Pony Fanfiction Thread

Yeah, that sounds like it would work fine.

Am I getting anywhere here?

OK, my first idea for my first fic (having the mane cast bullied into becoming Sheriff's deputies because of a surge in crime) isn't really going anywhere. So I'm going to try something completely different, and do a cross over fic with my other great passion in life, 40k.

I'm going to go with the 'what if Equestria was attacked by one of the factions of 40k?' scenario. Now I want this fic to be humourous, so I've ruled out the Necrons, Chaos, Tyranids and the Dark Elder. The two factions that most appeal to me now are the Imperium, or Orks.

But the cruical point is that, after the initial shock, the ponies eventually hand the invaders flanks to them.

Could this work?

Theoretically, although you'd really have to play on the inherent absurdity of the 40K world showing up in Ponyville.

Could it work? I dunno. Try it and see.

still hoping to hear feedback on mine

What if I just ponified the 40k aspects of the story? Pony versions of orks or space marines to fight against might make it a tad less silly. Maybe. Propably not.

edited 30th Jun '11 6:53:30 PM by Justanotherbrony

If anything that would make it even more ridiculous.

On the upside, I've finally gotten more or less the entirety of the plot of mine planned out.

I'm having a bit of trouble how to set up the next act in mine, i know the key points but not how to meld them together

I'm er, just going to...ditch that cross over idea as well. I typed out a few ideas, and they just seem absolutely, positively, stupid.

I noticed on the other thread that some people think AJ is not developed enough (I don't see it, but whatever...). After watching 'Over a barrel', I'm tempted to do a story about AJ becoming a boxer for a while. Better go watch the Rocky films...

edited 1st Jul '11 9:00:28 AM by Justanotherbrony

Is there any canon (or fanon) personality for Luna? Cuz i want her in my fic

Not really. The only time we saw her she was both ashamed and heartbroken for what she did.

Yeah, outside of the info we get in the first two episodes there isn't much to go on. If you extrapolate a bit you could say that she's prone to jealousy, but that's about it.

Any fanfics featuring her basically portray her as somewhat sad as well. Sad and shy.

Did you read my fanfic, Rich? (Luna figures in heavily for the two chapters that are up).

What I did was basically told myself, "she isn't Celestia" and went from there.

Too busy working on mine, to be honest. I think I'm finally getting somewhere.

Edit: Oh yes, I did read part of this when it was on Googledocs.

edited 1st Jul '11 12:04:07 PM by RichReeders

I can say that your usage of "awhile" should really "a while", and there are a few too many exclamation points, though this is being told from Spike's point of view and he's kind of excitable. Also, "pony girl" or "girl" should be "filly".

I'm loathe to actually say anything bad here, since I'm working on something myself.

edited 1st Jul '11 12:35:41 PM by RichReeders

Be as critical as you wish, dude. We're all grownups here, we can take it!

I might've fixed some of those errors since the Google Docs days. The ones on my Tumblr (linked on page 1) are more updated.

what's the problem with using google docs? I'm not, but is there something wrong with it?

Some of the speaking just seems wrong somehow, but I can't put a finger on it. I can't really see Luna "squealing" about anything; granted she's younger, but it just seems out of place. In chapter two, the seventh sentence of the first paragraph "side" should be "wide". The second chapter definately reads better; still a few too many excalamation points for my liking, but that's just me.

edited 1st Jul '11 1:03:13 PM by RichReeders

A few days ago it was buggering up; anything you posted there didn't show up for about half an hour. They've fixed it since.

So I finally got around to re-reading your fic, Moe. I like it a lot better now, it pulls me in much better. The only thing I have to say about it, really, is that there's a bit of trouble with the voices. There's not a whole lot of advice I can give on that, I'm afraid, but It's most prevalent with Spike's voice. Since he's the narrator, he's the one saying absolutely everything, and the style doesn't match up with how he would say things sometimes. Basically, his voice is mixing with yours. Having a first person story means that you're going to need to keep that in focus all the time, unfortunately.

Would you say my critique was valid?

Yeah, definitely. Luna's character is open to interpretation, so squealing is not beyond her, but the voices just don't feel right at times.