Things You are No Longer Allowed to Do in an RPG

edited 28th Mar '11 12:25:56 PM by Dynamod

From one group I'm running in oWoD...

1.) The Vampire Elder is not allowed to Dominate his fellow P Cs.

2.) I will not allow someone to "take backsies" bad remarks made to a Baron.

3.) Fallen Angels with high Torment may be "emo", but this only further enrages them.

4.) "God is dead and he fucked your head" is an inappropriate battle cry when fighting aforementioned Fallen Angel.

5.) When I say you have one action left because the scene is dramatically quick, you have one action left.

From a separate group I'm running...

1.) "Paradiddle" is a drumming term. It does not indicate fucking someone while parachuting, no matter how completely hilarious that is.

2.) You can't kill the thief for explaining what a paradiddle is.

2.)A.) Even though he is a drummer.

3.) Referring to a young, beautiful princess as "fresh meat" in front of her mother does, in fact, get you thrown in the dungeon to await execution. Doing it while humping the air in front of you gets you executed immediately.

3.) A.) Calling her "hot stuff" merely makes her mother mad.

3.) B.) Announcing that she's a whore when you have no proof simply gets you executed.

Suffocating a dragon makes me happy on the inside... ;_;

I suspect the dragon disagrees with you there.

happy... or crying? I can't tell...

the story was that a dragon was guarding a castle we had to enter, but our resident spellcasters couldn't fight it due to a powerful antimagic field. so, I tied some feather token: trees to some arrows and made a called shot on it's mouth from the edge of the meadow. the antimagic field transformed the token back into a tree on launch (dm's rule from a previous session), thus allowing me to fire a barrage of trees at the dragon thanks to it's own defenses, with the velocity of an arrow. the end result was too difficult for our DM to imagine, so when the called shot landed, the tree got lodged in it's throat, then the repeated firing rammed it even further down, choking the dragon to death.

the good thing about this: the antimagic field stopped once the dragon was dead, allowing us to collect the feather tokens from it's body!

edited 28th Mar '11 1:35:11 PM by Dynamod

TEARS OF JOY

That's... that's the most Bad Ass thing I've ever seen.

Are you in any online sessions? Because I want to join them. As Kribnefka.

there's theif RPG, but I'm not playing as craftily as I used too. my mental stats are far too low (and, being a full bard in a stealth game is kind of inhibiting my awesomeness.)

anyways, back to things you are no longer allowed to do in an rpg:

7: I am no longer allowed to design my character around only using indescriminate area bursts and blasts.

8: I can't pull a coup on my own party just to back stab my new allies, immanent Total Party Kill be dammed.

9: It's impossible to pickpocket things larger than me, even if I have a bag of holding and no one is there to witness it.

10: even if you can used chairs as an improvised melee weapon, trying to slam the Big Bag with his own throne is not feasible, it's attached to the rest of the castle!

Not allowed to, in the absence of ranks in Use Magic Device, activate a scroll by making a Really Pissed Off check.

1) My Tech-Priest is not allowed to have his Servitors dance to Thriller.

1a) Attempt to do the above with Necrons results in an instant death.

2) Using an honored servant's/comrade's skull to make a Servo Skull is acceptable. Addendum: The subject in question must be declared medically dead by an independent and qualified authority.

edited 30th Mar '11 8:41:10 AM by Rationalinsanity

4. If I'm the last of a lost order of monks, a forgotten school of wizardry, a broken clan of barbarians, and a fallen league of paladins, have to have levels in all those classes.

edited 30th Mar '11 10:45:43 AM by Ezekiel

that right there sounds like there an epic backstory, or the worst backstory i've ever heard. O_o

I've remembered a few more...

• Z (myself) is never, under any circumstances, allowed to play a Cleric ever again.
  • Or any class capable of healing itself.

• It is not acceptable to have an Avenger with higher AC than a Paladin. (Everyone check out the D&D general thread to learn how to do this.)

• Any player that makes more than two wand=penis jokes in one encounter takes a cumulative -1 penalty to attack rolls.

• No using Bigby's Grasping Hands to 'pimp slap' a troll.

• Z is never allowed to play a Bugbear. Especially not a Bugbear Rogue.

Bugbear rogue sounds like one of the least game-breaking combinations...

edited 30th Mar '11 1:51:59 PM by EgregiousEric

You've never played one, then.

Bugbear's Oversized trait + Ruthless Ruffian Rogue + the right power and feat choices = a Rogue doing 1d10+1 + str mod base damage in addition to 2d6 Sneak Attack damage for combat advantage. The power and feat choices then come into play, allowing you to keep your enemy knocked prone, weakened, immobilized or dazed pretty much every turn.

Or, if you prefer to take the Brutal Scoundrel tactics instead, take proficiency with a Rapier or Khukri and do either 1d10 base damage or 1d8 brutal 1, plus str mod plus 2d6 plus strength mod for sneak attack.

Bitches.

edited 30th Mar '11 1:57:28 PM by Diamonnes

NOTE: These are 4.0 1. I am not allowed to keep winning my death checks and then continue to do incredibly stupid things. 2. Once I fail my death checks, I am not allowed to then challenge Death to rock paper scissors... And win. 3. After that, I am no longer allowed to beat death AGAIN, this time with a penalty to my rolls.

Ironically, the character who did this then became a Diety upon death. Arinsas, the Anti-Death, reviver of Party Members!

Yeah, but...large Execution Axe!

Plus, take the feat that increases your SA dice to d8.

That's potentially twenty six damage per turn. WITH A BASIC ATTACK. At level one.

Gamebreakah!

edited 31st Mar '11 3:49:18 PM by Diamonnes

Me as a DM: Introducing a Slaanesh cultist that is an Expy of Charlie Sheen, that must be taken alive will result in an immediate player revolt.

I can no longer be a doppelganger thief.

I may no longer play Spartacus.

"We Are Spartacus" is not an acceptable name for a mercenary band.

No matter how many ranks I put in Diplomacy and Bluff, no one will take me seriously if I wear a red and blue leotard with a spider theme. Corollary: Especially not if I claim to serve Lolth.

Spider Drow, Spider Drow, like a Drider but much more Drow...