Anime & Manga
We were there, basking in the warm sunlight. That Dec. 16, X784...On Sirius Island...when suddenly, our doom arrived.
—final lines of Chapter 251: The Right To Love, Fairy Tail
Seriousness decreased by -20 points.
—Narrator, Magical Circle Guru-Guru
[Alphonse]'s gotta be freaking out wondering where we are now. I wish there was some way I could contact him...
AAAAAAAAHHHHH! CONVENIENTLY AWAKEN, TELEPATHIC POWERS! ELRIC BROTHER TELEPATHY! AAH! LOVING BROTHER, COME IN!
AAAAAAAAHHHHH! CONVENIENTLY AWAKEN, TELEPATHIC POWERS! ELRIC BROTHER TELEPATHY! AAH! LOVING BROTHER, COME IN!
—Edward Elric, Fullmetal Alchemist: Brotherhood, "Doorway of Darkness"
Comic Books
Tony Stark: Sorry to just drop it on you like that, but...
Thor: I's OK. We asked.
Tony Stark: Well, that seems to have killed the atmosphere stone dead.
Thor: I's OK. We asked.
Tony Stark: Well, that seems to have killed the atmosphere stone dead.
Fan Works
...there was a single moment, maybe a second after she died, in which everything was still and eerie and beautiful.
At which point her ghost ruined it by leaping out of the bathtub, soaked and spluttering and gasping for air - not that she needed to breathe anymore, but needing to and doing so out of habit are two different matters - and, upon seeing Emma's smirking and white-clothed form, screamed 'You just made me KILL MYSELF, you bitch!' and tackled her to the ground, clawing wildly and cursing in Spanish.
At which point her ghost ruined it by leaping out of the bathtub, soaked and spluttering and gasping for air - not that she needed to breathe anymore, but needing to and doing so out of habit are two different matters - and, upon seeing Emma's smirking and white-clothed form, screamed 'You just made me KILL MYSELF, you bitch!' and tackled her to the ground, clawing wildly and cursing in Spanish.
—The X-Men fic So, How Did You Die?
Leah vacillated between calling down curses on his head and wishing for his love again with a speed that gave Sue whiplash.
—Narration, Luminosity
miho's mom died
...(10 seconds later)
... hot lesbian sex...
congratulations you just threw me off course
...(10 seconds later)
... hot lesbian sex...
congratulations you just threw me off course
—A review for Girls und Panzer: Hope Diesnote
Everything was quiet as the Bad End Kingdom retired for the night.
Until someone ripped an extraordinarily loud fart that echoed throughout the lair.
Until someone ripped an extraordinarily loud fart that echoed throughout the lair.
"Yes, wouldn't it be nice to have matching white outfits?" Miss Piggy looked dreamy. "To represent the purity of our love."
Suddenly, the phone rang. Annoyed, Miss Piggy picked up. "Make it quick, Bernie, we're having a moment here!"
Suddenly, the phone rang. Annoyed, Miss Piggy picked up. "Make it quick, Bernie, we're having a moment here!"
Let's Play
Remind me how we went from stabbed mothers and children's corpses to this in the span of one chapter?
—Skawo on Wess' dance, Mother 3 - Part 15 - Psy-Kick Powers
Film — Animation
(cheerfully) Your flight will last FOREVER. (back to cheerful) And your final destination is THE BLACK VOID OF DISTANT SPACE.
—Glaxxon 5000, The Mitchells vs. the Machines
Rapunzel: I can't believe I did this! [nervously] I can't believe I did this. [overjoyed] I CAN'T BELIEVE I DID THIS! [appalled] Mother would be so furious. [sitting by a pond, content] But that's okay, I mean, what she doesn't know won't kill her, right? [sitting in a cave, shocked] Oh my gosh. This would kill her! [running through leaves, cheerfully] This is sooo funnnn!! [leaning on tree, guilty] I am a horrible daughter. I'm going back. [rolling down a hill, cheerfully] I am NEVER going back! [lying facedown in meadow, dejectedly] I am a despicable human being. [swinging around a tree tree, happily] WOO-HOOOO!! BEST! DAY!! EVER!!! [sitting against a rock, crying loudly]
Flynn: [clears throat] You know, I can't help but notice you seem a little at war with yourself here.
Flynn: [clears throat] You know, I can't help but notice you seem a little at war with yourself here.
Film — Live-Action
I did not hit her. It's not true, it's bullshit, I did not hit her! I DID NOT— Oh hi Mark.
—Johnny, The Room
Ken: What did I do to deserve this?
Captain Joe: (pensive) We don't deserve half the things we get. (laughs maniacally, then throws down his pen angrily) You're stuck here!
