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    Anime and Manga 
Kojiro: When was the longest time that she stayed away?
Kirino: That's got to be that one time! That one time!
Kojiro: Oh, that time!

Sakaki: This could be just the thing I need to test my skills! I've never fought a zombie before.
Elder: I have.

Kirikou: Well, you know! We came from "talking" to that giant with our fists.
Ox Ford: In the end, everybody was completely nude around the campfire.

    Comic Books 
Lana Lang: I don't want to pry, Linda, but... Where did you go?
Supergirl: What?
Lana: Well, you were gone for six weeks. I was worried when we didn't hear from you after all... of everything, so I just was wondering—
Supergirl: Lana, it... it doesn't matter. Can we change the subject, please?

Hellboy: Remember the secret room at Castle Glamis?
Pauline Raskin: That's why you go first.
Hellboy: Every dirty job...
Hellboy: Dr. Carp's Experiment

Linus: You again. I trust there's going to be no repeat of your previous behaviour?
Wormwood: Whatever do you mean? You don't call these fight nights for nothing, do you? All I did was help it along.
Linus: Yes, well... that's not the way Mr Laminak sees it. Do it again, and you're barred. Enemas cost money, and that hole is one-way only for Leprechauns.
Phoebe: Do I want to even ask?
Mr Pendulum: No. You don't.
Wormwood: Gentleman Corpse: It Only Hurts When I Pee

Astronaut 1: But that makes Superman over 8,000 centuries old! Where have you been all this time?
Astronaut 2: Why did you disappear from Earth?
Astronaut 3: How did you live so long?
Superman: (annoyed) Questions... Questions!! (flying off) The answers are too painful for me to talk about!

Our next stop was Nycilan. I will not write what we witnessed there. Some tales are too sad to tell.

I've failed as Supergirl! Why couldn't this be a simple mission like the time I fought the metal androids of Asteroid X? I'll give up my career... Never again will I use my super-powers at Superman's side... like the time we destroyed the porcupine planet!

Benjamin Rubel: That's the best plan we've got?
Batgirl: I've gotten out of worse spots with less.
Benjamin Rubel: Man... I haven't fought anyone since Middle School.
Batgirl: I waited until High School.

Robin: "It was an accident!"
Supergirl: "You were showing off!"
Robin: "Who knew there'd be a monkey there?"
Supergirl: "And you wore your costume!"
Robin: "That fountain was already half empty!"
Supergirl: "Were you raised in a circus?"
Robin: "You weren't much help with the avalanche!"
Supergirl: "I did not flirt with the server!"

    Comic Strips 
Calvin: Lies! Everything Miss Wormwood said about me was a lie! She just doesn't like me! She hates little boys! It's not my fault! I'm not to blame! She told you about the noodles, right? It wasn't me! Nobody saw me! I was framed! I wouldn't do anything like that! I'm innocent, I tell you!
Calvin's Mom: What noodles?
Calvin: Oh... uh... Ha ha! Did I say noodles? You must have heard wrong. I didn't say noodles.

Calvin: I'm supposed to think up a story, write it, and illustrate it by tomorrow! Do I look like a novelist?! This is impossible! I can't tell stories!
Hobbes: What about your explanation of the noodle incident?
Calvin: THAT WASN'T A STORY! THAT WAS THE UNVARNISHED TRUTH!
Hobbes: Oh, don't be so modest. You deserved a Pulitzer.

Calvin: All I can say is, THIS year Santa had better bring everything on my list! I've been extremely good all year!
Hobbes: What about the noodle incident?
Calvin: NO ONE CAN PROVE I DID THAT!!

Santa: OK boys, have we loaded everything?
Santa's Helper: Ah, there's still the matter of this Calvin, sir. His list is 30 pages long, not including the supplement about incendiary weapons. The research dept. thought you should handle this one personally.
Santa: Well, is he naughty or nice?
Santa's Helper: Ah, a bit problematic, chief... here's his dossier.
Santa: Ohhh yes, the "noodle incident" kid...
Santa's Helper: That was a while ago, boss. He says he was framed, and we've had trouble verifying the particulars. Accounts seem to vary.

"Hamster Huey and the Gooey Kablooey (like the Noodle Incident I've referred to in several strips) is left to the reader's imagination, where it's sure to be more outrageous."
Bill Watterson, creator of Calvin and Hobbes

    Fan Works 
Roger's appearance was easily the third weirdest thing to happen to Whitebeard. For the top two, the only other soul who knew what they were was Marco, and they had sworn each other to secrecy, in the futile hope that they would one day forget about them.

