Slowzombie is blind about Dark, The Adventures of Dark Yagami

Speaking of which, I'm wondering if there's any rule 34 of this fic. I kind of do not want to know, though.

I think the fic Rule 34s itself. I mean, the sex is never explicit, but it's clear the author wants us to think it's erotic, no matter how spectacularly that fails.

I say this mostly because there's a new chapter: Chapter 34 Sexiest yet MAYBE TOO HOT. That's... that's the title.

Wow 34 is the sex chapter. He's definitely trolling.

To Be Updated when I'm not Lazy

Obvious troll is unfunny.

This is gonna suck. I haven't even looked at the chapter yet, and I know this will suck. That's a nice way to start up one of these things, don't you think? Well, this chapter is called "sexiest yet MAYBE TOO HOT" some times it's not awesome to be right. Well, author's notes tiem. THIS CHAP HAS MORE SEXING THAN ANY BEFORE! SO WATCH OUT COS IT MIGHT BE TOO HOT AND I DON'T WANT TO GIVE PEEPS HART ATTACKS COS IM NOT KIRA OR AM I? {;-P-/-= DUDES KEEP TELLING ME THERE SHUD BE A VAMPIRE CALLED TWILIGHT YAGAMI. IS THIS A GOOD IDEA? WHAT DO YOUUU THINK? Ok, fess up, who's been feeding this guy ideas? Also, more sexing? This is an ill omen on the level of the Seventh Sigil of The Apocalypse breaking open to the tunes of Rosa Helikopter, but let's just get on with it and, in the words of Lars Von Trier, Take the Good with the Evil.

So, this piece of the tale of Woe starts in Shakespearean England, where Khaos' time train lands, causing comotion, one might even say quite a locomotion. Yeah, I know. The local authorities tries to investigate "Hello hello hello hello!" he said like a british cop which he was. "Whats arl this here then?" He stabbed the dragon but it wasn't a dragon but a train so nothing happened. Yay, Britishness. The hiveminded pair of possessed fellows demands to be taken to... King Shakespear? Ok, what foolishness is this? I mean, I shouldn't expect more, but come on, king Shakespeare? That's... yeah. Roll with the punches slowzombie, roll with the punches. They're taken to the castle, and this scene? Well, it speaks pretty well for itself. Checkit. where were hundreds of naked ladies everyweher like an army but they weren't fighting they were sexing it up so hard that the walls had to be made of diamond to stop them braking from all the nonstop sexing smashing against them so hard. Khaos watched for ages and got so turned on by all the sexing that he made light and mello sex. Once all the sexing was done he went to the room with the big chair made of gold that SHAKESPEER HIMSELF WAS ON. ... I... uh, yeah, that's great. Wish fulfillment, I can do this, keep rolling with the punches. Old Will wants to know what this bisexual duo wants, and Khaos!Light tells him that he's got something evil to tell him. Smooth.

Meanwhile in the future, just go with it, Pa' Yagami discovers that Khaos isn't in his cell. We move to the Yagami household, where the author has a warning for us. WARNING! THIS BIT IS SUPPER GRAFIC! IF YOU HAVE A WEEK HART THEN SKIP TO THE BIT THAT SAYS IN THE PAST AGAIN COS OTHERWISE YOU WILL GET TOO TURNED ON AND DIE! SOZ! Uh, ok, I'm not too worried, if this guy's skill at writing smut is any indication, then again, it just might be so bad that it kills me, but that is the risk I have to take. Day is talking with Pa' Yagami, who updates him on Khaos' recent escape... so Night suckerpunches him and takes the phone. Quoth the mustache "THERE IS ONLY ONE PERSON WHO CAN SAVE THE DAY! CREEPY CHICK…. BUT YOU SHOT HER!" Uh? Why? Well, I guess why not. Night isn't bothered, though, as she hangs up and hurries to her room, because... well... AN Night shot Creepy Chick with a crossbow so everyone fort she was dead but really shed let creepy chick escape! I KNOW IT'S A GOOD TWIST! So now they are livin together as lesbeans under nights bed) Uh... author? Your Troll is showing, a lot. Well, Creepy dude chick spills the beans, K is called Khaos Watari Jr, and his plan is to buy the world, only it's not, and to stop him, she, Night and Misa has to "sex" enough to allow Creepy Chick to travel through time. Did ya get all that? Good, then you're way ahead of me. Long story short, a bad sex scene ensues, worse than most so far, actually, and the three are sucked into a black hole of sexyness. No joke, people. No fucking joke.

The trio appears behind Shakespeare's throne, just in time for Khaos, in one of his two bodies I guess, pull a laser gun and threaten the "king" with it. It's the same gun, dontchaknow, that killed Watari... who's related to king Will here. Do you know what that means? Well, absolutely nothing, I guess. This all startles Shakespeare so much that he starts talking in poem form, forsooth. "You cant shootest me with an gun / It would not be very fun / I will call the gard to stop you / They will all stab you / With there knives / And then you will not have any lives!" Well, it's better than the last one, if nothing else. Too bad that doesn't say anything. That said, Khaos kills him mid-poem, and thus claims the title of king. Because... y'know, that's how such things work. He also states that BECAUSE THIS BEFORE THE DECORATION OF INDEPENENTS I AM KING OF THE WHOLE WORLD! Well, while the sun never properly set over the British Empire, I guess "The Whole World" is a bit of a stretch, and by "a bit" I mean "A huge fucking stretch. Creepy Chick, however, has an objection, and this apparently startles Khaos. Play 'em off, author. TO BE CONTINUED? THE ANSWER IS STILL….. YES!