Captain Joe: (pensive) We don't deserve half the things we get. (laughs maniacally, then throws down his pen angrily) You're stuck here!
(Singing) Let it snow, let it sno... (a dead terrorist lands on his wind shield)'' SHIT! GOD DAMN IT! JESUS H. CHRIST!
—Srg. Powell. Die Hard
Rocket: Attention, idiots! The lunatic on the top of this craft is holding a Hadron Enforcer, a weapon of my own design.
Yondu: What the hell?
Rocket: If you don't hand over our companions now, he's gonna tear your ship a new one. A very big new one.
Yondu: I ain't buyin' it.
Rocket: I am giving you to the count of five. [Quill and Gamora start to panic] Five, four, three—
Quill: No, wait! Hold on! Rocket, it's me! For God's sake! We figured it out! We're fine!
[pause]
Rocket: [nonchalantly] Oh, hey, Quill. What's going on?
Yondu: What the hell?
Rocket: If you don't hand over our companions now, he's gonna tear your ship a new one. A very big new one.
Yondu: I ain't buyin' it.
Rocket: I am giving you to the count of five. [Quill and Gamora start to panic] Five, four, three—
Quill: No, wait! Hold on! Rocket, it's me! For God's sake! We figured it out! We're fine!
[pause]
Rocket: [nonchalantly] Oh, hey, Quill. What's going on?
Iceman: One last thing. Who's the better pilot, you or me?
Maverick: ...This is a nice moment. Let's not ruin it.
Maverick: ...This is a nice moment. Let's not ruin it.
Literature
They ended up having kindergartners singing songs to their teddy bears followed by eighteen-year-olds doing speed metal guitar solos.
—Greg, referring to his school's talent show, Diary of a Wimpy Kid
Pito: That actually got me a little misty-eyed. You felt the love between them, the idea that an extinction-level war might be imminent and they wanted to get married anyway. And it was like the doggy was doing his best to protect them.
LLENN: That's a nice story.
Pito: So I blasted both those outfits with my shotgun.
LLENN: No longer a nice story!
LLENN: That's a nice story.
Pito: So I blasted both those outfits with my shotgun.
LLENN: No longer a nice story!
—A conversation about a ruined wedding chapel guarded by a dog monster, with a wedding dress and tuxedo inside, Sword Art Online Alternative: Gun Gale Online
Live-Action TV
Are you trying to give us emotional whiplash?!
—Britta Perry, when Jeff Winger triggers one of these moments, Community
Sing and dance with us after the commercials!
—The ending tagline for Zyuden Sentai Kyoryuger, which is attached to every episode, including Wham Episodes.
"How the hell did this get so sad so fast?"
—Freddy, Mad Men
Hawkeye Pierce: You did everything you could.
Trapper McIntyre: Yeah. Come on, Henry. Loosen up. You'll have a ball.
Henry Blake: Yeah, that's just it. Everybody unwinds, has a good time, then the war comes back and it's a real belly drop.
Trapper McIntyre: Yeah. Come on, Henry. Loosen up. You'll have a ball.
Henry Blake: Yeah, that's just it. Everybody unwinds, has a good time, then the war comes back and it's a real belly drop.
"Don't you just hate it when movies change tone right in the middle like that?"
—Tyler, after a comical moment in a homemade movie goes south, "Freaky Fido", Dog with a Blog
Music
A river in the daylight is energy and life
A river in the dark can be a genuine surprise
You might find some lovers getting cozy on the shore,
Or a cold-blooded psychopath disposing of a corpse
A river in the dark can be a genuine surprise
You might find some lovers getting cozy on the shore,
Or a cold-blooded psychopath disposing of a corpse
— Aesop Rock, "By The River"
See a man beheaded, get offended, see a shrink
Show us pictures of your children, tell us every thought you think
Start a rumor, buy a broom, or send a death threat to a boomer
Or DM a girl and groom her, do a Zoom, or find a tumor in your—
Here's a healthy breakfast option! You should kill your mom!
Here's why women never fuck you! Here's how you can build a bomb!
Which Power Ranger are you? Take this quirky quiz!
Obama sent the immigrants to vaccinate your kids!
Show us pictures of your children, tell us every thought you think
Start a rumor, buy a broom, or send a death threat to a boomer
Or DM a girl and groom her, do a Zoom, or find a tumor in your—
Here's a healthy breakfast option! You should kill your mom!
Here's why women never fuck you! Here's how you can build a bomb!
Which Power Ranger are you? Take this quirky quiz!
Obama sent the immigrants to vaccinate your kids!