"Oh, you have no right to talk about me being an idiot after what you did last year with Ms. Heirloom's cat!" Cuphead interrupted, completely forgetting to be silent within the caves, in case there was something lurking in the dark.
Mugman's shoulders bunched up and he stiffened. Luckily his back was facing Cuphead, so the red clad brother didn't see the mug's face scrunch up in embarrassment. "That was an accident and you were just as guilty as I was!"
"Well, cats have nine lives, so it just seemed like a pretty obvious choice to me."

"And let me tell you, crystal bats are not a pleasant surprise in your outhouse. He never tried that recipe again."

[later]

"...well, turns out there was a Fell Spar Cat outside on the roof, with pads and all. Horace must have sensed it. Just goes to show, never argue with a cheese."

"Oh, you would not believe the first time I sent [Caesar and Joseph] to make something as simple as tea. They nearly destroyed the kitchen."

"A fountain destroyed, over 20 thousand dollars in destroyed plants, garden bed and walk ways, numerous people scared out of their minds, let’s not forget one traumatized carriage driver and horse not to mention the carriage which, as far as we know, is still wrapped around that tree and finally, one thirty million dollar avant-garde art installation which no longer graces Central Park..."

Remus strode into the Burrow, his prize grasped firmly in hand, then he stopped and looked round at the wrecked room and the holes in the walls.
"Merlin’s grey beard!" Sirius gasped from behind him. "What happened? It looks like the aftermath of James’ bachelor party, except Moony isn’t dressed as a ballerina, Moody isn’t singing the teapot song and I haven’t lost my trousers."

Kara: So you're Power Girl's descendant?
Kal-L: What's this about?
Kara: Was your ancestress Power Girl? I mean, Kara Zor-L?
Kal-L: No, of course not.
Kara: Then, how? I mean, I knew your first Superman just a bit. I never knew he had a I mean—
Kal-L: He had a son.
Kara: I well, I never knew—
Kal-L: They didn't exactly get along. Can we leave it at that?

Asuka: Kensuke... I bet your darling Kaori-chan would just love to hear about all your perverted little exploits back when we were in school..
Kensuke: What exploits!?
Asuka: Oh, you know... those...
Kensuke: I don't know what you're talking about! I... Oh man...
HERZ

"Nah, she can't hold fireworks… Not after last time."

"If this is about the incident with the bull and the jelly-doughnuts, I already said sorry-"

Rupert Giles said, “Buffy, I believe that’s enough. I would really rather you didn’t get into further details, if you please.”
Buffy shot him a look. “Should I tell her about Jenny Calendar?”
“No, absolutely not.”
Supergirl looked from Buffy to Rupert and back again. She had a feeling that, even though she’d seen more than either of these two would in a lifetime, there was something she’d missed. Like lifting up a board in an empty lot and seeing the beetles, grubs, and worms burrowing about. Something from which she’d possibly been shielded before. She had better sense than to ask about Jenny Calendar.

Warren: Funny, it almost sounded like he doesn't trust us.
Hank: Indeed. It did sound that way.
Scott: I wonder why? Could it be the Hong Kong drug lord we managed to get on the wrong side of the last time he took us out of the country?
Warren: Spend one night treed by a tiger, and you never forgive us. You could have just blasted it.
Scott: I could have saved myself a lot of trouble and just blasted you and Hank.
Jean: Now, I'm sure I don't want to know.

"Yeah but remember the incident in the office with: the fruit smoothie, the giant inflatable clown, the crayola pencils, the toilet paper, the 50 pounds of pixie stix, Matsuda, and the 15-year-old fangirl going 'MATSUDA-NII!'"
Ide, ;;The Ultimate Bet''

"But what the hell. You can't go back in time and get Jesus off the cross, or get Oswald out of that book depository. I mean, Lex found that out when he accidentally kept Superkid from saving Abe Lincoln... don't ask me about that right now."
Nasthalthia Luthor, Kara of Rokyn

"They're otherworlders. I think they came from the void-vessel." Ultia holstered her blades, as was customary.
"What?" Augmentus's eyes widened. "First it was a Rahkshi. Then it was an Agori of the Iron Tribe. Then it was an Av-Matoran. Now it's sky-people. What's next? You're going to bring the Great Spirit himself here?"

Pearl: And why, pray tell, would you have ever needed to be a crocodile for one of your nights of debauchery?
Amethyst: That's for me to know, and for that lake full of endangered fish we ransacked to never find out!
Universe Falls: Full Disclosure

Even Jonny Double managed to make the list. He was rather glad that it turned out the way it did, before he even had to tell anyone other than Carl that there might have been foul play. He was even more glad that Mr. Ferris wrote him a check for two thousand dollars.
He never did figure out why Jordan's picture had all those scratches in it, but life is full of little mysteries.

"Just because you don't *think* you have to go [to the bathroom], doesn't mean you don't. Trust me, I speak from experience."

