Sue: "I will go to the animal shelter and get you a kitty cat. I will let you fall in love with that kitty cat. And then on some dark, cold night, I will steal away into your home, and punch you in the face."

Puck saying "I had sex with your mom. No, seriously: I cleaned your pool, and then I had sex with her... on your bed. Nice Star Wars sheets."

The entire football team doing the dance from Beyonce's "Single Ladies." In uniform and pads. In the middle of the game. And doing it WELL.

The terrifying twist on "Endless Love" as sung by Mr. Schue and Rachel, complete with voiced-over thoughts of various characters regarding the song and/or the singers and Puck's completely non-sequitur thoughts about his going commando.

Santana: Sex is not dating. Brittany: If it were, Santana and I would be dating.

Artie: "I wanna be very clear... I still have the use of my penis."

Drunk Kurt "Oh Bambi. I cried so hard when those hunters shot your mommy"

Kurt: (talking about Finn) I don't know why I find his stupidity charming, Finn steals a peek at Brittany's test. I mean, he's cheating off a girl who thinks the square root of 4 is rainbows.

Brittany: "Did you know that dolphins are just gay sharks?"

Puck, after a dream about Rachel: "When I woke up, I knew it was a message from God. Rachel was a hot Jew and the Good Lord wanted me to get into her pants."

Sue's "Dear Journal..."

Mr. Schue: Does anybody know what a ballad is? Brittany: *Knowledgeable voice* A male duck.

Finn: "Then I came up with the best baby name of all time: DRIZZLE."

The montage of photos that were taken as a result of Rachel joining as many clubs as possible, no matter how ill-suited for her they may be, just so she can be in as many photos as possible. It starts out mild, with stuff like Speech Club and Mock United Nations Club, but eventually ends up in stuff like Muslim Students Club and Black Students Union. What really seals this as a crowning moment of funny though is the totally deadpan/ irritated looks she gets from everyone else in the more egregious photos.

Everyone is taking a name out of a hat it is Tina turn, and she takes... Other Asian

Artie and Kurt's answers to 'how do you answer the phone. Artie: Who this be? Kurt: She's dead. This is her son.

Kurt: Everyone raise your right hand. (Brittany raises her left hand) Your right hand, Brittany. (Brittany continues with her left hand until Santana actually shows her which is which.)

Brittany: Oh. Sorry.

Tina's vampire speech to Figgins.

The glee club on Sudafed.

Terri: (to Susie Pepper on the phone) "Listen, you little psycho, this is Will's wife. And if I don't get enough sleep, my anti-depressants won't work, and then I'll go crazy, and I'LL KILL YOU."

"That was the most offensive thing I have seen in 20 years of teaching, and that includes an elementary school production of Hair."

Kurt: I could totally sing this song with Finn, but screw him if thinks he's taking the Diana Ross part from me.

Santana: Brittany, you're supposed to be in your wheelchair. Brittany: I lost it.

Finn: (to Rachel about her Unnecessary Makeover) I'm gonna say this as nicely as I possibly can, but you look like a sad clown hooker.

The Glee club performing Can't Touch This to improve their reputations... and getting shut down by the librarian, who thought it was "cute" and wanted them to perform it at her church.

Josh Groban hitting on Will's mom. Specifically the face he makes when she says she's drunk and "not making very good decisions".

Finn's face when Kurt slaps him on the ass during "Push it."

Sue: (talking to Will) I don't trust a man with curly hair. I can't help but picture little birds laying sulfurous eggs in there, and it disgusts me.

Sue: "In fact, I like minorities so much that I'm thinking of moving to California to become one!"

"Push It". Just, "Push It".

Kurt's dad: "I've known since you were three. All you wanted for your birthday was a pair of sensible heels."

Puck's fake crying when he goes to Sandy with his "disability."

• "The doctor said the shark severed my spine!"
  • "And this is why I never go to the aquarium!"

Sue, during her Vogue video (Made by Kurt and Mercedes): "Will Schuster, I hate you!"

Sue: You'll be adding revenge to the long list of things you're no good at, right next to being married, running a high school glee club and finding a hairstyle that doesn't look like a lesbian.

Principal Figgins: Oh Sue, I put it on youtube myself, and it only got two hits! Let me break it down for you, nobody cares! Sue: AAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHH! Principal Figgins: NO! NOT THE CHILDREN!

The "Run, Joey, Run" video.

Rachel: "I didn't think Artie would take it personally." Artie: "Well, you're irritating most of the time, but don't take that personally."

Sue: "You think that's hard? Try auditioning for Baywatch and being told that 'We're going in a different direction.' That was hard!"

Puck: I LOVE the days when I don't wear underwear... Full commando...

Mr. Shue interrogating the glee club kids about the Glist and Kurt pointing out that Shue is obviously watching way too many Law And Order reruns.

Sue: Glee Club... Every time I try to destroy that clutch of scab-eating mouth-breathers it only comes back stronger, like some kind of sexually ambiguous horror movie villain.

Sue: I am going to create an environment so toxic no one will want to be part of that club. Like the time I sold my house to a nice young couple and salted the earth in the backyard so that nothing could grow there for 100 years. Know why I did that? Because they tried to get me to pay their closing costs.

Sue: I, for one, think intimacy has no place in a marriage. Walked in on my parents once and it was like seeing two walruses wrestling.

Kurt's face immediately after Sue's "Will Schuester, I hate you!" in the Vogue video

Josh Groban telling Sandy to lay off.