Sonic the Hedgehog, hero to all
When the world needed saving, he would answer the call
His little friend Tails was part of the team
But he was shitty and small, and had low self-esteem
So when they gathered all the Chaos Emeralds
Tails stole them and put 'em under his genitals
He pawned them all in spending spree
For his crippling addiction to PCP
"Come on!" Sonic said, "Let's go collect rings
And run through the meadow and jump on springs!
We'll laugh and we'll play all day and all night—
Why, your eyes are red, Tails, are you feelin' alright?"
Tails: YO, FUCK YOUR RINGS, SONIC, IT'S TIME TO GET REAL!
I WANNA KILL A MOTHERFUCKER JUST TO SEE HOW IT FEELS!
IF YOU DARE TO COME AT ME, YOU BETTER COME AT ME STRONG!
I'LL BREAK YOUR SORRY-ASS LEGS IF YOU LOOK AT ME WRONG!
I'M TAILS THE FOX, YOU LITTLE BITCH, AND I'M ON THE ATTACK!
MY ENDOCRINE SYSTEM IS FUCKING RIDDLED WITH CRACK!
NOW I'VE GOT HALLUCINATIONS THAT ARE OUT OF CONTROL
AND I CAN TASTE COLORS AND I'M GONNA SKULLFUCK YOUR SOUL!
When the world needed saving, he would answer the call
His little friend Tails was part of the team
But he was shitty and small, and had low self-esteem
So when they gathered all the Chaos Emeralds
Tails stole them and put 'em under his genitals
He pawned them all in spending spree
For his crippling addiction to PCP
"Come on!" Sonic said, "Let's go collect rings
And run through the meadow and jump on springs!
We'll laugh and we'll play all day and all night—
Why, your eyes are red, Tails, are you feelin' alright?"
Tails: YO, FUCK YOUR RINGS, SONIC, IT'S TIME TO GET REAL!
I WANNA KILL A MOTHERFUCKER JUST TO SEE HOW IT FEELS!
IF YOU DARE TO COME AT ME, YOU BETTER COME AT ME STRONG!
I'LL BREAK YOUR SORRY-ASS LEGS IF YOU LOOK AT ME WRONG!
I'M TAILS THE FOX, YOU LITTLE BITCH, AND I'M ON THE ATTACK!
MY ENDOCRINE SYSTEM IS FUCKING RIDDLED WITH CRACK!
NOW I'VE GOT HALLUCINATIONS THAT ARE OUT OF CONTROL
AND I CAN TASTE COLORS AND I'M GONNA SKULLFUCK YOUR SOUL!
Podcasts
Those of you who have not looked back should be encouraged not to do so, even if you begin to feel fingers on your neck, or hear whispers that seem to say, 'Hey! Look at me!' It is merely your subconscious trying to fool you now that I have primed it to do so. You’re welcome. In addition, one lucky Kakos Industries shareholder has none of the horrors just described waiting behind him or her, but instead one much much worse. Behind one of you out there, sitting in a chair, is me with a pistol. If you look, I will shoot you. Also, those are some good-ass cookies you’ve got in your kitchen.
—Corin Deeth III, Kakos Industries
Radio
Choir: Although it's Easter Sunday, a very special time
It's always Esther Sunday on Sundays at half past nine
Saint Esther works with cripples, the sick and the abused
And then she says "tits", "bums" and "fart" to keep us all amused.
[...]
Victor Lewis-Smith: You may notice that on That's Life!, viewers are whisked from the heights of comedy to the depths of tragedy and back again, oscillating at a frequency fast enough to give most viewers the emotional bends.
It's always Esther Sunday on Sundays at half past nine
Saint Esther works with cripples, the sick and the abused
And then she says "tits", "bums" and "fart" to keep us all amused.
[...]
Victor Lewis-Smith: You may notice that on That's Life!, viewers are whisked from the heights of comedy to the depths of tragedy and back again, oscillating at a frequency fast enough to give most viewers the emotional bends.
Theatre
Everythin' goin' on just as usual, and then, all of a sudden, before you know it, there's two people murdered.
—Mrs. Jones, Street Scene
Video Games
Niko: Motherfucker, why don't we just stop his car and start cutting off his fingers until he tells us where the fuck Pegorino is?
Little Jacob: Easy now Niko. Dat shit work in all dem spy torture type show pon TV, seen? But that don't work inna real life. Fools just pass out when dem see dem finger cut off.
Niko: Alright, we follow him back to Pegorino, then we cut his fucking fingers off.
Jacob: Seen me bredren, seen.
Roman: What type of sick bastards have I gotten into a car with? I'm speeding into oncoming traffic. I'm being shot at and all I have for company are two gangsters discussing the finer points of torture. This is great, just great! How's married life, Roman? It's really relaxing, thanks for asking!