Leni Loud: "No, no. A meeting without Lincoln is a sister meeting. (Lincoln looks at her suspiciously) I-I mean, that's what we would call them, if we had them. Which we don't. Anymore. And especially not—"
Lynn Loud: (smacks Leni) "Shaddup!"

Leni Loud: "I wouldn't be too sure. Lori's been to some pretty wild parties. Did I ever tell you guys about Becky's sweet sixteen? Well, at the party, she... (five minutes later) ... and then after they let her out of jail, they let her keep the diving helmet as a souvenir."

Lucy Loud: "I highly doubt that. Speaking as someone who has been buried alive, it's not fun."
Lincoln Loud: "When did that happen?"
Lucy Loud: "It's a long story."

Lola Loud: "It wouldn't be any fun if the dares were easy."
Lynn Loud: "Besides, nothing's stopping you from picking truth over and over."
Lola Loud: "A rookie mistake. Truths can be just as humiliating as dares. (sneers at Luan) Isn't that right, chicken-lover?"
Luan Loud: "(sneers back) Sure is, super-soaker!"
Lola Loud: "(gasps) How dare you?!"
Lynn Loud: "What, what did you two—?"
Lincoln Loud: "I think we're better off not knowing."

Lola Loud: "Seriously, Lucy, what do you see in that show?"
Lucy Loud: "It's complicated."

Lori Loud: "Well, you never know what could set you off. Just the other day, Lana was crying about snakes."
Lana Loud: "They don't have any arms."

Lori Loud: "Lincoln, it's not a bad thing. Well, it is a bad thing, but we're siblings. It's in our nature to annoy each other. (looks at Leni) Usually by wearing our clothes without asking."
Lana Loud: "Or giving our pets makeovers."
Lucy Loud: "Or bench pressing us when we're trying to read."
Lisa Loud: "Or beating us at chess. (everyone looks at her) She cheats! I swear, she cheats!"

Lincoln Loud: "Given the fact that [Luan] has a tape in her collection called 'Lincoln almost dies', I'm not surprised."

Luan Loud: "I mean, no one could hate a baby."
Chaz Mitchell: "Yeah, I'm not so sure about that. Not after babysitting for Mr. and Mrs. Thorn."

Luan Loud: "Aaaaand I know exactly where this is going. 'Bleh, bleh, bleh! She's not funny! All she does is make puns! Let's make a hashtag campaign to get her to kill herself! (everyone looks at her) Yeah, that last one happened. Pro tip: Never use the phrase 'spirit animal' on Tumblr."
Chaz Mitchell: "Not even ironically?"
Luan Loud: "Especially not ironically!"

"Speaking of your esophagus, you know what I learned down the street? You're lying about the boy you got that waterbed from. He's not a botanist and he fed his fish this morning."

"Fumikage hadn't been there when the fight [between Bakugou and Kirishima] happened, but Koda had heard from a few courageous squirrels that Cementoss had had to rebuild at least three walls afterwards. Both had been put on house arrest by Aizawa, but as far as anyone else in the class knew, neither had spoken a word to each other since."

Claude: "Oh!, I should mention that the three of us are students at Garreg Mach Monastery. We were doing some training exercises when those bandits attacked. On average, I'd say it was my third most disastrous camping trip."
Dimitri: "Third? Dare I ask what you're ranking above us nearly having our throats slit in our sleep?"

Mayumi: "What if Nene starts hanging out with me and tries to get me to talk with the ghost inside her teddy bear!?"
Shinji: "Wait what was that last-"
Mayumi: "I just want a quiet, peaceful life, Mister Ikari!

"I just gotta get those dragon balls. And if it's anything like that jockstrap incident, Ginyu probably buried them somewhere around here."
Vegeta, Dragon Ball Z Abridged, episode 23

Becky: Oh, because it's always about control, isn't it, Brian? You were always like this!
Brian: Apologizing on your behalf, because you puked on the neighbor's dog — again — is not being controlling, Becky!
Becky: Oh, like you never puked on that dog!
Brian: Its called solidarity, look it up!

    Film — Animated 
Milo: What's Mole's story?
Dr. Sweet: Trust me on this one. You don't wanna know. Audrey, don't tell him. You shouldn't have told me, but you did. And now I'm tellin' you: (Points at Milo) You don't wanna know.

"Wow, If I Had a Nickel... for every time I was doomed by a puppet, I'd have two nickels—which isn't a lot, but it's weird that it happened twice, right?"

Ozzy: Well I don't wanna do it if you won't tell me why.
Axl: What are you talking about, "personal"?
Cindy-Lou: Axl, when you asked to borrow sixteen dollars and my mom's suitcase, did I ask you why?
Axl: ...no.

Edd: You and your nefarious scams!
Eddy: Like you were picking daisies! You built the stupid thing!
Edd: If you had paid attention to what I said and not pushed the red button!

