tail to earn a treat from the zookeeper; it's actually a ruse so he can sniff the man's crotch.

They also make for some pretty sweet 'mons too...

edited 21st Sep '10 8:50:13 PM by CaptainNapalm

Pangolin's tears contain trace amounts of a previously-undiscovered element that's denser than the core of a neutron star. If as few as twelve pangolins cried at the same time, this could destroy the world.

Pangolins are regularly dosed with Prozac to prevent this from happening.

Pangolins feed on ants with a tongue that is longer than they are. Biologists and physicists have yet to discover how they fit their entire tongue inside their body.

It is dark magic I tell you!

You won't find pangolins in zoos, because they're natural escape artists. After one pangolin escaped from a windowless iron box, everyone gave up trying to keep them in captivity.

They may look cute, but a shocking number of pangolins have extensive criminal records.

However, just as many pangolins are kind and thoroughly committed to improving their community. This pangolin, for example, is volunteering as a soccer ball.

Licking a pangolin can cause terrifying hallucinations, projectile vomiting, and numb tongue.

Ok, ok...

It was in fact I that prompted this discussion by requesting the creation of pangolin avatars over in Yack Fest, which Meta Four so graciously made for me. I was talking about pangolins at lunch in an attempt to engage a not-so-social girl I like in conversation, and it kind of worked: she found pangolins cute!

Another friend of mine insisted that pangolin scales are golden, and that they are the Paladin class of the animal world for some reason. Hence my custom title.

^ ... Charlemagne's pangolins?

PANGOLIN FUCK YEAH

^^Er...what? I learned about Charlemagne in class last year and there was no mention of pangolins!

edited 21st Sep '10 9:21:57 PM by frog753

Paladins, bro.

Well, sure...there was no literal mention of those either! Implied paladins, maybe...

Now you've got me thinking of Age of Empires II.

edited 21st Sep '10 9:24:30 PM by frog753

Pangolins are, indeed, naturally Lawful.

The paladin class in D&D, and thus in fantasy stories in general, comes from Medieval and Renaissance stories of Charlemagne's paladins, via the intermediary Three Hearts and Three Lions, a Poul Anderson novel about the paladin Ogier the Dane returning to the fairy world where the Matter of France is factual from our world.

^Now the question is, how does that connect to pangolins? My friend Ariel (the one who made the connection) is a hell of a gamer and pretty historically knowledgeable too, but if anything I would expect the girl I impressed with pangolins to make that sort of a connection, seeing as she is going off to England tomorrow to do a year of graduate study in medieval history.

Also, the whole thing with the "tongue longer than body" is certainly odd...

edited 21st Sep '10 9:34:51 PM by frog753

Pangolins can perceive six dimensions of space and two dimensions of time. They find our four-dimensional mindsets quaint and amusing.