Little Jacob: Easy now Niko. Dat shit work in all dem spy torture type show pon TV, seen? But that don't work inna real life. Fools just pass out when dem see dem finger cut off.
Niko: Alright, we follow him back to Pegorino, then we cut his fucking fingers off.
Jacob: Seen me bredren, seen.
Roman: What type of sick bastards have I gotten into a car with? I'm speeding into oncoming traffic. I'm being shot at and all I have for company are two gangsters discussing the finer points of torture. This is great, just great! How's married life, Roman? It's really relaxing, thanks for asking!
This is all very touching, really, but I'm afraid I have to cut this emotional moment short.
—Ghirahim, The Legend of Zelda: Skyward Sword
It's a beautiful day outside. Birds are singing, flowers are blooming. on days like these, kids like you... Should be burning in hell.
—Sans, Undertale
But perhaps, that was simple human nature.
Despite such a situation – or perhaps because of it – the mind turned to the furthest thing from death that it could find.
Despite such a situation – or perhaps because of it – the mind turned to the furthest thing from death that it could find.
—Narration, Nine Hours, Nine Persons, Nine Doors
Any tension that was in the air has just gone out the window...
—Yusuke, Persona 5
Himekawa: Now, when the war is going our way!
Honda: Now, when victory is at hand!
Himekawa: Feel the joy of shouting out in victory as a commander!
Honda: C'mon, let's all be there together!
(EDF anthem plays)
Both reporters: The EDF can't wait to see what you can do!
(Beat)
Honda: I can't! I really can't! I CAN'T KEEP LYING!
Himekawa: C'mon, what's wrong, Honda?
Honda: What's wrong?! Something's wrong with Headquarters, that's what! How long are they going to keep this up?!
Himekawa: Honda, we're gonna pretend we didn't hear that-
Honda: I've lived it! I know! WE'RE GOING TO LOSE THIS WAR!
Honda: Now, when victory is at hand!
Himekawa: Feel the joy of shouting out in victory as a commander!
Honda: C'mon, let's all be there together!
(EDF anthem plays)
Both reporters: The EDF can't wait to see what you can do!
(Beat)
Honda: I can't! I really can't! I CAN'T KEEP LYING!
Himekawa: C'mon, what's wrong, Honda?
Honda: What's wrong?! Something's wrong with Headquarters, that's what! How long are they going to keep this up?!
Himekawa: Honda, we're gonna pretend we didn't hear that-
Honda: I've lived it! I know! WE'RE GOING TO LOSE THIS WAR!
What a beautiful day. I feel like nothing bad could happen here. Unrelated, I have amnesia.
—Whispering Woods Toad, Paper Mario: The Origami King
Spamton: It seems after all I couldn't be anything more than a simple puppet. But you three... You're strong. With a power like that... Maybe you three can break your own strings. Let me become your strength.
(You got ShadowCrystal. You got Dealmaker/Puppet Scarf. ...but your inventory was full.)
Spamton: ... Kris...? Kris!? KRIS!?!?!? YOU FILLED YOUR [Inventorium] WITH [Half-Price Sallamy] JUST TO KEEP ME OUT!? WHAT! THE! F-[Fifty Percent Off]!? YOU CAN CARRY LIKE 48 ITEMS!!! [Why] DID YOU DO THIS!? WHY!? [Y]!? [Yellow]!? [Gamma]!? NOT [Cool] KRIS! I'LL BE IN MY [Trailer]!
(You got ShadowCrystal. You got Dealmaker/Puppet Scarf. ...but your inventory was full.)
Spamton: ... Kris...? Kris!? KRIS!?!?!? YOU FILLED YOUR [Inventorium] WITH [Half-Price Sallamy] JUST TO KEEP ME OUT!? WHAT! THE! F-[Fifty Percent Off]!? YOU CAN CARRY LIKE 48 ITEMS!!! [Why] DID YOU DO THIS!? WHY!? [Y]!? [Yellow]!? [Gamma]!? NOT [Cool] KRIS! I'LL BE IN MY [Trailer]!
— Deltarune Chapter 2
Web Animation
Tom: Phew... Well, we made it... [notices zombie bite] ...oh... damn... I got bitten...
Edd: Me too...
Tom: Well, I... guess this is the end...
[somber music plays as the camera slowly pans out]
Matt: BOOGITY BOOGITY BRAINS!
Edd: Well, that killed the mood.
Edd: Me too...
Tom: Well, I... guess this is the end...
[somber music plays as the camera slowly pans out]
Matt: BOOGITY BOOGITY BRAINS!
Edd: Well, that killed the mood.
—Eddsworld, "Eddsworld Zombeh Attack 3"
So there's kind of a selection bias when it comes to mythology.