Kurt's "call me" gesture at Finn and Finn's reaction during "Lean On Me".

The deaf glee club member blatantly signing "They look like they're crazy..." to their friend during New Directions performance of "Crazy In Love/Hair."

Brittany at the lunch line in Episode 16: "I'm pretty sure that my cat's been reading my diary."

Bryan Ryan (Neil Patrick Harris) and Sue deciding to have "angry sex" after their debate over which department should get school funding.

Bryan: You know I'm still cutting half your funding.

Sue: You win some, you lose some.

Quinn at the Celibacy Club meeting: (completely straight-faced) If the balloon pops, the sound makes the angels cry.

Emma telling Will (deadpan serious) how she plans to do the nasty with him Friday night.

Jesse St. James: "Just come out so we can talk... Or sing about it."

Rachel calling out the piano player to sing a duet with her mother, commenting, "He's always just...around."

Quinn giving birth in the middle of "Bohemian Rhapsody," complete with her lines sometimes meshing with the lyrics. More specifically (since a lot of that was other kinds of Emotional Torque), her screaming "YOUSUCKYOUSUCKYOUSUCK!" at Puck during a particularly nasty contraction.

• Hm, this whole time I thought she was saying "SUCKYOUSUCKYOUSUCKYOU!"

Puck: Are you questioning my badass-ness? Have you seen my guns??

Will is introducing Jesse to the Glee Club: Brittany: Mr. Schuester, is he your son?

Brittany: "Sometimes I forget my middle name"

The girls and Kurt temporarily becoming demonically possessed performing "Bad Romance".

Every Brittany one-liner.

Will: "Ken, your commitment to football is about as long as your shorts."

Sue: "Think this is hard? Try living with hepatitis, that's hard."

Will: [trying to come up with an excuse for why Rachel has to sit in the back seat] I'm just... concerned for your safety.

Rachel: [charmed] Really?

Will: Um... No. Not really.

Rachel: "I'm like Tinkerbell, Finn. I need applause to LIVE!"

Finn's kung-fu moves as he tries to psych himself up in the Fabray's bathroom.

Sue: As soon as a cheerleader rolls herself out in a wheelchair, she becomes decidedly less effective at cheering people up!

Will seducing Sue. In all it's cheesy glory.

Sue: I have to be honest, Will. I'm having a really difficult time hearing anything you have to say today because your hair looks like a briar patch. I keep expecting racist animated Disney characters to pop up and start singing songs about "livin' on the Bayou!"

"We have got something that other groups don't!" "What?" "Finn's dancing!" And the fact that it takes Finn a moment to get it.

Susie Pepper trying to commit suicide by using the world hottest pepper. Crosses The Line Twice? You bet!

The Guys perfoming "Shout It Out Loud" in full KISS makeup and costume, especially Puck's "whore lips"

Finn looking down at his nametag to check if the store has been renamed "Losers 'n' Things".

Kurt: Aaand, we have a jumper.

Sue: Get ready for the ride of your life Will Schuester. You're about to board the Sue Sylvester Express. Destination horror!

Sue: "I spend large chunks of each day picturing you choking on food. And I recently contacted an exotic animal dealer because I had a very satisfying dream that the two of us went to a zoo and I shoved your face into one of those pink inflamed monkey butts that weeps lymph."

Terri: "This is where our daughter or gay son will sleep."

Kendra: I'm gonna have her babysit my kids. Five minutes alone with those little mongrels and she'll have her tubes tied!

Kurt in episode 16 : "And I had splenda for breakfast"

Finn telling Quinn's parents that she's pregnant through the song "You're Having My Baby". (There are shades of Heartwarming as well.)

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Will finding out that the one girl that Bryan Ryan (Neil Patrick Harris) wanted Terri but she was "the one who got away" for him. Complete with Spit Take and Will telling Bryan about his marriage and divorce.

From "Laryngitis": Rachel: [Without my voice,] I'm just this spoiled, annoying only child. Finn: Don't say that; there's so many awesome things about you. Rachel: Like? Finn:...Look, he's not gonna say you'll never sing again.

Kurt's expression and silent 'Oh my god' during Bust a Move when Will is trying to get him to dance at about 'the girl is stacked'. No, scratch that. Everything Kurt does during that song is hilarious. He picks up a tambourine and plays it by himself in the corner at one point.

Will: "I have in my hand a Spanish quiz in which one of your Cheerios misspelled her name & answered every question with a drawing of a sombrero!" (Pretty clear who that Cheerio might have been.)

Just the idea of a mashup of "I Could Have Danced All Night" and "The Thong Song"

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Kurt: I don't understand how lightning is in competition with an above-ground swimming pool.

Will: ...Just go with it.

At the end of Theatricality when their all walking away from the camera, Kurt reaches out and touches Finn's costume. Finn reaches over to feel Kurt's... and Kurt scoots away shaking his head.

Puck: (about how Finn will react if Puck and Quinn decide to raise the baby together) Sure he'd be pissed at first, but once he realized he didn't have to deal with this anymore, he'd bake me a damn cake!

You have to look SO hard to get this one, but in Throwdown, when Sue recruits her "Sue's Kids", Artie is hilariously clinging to Mercedes in the background. It loses something in the writing.

Kurt's facial expressions/weeping over the hood of his "Baby" while Mercedes sings "Bust Your Windows" with the Cheerios doing her backup dancing.