"Come on. I'll tell you about the time I took on an army of Manhunters and my only backup was this squirrel."

Nemo: "Dad, you're not gonna freak out like you did at the petting zoo, are you?"
Marlin: "Hey! That snail was about to charge!"

"Remember the raccoon, Hogarth? *shudders* I remember the raccoon!"
Annie Hughes, The Iron Giant

"This isn't like last time; I really did hurt a Night Fury."

Junior: Now don't look so surprised. I know you haven't seen me since—
Thomas: You stuffed party poppers down my funnel!
Junior: Hey, we had a laugh!
Thomas: You did.

    Film — Live-Action 
Natasha Romanoff: (shooting aliens) This is just like Budapest all over again.
Clint Barton: You and I remember Budapest very differently.

Dr. Peter Venkman: This reminds me of when you tried to drill a hole through your head. Remember that?
Egon Spengler: That would've worked if you hadn't stopped me!

"Let's face it, this isn't the worst thing you've caught me doing."
Tony Stark to Pepper Potts when she first sees him half out of his armor, Iron Man

Reuben: Look, we all go way back and uh, I owe you from the thing with the guy in the place and I'll never forget it.
Danny: That was our pleasure.
Rusty: I'd never been to Belize.

(Jack has just pulled a drowning Elizabeth out of the water, and Murtogg and Mullroy are trying to revive her)
Mullroy: She's not breathing!
[Jack pulls off her corset, and she takes a deep breath]
Murtogg: Never would've thought of that...
Jack: Clearly you've never been to Singapore.

Anakin Skywalker: All right, but you owe me one, and not for saving your skin for the tenth time.
Obi-Wan Kenobi: Ninth time. That business on Cato Nemoidia doesn't... doesn't count.
Star Wars: Episode III — Revenge of the Sith

"I want to apologize about your bushes. I had no idea that they would all catch on fire like that."
Buck to his brother, Uncle Buck

    Literature 
"There was also a Beaver, that paced on the deck,
Or would sit making lace in the bow:
And had often (the Bellman said) saved them from wreck,
Though none of the sailors knew how."

"A few years ago during the floods, there had been an 'incident' in which I might have been involved. I was not the cause of said incident, but I was there clearing up a few things and, well, some people got a bit singed, books were damaged and the teacup collection on the Queensland Terrace was irreparably diminished. I was also grateful that old-style librarians — the sort who could turn evildoers to ash with a single glare — were few and far between."
Vigil, by Angela Slatter

Ripred: Well, you have to at least credit her [Nerissa] with a certain instability. Remember when she told you I was plotting to take over the Fount with an army of lobsters?
Vikus: You did try and take over the Fount with an army of lobsters.

"...it wasn' a bad journey. Ran inter a couple o' mad trolls on the Polish border an' I had a sligh' disagreement with a vampire in a pub in Minsk, bu' apart from tha' couldn’t’a bin smoother."

I hadn't done business with the Titans since the affair of the dead wolf in the hat. That debacle had resulted in Hyperion's brother Iapetos vanishing into a stray dimension and a very nasty stain appearing on my carpet. Iapetos hadn't been seen since. That stain sure lingered, though.
String City, by Graham Edwards

Dr. Haydock: What I'd prescribe for you is a nice juicy murder.
Miss Marple: That's an outrageous thing to say!
Dr. Haydock: Isn't it? However, you can always make do with the depth the parsley sank into the butter on a summer's day. I always wondered about that.

Arachne: What about the first set I made for you?
Alex Verus: That was ten years ago! Would you have even noticed if it'd been me that didn't come back instead of the clothes?
Arachne: It was a full wardrobe. Some of my best work, too. With a little work they'd still fit...
Alex Verus: Look, you know what happened there. I couldn't exactly have gone and asked for them back.
Arachne: And the outfit I made you for Unicorn's Run. Have you any idea how hard it is to get blood out of silk? Then there were the ceremonial robes for the investment ceremony. You said to make it fire-resistant, and I did. I even told you exactly what temperature it would tolerate. And then—
Alex Verus: I didn't say fire-resistant, I said fire proof. Besides, that thing with the inferno elemental was not my fault.
Luna: What are you two talking about?
Arachne and Alex: Nothing.

It was true that ivy wouldn't grow on that one bare patch of wall behind the kitchens because one of the stones had been violently cursed in a really ugly incident involving a student who'd slipped through the admissions protocols meant to screen out sociopaths and other people mentally unfit to handle magic. On humid days it sweated acid.