Most of the stories we know are the ones that got codified somewhere, written down in some big important tome which got preserved and copied and translated and made it to the modern day pretty much unscathed - barring some Christianization or Victorian weirdness or the occasional fire. But focusing on those stories makes it easy to forget the impossibly vast body of mythology that we don't know - the stuff that got forgotten, overwritten, burned, never written down, or just generally lost. We don't know how much we don't know. But sometimes we get tantalizing glimpses of that long-forgotten knowledge that send us down the rabbit hole, scraping together fragments of third-hand anecdotal evidence trying to piece together what that long-lost original story might have been, forcing us to gaze into the yawning abyss of lost knowledge and confront the sheer incomprehensible enormity of it all. The body of knowledge we have about mythology begins looking less like a shining edifice of marble packed with ancient tomes of knowledge, and more like a thin cobweb stretched over a chasm.
So let's talk about that one time Loki and Heimdall turned into seals and threw hands or more accurately flippers, because the minute I heard that I absolutely couldn't resist looking for more information.
Most of the stories we know are the ones that got codified somewhere, written down in some big important tome which got preserved and copied and translated and made it to the modern day pretty much unscathed - barring some Christianization or Victorian weirdness or the occasional fire. But focusing on those stories makes it easy to forget the impossibly vast body of mythology that we don't know - the stuff that got forgotten, overwritten, burned, never written down, or just generally lost. We don't know how much we don't know. But sometimes we get tantalizing glimpses of that long-forgotten knowledge that send us down the rabbit hole, scraping together fragments of third-hand anecdotal evidence trying to piece together what that long-lost original story might have been, forcing us to gaze into the yawning abyss of lost knowledge and confront the sheer incomprehensible enormity of it all. The body of knowledge we have about mythology begins looking less like a shining edifice of marble packed with ancient tomes of knowledge, and more like a thin cobweb stretched over a chasm.
So let's talk about that one time Loki and Heimdall turned into seals and threw hands or more accurately flippers, because the minute I heard that I absolutely couldn't resist looking for more information.
Mango: I’ve been fighting for 56 years... I have forgotten what it is like to feel. I was programmed with no family...no friends. Everyday...I wake up knowing I’m going to die... And every meal I can only taste my victim’s blood. It is an infinite hell that I must go through each day. And the stupid developers keep nerfing me with each game...
Tari: We can try to help you anyway we can! Right, Mario?
Mario: Bro, you just posted cringe.
[Mario pulls out a gun and shoots Mango dead]
[Tari stares at the two of them in horror while victory music plays and confetti falls from above]
Tari: We can try to help you anyway we can! Right, Mario?
Mario: Bro, you just posted cringe.
[Mario pulls out a gun and shoots Mango dead]
[Tari stares at the two of them in horror while victory music plays and confetti falls from above]
— SMG4, "The Tari Abnormality"
Webcomics
Marten: I'm serious though, please don't mess with Hanners too much.
Tai: She's really that fucked up?
Marten: She can't handle physical contact. If anyone so much as hugs her she has a massive panic attack.
Tai: Wow, that's... really sad.
Marten: Yeah, I know.
[Beat]
Tai: Hey, I have an idea!
Marten: What?
Tai: Let's go get my clit pierced!
Marten: I'm... I'm speechless. That may be the greatest non-sequitur in human history.
Tai: She's really that fucked up?
Marten: She can't handle physical contact. If anyone so much as hugs her she has a massive panic attack.
Tai: Wow, that's... really sad.
Marten: Yeah, I know.
[Beat]
Tai: Hey, I have an idea!
Marten: What?
Tai: Let's go get my clit pierced!
Marten: I'm... I'm speechless. That may be the greatest non-sequitur in human history.
Axe Cop: My mom made the best candy canes, we ate them all the time.
Axe Cop: We also ate babies.
Axe Cop: We also ate babies.
Web Original
You went to go see a comedy about toys. You ended up halfway through flashing back to sitting at your grandma's bedside as she passed away. NO! GRANDMA! DON'T LEAVE ME! I'M NOT READY FOR YOU TO DIE YET! NOOOOOOO!!!!! Oh look! The dinosaur toy is on roller skates! I feel better now.
—Deadspin on Toy Story 2
on Toy Story 2CAD began in a style not too unlike newspaper comics; something trivial and amusing (well, it tried) to read at work when you were bored, have a chuckle at and move on. Most likely Buckley never put any effort into the actual art because he thought he could push this thing along on the jokes alone; a simple style is okay for a simple little gag strip that you're going to forget by the time you've had your next coffee. But at some point (the word "Ethan" appears, crossed out) Buckley broke out of his straight jacket and decided a shitty little copy-and-paste comic was the perfect medium for tragic, emotional tales of human woe. That gamers looking for a little giggle would somehow appreciate depth of plots like miscarriages, failing relationships and the like. He - for whatever reason - thought that he could trade in the randomrofllol for OHGODWHYYYY and everything would carry on as normal.
