Favourite Quotes from your games

I'm running a homebrew 5e game of D&D, the paladin and the rogue are attacking a monster. The paladin shouts "For the Mother!" (The Mother is his goddess, a Lawful Good goddess of the sun). The rogue, who moves on the next turn, half-mockingly says "For the Mother and all that!" in his trademark grizzly voice as he attacks.

edited 5th Apr '15 4:08:40 PM by AllHailThrall

"I am the Demon Lord Gh-" -WHAM- "Ow! I wasn't done-" -THWAK- -ZAP- -HEADASPLODE-

And that's how we killed a demon lord.

When my group had infiltrated a fort by disguising ourselves as the assassins that had been sent after us (long story, It Makes Sense in Context), and were being escorted about by one of the guards, we had passed by a field kitchen of sorts. Keeping up with the general method of passing off as though we belong there, I had turned to the cookpot and remarked "That's the most dangerous thing I've seen here yet." Laughter all around the table, and apparently the guard thought that was Actually Pretty Funny.

"Question not our madness, lest you join us in it."

The NPC questioned it. By session's end he was soaking halflings with cider too.

"Shut up and drink Daniel" -One character had gotten sucked into a desert otherworld with Narnia style time, and retuned completely dehydrated. He kept trying to babble on about what had happened until the other character forcibly shoved him under a hose spigot.

"You, me, your place, chess, APPLE JUICE？"

"I've got good news and bad news. The good news is I may have gotten us some help against the devils. The bad news is I may have gotten us involved in an interdimensional power struggle. Again."

I think I had my best all-time burn in a game.

As background, in one of my Pathfinder games, I and the other players are in an adventuring guild who have been discovering all sorts of interesting things about the world in a frontier archipelago. During one of our ruins explorations (during which we found out about a calamity that might yet wake again and threaten the world... fricking Sealed Evil in a Can), we were surprised by a pirate captain known for taking slaves. We eventually managed to talk our way out of either chains or combat, agreeing to do some espionage on her behalf on a different pirate captain in exchange for our freedom.

One side part, though, was that this pirate captain turned out to be a really rare race - she thought that she was Last of Her Kind. As it happened, a rather friendly fellow also of this race (and similarly thinking he was the last) had been rescued by our party and had been helping out. They wanted to talk more, and we encouraged it - maybe his niceness would rub off on her, and we told him to keep in touch.

Fast forward a few sessions, after we had successfully gotten the information and presented it to the slaver pirate captain. She was really pissed when we met her, though it wasn't at us - a treacherous crewmate (which our party had previously fought, who we had warned was extremely backstabbing) had kidnapped that friendly NPC, and the slaver captain was raging about losing someone she had grown close to. She even came with a chest of gold as a down payment for us to track down this traitor and rescue the friendly NPC.

My character, remembering her profession, looked her straight in the eye and said, "Yes, it's absolutely awful to have someone you care about violently taken away from you. We'll do the job."

The players (presumably, their characters as well) just immediately dropped their jaws and hooted. The GM snickered a bit and said, "Heh, that was...", then he realized just what I had said to whom. "Wow. You said that. Roll a Diplomacy check to see how well you delivered that and what her reaction will be."

I managed to do pretty well on the check (I'm a bard with maxed diplomacy), and I got to make a Sense Motive check afterwards, with a success showing that I managed to get through to her. We don't know (and most likely won't know for some time) just what the effects will be... but that might have been the most effective "The Reason You Suck" Speech I've ever done... and most efficient, too.

"Let's go back to the bailor's place, where we can get some rest." Not something the more veteran players had expected to hear.

"Yes, eating humans is still cannibalism and an evil action. Even if you're a half-elf."

- a mostly ooc conversation with the cleric

The monster-killer Cleric on my table was about to take his turn against a undead knight that would be the boss of the dungeon:

Cleric: I wanna cast...Guiding bolt *rolls a 20*

GM: Ok, that's a critical hit, where do you wanna hit?

(he says so and I have to describe it.)

GM: You swing your warhammer and a magical radiant red arrow flies from it, sticking into the undead knight's junk and making him contort. He goes forward with his head and you swear, tough you know undead have no nervous system, that he is doing a face most closely to pain a undead could make.