    Live-Action TV 
"The capital of the United Arab Emirates is Abu Dhabi. I know that 'cause if I ever go back there I'll be executed."
Tracy Jordan, 30 Rock

"I'm not crazy, my mother had me tested."
Sheldon Cooper, The Big Bang Theory

Agent Pickering: When you were in Cuba, did you meet with a man named Juan Guzman?
Dr. Temperance Brennan: (Waits a Beat, picks up her phone and dials a number) Hello. It's Dr. Brennan from the Jeffersonian. You told me to call you if anyone asked about... you know... him... Someone from the State Department named Samantha Pickering. (hands the phone to Pickering)
Agent Pickering: Pickering. Yes, sir! Yes... I'll wait... I'll wait here. (hands the phone back to Brennan, who hangs up the receiver)
Dr. Temperance Brennan: Any more questions?
Agent Pickering: Uh, no. In fact, the entire review process is suspended. And I'm to wait here until someone comes to destroy my notes.
Bones, "The Woman in the Car"

Jack: I swear, sixteen feet tall–
Mickey: You're lying through your teeth!
Jack: –and with tusks! I mean, it turns out the white things are tusks, and I mean tusks! And it's woken, and it's not happy.
The Doctor: How could you not know it was there?
Jack: And we're standing there, fifteen of us, naked!
Rose: [laughing] Naked?!
Jack: And I'm like, "Oh, no, no, it's got nothing to do with me." And then it roars, and we are running. Oh my God, we are running! And Brakovitch falls, so I turn to him and I say–
Mickey: "I knew we should have turned left!"
Jack: That's my line!

The Doctor: Getting a bit too close to the 1980s!
Donna: [flying the TARDIS] What am I gonna do, put a dent in 'em?
The Doctor: Well, someone did...

The Doctor: Yeah, I've been to Belgium. I was in the Ardennes, looking for Charlemagne. He'd been kidnapped by an insane computer.
[a brief flashback where the Doctor is shown hacking through underbrush with a machete, carrying a bow and quiver of arrows]
Agatha Christie: Doctor, Charlemagne lived centuries ago.
The Doctor: I've got a very good memory.

The Doctor: 1580 — that's alright, Casanova doesn't get born for 145 years. Don't want to run into him, I owe him a chicken.
Rory: You owe Casanova a chicken?
The Doctor: Long story. We had a bet.

"I have apologised for the Death Eye Turtle Army. Profusely!"
The Doctor, Doctor Who, "Demons of the Punjab"

"So my foot's totally stuck in there, right? I'm freaking out, the dog's having a seizure, and I still got half a pie left."
Drake, Drake & Josh

Airplane Pilot: Have you ever been in a cockpit before, Father?
Father Dougal: Ah, no. But this one time I was on the bridge of a Sealink ferry, and it was funny, I was looking at the controls and-
Father Noel: (coughcoughcough)
Father Dougal: ...Oh, um, nothing happened at all.

"I didn't have a graduation party and I didn't go to prom. And I spent my sweet sixteen being chased around a tire yard by an escaped mental patient who in his own words wanted to 'kill me' or whatever."
Phoebe, Friends

Joey: Can't believe I have to go back to work after this and get spit on again.
Phoebe: Well you're lucky. At least the people that spit on you are famous.
Joey: Who spits on you?
Phoebe: I don't want to talk about work.

Joey: (walks in wearing a tuxedo) Hey!
Chandler: (leaps out of his seat) Oh no-no-no-no-no-no, VOMIT TUX! NO-NO, VOMIT TUX!
Joey: Don't worry, I had it dry-cleaned.
Monica: "Vomit tux"? Who vomited on — y'know what, what you up to, Joey?

"I once brought a jackass and a honeycomb into a brothel..."
Tyrion, Game of Thrones

Randy: But don' you remember the last time we did a Springclean?
Sammy J: Remind me.
Randy: We burned the house down. Had to flee into state. You killed a cop. We lived in a hotel for three months. Playing scrabble.
Sammy J: I remember the scrabble.

Jason: Man, think about everything that's happened to us. We died. Michael tortured us. We teamed up with him. We escaped. We went through the portal, the judge ruled against us...then Michael showed up. This has been one of the craziest years of my life!
Chidi: "One of?"
The Good Place, "Somewhere Else"

Ted: You made a New Year's resolution!
Robin: I also said I would never make out with a garbage man. Life is what happens when you're busy making other plans!
How I Met Your Mother, "False Positive"

"Not long after the experiments began, however, there was... an incident."
Dr. Pierre Chang, Lost

(Hal runs into the kids' room)
Hal: Who wants to make five bucks?
Malcolm: What?
Hal: I need someone to take the fall.
Lois: (offscreen) Oh my God.
Malcolm: What did you do?
Lois: (offscreen) OH MY GOD.
Hal: No questions, just yes or no.
Malcolm: Make it ten.
Hal: Deal.
Lois: (offscreen) OH MY GOD!!!
Hal: You are a good son. (starts dragging Malcolm outside) I GOT HIM, LOIS!