So... that's another chapter guys and gals and others, wasn't that exciting?

edited 3rd Jul '10 8:54:47 AM by slowzombie

Liveblog | Deadblog

Yes, it was.

THE POWER! We can shape Troll Fic through our sheer force of will! BRING FORTH TWILIGHT YAGAMI!

If Jesus reads this, I want my pants back...

Wait.. this thing is still going on? Slowzombie, you're providing us such a valuable service, by distilling this bits of madness into something readable, with a bit of snark on top of it, that I don't really know how to thank you. At least, I'm pretty sure sexing won't be involved though.

Like one would want to sex with a platypus.

After reading your Liveblog, I felt like I should try a video reading. In one take. But then I saw there were two readings already. Chapters seem small enough; should I try?

My Twitter. Mostly tweeting about Magic, sometimes anime. Needs Wiki Magic

Do it.

the future we had hoped for

^^^ I've heard of weirder fetishes.

PFFFFFT AHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA OH MY GOD HE REALLY CAUGHT THAT.

I mean— . . . . . . . What just happened?

@Slowzombie: -raises hand?- >_>;;;

@Markky: A lot easier to just drop a review or two in the story. I just nthed the vampire idea right now. XD

edited 17th Jul '10 1:28:56 PM by ^_^

^Where'd you read that? Link to prove its awesomeness, please.

And n-thing Twilight Yagami.

EDIT: Never mind; silly me overlooks things sometimes.

edited 4th Aug '10 7:59:15 PM by KKSlider

My Twitter. Mostly tweeting about Magic, sometimes anime. Needs Wiki Magic

Oh god. I tried to write a spoof of this thing in this message. Something like, Light finds a Vampire Note and accidentally 'writs' his name on it becoming a 'vampyr' and he calls himself 'Twi Light Yagami (GET TIT :P)'. But god, I can't. I simply can't. It's too awful for me to write that way.

And that is why the author of this is Win. He does what none of us would, or could, do.

Productivity is for people without internet connections. -Count Dorku

Your Mileage May Vary on whether that qualifies as Win in the first place, I guess .

edited 18th Jul '10 1:48:36 AM by WUE

Doesn't it always, though? :p I know I've gotten a lot of enjoyment out of this, at any rate.

Productivity is for people without internet connections. -Count Dorku

^ Well, it's So Bad, It's Good for me.. though not always. Still, assuming it's not a Troll Fic (something I strongly suspect), I wouldn't want to meet its writer. Really.

Courtesy link to the posts in this thread that probably started the Twilight thing, just so people know.

^ I read somewhere that the author admitted that this was a trollfic but continued writing because the story got more reviews than his usual work. I have no idea where, though.

edited 19th Jul '10 1:33:16 PM by ^_^

How did you leave out the part where Soichiro shouted into his phone so loudly that it blew up a satellite and destroyed Seattle and Moscow? You disappoint me. Also, "castleation" is my new favourite word.

Insert sig here.

^ I know that considering the general level of the fic it's stupid to ask but.. Seattle and Moscow? Why? They aren't close together and I don't really see the connection. Is it that Moscovites and citizens of Seattle have better hearing or..?

I don't think that there was a reason. The distance between the two cities is particularly interesting as it seems that it was the satellite crashing to Earth that caused them to be destroyed. I'm... not quite sure how that works.

edited 23rd Jul '10 2:01:23 PM by Anonyman

Insert sig here.

I'm back, and to be honest, I'm a little surprised. I thought the dust had settled on this piece of.... words. Troll or no, the author appeared to be done with cleaning the liquefied remains of Death Note canon off his boots, the Hellraiser-esque mix of heaven and hell had come to pass, and I found myself forced to amuse and/or flagellate myself with something else. So, I was wrong, what gives? Well, good news for you folks, I'm not 100% on what it means for me, but here we go. This chapter, #35, is called "Really Chatper 32 but new". O-k, that's probably not a good sign. Explain yourself, author!

Hey guys I didn't writ in a while cos khaos was TOO STRONG and NOT EVEN DARK YAGAMI WHO IS THE STRONGEST DUDE IN AMERICA could beat him so im gonna RESET THE STORY LIKE A MOFFO! Also there will be twilight yagami cos you asked for him or maybe not you but some peeps did but he wont be here yet! Er.... ok, where do I begin? Well, if there were any doubt, the author is pretty much making it up as he goes, and he doesn't think things through much, if that whole "shinigami fight"-thing wasn't any indication. Oh, also... Twilight Yagami, huh? TWILIGHT FUCKING YAGAMI? I... let's just move on so I can get my snark on.