Episode 6 of A's is so warm and fluffy and d'awww.
And then they hit you with Hayate's impending death.
And then they hit you with Hayate's impending death.
(501): Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash.
Web Video
"Boy, is that jarring! It's like these games can't figure out if they want to be cartoony and cute or fucking horrifying."
—The Angry Video Game Nerd on Beavers for the Amiga CD32
It's a Comedy of Errors with the violence of Macbeth
So cute and charming (MURDER!)
Zany, wacky, jokey (DEATH!!)
So cute and charming (MURDER!)
Zany, wacky, jokey (DEATH!!)
(Somber music as the ending of the game Dear Esther fades to black)
"Now we're gonna do Sexy Hiking!" (Cut to the game's title screen drawn in Microsoft Paint pops up while playing a terrible midi rendition of The X-Files theme song)
"Now we're gonna do Sexy Hiking!" (Cut to the game's title screen drawn in Microsoft Paint pops up while playing a terrible midi rendition of The X-Files theme song)
(Peppy, cutesy voice) "Hey, kids! Here's a happy, flappy game about a kitty-witty with Pac-Man on his hat!"
(Changes to terrifying, ominous voice) "BUT YOUR BEST FRIEND ISN'T REAL, AND YOUR GRANDAD'S DEAD!"
(Changes to terrifying, ominous voice) "BUT YOUR BEST FRIEND ISN'T REAL, AND YOUR GRANDAD'S DEAD!"
—Caddicarus on Klonoa
"The hell, am I supposed to be happy or afraid? You just scared the shit out of me with a bear! This is more inconsistent than my facial hair in this episode!"
—The Cinema Snob on the trailer for The Fox and the Hound, "1981 in Film"
"Am I the only one who just noticed a HUGE tone-shift here?"
—Nail, Dragon Ball Z Abridged
"Shit just went from 0 to 100 real fucking quick!"
—Frank, Filthy Frank, WORST FILM EVER
"NYUCK, NYUCK, NYUCK!! I'm very deeply, truly deeply sorry for the cancer diagnosis." *busts out and plays a slide whistle*
"So you go from dramatic, to comedic, to more drama, back to comedic, then you're surrounded by violent murder, all in a couple of minutes. What a tonal mind-fuck."
Eggman: What the actual shit? WHERE DID AMY GO? SHE WAS RIGHT IN FRONT OF ME!
Tails: Eggman, come here!
Eggman: I'm going to-OHHHH, MY BONES! OH...! I knew I should have just— (coughs violently)
(everyone starts laughing)
Eggman: WHY ARE YOU DOING THIS?
Tails: Happy April Fools!
Eggman: OH MY GOD! That's it, I'm calling the police! 911, I've been attacked-
Tails: I AM THE POLICE!
Eggman: (retching noises)
(not even a second later)
Eggman: (sighs forlornly) I miss my wife, Tails.
(everyone laughs even harder)
Eggman: I miss her a lot. I'll be back.
Tails: Eggman, come here!
Eggman: I'm going to-OHHHH, MY BONES! OH...! I knew I should have just— (coughs violently)
(everyone starts laughing)
Eggman: WHY ARE YOU DOING THIS?
Tails: Happy April Fools!
Eggman: OH MY GOD! That's it, I'm calling the police! 911, I've been attacked-
Tails: I AM THE POLICE!
Eggman: (retching noises)
(not even a second later)
Eggman: (sighs forlornly) I miss my wife, Tails.
(everyone laughs even harder)
Eggman: I miss her a lot. I'll be back.
—Real-Time Fandub, "Sonic Adventure 2 (Hero Story)"
"As we gaze upon the swaths of redwood trees, the great hills to our south and the walls that have protected us for years, I, as the now President of L'Manburg, hereby state: YOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!! SUCK IT, GREEN BOYYYYYYYYY!!!"
— Wilbur Soot, Dream SMP
Nostalgia Critic: Actually, the funny thing is, have you watched this scene recently? I mean okay, you got the mother shot, the kid looking for her and the father saying–
The Great Prince of the Forest: Your mother can't be with you anymore.
Nostalgia Critic: But watch what comes immediately after.
(cut to birds singing a happy song)
Nostalgia Critic: What the hell? It's like, we can't let reality set in too deep, so here's some pretty birdies! Ooh, the birdies, nobody's dead, nobody's dead hey birdies, birdies!
The Great Prince of the Forest: Your mother can't be with you anymore.