Postal Worker: This is highly irregular.
Lorne Malvo: No, highly irregular is the time I found a human foot in a toaster oven. This is just odd.
Fargo

"And welcome back to Celebrity Jeopardy!. Because of what happened just before the commercial, I’d like to apologize to all blind people and children."
Alex Trebek, Celebrity Jeopardy, Saturday Night Live

Laverne: "This isn't gonna be like the time you thought your hamster had a headache, is it?"
Shirley: "My hamster did have a headache!"
Laverne & Shirley, "One Flew Over Milwaukee"

"Yes, Flint has become a city whose very name invokes disaster, like Benghazi, or Waco, or Smurf Village. (the image graphic shows a Smurf cop taking notes over a covered line of Smurf corpses with zero context) Never forget. Never forget what happened there. Never forget."

"Never go to bed angry or on fire. I speak from experience."
Gomez Addams, The Addams Family

Penny: Hey, can I ask you a question?
Leonard: Sure.
Penny: You've had this dartboard since I've known you, but I've never seen you play.
Leonard: Oh, uh, we played. Once. I broke a window.
Penny: ...What window?
Leonard: That one over there. [points at a window on the opposite side of the room]

Dude, last time we did a whisper train, everyone got sucked into a pyramid scheme.
Stacy, Studio C

Duck: Tell them about the tournament.
Red Guy: ...I don't know about the... tournament.
Duck: I won a tournament. ...Didn't I?
Red Guy: Did you?

Cody: Your last plan ended with us in a vat of marshmallow topping.
Zack: You say that like it's a bad thing.

Sam: 'Cause last year, he gave her the worst birthday she ever had.
Spencer: It wasn't the worst...
Carly: Yes it was; he took me to a petting zoo.
Spencer: How was I supposed to know the goat would do that —
Carly: DON'T TALK ABOUT WHAT THE GOAT DID!
[...]
T-Bo: What did the goat do...?
— ''iCarly, "iGot a Hot Room"

    Music 
There was that whole weird thing with the horses
I think they know exactly what happened
I don't think it needs any explaining
I'm pretty sure I wasn't your first choice
I think I was the last one remaining
I wish we hadn't gone and destroyed it
Cause I was thinkin’ we could pull another weekender
[...]
So if it has to be a secret
Then I guess that I can deal with it
You and I both know it's a negative thing
In the end only the girls know the whole truth
"The Weekenders" by The Hold Steady

    Tabletop Game 
"Do you really want to spend the rest of the week fending off a Zombie Apocalypse as the Earth vomits up her dead? AGAIN?"
— A Klagen trying to reason one of his peers, Genius: The Transgression

    Theatre 
"Gretchen, I'm sorry I laughed at you that time you got diarrhea on the ferris wheel. ...And I'm sorry for repeating it now. And I'm sorry for the people who were below us."
Karen Smith, Mean Girls

    Video Games 
People ask why we remember Karl. People ask what made him a legend. Rumor has it Skull Crusher Ale is at least partly to blame. Make of that what you will. Beware.
Skull Crusher Ale description, Deep Rock Galactic

Varric: (on how his crossbow got her name) There was a girl, and I made a promise. Bianca is the only story I can never tell.
Merrill: You can't say that! Now I want to know even more!
Varric: (chuckles) That was the idea, Daisy.

Barney: You mean [the teleporter's] working? For real this time? Because I still have nightmares about that cat.
Alyx: What cat?
Dr. Kleiner: Ah, now, we've made major strides since then... major strides.
Alyx: What cat?

"Brains come out, swamp water doesn't. Don't ask me how I know that.
Legally, I'm not allowed to own a firearm. I hope you guys are okay with that."
Nick, Left 4 Dead 2

"I have been apprehensive of the gentler gender since that run-in with the Four Whores of the Apocalypse in Timbuktu... eh, no, it's not a topic fit for discussion, believe me, heh. I'd rather forget all about it..."
Iain Tibet Gladstone, The Secret World

"In the name and by the power of Her Enduring Majesty, a trade embargo and quarantine in absolute perpetuity has hereby been declared on the Empire of Hands.
1. No ship of London is to permit aboard a Pentecost ape without express and prior permission of the Admiralty.
2. Any and all acts of spirifrage are prohibited.
3.
They know what they did."
— Excerpt from Standard Naval Regulations, Vol IV., Sunless Sea

"It's just for tourists, of course. Albion time's really based on the ol' Tick-Tock-Man's pocketwatch. He keeps us straight. Except that time on his ninetieth birthday when he had one too many and the whole of Albion lost two hours."
Apprentice at the Horological Office, Sunless Skies

"I had that dream again. The one about the rabbits and their Molotov cocktails."
Rick Ajax, Unbound Saga

"Events always seem to unfold wherever I go. Like Chicago a few years ago. ...It's a bother to explain."

