Favourite Quotes from your games

Couldn't find a thread for this, and EVERYONE has a favourite quote (or ten).

No long stories- one or two lines of set up at most.

Heard from next room - "It's long, its hard and it tastes of peppermint. I wonder if it's in this brothel..."

PC threatens Innkeeper with battle-axe instead of payment: "Sorry sir, I don't have change for that."

"Could you two maybe have the fatherhood dick-measuring contest after we've found the cure for virus that's killing both me AND your daughter?"
-The Party Rogue gets tired of character drama.

After the party noble tried to convince a space 'entertainer' he was a lich and rolling a Nat 1: "You start waggling your fingers in the air and babble incoherently, with intermittent shouts of 'Look at me! I'm totes a lich, yo!' The security guards escort you off the premises admist mutters of 'Fifth time this week...'"

edited 10th Mar '13 3:45:16 AM by EviIPaladin

NPC: How... How the fuck did you do that?" [shoot lightning from his fingertips]

Bartender (PC): Bar stuff.

NPC: but-

Bartender: Bar stuff.

"It's a dire shark." - DM
"But he can't eat me! I'm Large, he's—" - Player
"He's Huge! And you're counted as one size category smaller than him! [pause] Ha! I've read up!" - DM

edited 10th Mar '13 4:21:49 PM by Zephid

(makes Nature check to find food; rolls natural 1 with a negative skill modifier)

GM: "You find dirt."

Me: "I put the dirt in my pack for later."

Ah, good times... Good times...

"Look, about that. I'm not actually being pursued by an extraplanar conspiracy so is a disguise absolutely necessary? It's just I look shit in a dress."
-My new character on the party's plan for moving through hostile territory.

"No, being able to fart better than everyone else is not a goddamn scientific advancement." -Me to my dad when he tried to claim that he would advance his race of pigmen in the 'scientific art of flatulence'.

"Augustus, if that gun actually does level this whole bunker and kill us all, I will personally come back as a ghost so you can say 'I told you so.'" - Jerimiah Holt on the party's Glitterboy pilot who, due to a critical failure on a demolitions skill roll, was convinced that his "boomgun" would level the massive underground complex the rest of the party had infiltrated, which it miraculously failed to do when fired at a group of cultists in the bunker's doorway.

"My nature is Mentor. Do you want me to teach you how to use scissors?"

I ran a Free Quebec campaign once, the prevalence of "shiny metal ass" hurt me so...

"I'm a Psi-Hound. They made me crazy so they didn't have to do it themselves."

"I harvest the organs from the Succubus corpse."

• "I got an 'F' on my last spiritual journey."
• "Did I just lose my gun privileges?"
• "Bring me Charlene. (beat) The rocket launcher, not the hooker."
• "If your son has eloped, we shall find him and force him to... anti-lope."
  • "But they can't elope!"
• "Good unicorn. That's a good boy. Calm down. Take it easy... (fails nature check) I will kill you! I will shave your beard! Cut off your horn! Sleep with your wife!"
• "I gotta go into town and handle some business. You two, hold the fort while I'm out. And you? *BLAM* (mood music picks up at that exact moment)"
• "Taste gnomish knuckle, fiend!"
  • "Breakfast is my middle name!"

"What do you know about Nibbles!!!!!!"

edited 4th Apr '13 11:14:18 AM by CobraPrime

Hey I remember that first one! Although it is a good enough quote to keep using.

Oh yeah! I used it in the Yu Gi Oh RP. It actually goes back to a Hunter The Vigil game my friend ran some time ago, which is where Barnaby originated.

"You don't get any dice. You get pencils. See, you can roll 2's."

Enemy Negotiator: Can you order this one *indicates other PC* to stand down? She looks ready to kill.
PC Negotiator: She is ready to kill. Is that a problem?

edited 26th May '14 3:04:37 PM by Michael

During an interrogation

Bounty Hunter's Player: I roll my willpower to resist giving into the urge to kill the prisoner!

GM: That IS in character...

edited 29th May '14 8:02:31 AM by AnSTH

In a quite legendary campaign of Spirit Of The Century:

DM: Alright, [Dr. Methuselah] is walking down the hallway towards you.

Player: Can I Fate Point that he's not?

edited 31st May '14 5:22:15 PM by Thnikkafan

Player: I listen to the door.

GM: *In hushed tones* Doors don't talk!

Orc(rolls 1 on Intimidation):"Open gates, or Ollag will poke you gently with tiny stick." Also, "Wow, that is the weirdest bunch of adventurers I've ever seen" has become our group's rallying cry, with nearly every NPC in the game saying it at some point.

One player's unfortunate misunderstanding of English led to a good sequence.

We're going through some mines taken over by evil cultists. We found some corpses of the miners, and all they had on them were, in the GM's words, "breeches." The player who had waddled in that direction and found them first said, "Okay, I loot their breeches." The rest of us laughed, not realizing for a moment that he was serious.

The rest of the party gets there, and the GM redescribes the scene, this time noting that the dead miners are completely without pants. The looting player goes "Hey, what happened to their pants?" The rest of us pointed out that he looted them. He goes, "I didn't loot their pants; I looted their breeches!"

After a Face Palm or two, the rest of us go, pretty much in unison, "Breeches are pants!"

He pauses for a moment, and then says, "Uh... I feign ignorance." At this point, I just lost it. "Feign? FEIGN?! You feign ignorance!?"

Got a new one the other day.

"You know, maybe we should bring NERF guns next time we try and crash a Khornate summoning ritual."