Cleric: "You remember that? THAT'S PAIN!"

and that's how he got 35 out of 45 hit points from the boss of my dungeon.

One that doesn't require much context: the party sorcerer did something that is going to have consequences down the line. The party bard is talking with her about it.

Sorcerer: I can't help but think I screwed things up for us all.

Bard: Don't worry about that. Really, if anything, you just screwed things up for yourself. (Pause) Huh, now that I said that out loud, that isn't even remotely comforting.

"Right before they execute me, I take out something I had hidden in my pocket. It's her panties, and I sniff them as I die."

It was a game of Fiasco, and he spent the one white die in his epilogue on panty sniffing.

During character creation:

"I think I'll take Craft: Glassblowing. I can make pretty little jars to keep people's souls in."

~upon realizing that the party is stranded, lost, out of health potions and spells, it's night, and we've got maybe 8 HP between the 6 of us, AND the thugs that nearly killed us are still out there, my human-adopted-by-halflings-paladin looks in her pack, see what she still has.~ "Well, I'm going to make some hot chocolate. Who wants some?"

In my first game of Dungeons And Dragons 5e, our party's bard attempted to cast Vicious Mockery on some kobolds, but rolled a 1. The DM's in-universe explanation for the botch: "It was a yo momma joke".

During the world creation, which we made a game in itself, on corn growing on trees instead of stalks: "But we can be like 'I throw a fireball back at the army chasing us' and then you can be all 'It lights the forest on fire. The trees explode into edible, delicious popcorn with such velocity that it kills the army.' It'll be great!"

"C4 makes sense as a tool for the ninja of the modern age."

(Shadowrun, if you're curious as to the setting.)

"Runa, I swear to Yondalla, if you put another monkey in his pants..."

"I did no such thing. I put a fishmarket in his bed!"

"Just remember, we don't have to be faster than a T-Rex. We just have to be faster than Miele^note Our Wimpy, wiiimpy, social character White Court Vampire."

Followed by Miele threatening to kneecap my char

Later on we then realized the Alchemist joining the party soon-ish will be the new designated T-Rex Bait because while both he and Miele couldn't do a push-up to save their lives, the Vampire still has Inhuman Speed.

Edit: Also

" Zahir slips out his curved Jambyia, and slips it through the tarp-wall, slicing a murder-hobo sized hole, then tries to sneak into the love shack. "

Our stealth char infiltrates the evil lair.

edited 30th Aug '15 7:24:51 AM by 3of4

A few moments from the drop-in D&D 5e game I joined last night:

1. After the party's high elf paladin made a terrible roll on his attack against the ogre we were fighting...

Paladin: Uh... You're a lot bigger now that I see you up close.

Me: Word of advice... Don't become an adventurer if you don't know how big ogres are.

Paladin: Well, I know NOW!

2. After a bunch of goblins joined the fight...

Ranger: Okay, I'll attack the little green Munchkin.

Me: But enough about powergamers.

3. After I rolled a 1 when casting Fire Bolt at the goblin, resulting in me setting the cemetery's flower garden on fire instead...

Me: Uh... *points to the party's other arcane caster* She did it!

edited 25th Jan '16 9:00:34 PM by MapleSamurai

"I'll keep your chicken nuggets at a lukewarm temperature!"

"Do I lose my DEX bonus if I'm standing on a 10ft penis?"

"+1! +1 for breakfast!" and variants such as " Remember breakfast!" and " Oh, right, I had breakfast!"

basically our 3 hour bossfight didn't go more than 3 minutes without the word "breakfast" being said, and it was glorious.

Was "breakfast" your euphemism for inspire courage? I swear, every single D&D and Pathfinder game I've seen with a bard in the party invariably has "did you remember bardsong?" as the constant quote every battle.

nah.my halfling-raised human paladin put ranks into craft food and as a character quirk, makes breakfast for everyone. I nat 20'd while making breakfast/praying for Yondalla's blessing on us to defeat the evil, and the GM declared we got a +1 to all checks for the breakfast. it was great.