"We have conducted an in-depth report on Tundra the Sea Angel. However, we canceled the interview due to a grotesque sight. For further information, look up 'buccal cones'."
Nether News report, Disgaea 5: Alliance of Vengeance

"I don't know what you did to piss her off, but whatever it was... nice."
Bayonetta, Bayonetta 2

Callie: They banned us from eating at this hotel because of you!
Marie: You threw the first handful of caviar at me!
Splatoon (Latin American Spanish localization)

Pearl: Let's throw a concert on this ship!
Marina: Don't you remember last time?! That ship is still on the ocean floor!

Frye: ...Hold on—I'm having a thought. Could I eat a sleeping bag? Y'know, in a pinch?
Big Man: Ay. Ay. (Nope. Don't ask me how.)

"'Just stand still,' he says! 'I'll turn your boots to gold,' he says!"

"Won't be the first time I punched a statue in the crotch, and it won't be the last!"
Zane, Borderlands 3

Strong enough to knock out a wyvern, though how that was tested is best left up to the imagination.
— The description for the Dragon Ale Canteen ingredient, Monster Hunter: World

Vi: Ugh, can we not deal with Reed? I'm allergic to bouncers.
Leif: We shudder just thinking what you did to get on his bad side...
Kabbu: ...Indeed. Given the nature of this place, it's actually quite impressive that you had to be thrown out.
Vi: I didn't do anything! I just forgot the code!
Leif: Sure thing, Vi. Sure thing.

"This won't be the first corpse I've disposed of in the dead of night."

"Now, I'd go get it myself of course, but because of a 'misunderstanding', I'm not really allowed to set foot on this island..."

Mari: Sensei, is fruit usually associated with Thanksgiving?
Sensei: Well, cranberries are, but have you ever tried to slice a cranberry in mid-air? And don't get me started on the time we tried "Turkey Ninja"...
Fruit Ninja Classic, Thankful Feast event

    Visual Novels 
"Had I started a fight with a frightening and mysterious new religion? No... Had I hacked into some terrorist group's server? No... Had I witnessed an assassination? No... Had I gotten wasted and had a one night stand with the mistress of a prominent politician? Well, yes... But it was just the one time... And she was the one who went after me..."

    Webcomics 
"I always enjoy unspeakable horrors that are left up to the viewer's imagination."
Matthew Taranto, author of Brawl in the Family

"The only search my old site (notmydesk.com) ever pwned was "nude women with hiccups", the reasons for which I neither can nor wish to recall."
Chris Livingston, creator of Concerned, on becoming the number one Google result for the word "concerned"

EB: how'd you get it then?
TG: shenanigans
EB: ok.
John Egbert and Dave Strider, Homestuck

"My Soul powers aren't doing us any good, then that's my fault for wasting it on making that one thing awhile back...–★☾'"
Seleen Quilla, Hackbent

Dora: Geez, you musta freaked out the first time you got your period, huh.
Hannelore: We don't... we don't talk about that day.

Minsk: Gorb. Dis iz turnink into vun of dose plans... Hyu know – de kind vere ve keel everybody dot notices dot ve's killin' people?
Gorb: It is?
Minsk: Uh huh. And how do dose alvays end?
Gorb: De dirigible iz in flames, evryboddyz dead an' I've lost my hat.
Minsk: Dot's right. Und any plan vere you lose you hat iz?
Gorb: A bad plan?
Minsk: RIGHT AGAIN!

"[Sally] tried to use her fire for jet boots once. Never again."

Rue's brother: You're probably just still mad about that time you got mistaken for a bush.
Rue: You swore we'd never speak of that again.

Aki: Aah, I'm sorry... when [Natsuki] drinks, she gets super annoying.
Yukimi: Oh, I know. I still remember what she did when I graduated.

    Web Original 
>have the urge to play DF again after several months
>load up this 200+ fort I had (probably the largest ever)
>suddenly I can't remember what THE FUCK I was doing last
>see some walls built in places that don't make any fucking sense
>have a gazzillion gorillas in a 5x5 pasture
>my mayor is chained outside for no reason
>I have someone's pet pig chained up on the edge of the map
>over 30 troglodytes in my zoo
>I had sent my 4 military squads underground to kill a kea
>a fucking kea
>to top it off my legendary carpenter [has] his knees shattered in the hospital
>there are no reports that show what the fuck happened

I have absolutely no clue what's going on.
A 4chan post

"And I made no friends buying the spork!"
Peter Parker, Bad Lip Reading

Louie: But he's too strong! Not even Unca Scrooge can beat him!
Dewey: We can use the Fusion technique!
Louie: Not Fusion! I promised not to use it after last time!
Dewey: What happened to Webby was an accident! Believe in yourself, stupid!
Ducktalez 3

26. [DATA REDACTED ON O5 REQUEST]. Not even for recreational use

Instance: SCP-2416-8
Cause of death: [REDACTED]
Comments: The badgers suffered only minor injuries.