Nostalgia Critic: But watch what comes immediately after.
(cut to birds singing a happy song)
Nostalgia Critic: What the hell? It's like, we can't let reality set in too deep, so here's some pretty birdies! Ooh, the birdies, nobody's dead, nobody's dead hey birdies, birdies!
Knuckles: Bro, are you flirting with my sister?
Sonic: Yes, I am!
Knuckles: Do you wanna die?
Sonic: Yes, I do!
Knuckles: Wait, what?
Sonic: See ya! (jumps off cliff)
Knuckles: Oh my God! Sonic!
Sonic: Take me, sweet death!
Sonic: Yes, I am!
Knuckles: Do you wanna die?
Sonic: Yes, I do!
Knuckles: Wait, what?
Sonic: See ya! (jumps off cliff)
Knuckles: Oh my God! Sonic!
Sonic: Take me, sweet death!
Knuckles: I mean, what's the big deal? She's an adult. You're an adult. You two can make your own decisions.
Sonic: You were just trying to look out for her.
Knuckles: I was only looking out for myself. I just wasn't ready to see her grow up. And that's totally unfair to her. And to you. So bro, if you wanna flirt with my sister, go right ahead.
Sonic: Are you sure?
Knuckles: I'm sure. All I really want is for both of you to be happy.
Sonic: Heh. Thanks, Knuckles.
Knuckles: But you'd better not break her heart. Or else!
Sonic: No promises. I'm pretty popular!
(Sonic and Knuckles pause before sharing a heartfelt laugh)
Knuckles: And hey, if you've ever got something on your mind you’re struggling with, talk to me, man.
Sonic: Actually, there is one thing.
Knuckles: Yeah?
Sonic: …I kinda trapped you in Cyber Space.
Knuckles: (music stops abruptly) What.
Sonic: Yeah, I wasn’t exactly sure how this conversation was gonna go, so I wanted a backup plan in case you weren't cool with me flirting with your sister.
Knuckles: Are you serious!?
Sonic: Yes, I am!
Knuckles: Do you wanna die!?
Sonic: Yes, I do!
Knuckles: Gah! You have to find a more healthy way to deal with that!
Sonic: You were just trying to look out for her.
Knuckles: I was only looking out for myself. I just wasn't ready to see her grow up. And that's totally unfair to her. And to you. So bro, if you wanna flirt with my sister, go right ahead.
Sonic: Are you sure?
Knuckles: I'm sure. All I really want is for both of you to be happy.
Sonic: Heh. Thanks, Knuckles.
Knuckles: But you'd better not break her heart. Or else!
Sonic: No promises. I'm pretty popular!
(Sonic and Knuckles pause before sharing a heartfelt laugh)
Knuckles: And hey, if you've ever got something on your mind you’re struggling with, talk to me, man.
Sonic: Actually, there is one thing.
Knuckles: Yeah?
Sonic: …I kinda trapped you in Cyber Space.
Knuckles: (music stops abruptly) What.
Sonic: Yeah, I wasn’t exactly sure how this conversation was gonna go, so I wanted a backup plan in case you weren't cool with me flirting with your sister.
Knuckles: Are you serious!?
Sonic: Yes, I am!
Knuckles: Do you wanna die!?
Sonic: Yes, I do!
Knuckles: Gah! You have to find a more healthy way to deal with that!
My cat is better than your cat!
It is because, it is a giant cat!
My cat is better than your cat!
You have a hat! I have a giant cat!
No, but seriously my cat would rape your cat. Thank you.
It is because, it is a giant cat!
My cat is better than your cat!
You have a hat! I have a giant cat!
No, but seriously my cat would rape your cat. Thank you.
—Victor Beer of IJustWantToBeCool, Min Katt
"In the first half of the series, Kazuki starts out whining about having no magic and too many bitches, then he gradually loosens up and starts having fun while said bitches are busy figuring out how to increase his spell count, then a sad, gray episode hits out of nowhere like loss.jpg in the middle of a webcomic binge, and he dies.
In the second half of the series, Kazuki starts off whining about being dead and not being able to touch his bitches, then gradually loosens up a bit and starts having fun while said bitches are busy figuring out how to get his body back, then a sad, gray episode hits out of nowhere like loss.jpg in the middle of a webcomic binge, and then it takes a sharp turn into the realm of existential horror."
In the second half of the series, Kazuki starts off whining about being dead and not being able to touch his bitches, then gradually loosens up a bit and starts having fun while said bitches are busy figuring out how to get his body back, then a sad, gray episode hits out of nowhere like loss.jpg in the middle of a webcomic binge, and then it takes a sharp turn into the realm of existential horror."
