Transgender Tropers, Aggregate!

I've been thinking rather a lot over the last week or so about how trans people are expected to "earn" the right to appear as they wish in public. About how much it's tied up with all kinds of other fucked-upness about gender, about appearance, about weight, and a lot else. About how there are lots of people who are OK with trans people provided they're hot and "fuckable". About how the only acceptable expression of androgyny is looking like someone starved to the point that most gendered features vanish, no muscles, no boobs, no roundness, no hardness, just toothpick. And harmless.

That's part of why I've given up hope on people accepting my bigendered thing. That and bigender? The fuck is that shit!

I got other shit to worry about. Sucks, but eh. I have other battles I consider more important for me to fight for.

I've thought about this a lot, and the feelings still come and go. Definitely not attention-grabbing like I thought they used to be. It can be disconcerting sometimes, but for the most part I don't worry about it.

Yeah, levels of gender dysphoria don't necessarily remain constant; I should know.

Mine peeked during high school. They've been on the down low for a while now.

Mine hit their worst about a year ago. Calmed down. Might spike back up again but eh.

Currently trying to train my voice to be more feminine.

It works quite well, but only for short periods- then it starts hurting. One can damage one's vocal folds that way.

Just keep doing it for short periods, stretching a little longer at intervals. Just until it barely starts to hurt. 'S how you train to sing higher, so I assume it works the same way.

How do you do that? :/ I've made my voice sound like a convincing girl before, but I'm not sure how I did it.

The main things you'll want to do are raise your Adam's apple (as if swallowing), raise your tongue off the "floor" of your mouth and flatten it, and vary pitch and intonation to convey expression rather than altering volume.

... It's difficult.

Also partly depends on how your voice naturally goes. Don't rely on your 'internal sound' — record yourself with a good microphone, although even that is distorting to a degree. Our internal perception of our own voices is generally way off; we're hearing the sound as transmitted through our own body, not just through the air. I'm a bunch higher-pitched than I sound to myself, it seems (as well as sounding way more hyperactive).

Although our language and speech isn't as gendered as, say, Japanese, there's still a lot of gender tags in spoken English, things we pick up subconsciously from the very beginning of our language learning. I suspect in many ways even more so for those who grow up transgendered or otherwise not entirely fitting the gender assigned at birth — we are frequently subjected to "corrective measures" by our society's relentlessly pounding down the ones who stick out in terms of following gendered programming, and many of us respond to this by withdrawing, learning the lesson of how to pass, how to hold up the front of expected gender identity on the outside.

Not all, of course; some are too stubborn to do that fitting in, or they're not capable of it, or they're just too "different", or they happen upon support for their non-traditional identity. But most of us, I feel, have a lot of self-programming to undo ... I know I have, anyway.

So, my parents have reached the decision of "not while we support you" re: my living as the opposite sex.

Two more years as their dependent. Six, if I go through college with their help. As for the reason why, they said it would just be "more stress on [me] that [I] don't need", what with the depression and the chronic pain everywhere and all the other nonsense. "No effeminate hairstyles", "no cross-dressing", "no makeup".

Well, fuck everything. This will be a fun six years.

...Because somehow living with gender dysphoria is more stressful than living without it.

Gods, it amazes me how stupid people can be.

My condolences and understandings.

How fucking stupid.

Do you think they honestly believe they would be protecting you, but are going about it the wrong way?

Or is this just an excuse to not see it?

I don't know. They care about me, but this is an issue that's a little out of their expertise. I think they're hoping that it's a phase, and if they keep me from acting upon it for long enough, it will go away. They also said something about the "fabric of the family being threatened", and whatever that is I don't like the sound of it.

They say they've been advised by my therapist that I shouldn't make life-altering decisions while depressed. This is reasonable. But it seems that I'm only "hysterically depressed" when thinking about making decisions they don't like.

That "fabric of the family being threatened" is enough evidence to say that it's all about them, not about you. I'd say you're totally right about their opinions that this is a delusion that will go away given time.

And besides, what is there about e.g. having androgynous hairstyles or crossdressing that's a permanent decision? It's not. I'd be one thing to say that they don't want you e.g. taking hormones or making other physical changes to your body — another to prevent you from doing things that are reversible, easily.

edited 12th Aug '12 9:10:36 PM by Morven

Not sure if I belong here. I identify as male in real life (out of convenience) and female (mostly) online. No plans to transition or anything.

I'd say you fit in somewhere in the broader spectrum, sure. Why did you start using female roles online, and why do you continue?

It started as just trying out something different. I've kept at it for about 6 years. Being female appeals to me in a way that being male doesn't.

Have you tried Second Life or maybe an MMO? I think it's nice to have a virtual appearance in line with what you'd like.

Realizing just how comfortable I felt playing female characters in games and with female or androgynous-presented forum personas was a good chunk of how I came to my own realizations. Wasn't all of it, but a good part.

Also that I always wanted to write female characters, and from very early childhood I had preferred books with female main characters ...

Don't they cost money? Plus the basics of my appearance keep changing. Hair color, eye color...I've kept species fairly consistent lately, but I make no promises.

Second Life itself is free, but some stuff in the world costs money (e.g. land and other persistent objects). I don't know much about it, myself, except second-hand, but I know a lot of people in the trans community find a space where they can be them-as-they-would-be very valuable. YMMV, of course.

All my MMO (World Of Warcraft) characters are female, but I don't identify any of them as being me. Inspired by me, but they're roles I pick up as I play them. I can't easily do a male character, though.

Mustn't bite nails. Mustn't bite nails. Mustn't.

HNNNGH.

So eh, I am here. okay look, I probably don't really make sense on here, I still look pretty definitively male, and haven't actively felt any different from that for a long time.

But now I'm seriously giving thought to and preparing to head out with a regularly androgynous appearance, am concerning myself with learning to style hair and use makeup, and generally acting what I perceive to have more feminine, "elegant", if you will, mannerisms. And I dunno...it feels comfortable, and fun. Plus, I've always found myself roleplaying and writing about female characters way better than male ones... I'm PRETTY sure I don't have much physical evidence of it, though as you said, it flares up at different times, and you know...I dunno many guys with as wide hips as me XP

...but yeah, I just...recently have this weird opinion that I feel...I dunno, as an agendered entity at heart and that functioning sexuality leads to getting in bad shit and I personally feel a bit stressed out in incidents where I think that way, and etc. etc. I'm mostly just using feminine attributes to "balance it out", as it were, so I can pull off both gender roles to start with, and then let them...I dunno, cancel each other out or work in tandem or I have no idea.

...so...yeah. This seems more for like, those that have actual transgender conditions or something, sooo...