"That's nothing. I once lost my genetics, rocketry, and stripping licenses in a single incident."
— The Alt Text to this xkcd comic

291. Limericks are strictly forbidden after the incident at the Cathedral of the Silver Flame. Let us never speak of it again.
— "1001 and More Things the Worst Party in Eberron is Forbidden from Doing"

Danny: Bear is like a master class on creating children's television.
Kynan: That's the second class this year I’ve taken from a guy in a bear suit.
Danny: ...
Kynan: Long story.

(845): It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.

Acacia Byrd: "Why couldn't I have stayed in Bad Slash? Oh, yeah, that."
Jay Thorntree: "Oh, yeah, what?"
Acacia: "Long story. Suffice it to say there was an unfortunate incident involving a really horrible Aragorn/Boromir/Legolas fic, lots of knives, a pigeon, and my partner's Analysis Device."
Jay: "A... pigeon? What—"

    Web Video 
"One evening, I told the girl. Now my wife is a virgin."
Random Guy, Twisted Translations

I owe a lot of people a lot of things. Most of them money, one an organ, one a live tiger. But I don't owe you shit.
Android 18 to Vegeta, Dragon ShortZ

Ledger: Uh, this is literally the worst I've ever seen this house get.
Brock: Really?
Ledger: Yeah, this is terrible. There's blood everywhere. There's crates. There's- everything's broken.
Brock: Dude, don't you remember that party, last week?
Ledger: Oh yeah, it was pretty bad. Yeah. There were more dead people at that party.
Mr. Gibbs, "Kermit Hide and Seek"

    Western Animation 
Johnny: Look out! Mandy's used her gigantic white teeth to fashion a lollipop shiv!
Nick: Y'know, that's exactly what kept me alive in Attica.
Johnny: What?
Nick: Well that, and the fact I was a very good dancer.

"I'd...rather not talk about it."
Jim Morales, Kadik phys ed teacher, Code Lyoko

Mabel: Hey, Grunkle Stan, ever kissed a pig before?
Stan: I'm not gonna answer that question.
Gravity Falls, "The Bottomless Pit"

Pleakley: Well, I just hope that this won't end up like the incident with the giant chicken.
Jumba: I thought we were agreeing never to talk about that again.
Pleakley: All I remember are the feathers. Oh, the feathers...

Master Fu: You are way too dangerous without an owner!
Plagg: Dangerous? Me? How so?
Fu: Does the disappearance of Atlantis ring a bell for you?
Plagg: I'd had too much cheese!
Fu: The Leaning Tower of Pisa?
Plagg: I didn't see it!
Fu: Dinosaurs!
Plagg: Oh! Yeah, okay, I did go too far there. But I was young!

"They won't let me in the big people library downtown. There was some... unpleasantness, I can never go back."
Homer, The Simpsons, "The Wizard Of Evergreen Terrace"

Hank Scorpio: You ever see a guy say goodbye to a shoe?
Homer Simpson: Yes, once.
The Simpsons "You Only Move Twice"

"That's the second biggest tongue I have ever seen!"

Luz: It's eggs! It's full of eggs! Why is this memory full of eggs?!
Amity: Yeah, that one's hard to explain.
The Owl House, "Understanding Willow"

"...then the Ambassador's wife filed a complaint. Long story short, I am never welcome in Albania ever again."
Heinz Doofenshmirtz, Phineas and Ferb

Timmy: I wish I had a super bi—
Cosmo and Wanda: NOOOOOO!
Wanda: We had an agreement about "super" wishes!
Cosmo: Remember Super Kitty?!
(cut to Timmy and several dogs being chased by a giant cat)
Wanda: And don't make him relive Super Toilet!
Cosmo: It took the plunger! The whole plunger! (begins sucking his thumb)
The Fairly Oddparents, "Super Bike"

"That's the second-biggest egg I've ever seen."
Egon Spengler, The Real Ghostbusters, "Poultrygeist"

"Hi, Sugar Booger! Remember how I promised I'd never be brought home by an angry mob again?"
Hugh Neutron, The Adventures of Jimmy Neutron, Boy Genius ("Sorry, Wrong Era")

"You don't just get a trophy, you've got to WIN a trophy! Like I did in '95, '96, and '98! Don't ask about '97..."
Community Sue, Big City Greens, "Winner Winner"

Melissa: [JP's] horse leg is broken! We have to put him down like in the movies.
(Melissa holds up a broom menacingly, but Marie stops her.)
Marie: Melissa, no. Not again.
Craig of the Creek, "JPony"

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