We start of with a quite literal reset button, as Dark finds a Reset Note. Where he finds it? Well, I can guess. He writes, and I quote "Go back to when khaos was in light's dreams like the Freddie dude" Wait, it's a while since last, but does Dark actually know this has happened? Well, he apparently has plot vision, on account of being a complete and utter self insert character. Well, that's another plot-convenient note, for those of you who are keeping score. Dark then cuts Khaos' dream rope, which for the record is made from dragon fur. This leaves Khaos so weak that.... He was dead and everyone was happy. I think that's Khaos, but it can be tricky to tell occasionally. Anyway, the Author also gives us another case of Near's informed jerkassness

Back at L's place, things are boring, as one might predict since the latest threat to... well anyone, was just defeated... somehow. That is until Watari busts in, killing some folks, although that's ok since he has lisense to kill (SIC). Right. Well, Watari suggests that it's time to take out Dark Yagami and his family. Yeah, at least some of them used to be villains. Remember that? Yeah, that was great. Anyway, Watari suggests that do get this done, they NEED THE OLD BUGGERING TEAM BACK TOGETHER. The author also adds that this would be a perfect time for an upbeat "getting the team back together"-montage. Well, that's a limitation with written media, I suppose. On to assembling said team, I think I'll keep this part as short as I can.

First up, we have Hal Lidner, the gender-flipped assassin that by all accounts should be dead now. His house was all boarded up and empty cos this was a disguise cos he lived next door except that was a double disguise cos he actually lived here. Uh, ok then. Hal proceeds to act overly manly before sneaking in a reference to CSI MIAMI, although he refers to it as Law and Order. Really? The troll-sensors are bellowing at a steady eleven  ^*

. Next up, we have Cybertakada, whom L, and everyone else thought was dead, oh, but she was apparently. You see, she was remade as a robot by Hal, except [Cybertakada's] chests are bigger for bulletproof So, Boobs Of Steel taken to it's logical extremes, I guess? Next, to Wales, England, where Watari's helicopter attracts attention, since the only one who owns one in all of the UK is the Queen, don'tchaknow.

In the Watari House, L inquires who is the smartest of the kids. I'm guessing this means "bad OC time *ding", but hey, I could be wrong. .... aaaand in the very next sentence, we're introduced to A snappy dude with shark hair and a leather jacket and a load of grease Oh yes, he's C, and it stands for Cool Dude. He's a suave chick magnet who does divisions (what kind of divisions is uncertain) and writes Romeo and Juliet in his head. You'd think the latter would be more of a memory thing, since the book in question is written already. All this while enjoying constant attention from the fairer sex, of course. Well, this certainly seems like a well-rounded character... yes oh yes. Anyway, L is surprised that there's a girl in the orphanage. Well, anything not producing Ho Yay in the Death Note verse is probably unheard of, but enough about that, let's see who this chick is.

The lady is S, and she's the smartest girl in the orphanage. She , and I quote looked just like the drummer chick from that scot pilgrim film but she was skinnier and taller and her voice was lick an angel from a really posh bit of England like London or Liverpool where beetles came from. She was wearing a red short skirt that dint cover her upper leg bits with pictures of dogs and cats chasing each other on it and a bra Well, that's... an outfit, I guess. Her name is S, for Smart, or Sexy... or Samanther. I'm a little curious, what does the author think L stands for? I think I'd rather not know. L's reaction to all of this? "Ok I will take samanther cos she is superbrain and C cos he is a dude." Ok, I know L is supposed to be outrageously gay, except when he's not, in this fic, but that's... uh, I just don't know.

The quest continues, and this time, the helicopter lands on a mouse which C reanimates by punching it with his fists of holy. So, he heals the sick... well, the dead, with holy fists? Well, yay, it's not like death is meaningless enough in this fic, and it's not like there's enough Sue traits in work here to create a Sueingularity from which nothing can escape. Next up, we have a mystery guest it's Ray Pember, yay, and that's it for the chapter. Yeah, like that. Not really a cliffhanger, or a proper ending for that matter. Any comments, author? TO BE CONTINUED FOR REAL THIS TIME FOLLOW REALDARKYAGAMI ON TWITTER FOR THE LATEST DEETS! You said it man.

Well, thoughts on this chapter? As far as mindless, pointless, poorly thought-out reset buttons go this one was... exceedingly gruesome. I mean, sure, there's been worse chapters, but in the name of The Unmentionable One, the reset button just pissed me off. Oh, and we might have defictionalized Twilight Yagami. What have we done?

edited 26th Sep '10 5:16:41 PM by slowzombie

Liveblog | Deadblog

I was sad about how this fic wasn't updating; I'm glad it's back. And that you're still willing to trudge into the madness for us.

edited 26th Sep '10 4:21:15 PM by Haven

Productivity is for people without internet connections. -Count Dorku

Good to have this back. I like that the fic refers to Liverpool as a posh place in the UK. As a Brit, I can tell you that that is a very wrong statement.

edited 27th Sep '10 3:16:12 PM by Idler2.0

The man was awarded the Congressional Medal of Honor and the Nobel Peace Prize. He was the best at both killing and not killing - Stranger