— Mother's Basement, on Maburaho
Screenwriter Guy: And then they go through this tunnel on a little boat ride.
Producer Guy: Oh, well that's fun, that'll kinda counterbalance the extremely dark thing you just alluded to.
Screenwriter Guy: (screen suddenly becomes dark tinted as creepy music plays) And the tunnel is dark, and images start getting projected on the walls - millipedes crawling on people's faces, chickens being beheaded...
Producer Guy: What?
Screenwriter Guy: And Wonka just stares at everybody, and he's speaking in an increasingly loud voice...
Producer Guy: What is going on?
Screenwriter Guy: He's singing about how not a speck of light is showing so the danger must be growing; are the fires of Hell a-glowing, is the grizzly reaper mowing?
Producer Guy: Please stop.
Screenwriter Guy: And then he ends the song with a big scream and everyone's sitting there shocked at what they just witnessed!
Producer Guy: Oh, my god!
Screenwriter Guy: (creepy music cuts off and light instantly goes back to normal) So anyway then they head into the next room and—
Producer Guy: Well, wait, what the hell was that about?
Screenwriter Guy: I dunno, so then in the next room... (continues with pitch)
Producer Guy: Oh, well that's fun, that'll kinda counterbalance the extremely dark thing you just alluded to.
Screenwriter Guy: (screen suddenly becomes dark tinted as creepy music plays) And the tunnel is dark, and images start getting projected on the walls - millipedes crawling on people's faces, chickens being beheaded...
Producer Guy: What?
Screenwriter Guy: And Wonka just stares at everybody, and he's speaking in an increasingly loud voice...
Producer Guy: What is going on?
Screenwriter Guy: He's singing about how not a speck of light is showing so the danger must be growing; are the fires of Hell a-glowing, is the grizzly reaper mowing?
Producer Guy: Please stop.
Screenwriter Guy: And then he ends the song with a big scream and everyone's sitting there shocked at what they just witnessed!
Producer Guy: Oh, my god!
Screenwriter Guy: (creepy music cuts off and light instantly goes back to normal) So anyway then they head into the next room and—
Producer Guy: Well, wait, what the hell was that about?
Screenwriter Guy: I dunno, so then in the next room... (continues with pitch)
Western Animation
What a trip! What a trip! Blizzards all the way! Snow 20 feet deep! But we had to get that serum through! It was mush, mush, mush all night! (Grabbing the dog and pushing him like a sled dog) Come on, mush, mush, mush, mush, mush! Suddenly, the glacier cracks! There's a roar! Tons of ice! NO ESCAPE! AAAAAAAHHHHHHH! How things been with you?
Terror. Terror in the night. The whipping, howling, unforgiving winds crash into the clouds, and rain falls no matter where you turn! There is no escape... no escaping the true horror! A sudden silence, and then screaming thunder, lightning, floods, TORNADOES, FAMINE, PESTILENCE, FIRE, EARTHQUAKES! AAGGGGGGGHHHHH!!!
...giving way to hazy afternoon sunshine. I'll be back with the five-day forecast after this.
...giving way to hazy afternoon sunshine. I'll be back with the five-day forecast after this.
Red Mailbox: You see Harold? That man tried to put his package into that mailbox!
Blue Mailbox: Maybe he thought it was a female box?
[they laugh]
Red Mailbox: ...it's been 9 years since Judy died.
Blue Mailbox: Maybe he thought it was a female box?
[they laugh]
Red Mailbox: ...it's been 9 years since Judy died.
Greg: You're having fun!
Pearl: More or less!
Greg: So dance with me, just say-
Pearl: NO!
Pearl: More or less!
Greg: So dance with me, just say-
Pearl: NO!
—"Mr. Greg", Steven Universe
Gilmmer: Maybe your best isn't good enough! If it was, my mother would still be here!
[Adora starts tearing up with guilt]
Gilmmer: Adora... Adora, I'm sorry...
[Mermista barges in opening the door]
Mermista: The boys are in trouble! A seagull told me!
[Adora starts tearing up with guilt]
Gilmmer: Adora... Adora, I'm sorry...
[Mermista barges in opening the door]
Mermista: The boys are in trouble! A seagull told me!
—"Boys Night Out", She-Ra and the Princesses of Power
"Hey, folks, Viewer Mail time again. Oh, here's one from Sally, age 14. 'Dear, Pig, aren't you interrupting the story at the most suspenseful part?' Well, the answer is yes, Sally. Yes, I am. Keep those cards and letters coming!"
—Pig interrupting a suspenseful scene in Back at the Barnyard
Real Life
Imagine if the movie Se7en had been exactly the same, except Brad Pitt's character had done a bunch of screwy pratfalls and Wayans brothers style comedy.
